Would You Read It Wednesday #123 – Silly Tilly (PB)

WWWHHHIIIRRRRRR!

Do you hear it?

The wheels are turning!

And you know what that means.

I’m probably – almost definitely – well maybe – hatching a plan!

I’m on the fence.

I haven’t quite decided.

I shall mull for another day or so and if I decide to go ahead with it, I’ll tell you on Friday 🙂

But don’t ask me anything because I won’t say another word.

Here.  Put something in your mouth.  That’ll stop those questions 🙂

Since it’s technically breakfast time, I thought we should go traditional today and have (Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter) Banana (Bread) for our Something Chocolate.  See how that’s mostly banana, which is, in fact, a breakfast food?  That’s how it works around here 🙂

From OMG Chocolate Desserts

Today’s pitch comes to us from Steve whom we met in November with his pitch for Rashad Saves The World, (WYRI #111) and who says, “I spent 20 years as a teacher of small children in London. Reading aloud was my favourite part of teaching. This means that I absolutely know what a PB, Lower MG should sound like. The challenge is to make my own writing sound right!”

Here is his pitch:

Working Title: Silly Tilly
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Tilly dreams of having a baby and her dream comes true when a hatching egg presents her with a fluffy bundle of … crocodile! Everything is bliss until Charlie starts to grow. AND grow. When her friends start disappearing, Tilly worries that she’s next on the menu. But when Charlie invites her down to his cave, she’s in for a big surprise … party!

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Steve improve his pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in April so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Steve is looking forward to your thoughts on his pitch!  I am looking forward to making my decision and telling you or not telling you 🙂

Have a wonderful, writing-filled Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

83 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #123 – Silly Tilly (PB)

  1. Joanne Sher says:

    I totally have an exclamation point personality. But I TRY to keep it out of my writing.I am definitely better at advising than following that advice!! 🙂

  2. Miranda Paul says:

    YES, I'd read it! I'd cut/condense the pitch, but absolutely. Sounds like it has a great story and humor to boot. Great job, Steve!

    P.S. What a fantabulous banana bread, Susanna!

  3. Genevieve says:

    This sounds cute. I would definitely read it, but I was also thrown at the start because I thought Tilly was a little girl. Yikes! She dreams of WHAAAAT? Yeah. That happened. So you'll need to put out there what kind of a critter she is right away. Good luck with it.

  4. mike allegra says:

    By the time I show up for these “Would You Read Its,” every possible thing I would have said has already been said.

    So, Steve, do me a favor and do what they say, OK?

    And yes, I would read it.

    A Friday surprise, eh? I think I smell something besides banana bread. Hmm…. Are you cooking up a St. Patrick's Day contest?

  5. Belinda Brock says:

    Hi, I guess, like Steve, I've shown up a bit late for the party. My thoughts have already been voiced by the others: lose the party and leave some suspense, explain who or what Tilly is, and just say her friends are disappearing, don't assume they've been eaten. The way it is now, she doesn't seem so concerned with her friends' fate, just her own. And yes, I would read it, especially with a cup of tea and a hunk of that banana bread.

  6. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_Erik says:

    I'm siding with Mr. Allegra on this. 😉 I can't add anything else! Great sounding book! 🙂 And, also agreeing with Mr. Allegra, I can hear your husband working on an Irish jig for your upcoming contest (can you tell him to turn it down a bit? 😉 )! 😉

  7. Steve Moran says:

    Thanks for that Teresa, someone mentioned below as well so I checked it out. It's a very different story, just has the same name. Sigh, I'll probably have to change to Silly Milly or something similar. Should have checked first!

  8. Steve Moran says:

    Your lovely folk at RYS liked it a lot, and gave me a wonderful suggestion which has made it a great deal better. Can't tell you how much I value RYS.

  9. Steve Moran says:

    I was never a little girl, but I'm reliably informed that they all dream of having their own babies, every last one. 8~)

  10. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    Hatching plans and hatching crocodiles – Oh my!

    I'm in, but am confused about the main character. Is it Tilly or is it Charlie? Love the first surprise that it's a crocodile instead of a baby.
    Since you use the term “baby,” I did a double take on why Charlie is living in a cave. I was thinking mom's and babies live together.
    The grows and grows makes me think maybe the story is about a child growing up, but “when her friends” line takes my attention to a mystery. And, then I wonder if Tilly worries she'll be next on the menu … does she have proof he's the reason her friends are disappearing? So why would she go to the cave (Sorry, but I question that from American horror films too. I'm terrible).
    I wonder why the having a baby part is important if the heart of the story is about Silly Tilly dealing with this growing, unwieldy crocodile Charlie, who eats her friends. Good luck with this and thanks for sharing.

  11. Beth Halleran says:

    I'd agree with the many other comments on: who is Tilly? I thought she was a human and that her human friends were going to be eaten. I know what you mean about keeping the ending a surprise – we're mostly advised not to do that – but I think that it will really hook the reader. Best of luck – sorry for late comment. I slept too late today – and am still up now 🙂

  12. Debbie says:

    I would definitely read this, Steve, now that I have the recipe for that chocolate banana bread. I immediately thought Tilly was a chicken, but then again, I'm partial to chickens, especially ones named Reggie. Your pitch brought to mind the fox and the hen fable. Or was it a goose? But now I'm wondering if Charlie is a party animal and not a friend eater after all?!

  13. Teresa Robeson says:

    Oh good! I thought someone might mention it too…but it's really hard to scroll down all the comments on the iPhone and I'm pressed for time so the dilemma was whether to just insert my comment here and not bother reading down farther or not comment at all, hoping that someone else may have mentioned it. 🙂

  14. Debbie says:

    I am resisting the banana bread but it won't be long now. Probably Sunday. I'll post a picture. As for Reggie, thanks for asking about him. I'm going to post a picture of his latest escapade in MPBM.

  15. Jenn Ali says:

    Glad to see so much feedback here! Just wanted to mention that there is a book called “Silly Tilly” from Two Lions Publishing (which is Amazon) from 2012. Also, maybe look up “Guji Guji” by Chih-Yuan Chen; it's similar in subject and maybe the jacket copy could help with the pitch.

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