Advice For The Fashion-Challenged

(Disclaimer: if you think you’re going to GET fashion advice you’ve come to the wrong place!)

Now, then.

One of the many perks of being a writer is that there is no dress code.

I can wear blue jeans (my outfit of choice) every single day and no one cares because no one sees me.  For that matter, I could wear this

or this

and no one would even know!

(And I think I would look quite fetching.)

But on occasion it is necessary to go out in public, and that is where I run into trouble.  Apparently blue jeans are not considered appropriate attire for graduations and weddings (who knew?), and I must attend several in the coming month.  As I am absolutely hopeless when it comes to fashion and have the figure of a dumpling, I am faced with quite the challenge.

What to do?

Being resourceful, (but not in the sense of having financial resources or I would hire a personal shopper… or possibly a model to go in my place…) I decided to consult Google: “How to dress for your shape.”

Right away, I ran into problems.  Hourglass, rectangle, diamond, apple….  Hmm….  no dumpling.  What’s with that?  My second shape choice, garden gnome, doesn’t show up either…  I don’t look exactly like any of the choices they offer.

Figures.  (I’m such a punster….)

Oh, well.  Picking one that seemed somewhat close, I looked at the clothing suggestions.

A line? Wedge heels?

Balance? Elongate the torso?

Wrap tops?  Belted jackets?  Are they serious?

There is absolutely no hope.

So I will be going to both graduations and the wedding in this:

Maybe I’ll wear it to Book Expo tomorrow too…..

(Feel free to share your fashion advice.  I can use all the help I can get :))