Would You Read It Wednesday – The 44th Pitch

Well, we saw some great colleges in Boston (which should probably be known as the college capital of the world because seriously there are so many there that you cannot spit without hitting one.  And I’m not even a competitive long-distance spitter, just an average one :))

Somehow we and all the Boston drivers survived the adventure, but not because I was doing anything right.  I do not like one way streets.  I do not like traffic.  I really do not like roundabouts!  Who thought those up and why are they all over Massachusetts? They are terrifying!

And all the while my GPS was chirping cheerfully, “Proceed to highlighted route.  Go southeast on Cambridge Street.  In point one miles turn right, then turn left, then turn left,” while I thought things like if I knew how to get to the highlighted route, I wouldn’t need you! and how am I supposed to know which way is southeast? and we’re going in a circle!  City driving is all well in good in a city that makes sense, like New York, but otherwise forget it!  I was very happy to get back to normal roads.

not actually our bear but a look-alike

While we were gone, my daughter and the dogs had a run-in with our local bear (this has been like wild kingdom week!)  She was out running, and came around a bend in the road.  Brave Scouty sensed danger and charged ahead barking fiercely.  Jemma skittered anxiously behind Scout and gave a few half-hearted  woofs – as back-up she is very back-up and not much help but her heart is in the right place.  The bear turned and looked at them all, but then turned away again and continued down the edge of the road toward our house.  Being an intelligent lass, my daughter chose not to follow him.  She rounded up the dogs (who needed no encouragement!) and went back the way she’d come to her grandparents’ house where she got grandpa to give her and the dogs a ride home.  When they arrived, what should they see but the bear circling our house!  The dogs ricocheted around the inside of the car barking like mad, and the bear ran off into the woods and really, the drama!  The excitement!  And I missed the whole thing and had to hear about it on the phone later!

There is never a dull moment around here!

And speaking of excitement, Phyllis had what I’m pretty sure was her last world tour stop.  If you didn’t get to see it yet, please hop over to Robyn’s Place.  There are strawberries involved.  And a bikini.  And rodeo riding! 🙂

And as if that wasn’t excitement enough, it’s time for Would You Read It!  So grab your Something Chocolate (Au Bon Pain anyone?) and something to sip and see what you think about today’s pitch!

Today’s pitch comes to us from Rita.  Rita says, “I have always loved writing letters, plays, stories any thing really since the age of 9. I have 3 kids that have made me stop writing for awhile but now two of them are at university and the youngest is 15. I used to be a dog sitter, an airline hostess and a secretary but now I spend lots of time as storyteller (costumes and strange voices and all) and my most frustrating of jobs: a writer. I write in my basement and I love children, animals and travelling. Teaching children how to read is a parental necessity.”

You can visit her website HERE.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Elephant And Dolphin
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-7)
The Pitch:  Elephant and Dolphin meet every morning by the sea. But Elephant lives on the land and Dolphin lives in the ocean.  Elephant eats grass while Dolphin eats fish. Elephant trumpets and Dolphin clicks.  How can these two play together with the differences they have between them?  Elephant and Dolphin find out how friendship overcomes everything.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Rita improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August, so you have time to polish 🙂 for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!
Rita is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  And I am going to try very hard to catch up with everything I missed in the last two days! 🙂  Have a great day, everyone!

63 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The 44th Pitch

  1. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    I know it. They're so big, and you just never know what they might decide to do!

    Rena J. Traxel (unregistered) wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:

    Black bear. But still scary.

    Link to comment

  2. Stacysjensen says:

    I would read it. I love elephants. The unique friendship makes me want to see how that works. I'm so with you on Boston traffic. I like roundabouts just not in Boston. Roundabout and bears oh my!

  3. Kirsten Larson says:

    Hi Rita. We love fictional stories that are grounded in “facts,” so I think we'd enjoy yours. I've skimmed some of the comments, but not all, so I hope I'm not repetitive. I think the key change I'd make would be to highlight the conflict. Yes, the animals are very different, but how does this present itself as obstacles the would-be friends must overcome. What happens when they try to talk to each other, share a snack, play ball? I think highlighting the conflict would give the pitch more of a hook.

  4. Carrie Finison says:

    Hi Rita- Sorry I'm late chiming in here. I'm a maybe on this one. I like the two main characters a lot, and could see some funny situations and great illustration potential there. What's missing from the pitch, for me, is that hint of what it is in the story that complicates the situation for these two characters. I don't think you need to tell us how they solve the problem, but do need to hint at what it is. Also, see if you can liven up the language a little bit with some stronger verbs (example: Elephant chomps grass. Dolphin gobbles fish. That kind of thing.)

    Have you looked at the Elephant and Piggie stories by Mo Willems? You might want to check them out just for comparison's sake.

    Susanna, so glad you survived Boston driving! I've lived close to Boston all my life and never know in which geographical direction I'm going either. Still surviving without GPS…for now.

  5. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    I feel a little better if someone who has loved in the area can't figure it out either 🙂 New York City makes sense to me – all laid out nicely in a grid – but maybe that's just because I grew up there and it's familiar 🙂 I had no idea where I was at any given time in Boston! But it sure is a nice town! Thanks for your helpful comments for Rita 🙂

  6. Anna Church says:

    Yes, I would read it! I think this book would interest children to see how these two different animals can come together. If the illustrations were vibrant that would pull a reader into choosing the book, too!

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