If this post actually goes up in time it will be pretty much of a miracle. I have reached new heights of doltdom! Which I will tell you about… just don’t let me forget to tell you the awesome fantastic In Just Spring Contest Prize News afterwards!
My husband’s car needs brake work, so since it’s on warranty we had to take it to the dealership. After work. “I’ll drive from the train station,” says he, “and you meet me and follow.”
Fine. Except I got behind The. Slowest. Car. On. Earth! coming down our mountain to the train station, so he got ahead. “I’ll pull over after the covered bridge,” says he, “and you’ll catch up.”
Fine. Except I went through the covered bridge, looked on both sides of the road, no husband. But there’s a little parking area there, so I pulled over and called him, thinking maybe somehow he was behind me.
“No!” says he. “I’m up ahead on the hill. Past the light.” Well. that’s not exactly right after the covered bridge but…
Fine. I take my foot off the brake. Princess Blue Kitty rolls forward willingly. I look to the left. and right to pull out and suddenly, out of nowhere, GRINDCRUNCHGROWLGROANSCREECH! WHAT THE ??? Princess Blue Kitty can move neither forward nor backward. Her engine groans. Her poor little body shudders. “OMG! I’ve wrecked my car!” I shriek and shut off the engine, disengaging the blue tooth and effectively hanging up on my husband.
Yeah. So what happened? There was a GIANT rock, which had rolled from somewhere nearby where it was meant to be decorative, down into the little gully between the parking area and the road. Too low to see (also it blended in with the gravel in the darkness) and too low even to hit with my bumper, it was positioned in just such a way that my front passenger side tire somehow rolled up on it like a ramp then slid off, leaving poor Princess Blue Kitty stranded in the air, her front right side completely off the ground. Impaled, as it were, on a rock! Oh the agony! And the indignity! And can I just remind us all that it was in a place where no rock that size should have been!
A rumbly diesel engine dually, a hydraulic jack, a lot of chain and a hook, some cardboard to crawl under the car on, several blocks of wood, a flashlight, a tire iron, a very nice guy form New Zealand, and a genius named Loren later, we managed to coax Blue Kitty down off her rock.
Needless to say, we didn’t get home until very late. But luckily the princess does not seem to have sustained any mortal damage. Although I believe there is a danger of internal injury, so I will probably take her to her dealership later just in case. If it stops sleeting.
Anyway. To make a short story even longer, PHEW! What an evening. Which leads me to the fact that it was some ridiculous hour and I hadn’t started writing this post. Or loading today’s lesson for my course into the email template. Hence the miracle!
Chocolate anyone? I think we seriously need it after that harrowing adventure! Here. I’ll put some fruit on it so you breakfast purists can feel okay about it 🙂
Now, would you stop telling me ridiculous stories about your inability to drive so we can get down to Would You Read It?! 🙂
Today’s pitch comes to us from Yvonne. Yvonee says, “I have a background in early childhood and the visual arts and am a mother of boys, from baby to teen, and one in between. I write picture books mainly but I also write short stories and non fiction articles for older children. So far I am only active on twitter
https://twitter.com/YvonneCMes
I am trying to work up the courage to post something on my Tumblr blog, maybe this will be the push I need.
http://yvon-novy.tumblr.com/
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Oakley’s Keys
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-6)
The Pitch: Intruder Alert!
Oakley hides away with his parent’s car keys. He’ll do anything to get the attention away from his drooling baby brother Dan. But wherever Oakley hides, Dan finds him, from loop-the-looping around a star to playing tag with tigers. And when creepy creatures crawl out of a pirate treasure chest, it is up to Oakley to use his brotherly love to save Dan, drool not included.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
Yvonne is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to making sure Princess Blue Kitty hasn’t sustained any lasting injury. I am not looking forward to how many times over the rest of my life I’m going to hear, “Remember the time you got your car stuck on that rock?” 🙂
Have a great day, everyone!
OH! See? I told you not to let me forget!
I have fantastic news. Seriously. Fantastic!
