Would You Read It Wednesday – The 48th Pitch

Boy is this summer a whirlwind!

Whilst you are munching your Something Chocolate (might I recommend the pain au chocolat this morning?)

and sipping your coffee, I am wandering around in the Pine Tree State, hopefully not hopelessly lost, as we continue our quest for institutions of higher learning.  (The Pine Tree State’s connected to the Green Mountain State, right?…  Or is it connected to the Granite State?…. Or the maybe the Bay State?  Or the hip bone…  You know, I put far too much trust in my GPS.  She could totally take advantage of me if she wanted to!  Her name is Jill, by the way.  After all that wondering what to call her, I discovered on the way to Nantucket she already had a name.  But I digress…)

So anyway, I have a question for y’all today.  And it actually has to do with Would You Read It – can you imagine? An on-topic question?  What is the world coming to? 🙂

What I’m wondering is this:

Are you all happy with the Would You Read It system the way it stands, or do you think people who have pitched should have a chance to enter a new and improved version of their pitch for the pitch pick at the end of the month if they wish?  Poll below.  (You know how I love polls :))  Please opinionate:

Alrighty then!  Now that we’ve addressed that little issue, it’s time for everybody’s favorite Wednesday dilemma, Would You Read It!!!

Today’s pitch comes to us from the amazing Rita whom I’m sure you all remember from her Elephant And Dolphin Pitch last month, and from her wonderful and helpful post on self publishing Meg The Egg.  But in case you somehow missed her bio, Rita says, I have always loved writing letters, plays, stories any thing really since the age of 9. I have 3 kids that have made me stop writing for awhile but now two of them are at university and the youngest is 15. I used to be a dog sitter, an airline hostess and a secretary but now I spend lots of time as storyteller (costumes and strange voices and all) and my most frustrating of jobs: a writer. I write in my basement and I love children, animals and travelling. Teaching children how to read is a parental necessity. My website is www.ritaborg.us

Here’s the pitch!

Working Title:  What’s Wrong With Molly Zwirl
Age/Genre:  Chapter Book (ages 6-9)
The Pitch:  Molly, an immigrant girl from Europe settling in the USA, is just like the girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead.  She tries so hard to be good but when her grandparents come she just has to be bad.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Rita improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August, which is not very far away at all at this point, so we could really use some new pitches!!
Rita is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
And I am looking forward to seeing you all on Friday for the next installment of Summer Short & Sweets!
P.S.  If you missed Monday’s post with the Q&A by editor Erin Molta click HERE – you won’t want to miss it!  And if you missed Monday’s post with the June pitch pick click HERE and let your voting voice be heard!  (Those of you who are alert at this hour of the morning may notice that both HEREs lead to the same there, but I’d hate for you to miss anything good :))

42 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The 48th Pitch

  1. Jess says:

    Yes! At first I thought this would be a traditional American-Girl Series type of pitch (they have an immigrant story or two among the series), but was pleasantly surprised by the wicked behavior twist 🙂 You've certainly got my attention!

  2. Rita says:

    Thank you Jess. This book is still being rewritten but I love the character. She is so funny and a hazard to society.

  3. Randsay says:

    It sounds cute. I would read it based on the description, but wonder if it might be better if the pitch didn't include a referrence to girl with a curl.

  4. Rita says:

    Hi Randsay
    yes many people tell me to get rid of the nursery rhyme the girl with the curl. I will think about it. Thank you for commenting.

  5. coleen patrick says:

    The immigrant girl part threw me, but maybe that's the beauty of the twist because I like the part about trying to be good.
    Oh and susanna, I haven't received your posts by mail this week–is something not working, or is it just me? 🙂

  6. Rita says:

    Hi Coleen

    Why did the immigrant part throw you? Yes many readers of the manuscript enjoy the part that she tries so so hard to be good but fails. Thanks for commenting.
    All best wishes
    a

    Rita

  7. Penny Klostermann says:

    Maybe. Right now the pitch seems disjointed. I wonder what one thing has to do with another in a confused way more than in a curious, I-want-to-read way. What does being an immigrant have to do with a curl in the middle of her forehead? And why are those important to her being bad? Do we need those details in the pitch?If being bad means she is playfully mischievous, I would like to get that from the pitch. Right now, “bad” sounds a little sinister instead of playful…yet the title sounds playful. I hope I am making sense. I think if you can bring those things together in your pitch, that it will be more appealing and sum up your story better…(which I've never read, of course, but I am trying to imagine 🙂

    Susanna…I did not receive email notification of your post today either. I just popped over here to check. I was surprised at the small number of comments compared to usual, so I imagine that Coleen and I weren't the only ones that didn't have an email.

  8. Saba says:

    Not sure, I don't really know what the story is about except that Molly misbehaves when her grandparents are visiting.

  9. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks for your comment for Rita, Penny, and thanks for letting me know about the email problem. I have no idea what happened or how to fix it, and I was in Maine when this posted – I wrote and scheduled it on Monday. Technology. Sigh. I feel bad that it happened on a WYRI day though because Rita didn't get many comments!

