Would You Read It Wednesday – The 34th Pitch – And Pitch Pick #7

Batten down the hatches!  I’m about to blow you away with short-windedness!

(As you know, I’m up-to-my-ears busy this week – apparently that’s what it takes to get brevity out of me :))

So.  Right down to business!

It’s time for our March Pitch Pick.  Here is a little refresher, followed by the poll.  Please vote by Saturday and I’ll announce the winner Monday.

#1  Renee

Working Title: Doris And The Scaredy Cats
Age/Genre: Fiction PB ages 4+
The Pitch:  Intrigued by the herd of petrified cats that show up at her door with their little suitcases, Doris is determined to un-petrify her furry new housemates — despite her family’s pleas to send them away before she ends up a scaredy cat, too. Doris will either calm the cats’ jitters or make her family’s fear come true — or neither. 

#2  Miranda

Working Title:  Reef Stew
Age/Genre:  Rhyming Picture Book ages 4-8
The Pitch:  When a shipwreck destroys their reef, the shellfish grow selfish and every creature’s a crab.  Can Whale stir up happiness with a single piece of stony coral?  Filled with slurps, burps, and spicy sargassum, this quirky version of a classic tale will send ripples of laughter through any school of young guppies.

#3  Rebecca

Working Title:  Everett
Age/Genre:  YA Paranormal
The Pitch:  Ever since Bria Stone was a little girl, she has had nightmares about shadow-like monsters who claim they’re coming to get her. At age six, Bria had another dream, in which a man with glowing skin told her the monsters are real.  When Bria encounters this man – who claims his last name is Everett and that he has no first name – in real life after her nineteenth birthday party, she starts to wonder: if good dreams can come true, does that mean the bad ones can too?

#4  Terri

Working Title:  First Aide For First Grade
Age/Genre: PB
The Pitch:  Mrs Fox is teaching first aide to the class. Charlie doesn’t want to listen but his best friend is listening with both ears and it is a good thing. After the lesson, the boys run to the playground to play. Zip, Zap, Zing….and Ouch. Who will help Charlie when he is hurt at recess?

Which of these awesome pitches should go to Erin Molta for her critique?

<a href=”http://polldaddy.com/poll/6106547/”>Pitch Pick #7</a>
Now that you’ve voted for last month’s pick, let’s check out the first offering from this month!

Today’s pitch comes from Delores, who lives in Guelph, Ontario,  She is retired from the  insurance industry and working on her lifelong dream of writing for children and writing poetry.  Her first step in that direction was the creation of her blogs:  The Feathered Nest and Youngish.  Her next step is submitting her pitch 🙂

Working Title:  Dustin The Dragon
Age/Genre:  Early PB (3-6)
The Pitch:  April’s room is VERY dusty but what can you expect when a dust breathing dragon lives in your closet?  Too bad April’s mom doesn’t believe in dragons, that is, not until Dustin catches a cold.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Delores improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  Go ahead and send your pitch for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!
Delores is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!

For those of you on tenterhooks, Phyllis is currently in Italy, Australia, Vermont, and South Dakota, and possibly somewhere near Prince Edward Island as well.  I am looking forward to sharing more updates with you as they come in.

Ooh!  This just in – last minute addition!  Phyllis has had an awesome visit to Nicky in Australia!!!

Is Nicky an incredible artist or what?!

And that’s it!  Pretty short-winded considering everything we just covered!  Now, I’m off to day 2 of school visiting and looking forward to catching up with all of you, hopefully by July 🙂

65 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The 34th Pitch – And Pitch Pick #7

  1. Kirsten Larson says:

    I love Phyllis and the Vegemite. That is priceless. I also would love to read Dustin the Dragon. His name is so clever, as is Delores's pitch. The only feedback I have is this: can you rephrase the first sentence to make it a statement instead of a question. When I participated in the Tamson Weston pitch contest, her feedback was to avoid questions in pitches as they sound too aggressive and more like marketing copy. I am trying to delete question marks from my own pitches. It's tough though.

  2. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    I love that, too! The word “vegemite” totally makes me think of that Men At Work song, though – “he just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich” – my age is showing 🙂 Thanks for your input for Delores!

  3. Joanna Marple says:

    I am a Vegemite fan and stock up when I am back in the UK. Nicky did an awesome illustration and post.

    I am a YES for Dustin! And just second Kirsten's advice. Oh, and I remembered to vote!

  4. Joanna Marple says:

    Haha, it is a savory yeast spread, that my French friends say tastes like tarmac!! it has a strong, salty almost bouillon cube flavor, which seems hard to appreciate when you come to it past childhood!

  5. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Interesting! But I'm not sure if I would like it 🙂

    Joanna Marple wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:

    Haha, it is a savory yeast spread, that my French friends say tastes like tarmac!! it has a strong, salty almost bouillon cube flavor, which seems hard to appreciate when you come to it past childhood!

    Link to comment

  6. Renee LaTulippe says:

    I love dragons, and Dustin sounds delightful – I'd definitely read it! I like that the pitch is short but covers everything it should — but I'd get rid of the questions, too. 🙂

  7. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    I totally get why there is dust all over my house now. “Dustin. Where are you?” I'll look for him after I type. I'm a yes. I like Kirsten's advice too. Nicky's drawing is great (and after reading Joanna's explanation of Vegemite — I'm sticking to my Nutella).

  8. Penny Klostermann says:

    Good luck to Renee, Miranda, Rebecca, & Terri.

    Delores, I would definitely read your book. That us a really fun premise. Like others have mentioned, remove the question.

    WOW, Nicky, WOW! You're very talented.

  9. Robyn Campbell says:

    She is a fantastic artist. She has talent flowing out of her bones! WOW!
    You can reword that sentence to make it a shiny statement. As it stands now it is just for effect. Make it really stand out. The book sounds great and the second sentence is very good.

  10. Catherine says:

    What a beautiful picture of Phyllis, lovely. Susanna your efforts are an inspiration, good luck with your visits!

    i love that pitch and the story sounds adorable. It's concise and fun. The only thing I can think of is changing can you expect to do you expect.

    Have a great day!

  11. Rachel Schieffelbein says:

    YES! First, I love dragons, but second, this sounds super cute! I can just imagine what happens when he catches a cold. 🙂

  12. Tiltonph says:

    Phyllis certainly has been one busy ground hog. Doesn't get any better than Austrailia. Great fun!

    I voted.

    Yes, I'd read the story. Liked the pitch. It sounds like there is a lot of humor in the story.

  13. Cathy Mealey says:

    Well, I was on tenterhooks, but glad to know Susanna will soon be importing tins of Vegemite to feed Phyllis's new addiction! (Still prefer Nutella to Vegemite myself)

    Intrigued by the pitch as I believe the dust 'bunny' angle is overworked and prefer to think of dust dragons instead! Hope April takes good care of Dustin!

  14. thefeatherednest says:

    Many thanks, Susanna, for hosting my pitch this week and thanks to all of you for your kind and helpful comments today.

  15. Darshana says:

    Nicky – love the pic! so cute. my husband (food lover) introduced us to Veggimite and explained this was the word mentioned in the song “Down Under” by Men at Work.

    Terri – yes I would read it as I curious to see what happens when he gets a cold. what exactly do you mean by dust breathing dragon? does he blow dust out instead of fire? I noticed you capitalized VERY, it wasn't clear to me why. Also is there a connection between dust and the dragon catching a cold? I like the name Dustin. 🙂

  16. thefeatherednest says:

    April's room gives a whole new meaning to “dusty”…VERY dusty indeed. Dustin does indeed breath dust as opposed to fire which is much safer for your room but hard to keep up with.

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