Remember that contest I told you about on Monday? The In Just Spring Writing Contest? Remember how I said I was still working on the prize but was hoping for something knock-your-socks-off amazing?
Well hang onto your socks!!!
The winner of the In Just Spring Contest will receive the opportunity to send a picture book manuscript to none other than Laura Galvin, Editor at Kidsbooks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right, my friends! You’ll have the chance to put a manuscript you wrote on an actual real live editor’s desk at an actual publishing house and be guaranteed that she will read it and offer constructive feedback! And who knows… she might love it…! 🙂
Personally, I really cannot think of a more awesome prize. I hope you agree. But on the off chance that the winner is someone who doesn’t write picture books, or who for some reason doesn’t want this chance, I will think of a fun back up (probably a writing craft book and/or an Amazon gift card) to give them, and the chance to be read by Laura will go to the highest placed writer who wants it.
How’s that for a great way to start your Wednesday?! 🙂 So put on those thinking caps. Warm up those pencils. It’s time to write an amazing Spring Story so you can submit a manuscript to Laura Galvin! (And many many thanks to Laura for so generously agreeing to do this! :))
Now, for real, have a great day 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Yikes! I've never been first to comment before. Be that as it may, my daughter swears February is a cursed month. So just consider Princess part of the curse. I'm using it as my excuse for the ramblings that should be writing.
The pitch – I'd read it, but I'm not too 'fond' of the Oakley part of the title. Seems a little difficult as a PB title. I like the premise, but there's too many words. It's a bit convoluted. The first sentence doesn't capture me. How about something like 'Drooling baby brother Dan made me do it. I took the keys.' etc.
Oh! The contest prize sounds awesome. Thanks for offering such a neat prize!
If you're first to comment Sharron you must be up early! or late 🙂 depending on your time zone 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughts for Yvonne, and I'm glad you like the prize! 🙂
Oh, Ms. Hill, remember the time you got your car stuck on that rock? It must've been PRETTY humiliating! 😉
Yes, I would read the book (annoying little brothers make good stories). I don't quite get the pitch though. I don't get how Oakley goes from hiding from Dan to saving Dan. Is he using his imagination or are there really intruders?
YAY!!!!!! I LOVE this prize!!!!!! 😀
OMG, Erik! You are so funny! You made me laugh right out! 🙂 Yes, I remember that time! 🙂 Thanks for your input for Ms. Mes, and I'm glad you like the prize – how cool would it be if you won and got your story in front of a real editor at age 11?! 🙂
**faint** – Thud I go on the ground 😉
🙂
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What an ordeal! My husband is dropping off his van for a service this morning and I am picking him up. I hope I don't have similar troubles!
Sibling stories are enjoyable and I would read it, but the pitch is unclear and much too long. Yvonne should make it more concise and more amusing- have some fun with it!
I'm so glad you're safe, and hope princess doesn't need much work!! Perhaps some of this will make its way into one of your stories.
Yes, I'd read Yvonne's book. Sounds pretty funny. I like how she got our attention with Intruder Alert! My kids say that sometimes, too. And the drool part at the end was funny. I'm not sure what loop-the-looping around a star is, but I guess that's one reason to read the book!
Poor Princess Blue Kitty. Oh the horror of being stuck on that rock. Hope there's no lasting damage, beyond the continuous story telling that will ensue.
You deserve a double dose of chocolate after that.
Great prize for the contest. Getting a chance to have a MS put before an experienced editor is always a plus.
I find the subject matter of the pitch intriguing, however, it took me a moment to put together the Intruder alert as a “hook” of sorts referencing the annoying little brother. From the description of his hiding places, he's using his imagination to make the mundane something fantastic, which is also very interesting, but a bit of clarity may help add to the intrigue.
Sorry to hear about your car troubles, Susanna.
