Would You Read It Wednesday – The Seventh Pitch!

Fasten your seat belts and put your tray tables in the upright position!  It’s time for the highlight of everyone’s week… Would You Read It!  (I really wish I could make that flash and sparkle, but since I don’t know how, you’ll just have to imagine that it’s very fancy!)

Before we get to today’s pitch, I’d just like to thank everyone who has voted so far for the July/August Pitch Pick (and for those of you just joining us, that’s the vote on whose pitch was best and will get sent to editor Erin Molta for valuable comments and feedback!)  I’m so interested in how the votes are falling, and it’s REALLY hard to keep a secret and not give you hints….

… OK.  You twisted my arm.  How about one hint.  The current leader pitched a picture book.  That’s not too much of a hint since 4 of the 6 pitches were for PBs 🙂

But it’s still definitely a competition, so if you haven’t voted yet, please do!  Go here and scroll to the poll.

Alrighty then.  It’s time for today’s pitch, our first YA to date, and the first of the September competitors for Erin’s reading time!

Today’s pitch comes to us from the awesome Kimberly, who has lived a very interesting life, part of which was spent in a hut in the rainforest with a lot of wildlife I wouldn’t want to meet too up close and personal! She writes a terrific blog (ZookBookNook), so feel free to hop over and get to know her.  For our fellow campaigners, she is also participating in the Writer’s Platform Building Campaign.  So here it is:

Working Title:  Surfacing In Clouds
Age/Genre:  YA
The Pitch:  Rigo and Esteban struggle to survive in a land without electricity, but when they set out to reach a world consumed by technology their friendship is ripped at the seams. This story chronicles the remarkable resilience of human nature in the face of losing what was once taken for granted: silence, privacy, and a connection with nature.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kim improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  (I figured y’all would get tired of me rewriting the same paragraph every week about the rules of the game so I put them up there :))
Kim is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
P.S.  Tune in Friday for the results of the vote and find out who the winner is!!!  And don’t forget, if you haven’t voted, please do!  Vote here.

26 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The Seventh Pitch!

  1. Crystal says:

    Hey, Kim – I would totally read the book! What drew me in was a need to know why setting out to reach a technology-dominated world would tear Rigo and Esteban's friendship apart. It was a well-written pitch for me because it was a hook – it gives me just enough necessary information to pique my curiosity but it doesn't give anything away. Nice!

  2. Lou says:

    Kim, I would read it because I already know what a talented writer you are and I am also torn between the ease of communication with modern technology and the private world that once existed. I love to be able to “talk” to friends all over the world via Social Media, but, sometimes I feel somewhat overwhelmed by all of it and need to take a day or so away from it all. I can see where too much info so easily available could affect a friendship when comments are misunderstood.

  3. Michelle Fayard says:

    Maybe. Although I love the concept of how we think modern technology is doing all this great stuff for us while forgetting what it causes us to lose, the pitch wasn't worded in a way that gripped me as much as your outstanding premise. Another thing I love is your unique background for writing this story. So if I read this pitch and your bio on the back of the book, I'd be intrigued enough to start reading the first chapter, because that matters more to me than the pitch. But the pitch means so much to editors and agents … Good luck!

  4. Christie Wright Wild says:

    Oh, definitely. Sounds slightly literary and adventurous. A cool combination. I'm not saying yes because of any specific way the pitch was written, but because of the story it presents. I want to know WHY Rigo and Esteban are in a land without electricity, and why they are struggling to survive (simply b/c there's no electricity?). I want to know WHY they feel the need to escape to the world consumed with technology. Are they just looking for a better easier life with fewer struggles? How did they know about the technology-filled world? Or did they when they set out? All these questions raised just from the opening of your pitch. And the last sentence was the clincher. It touches on theme. Makes we REALLY want to read it because in today's world, it would totally apply to so many people. I see the possibility for lots of poignancy. And with your background, you are certainly qualified to put forth your opinion (and make sure you include your background in your query letter). When will it be in bookstores? 😉

  5. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    Yes. I like the technology/electricity angle. Question: Is their friendship challenged on the journey or at the destination? I'm reading that either way. My two cents. Thanks for sharing your pitch. I'm learning a lot from following this.

