You don’t have to tell me.
The Groundhogs’ unanimous prediction that we’d have 6 more weeks of winter was a little hard to take.
As we are currently being buried under what some say will be 6-12 inches of snow (and what others are saying will be 12-15 inches, and still others are saying 30+ inches) I guess they’re right so far. Dang and blast the little marmots!
(Uh, please don’t tell Phyllis I said that!)
This calls for Something Chocolate. And I have the perfect thing: Happy Cake!
Don’t you feel better just looking at it? Doesn’t it make you believe spring will come? Soon?
I thought so 🙂
Help yourselves! 🙂
Now then. Before we get to today’s Would You Read It pitch, we have a small matter of business to attend to….
Ironing our socks!
Hee hee hee! I’m just funnin’ y’all 🙂
I know the real order of business is….
Who won Phyllis’s Fun Fashion Show???
And the answer is…
Did I tell you about how Princess Blue Kitty (my car, for anyone who hasn’t had the pleasure of making her acquaintance :)) is absolutely filthy? Seriously, I have a theory that they put more salt and sand on the roads at the first hint of snow than they ever used to… Why, when I was a mere sprat, it could snow 2 feet and nary a morsel of salt nor sand did we see! We just had to tough our way through it, depending on the survival lessons our Maw and Paw had taught us in our upper east side apartments about how kitty litter makes for great traction…
I’m sorry. What were we talking about?
I believe I may have gone off on a tangent.
If you would all kindly stop distracting me with ridiculous stories about your cars, I would tell you that the winner of Phyllis’s Fun Fashion Show was none other than
Congratulations, Josie! Apparently I wasn’t the only one who loved your sweet sleepytime Phyllis in her cozy pink PJs and slippers with her lovable teddy! Great job!
2nd Place goes to Gracie for her stunning depiction of Springtime Phyllis! Congratulations on a gorgeous drawing, Gracie!
Interesting, isn’t it, that first and second place went to 8 year olds?! I think it’s clear that the youngsters in this crowd are mighty talented!
3rd Place was a tie between Julie Ro-Zo with her incredible Phyllis-as-Elvis drawing, Nata with Phyllis’s Allonge, and Beth with Opera Star Phyllis. (I told you we had a tie problem!) Congratulations, you three! You are exceptionally talented for people who are technically older than 8 (although we know you are young at heart :))
Josie, Gracie, Julie, Nata-ie, and Bethie, (I didn’t think we should break up the streak of -ie names :)) please email me and we’ll get those prizes sorted out! (And in case you’ve forgotten what the prizes are, you may view them HERE, and you may all have your choice of whichever one you want, even if you all want the same thing. Oh! And Pat Miller kindly offered to sign a bookplate for anyone who chooses Substitute Groundhog!)
Thanks to EVERYONE who participated in the Fashion Show! You are all SO creative and talented, and supplied all of us with SUCH enjoyment during this wintry week! Phyllis has never felt so well dressed!!! 🙂
My, that was exciting! But now we have something equally exciting in a different way…
Today’s pitch comes to us from Kristine who says, “I’m a stay-at-home mom who is truly living the dream: playing with my daughter by day and writing (if I don’t fall asleep first) at night. I couldn’t be happier to have found the amazing children’s book writing community that exists online, and I look forward to the day when I can fill a bookshelf with works by authors that I also can call friends.“
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: The STEM Girls: Rising Stars
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 5-8)
The Pitch: Sophia, Isabella, Madison, and Emma learn that science is not only fun, but an adventure, when their new telescope runs out of batteries, and they have to use their combined talents to save their stargazing trip. The girls are as enthusiastic about science, technology, engineering, and math – the STEM subjects – as Fancy Nancy is about being a girly girl, and they even have their own STEM Girls club to prove it. They invite readers to join them on their adventure, asking “Do you have what it takes to be a STEM Girl?”
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
Kristine is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to Friday because I have a most excellent book to share with you for PPBF, and also to not being snowed in anymore because we have done that enough times already and the novelty has worn off!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Wow, what a beautiful cake. Congrats to the all the fabulous winners. Phyllis must be pleased. 🙂
She is very pleased! But also hiding because the weather is very bad and she is afraid of being blamed!
Yay Josie! Pj's all the way. 🙂
I like the suggestions already made on the pitch. My fear in asking “Do you have what it takes to be a STEM Girl?”
is that a non-stemmer will reply NO! and close the book. Perhaps a more open ended question, or just delete it. Great job!
So cool that youngsters won. Congrats to Josie and all the winners! Great pitch. I agree with Cathy about the ?
Congrats to all the winners! Phyllis should feel no shame for the weather. Bad weather plus: Blow bubbles, and the BUBBLES FREEZE!
Adore the science-loving supergirls. They could be HUGE. But I agree with others: A bit more focus on the story would perk it up, with perhaps a bigger conflict than batteries, and a hint of weird science solutions.
One question I'd ask is if you want it to be a chapter book or a PB. If you want a PB, maybe you could focus on one or two main characters and a simple story arc (conflict re: stargazing trip, but no club). But if you really like having all the girls, the club, and a more involved conflict, I'd go for the chapter book. What does the book want?