As for Would I Read It? Maybe. I love the humor, and I think sibling jealousy is always a good theme. I wasn't sure what this meant: wherever Oakley hides, Dan finds him, from loop-the-looping around a star to playing tag with tigers. How is Oakley hiding if he's looping around a star. I'm assuming he's pretending, but that doesn't seem to be hiding. That part was unclear. Also, because you used the word, “But” with the last sentence, I thought the baby brother was going to somehow save Oakley. If Oakley saves Dan, you need to explain how/why he has a change of heart and suddenly wants to be with his baby brother and protect him. There are parts to this pitch I really like. Good luck with your writing.
What a horrible evening you had. I hope the princess didn't suffer any 'gas'trointestinal distress over the whole thing.
Would I read it..sure..stories about sibling rivalry and how to find the true love between them are always good.
I commiserate with your car doltery (my new word!). I locked the keys in my car on a trip to the grocery store–on Super Bowl Sunday. Stuff happens.
As for the pitch, it hints at the fantastic (“Loop the looping around a star”) but starts with the mundane (hiding car keys) and I was a bit confused about the tone and plot. For me, it's a maybe. I am interested by the fantasy elements but I'm not clear on what the focus of the story is.
Oh, Susanna, poor you & poor Blue Kitty! In this wintry weather, I can only imagine how harrowing it must have been. Hope today proves to be a better day (and it seems to be starting out that way, with that breakfast choice).
Re Yvonne's pitch, I'd give it a maybe. While the premise of multiple adventures to ditch the drooler seem fun, I was very confused about the car keys in the first line. Is Oakley hiding the keys or driving the car?
On a separate note, The Two Orange Pups gave a shout out to Monday's Short & Sweet on Facebook – do check it out, in your “spare” time!
after that car adventure you need double helpings of chocolate!
re: Yvonne's pitch – I love the idea of trying to get away from baby brother, and then needing to rescue him. But I would ditch the car keys – what about something else? Because kids and cars (or ATV's or scooters) don't mix.
Susanna, It's been way to long. I've been out dealing with life, but I'm slowly making my way back. Still have a link to you on my blog and there it will stay. I loved the post. I've been writing some poems which my 10 year old seems to find amusing. I'm hoping to get a picture book out of it. Maybe I'll submit it to your contest.
The story sounds cute too. 🙂 Best of luck with your car. Cynthia
Oh my word that is quite the story! Good job there's a useful NZ bloke around, they are so outdoorsy :0)
I love that pitch, the story and wouldn't change a thing.
Best prize ever, goes off to polish ms.
You rock, Susanna!
Poor Princes, and poor YOU Quelle stresse!
I am a maybe as I enjoy sibling stories, but the pitch is not clear to me and I would suggest trying to reduce the length quite a bit. It does sound like a story with quite a bit of humour?
I was terribly stressed and distressed reading about your ordeal yesterday, but I'm sure that's only a small fraction of the stress/distress you must have felt! 😦 Glad you're safe now and please be careful in the sleet.
I would absolutely love to read Yvonne's story! It appealed to me as the mom of 2 boys. I would offer a couple of suggestions though. One is to not use the word “away” in the first sentence. It's not necessary and makes for one too many “aways” since there's also that word in the second sentence. Also, delete the first “And” in the sentence that starts with “And when.” Third, the “drool not included” part threw me. I know it refers to Dan but the way the sentence is, it sounds like Oakley (great name!) is the one with the drool.
And oh my gosh…what a fabooooolous prize, Susanna!! You're the best!
Good luck with your pick up – I hope it's not as icy where you are as it is at my house this morning! And thanks as always for your helpful comments for Yvonne! 🙂
Thanks so much for your comments for Yvonne, Tina, and I think Blue Kitty would like to be in a story! 🙂
Thank you for your great comment for Yvonne, Angela – very helpful! I'm glad you like the prize, and I'm REALLY glad you think I deserve a double dose of chocolate 🙂
Thanks, Pam. Luckily all's well that ends well, as Ma used to say in Little House On The Prairie… where cars did not get stuck on rocks 🙂 Thank you for your insightful comments for Yvonne – I'm sure she'll find them helpful!
