Would You Read It Wednesday #103 – Upside Down In Frown Town (PB)

After 20 odd years of going to school myself, plus the additional years of having 5 children start school ranging from preschool to doctoral candidacy, plus being married to a teacher, I suppose it’s not really surprising that in many ways September feels like the start of a new year.

It’s inspiring and refreshing and invigorating!

It fills me with energy to write new stories!!

It makes me believe I can actually clean my office – this time for real!!!

(But let’s face it… it’s not magic 🙂  If I ever ACTUALLY finish cleaning my office I’ll show you a picture 🙂  I think I’ll have to, just to prove I really did it :))

So with all that energy and inspiration just waiting to be tapped, let’s all make a plan to write something great today, shall we?  I think we can do it!

Of course we’ll be able to do it better with Something Chocolate… 🙂  Can I tempt you with torte?

Dark chocolate is good for you.

That is a scientifically proven fact.

🙂

Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Kirsti.  Kirsti is a writer, a reader, a mother of five, a marriage and family therapist, and her first picture book is coming out with Character Publishing this fall.   It’s called:”The Raindrop Who Couldn’t Fall.”  Her blog/website is www.kirsticall.com. 

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Upside Down In Frown Town
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-8)
The Pitch: Where Sam lives, smiling is frowned upon. But, no matter what he tries, he can’t wipe the smile off his face. Even a frowning contest doesn’t make a frowner out of Sam. But the idea of a challenge may be just what he needs to turn the town around.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kirsti improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in September, and we are IN September! so we’re pretty desperate for some new pitches!  Send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Kirsti is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to writing!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!!

Oh, and P.S.  For those of you wondering about Perfect Picture Books, we will be starting up again, but I can’t do it until next week, Sept. 13.  Anyone who wants to go ahead without me on Friday Sept. 6 is welcome to, but I’ve just got too much going on to pretend I’m going to pull it off! 🙂

85 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #103 – Upside Down In Frown Town (PB)”

  1. Carrie Charley Brown says:
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    I have been lucky enough to read and critique this story many times. It is truly delightful, and YES, I would read it again! I like this pitch, but was thrown by the last line. It goes from being all about Sam to helping the whole town in one sentence. Maybe something to the effect of…When he can't change himself, he decides to change the town instead…

  3. Iza Trapani says:
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    Unknown's avatar

    The story sounds wonderful! And the pitch works well. I love “smiling is frowned upon, and “can't wipe the smile off his face.” I'd like to see a little more fun language in that last line. Great job on keeping it precise!

  4. Teresa Robeson says:
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    Even before I read the other ladies' comments, I thought the pitch was pretty perfect (perfect pitch…hey! LOL!). It's short, mentions the relevant info — MC name, problem, hint at resolution — and is enticing. So, yes, I'd definitely read this, even if you've not thrown in that torte! Is that a Sacher torte? :).

  6. Lauri Meyers says:
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    I like it! Could you flip this sentence “Even a frowning contest doesn't make a frowner out of Sam” to the positive and put Sam in an active roll? Like… Sam's smile even smirks out at the Frowning Contest.

  7. Cathy C. Hall says:
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    Yes, that first line is a terrific hook! I'd read it just because the word play right from the start tells me this writer has talent.

    And P.S. I feel the same way about September. I can't help sharpening all the pencils on my desk (assuming I can find them.)

  8. Pam Brunskill says:
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    Yes, September definitely feels like a new year–Shanah Tovah, a real happy new year to those celebrating! I actually really like the pitch! I would read it.

  9. Stacy S. Jensen says:
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    Susanna, you made me laugh with your last line! I'm like the others seems pretty perfect. If you rework the last line, maybe cut out the BUT. You use that twice in the pitch. Good luck. Happy writing to all this fall!

  10. Vivian Kirkfield says:
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    Unknown's avatar

    Yes to Tortes!
    Yes to a new school year and all the memories it invokes!
    Yes to Kristi's fantastic pitch. What a great story idea! I loved Carrie's pitch fix…although, as everyone mentioned, it was pretty darn perfect. 🙂 I would definitely read this!

  11. Wendi says:
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    Unknown's avatar

    Yes I would read it! The pitch is good. The only thing I was uncertain of is that the first half of the pitch sounds like Sam's goal is to stop smiling (“no matter what he tries, he can't wipe the smile off his face”). The end sounds like he wants to change the town to a smiling place. I'm guessing that's his true goal, so maybe the first part of the pitch needs to indicate that more. Maybe something like “no matter what happens to him, he can't seem to wipe the smile off his face” (if that fits your plot). Just an idea! Good luck!

  12. Catherine says:
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    I love it! That sounds like a fun story. And yummy cake. I always find the change from summer to autumn and kids in school so weird. Have a great day!

  25. Susan Hughes says:
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    I'm a little confused by the last line. He tries to wipe the frown off his face using various methods. Then there is a frowning contest. And then he himself issues some kind of a challenge to the town? I think clarifying the last line would help build the arc being described in the pitch. Good luck, Kirsti!

  35. Kirsti Call says:
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    Thanks Sue. I actually wrote this story to help my 5 year old turn her frown upside down…even if I only use the story with her, it's worth it. She smiles every time!

  39. Genevieve says:
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    I would definitely read this! I love the title. It sounds like Sam tries to fit in, but realizes that rather than changing to fit in with the rest of the town, he will change the rest of the town to fit in with him. I like a kid with big ideas. Maybe the pitch could give slightly more info about his plan.

  45. Joanna Marple says:
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    Torte is good for any month! And I so believe you CAN clean your office, Susanna!

    Kirsti this sounds a tight, fun story that kids will love. I am jumping in late today, so will just say the advice you have already received about the last line is great. Good luck with this PB.

  47. pennyklostermann says:
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    Unknown's avatar

    Ha! I wrote similar thoughts about school starting/fall in my post yesterday, Susanna!

    I'm with Joanna…I'm jumping in late, and agree that the pitch is pretty perfect and I can't add any advice that hasn't already been mentioned. Sounds like a cute story!

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