  6. K says:

    Thank you everyone for your helpful comments! As I read your comments and then the pitch again, I realized one thing: would a teenage boy find this pitch interesting enough to pick up the book? Perhaps an editor might be interested, but I'm aiming for the challenge of writing a literary novel (not really an action or adventure novel although Rigo and Esteban do have adventures in it) for adolescent boys. It's quite a challenge, but I want to give it a shot for now. The phrase “remarkable resilience” might turn a teenage boy away perhaps? Just some concerns of mine. There are female characters (minor) in this book, too, and I wonder if I should mention one to make a teenage girl interested and to let an editor know both genders may find the book interesting. Thanks and sorry to for the lengthy babble here 🙂

  7. Angela Brown says:

    Yes to the read. The reason is for the premise presented in the pitch.

    However, the pitch could be strengthened by mentioning if they are just friends or if they are something with an even stronger bond like brothers. Also, there's mention they are struggling but is the struggle the catalyst for the journey that sets them on the path to the ruin, and hopefully rebuild, of their friendship?

  8. Kiddothings says:

    I'd say Yes because I love reading your writings Kim, but I'd say maybe when I put myself in a teenager's shoes. I'm a teenager now and I love the focus on friendship and technology; but I don't quite get the 'connection with nature'. That would not be something I am concerned with as a teenager, I think.
    You know, Kim, I'm not even sure if I should be giving you a comment on your pitch – knowing full well that I am not a book lover nor am I a writer. But I'm commenting as a friend to help you improve, in any way I can.

  9. Cally Jackson says:

    My answer is a yes but I agree Kim that the language of the pitch is probably more suited to adults than teen boys. I would also like to hear just a little more in the pitch about their strategies for reaching the technology-dominated world.

    Sounds like a great, thought-provoking read. 🙂

  10. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Kiddothings – welcome and thanks so much for stopping by! I'm sure Kim would agree that your thoughts are just as valid and valued as everyone else's even if you don't think of yourself as a writer. But you write a blog, so you are a writer 🙂

    Cally – thanks as always for your thoughtful input 🙂

  11. A to Z Mommy says:

    I would totally read this and encourage my kids to as well. We all love technology (I'm lost without it)but something has been lost in basic human interaction. A misread email can completely change a message or send the wrong one. What happened tot he thrill of getting a letter in the mail? This sounds like a great story.

  12. Andrea Mack says:

    Yes, I'd read it. It sounds like a really interesting story. The pitch is well-written, but it would be nice to work in a hint of teen voice somehow (sorry, I don't have any suggestions).

  13. Alison Stevens says:

    Well I've clearly been out of the blogosphere for far too long–what a fun contest! (How do I enter?!) 😉

    I would read this–it nicely sets up the setting and conflict right at the get-go, and the subject is one that's close to my heart.

  14. K says:

    Thank you everyone! What a wonderful way to start my day to find your helpful comments and encouragement! Perhaps this YA novel might be of interest to a wider range of readers, kind of like how the Hunger Game series is a favorite among the young and old? I'm not saying at all my book will be as great as the Hunger Games 🙂 But I think it could target the same audience! Thank you!

  15. thepatientdreamer says:

    Hi, I would read it because I love reading about what happens when people are put into a totally different situation than they are normally used to. I love the overall picture it produces, love her bio even more.
    And can I say thanks to you Susanna for dropping by my blog and commenting.

  16. J.C. Martin says:

    That is such an intriguing premise! YES I'd read it. It sounds like it'll be a touching story of friendship and connection — not of the electronic kind, but of the emotional kind.

  17. K says:

    Thank you Diane, what a beautiful site you have! I hope the overall effect of the pitch is a positive one; sometimes I read YA pitches that are full of such extreme situations and I feel pulled down. Of course, those stories almost always teach the reader about hope 🙂
    Thank you J.C. I'm glad to hear the pitch came across as emphasizing friendship through emotions!

  18. Kim L. says:

    It's definitely an interesting topic in today's world, which is so consumed by technology so I would read it. I recently heard about a Communications professor who had his class give up technology for a week and they actually appreciated it by the end of the lesson. It did give them more time for peace and quiet. The second sentence in the pitch seems like it could be tightened a bit and it written in more adult language than teen language so I would work on that a bit but overall, the pitch is intriguing.

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