Tails From The Wild Side

As many of you know, I have two dogs.

They are high-strung, riled-up, frothing-at-the-mouth, snarling, razor-toothed, hair-on-end, exceptionally ferocious…

WHAT?

You don’t believe me?

Fine.  I’ll show you.  But remember, you were warned!

(WARNING: The following photographs may not be suitable for all audiences.  Please preview before allowing easily frightened individuals to view!)

See?

I beg your pardon!  Have you the temerity to suggest they are NOT ferocious?

Hmmpphh!  (Well, they do bark sometimes.  So there.)

ANYWAY, back to the point I was making before I was so rudely interrupted.  And as always, I do have one.

My ferocious dogs are being terrorized by a deer.

It’s true.  You heard me right.  A sweet, dainty, doe-eyed little white-tailed deer.  Except she isn’t.  She’s like the hand-maiden of Satan.

Yesterday, I was about to leave for my daughter’s lacrosse game (where we all got soaked for a change, but that’s another story…)  I let the dogs out to take care of their dogly business, and next thing I knew, I heard Scout’s Danger Bark!  Warning!  Warning!  Stay in the house!  Do not under any circumstances exit the premises!  Danger!

It was the wrong time of day for the UPS man, (who gives them cookies but is never allowed onto the property unchallenged as a matter of principal) but as I told you, the bear has been around.  So when I heard that bark I thought, Hmmm, maybe it’s the bear.  (I hope you were able to follow that leap of logic.)

So out the door I rushed lest my fierce ones need assistance chasing off the bear, heedless of my own safety (I’m that brave… or stupid….) and what should I see but a Mexican stand off.

But not with the bear.

Nope, my dogs were nearly muzzle-to-muzzle with a doe.

Quelle horreur!

The doe had the advantage of higher ground, but the dogs had the advantage of superior numbers.  It was bound to be a fearsome struggle.  The three of them stood in a triangle, with the doe at the top, almost equidistant from each other (what’s that called? not isosceles, the other one…) locked in mortal combat.  Really.

The doe snorted and threatened to step forward.

The dogs shrank back.

The dogs snarled and barked.

The doe shrank back.

Really, action this fast-paced was difficult to follow.  If only I’d had my video camera….

But seriously, we’re just at the brink of fawn season, and though it’s a little early, the only time I’ve ever seen a doe behave like this (and it’s happened twice before) was when she had a very young fawn nearby.  Does may look sweet, but they can, in fact, be lethal.  (Truthfully.  I’m not making this up – you can check.  To protect their fawns they will go after threats (dogs or people) with their front hooves, and the results are most unpleasant for the attacked.)

So I really was worried about my little sweetums.

“Scout!  Jemma!” I called desperately.  “Come!”

Now, ordinarily my dogs are the definition of obedience and jump to my command (hahahahahahahaha sorry, I couldn’t even say that with a straight face) but they were protecting me from the savage doe and would not be called off.  I was forced to use the age old ruse of opening the car door and calling sweetly, “Who wants to go for a ride in the car?”

Leaving one important duty (guard dogs!) for another (copilot and navigator!) they leapt aboard the Dog Mobile (that’s my 2002 Toyota Siena, for the uninitiated) and the doe went on her merry way, crisis averted without loss of face.

Phew!

Really, I’m exhausted just telling you about it.  I think it’s time for lunch.

And if you’re wondering how this relates to writing, well…. hang on…  I’ll think of something….  Ah, yes!  Get ready for a pearl of wisdom:  If you find yourself locked in the mortal combat of writer’s block, go for a drive in the car, hang your head out the window and let the wind blow your ears back.  Sound advice, no?  Very refreshing.

Feel free to share your own stories from Wild Kingdom, compliment Scout and Jemma’s excessive bravery (they always like to be told what good dogs they are!), or tell me what the heck that triangle with equal sides is called 🙂

Breakfast To Go

Taking a little break from my mother-in-law (with whom I’ve spent so much time lately that her senior confusion in rubbing off on me to the point that I’m not sure what day we’re on, only that my posting schedule is completely off!) I have a funny story to share.

Those of you who have spent any time around this blog know that I live in the middle of nowhere, on a mountain which is known to the locals as Blueberry Hill.

It is like Wild Kingdom up here.  We have all the usual species – deer, turkeys, squirrels, raccoons, possums, woodchucks :), skunks etc,. but we also have coyotes, bobcats (very elusive, but spotted now and then) and black bears.

Our bear wakes up around the second week of April but usually doesn’t make his first appearance until the third week – maybe he needs time to straighten his bed head before being seen in public 🙂

We have actual video footage of him playing with the swing set – if I could figure out how to get it off the ancient video tape and onto the internet I would show you, but alas, that will have to wait for another day and someone more technologically savvy…

So anyway, we keep a bird feeder up in the winter.  We put it up around Thanksgiving, after the bears have gone to bed, and take it down at the beginning of the third week of April when we know the bears are likely to be back.

A couple times, our bear has beaten us to it – knocked the pole that holds the feeder flat and dented and emptied the feeder.  He sits on the ground while eating and leaves a giant, unmistakable butt print.

But this time, he took it to a whole new level.

When I went out to fill the feeder, it was gone.  Clean gone!

He had taken it off the pole and carried it away with him – breakfast to go!

Apparently, we will have to buy a new feeder for next year…

Meanwhile, we seem to be running breakfast take-out for the Wild Kingdom.

You may place your orders below 🙂