We are having a crazy snowstorm here in NH also…great day for being in PJs.
Congrats to Josie!!! And the other winners!!! And to everyone who participated…what a fun fashion show. 🙂
Thanks for the cake…perfect with the hot chocolate I just made.:)
Kristine…I would definitely read this book – I like many of the pitch fixes suggested already – having their names be the letters of STEM…you are 3/4 of the way there already; saying Sophia and her friends; cutting the last sentence…it might turn off kids who are not science and math brained…and perhaps it is on this adventure where the batteries run out that several other incidents take place that call for the teamwork of these clever girls, each using her specialty to save the day.
Oh,wow–great pitch, and I think the timing is perfect! There seems to be huge interest in STEM and in girls getting involved in science. I love the attitude behind, “Do you have what it takes…” I didn't know telescopes took batteries, but all in all I love this pitch and YES, I would read it! Good luck with this, Kristine!
Thanks so much for your comments for Kristine, Deborah! 🙂
Thanks for your helpful suggestions for Kristine, Vivian! Enjoy your cozy jammie day 🙂
Really? Bubbles freeze? I never tried that! And of course I won't until all my work is done. You won't see me out on the back porch with the Mr. Potato Head bubbles, nosirree bob! 🙂 Thanks for your comments for Kristine!
That is the happiest Dr.Seuss/AliceinWonderland/FancyNancy cake I've ever seen 😀 😀 😀
You go work! And I won't tempt you at all with this Frozen Bubble recipe: http://blog.highlights.com/post/75082710237/what-can-you-do-when-its-freezing-outside-blow#.UvKhj5CPLhl
😛
Thank you Deborah – I love all the help, support, advice, etc. You've given on FB since I started this journey! And yes, these modern telescopes are crazy!
I love the names idea – easy enough to do! Will get on it. Thank you Vivian for everything you do on FB and now here to keep me on the straight and narrow!
Stacy! I always love your comments. That is EXACTLY what I've been struggling with – I want the girls and the club, but I'm just struggling to fit it all in. I can definitely up the action, and I'll give serious thought to the chapter book idea. I've just heard that it's really hard to break in on that front, but hard isn't anything new for PB writers – right?!
Thanks Catherine!
Such a great perspective Cathy – I'll find something more inviting. Love the suggestion – thank you!!!
Thanks Ann! I've been struggling with that issue, and no matter which way I go, I'll find a better conflict! I'll also be sure to address the problem solving, as you are so right to point out how important that is!!
Nancy!! You just made my day with your hooray for brainy girls comment!! When this gets published, I'm going to track you down and send you a copy!
Thanks Robin! I'll definitely be careful about my use of it. I didn't realize it wasn't as common a term as I thought. That's why this is such a helpful exercise – thank you for commenting! I really appreciate it!!
Crazy cake – how would you cut it? Congrats to Josie and Gracie and my tie-mates! Always a good idea to get involved in another hair-brained scheme!
As to Kristine's pitch, of course I would read a book that combines stars and telescopes and kid-smarts! But I would tighten it. I don't need to know their names yet, and I don't need a comparison to Fancy Nancy. I would also refrain from using questions in a pitch. Also, based on the content, I would have thought this is a chapter book, at least an early one. Good luck, Kristine.
Thank you so much Elaine! I have so much respect for educators – it really helps to know that it fits well with the current pushes. Love your aviator btw – you two look so happy!
Beth – I love the name idea, and I'm definitely going to do it! Consider it done (as soon as I get to a computer). I'll definitely work on putting more story in, and thank you so much for taking time to comment!! It helps so much!!
But who is going to keep ME on the straight and narrow? 🙂 🙂
I&A – I LOVE your tutus and tiaras comment!!! LOVE IT! You are absolutely right, and I'll beef up the conflict and make sure the dilemma doesn't play second fiddle to the club angle!! Thanks for the great feedback!
Okay, autocorrect thought I&A was the same as Iza – silly autocorrect!!
Tina – great suggestions, and I loved the LEGO story! The President talked about STEM in the State of the Union as well, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can make this MS as strong as the girls and subject deserve!
I love that you are a STEM girl Sue, and I'll definitely give a lot of thought to sneaking the term in, versus throwing it out there so much. They do each have a specific geeky love, and I can't wait to get back to it now after all these great comments!!
Consider the last sentence gone Genevieve! I love anyone who is more fancy nancy, but would read this, as I really want to make sure girls don't see it as either or!! Thanks again!!
Yay! That coming from you Alayne makes my day! I have so many great comments and suggestions from everyone that hopefully by the time you do see it on bookshelves you'll be proud! Go Sub Six!!
Wow – love the re-write Stacy! I definitely see where you are going with your suggestions, which would help reconcile all that I'm trying to shove in the MS! I know the age is pushing it, and I'll definitely keep an eye on word choice so that I don't outpace my audience! I want kids to love it, and they won't if they can't relate right! Thanks again – awesome comment!