  10. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Oh, gosh, I don't know! Penny said she didn't get them either. I wonder who else might not have, and why it's not working. Sometimes I do not like technology! Thanks so much for commenting for Rita and for letting me know about the problem.

  11. Cathy Mealey says:

    It's interesting Rita. The curly hair reference made me think this was a picture book, then I had to go back and re-read after the comments to discern that it is a chapter book. I agree with those who recommend trimming the curls! Is there another mischievous heroine that you might reference? Good luck!

  12. Carrie F says:

    Hi Rita-

    I love the title. That alone made me want to read the book. The rest of the pitch was a little confusing. It's interesting that she is an immigrant, but does that have something to do with her misbehavior? For example, maybe she is behaving more like a “typical” American child, and her traditional grandparents find that disrespectful or something? I think the two things need to be somehow connected. Also, I thought the reference to the girl with the curl was unnecessary — a lot of people won't understand it, and in the next sentence you tell what it means anyway, so you don't need the reference in the pitch.

    The way you have worded it — “she just has to be bad” — makes it seem like the bad behavior is deliberate on her part rather than a misunderstanding. I'm wondering why she feels she has to misbehave in front of her grandparents when most kids I think would make an effort to be on slightly better behavior with their grandparents. A bit more about that conflict would help.

    Good luck with the story!

  13. Patricia Nozell says:

    Rita, You've certainly piqued my interest, but as others have noted, I was a bit confused. Where in Europe is Molly from & in what era? How long has she been in the States (“settle” makes me think she is a recent immigrant), which state, and are her grandparents just visiting or are they here to stay (if the latter, will they be living with Molly & her family)?

    Good luck with this – I love to read intergenerational stories!

  14. Vivian Kirkfield says:

    I'm glad to know that several others have not gotten your recent posts, Susanna…now I know why I missed the pitch pick vote and Erin's Q&A.
    I would definitely read this, Rita…I liked the reference to the curl (well, I have curly hair…so perhaps that's why) and I would look forward to reading about exactly what “bad” things she did when her grandparents were visiting.

  15. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    I just wish I knew WHY people weren't getting the notifications, Vivian. I don't know how to fix it. And we have a very fun post for tomorrow I hope people won't miss! Thanks for your comment for Rita!

  16. Carter Higgins says:

    I love the idea of allowing improvements on pitches…am I allowed to share my vote out loud?! You have one of THE KINDEST and most helpful bunch of readers and there's lots of learning to watch happen here.

  17. Leigh Covington says:

    Hmmm – I hate to say it, but I don't know that I would read it. Mostly because it doesn't pique my interest until you say “she just has to be bad.” For me — being that kind of kid — it amused me, but I would need more information to really jump for it! Tell me more! 🙂

  18. Tina Cho says:

    Maybe, Rita. I like how you began the pitch about an immigrant girl from Europe, but I didn't understand what you meant about the girl w/the curl. Usually kids love to be with their grandparents. Why would this girl want to be bad?

    I, too, didn't get the initial email. Sorry! And, Susanna, I see something new on your sidebar. Did u write a new book? I previewed it. Nice retelling! (Jac & the Beanstalk)

  19. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Hi Tina – thanks os much for your comment for Rita! And arrgghhh! I don't know what to do about the email notifications!!!!! I'm so glad you liked Jac – it's been there since the first week of April 🙂 – I mentioned it a while back, but not too loudly. It was a work-for-hire book I did for A Story Before Bed. I really enjoyed doing it, but I confess I was a little disappointed with the art 😦

  20. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    YES you're allowed to share your vote out loud – thank you! 🙂 And we do have SUCH a lovely bunch of people over here – so nice, so helpful, so generous and kind – I look forward to seeing what people have to share every day 🙂

  21. patientdreamer says:

    The Title was interesting and caught my attention. Maybe using “normally wellbehaved, Molly couldn't resist getting into mischief when her grandparents arrived to visit.” (I am not sure I made any difference there) *shrug* I may still read it though. Thanks Susanna for letting us know on FB.

  22. Sharron says:

    Yup. I'd read it. Most especially because of the last line. Most kids love their grandparents and I'm dying to know why Molly must be bad. Is it them? is it her? I liked it. Simple but quixotic.

  23. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Yes, kind of. If you click on the cover in the left sidebar of the blog it should take you to A Story Before Bed so you can see what they're all about. It's really an audio/video program so that you can read a story to a child – not a regular e-book.

    Julie Rowan-Zoch wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:

    E-book?

    User's website
    Link to comment
    IP address: 184.96.11.127

  24. Julie Rowan-Zoch says:

    It seems interesting and adventurous. I don't get the curl on the forehead bit, but if it reinforces her being a good girl you wouldn't need to repeat that in the next line. 'Has to be bad' intrigues me, but not in a have-to-know way, just ends on a negative note. I would not generalize with 'Europe' – my guess is Ireland.

    Suggestion: Good little Irish girl, Molly (Malone), immigrates to America, and finds it hard to be so good when her grandparents arrive in her New World.

  25. Rita says:

    Thanks everyone for their comments. With your help I should write a better pitch now. You guys are wonderful. For those who are curious Molly is from Malta , just like me!

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