Haha! “Gas”trointestinal – very clever, Delores 🙂 and thanks for your comment for Yvonne!
“Doltery” – excellent word! Sorry about your keys – my husband does that about semiannually 🙂 Seriously, the situation was quite horrifying because I DID NOT see that rock at all, and I am a careful driver as a general rule. I may be turning into a senior citizen who has to be chauffeured! 🙂 Thanks for your comments for Yvonne, Wendy!
Thank you, Patricia. We are covered in sleet today, but bearing up well with a good supply of chocolate 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Yvonne. And how did I miss the Two Orange Pups post? I will try to go find it!
Thank you for prescribing extra chocolate – it would be wrong of me to ignore such a recommendation 🙂 And thanks for your thoughtful comments for Yvonne!
Cynthia! HI! So glad to hear from you after all this time! I hope everything is okay and you haven't been having health troubles or anything. I hope you do enter the contest 🙂 I'm sure Yvonne will be glad you like her story idea. Good luck with your work and submissions, and I look forward to seeing you around again 🙂
It really was quite harrowing, Catherine. Princess Blue Kitty is not speaking to me today, and I am having to soothe my nerves with extra chocolate 🙂 Yes, thank goodness for the NZ chap and the other guy or I would still be perched on that rock! Thanks for your enthusiasm for Yvonne, and YES, polish away! Glad you like the prize 🙂
Quelle stresse indeed! To add to the horror, I was chocolate-less at the time, with nothing to sustain me but a banana! Thanks for your comments for Yvonne, Joanna, I'm sure she'll find them helpful!
You know, it's a little embarrassing how damsel-in-distress I can be with a car. Given that I drive 30,000 plus miles a year I should really know how to handle a few things besides putting in gas and going to the oil change place 🙂 But unless I was superman I couldn't have gotten out of this one. Of course, ideally, I shouldn't have gotten into that situation to begin with… ANYhoo… 🙂 Thanks for your helpful suggestions for Yvonne, and I'm glad you like the prize 🙂
I would love to read this story. The kids' names are great for starters. It sounds very magical and fantastical in a good way. I think the illustrations would be a blast. I didn't get the significance of the car keys, so maybe that part isn't necessary to the success of the pitch. But I'm a definite yes!
Susanna, I have the number of a great taxi service. I want you to throw your license in the garbage immediately, and put your car on CraigsList for sale. You're dangerous!
Oh yes, this sounds like fun, Yvonne! I would tighten it though – here is a suggestion: “Wherever Oakley
hides, drooling baby brother Dan finds him – from loop-the-looping around a star to playing tiger-tag. But when creepy creatures crawl out of a pirate treasure
chest, it's up to Oakley to use his brotherly love to rescue Dan, drool
not included.” Though I would like to have a better idea of what is meant by 'using brotherly love' to save him.
And Susanna – thanks for arranging for the perfect incentive to write something SUPERFABULOUS! Sorry 'bout PBK. I still miss my Gertrude, she was gutsier than Ruby!
Thanks for your comments for Yvonne, Genevieve. I'm going to ignore everything else you said because you hurt my feelings! Seriously – you could NOT see that rock! And it had no business being there – who expects a giant rock to be hiding in the gully where there's a driveway pulling out onto a road? I ask you! Even my rescuers said it was a “perfect storm” of conditions. Taxi service! Huff! 🙂
Thank you for your excellent suggestions for Yvonne, Julie – so helpful! Glad you like the prize! And oh, golly… what happened to Gertrude? Truthfully, I think Blue Kitty's okay, just a little shaken 🙂
Sniff. It's hard for me to talk about it, but you can see a bit of her on my fb cover photo. I feel like we abandoned her. “Not worth putting more money into her,” he said. No, it wasn't that. I know my car-selling husband just could not tolerate her free spirit and disregard for fashion. But she served me well and I am forever grateful. Pphffehh! *blows into hankie*
Aw! So sad 😦 I will come look at her bits 🙂
Susanna Leonard HillChildren's AuthorWebsiteBlogFace Book PageTwitter
Subject: [susannaleonardhillblog] Re: Susanna Leonard Hill: Would You Read It Wednesday #78 – Oakley's Keys (PB) AND The Prize For The In Just Spring Contest!