Of course I will read it! I love books that show girls being interested in math and science. As for the pitch, the first line is good but I don't think the next two lines work. We can already tell from the first line that the girls like science. As for the STEM connection you would want to mention that in your query but in the following paragraph which touches on market appeal. With the pitch all you should be trying to do is “sell the story idea”, why is it interesting to read. So now expanding on the first line the last part “use their combined talents to save their stargazing trip” feels a little flat. Can you give us some hints, entice us? I would really like to read this story, hope you post it to our critique group when it's ready. 🙂
Such a good point about “and friends,” and I definitely hear you and everyone about batteries not being enough. I'm going to go back and supercharge their problems – make the girls really work for their adventure!
Great pitch, Kristine! I love the idea of the “STEM Girls” – very unique! In fact, I keep imagining an early-reader series. The only thing I could suggest is to tighten your focus on the story's conflict and let go of some of the extraneous details. Otherwise, it sounds really fun! Yes – I would definitely read this! 🙂
Now, Susanna – about these tasty cakes – I am now on a diet, so I do not appreciate the temptation. Humph! I mean, bathing-suit season is right around the corner! 😉
Oh, and congratulations to all of the Phyllis Fashion Show winners – all of the entries were fabulous!
That's all! Keep up the good work, Kristine!
Erik – thank you for the comments. I'll definitely drop the Fancy Nancy reference, and I'll definitely find a way of working boys in if this gets picked up for a series. I'll name him Erik 🙂
Thanks Carrie!!! I will definitely re-focus on one of the girls more in the pitch, as the book certainly is from one POV. Great point for sure. I'll also try to tone down the Message-y ness :). Thanks so much – two really great points, and I'll try to do them justice in the revisions!
Growing up in Southern California I got ZERO snow days in all the years I went to school!
As for your comments, I hear you. My goal, in my revisions, is going to be to change that “probably” to absolutely, and with all the great suggestions I certainly have the ideas to do it!
Snow days are new to me too – never had them growing up in So Cal either – though I think I'd prefer them to the smog alerts that kept us in from recess (though we didn't get to miss school for those!).
Not an annoying question at all Joanna, as I ask it of myself all the time, and you certainly aren't the first to voice it after hearing the idea!
I am definitely not opposed to the idea, but I've heard chapter books are even harder to sell than PB?
I'll definitely think about it some more, and thanks so much for being honest! It helps, even if I'm not sure what to do!
Definitely on the name change! It's a great idea! I'm so glad to hear that there are others carrying the torch as well!! Love the line edit suggestions – easy to implement, and I agree, they would make it much tighter. Thank you Lauri!!
They are a harder sell and really need to be pitched as a series. Right now Kate Messner is doing really well with her Marty McGuire science/animal geek girl series.
You guessed it Teresa – automatic tracking :). I love that you're a STEM gal at heart, and you are absolutely right about the last sentence.
I'll definitely give the age range issue serious thought. I am completely torn about whether to jump up to CB or keep it a PB, but either way, I really appreciate your candid thoughts on the issue!
Consider it done!! Maybe my at will be. . . .Teresa 🙂
Congratulations Josie and to all the other winners of the Phyllis fashion contest.
Yes, I really like the idea of the STEM Girls, and Darshana gave you some good advice. It needs tightening. Some of the material could go into a query letter. But, I see this as having great potential to be a series.
Wendy!!! I have stared at this MS forever at this point and never noticed that!!!!! I LOVE THE IDEA!! I am definitely going to change the I name, and your comment brought such a smile (ok, GRIN!) to my face. I just got a rejection yesterday that had me down, but all these great comments, starting with your phenomenal idea, and energy have me chomping at the bit to get back to revising this MS.
Fabulous point Martha about tightening it up – and you now know what you're going to be seeing I our new critique group 😉
Will do RE critique group! Love the way you described it – keep the story to the pitch, the stem to the market appeal – great and easy way to think of it! Thank you!!!
Julie – sage advice as always! Consider the edits made, and I'll definitely think about the early reader angle!! Thank you so much for commenting!!!
I absolutely love this premise. My thoughts are it's is hard to know who is the real driving character. Is it Sophia, or are all 4 girls equal shares in the development of the story. I also think you should start with their problem.
Ie,
When Sophia, Isabella, Madison, and Emma learn their new telescope is out of power, they have to use their combined talents to save their stargazing trip. The girls are as enthusiastic about science, technology, engineering, and math – the STEM subjects – as Fancy Nancy is about being a girly girl, and they even have their own STEM Girls club to prove it. They invite readers to join them on their adventure, asking “Do you have what it takes to be a STEM Girl?”
Have you also found any comparative titles other than Fancy Nancy. Although it is a good comparison for the style of your book, I think you would benefit by finding comparative titles that highlight science side of your book.
Best wishes with the, I would read this in a heart beat.
Scanning through later comments, I see I'm not the only one who thought this might be better as a CB. 🙂 But don't let that discourage you! It's certainly worth exploring it fully as a PB before trying it as a CB, especially if you really envision it as PB.
Best of luck with it, Kristine!