Susanna…so sorry about your ordeal…a couple of months ago, I went into a pothole of crater-like proportions (it was hidden by some brush on the side of the road) and blew out two tires…fortunately there was a gas station RIGHT there…hmmm…do you think it was a set-up for unwary motorists who would then pull into the station to have repairs done?). Fortunately, I have a motor club thingy and called them and they came and put the car up on their truck and took my truck to the tire place (the tires were almost brand new so they replaced them no charge). Hope your car is okay…so glad you were not hurt.:)
Yvonne…I love this story…what fun! I would definitely read this! I also have a story about an annoying younger brother…it's a great theme.:) I agree with Julie…and love her pitch fix. 'Intruder Alert' are fun words…they caught my attention right away.
Oh…and the contest prize…AWESOME! Thank you, Susanna, for arranging these goodies for us.:)
Oh my goodness, Vivian – your adventure might have been more harrowing than mine! 🙂 Glad we're both okay – clearly we need some kind of super sensor warning devices on our cars to let us know about these bizarre hidden obstacles! Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Yvonne! And I'm glad you like the prize! 🙂
I like the sound of your story, so I'm a yes. I do agree the pitch need some work, but with the excellent suggestions you have gotten in comments you can tighten that pitch!
Susanna….I'm sorry you went through that, but I have to say you tickled my funny bone with your story! I do home PBK is no worse for the wear or rather the hidden rock lying-in-wait for a pretty, blue, purring princess!
The contest prize is the BEST! Wow! All I can say is Wow! (Can you tell I've been studying a certain picture book with a certain mouse that loves purple, plastic purses????)
That's quite the predicament you got yourself into . . . teetering on a rock while spinning your wheels. Glad no permanent harm done.
Once, while driving our camper van, the shoulder of the dirt road gave way and we started to topple over the embankment. Before the van did its first full somersault/cartwheel, the rear end got caught on a barbed wire fence post and we stopped, mid-air.
And breathed.
We had to climb up at a 45 degree angle to get out the driver's door since the passenger side of the van was mere inches from the ground.
Thanks for bringing back THAT memory. 😉
Great prize for the contest. Really TERRIFIC! You rock! . . . even when you're NOT teetering on a rock.
Oh my goodness, Nancy! My adventure pales by comparison to THAT! How terrifying! Very sorry to have dredged up that memory. Have an extra slice of cake and try to forget it again! Glad you're happy about the prize! 🙂 Can't wait to see you in your bonnet 🙂
Thanks for your feedback Sharron. And I love your suggestion for the first sentences, it does give it more of a hook.
Thanks for you feedback. Yes, you are right, he is using his imagination, and his not save from his little brother even there. It is a great prize isn't it, I wonder how many contenders there will be.
Thanks Iza, your right it does look like it could do with some chopping and clearing up … oh well, with the help of all these comments it will look like a great pitch in the end.
Thanks Tina, lovely comments, loop-the-looping is what airplanes do when the go round and round, though not usually stars 😉
Thanks Angela, You are right about him using his imagination. Will get onto the clarifying pronto! Thanks.
Thank for your constructive feedback Pam! Yep, he is hiding, then using his keys in imaginary scenarios where little brother intrudes and Oakley saves Dan. Hmmm, I am loving all these comments, it will really improve my pitch.
Thanks for your lovely comment Delores!
Thanks Wendy! It has many fantasy elements where Oakley unlock a new fantasy scene with each key and Dan comes intruding each time, as pesky brothers do. I will revise for clarity.
Thanks Patricia, the keys are integral to the story as each 'unlocks' a different fantasy scene where little brother comes intruding. This is making see I have a bit of rewriting to do!