It’s a busy month here on Blueberry Hill.
The dogs are shedding. (Full time work.)
My husband and kids are all taking turns being on school vacation with some overlaps, but basically from March 1 – March 31 one, two or three of them are home at a time. This is lovely on every level except getting work done. So anyone who happens to be waiting on me for anything, that’s why 🙂 And I promise I haven’t forgotten you!
The snow is melting. (Yes! Really! Although it’s got a long way to go…)
Yesterday was idyllic! 59 degrees and sunny! I know we have yet to pass the midpoint of March, but it was the kind of day that fills you with the hope and belief that spring is actually thinking about coming. After this winter, it is just so welcome. I took #5 out horseback riding, and the other two horses jumped out of the pasture and came to join us, galloping and leaping and cavorting like colts, skidding on leftover ice and charging through substantial slushy snow, jumping out of their skins with happiness at being able to stretch their legs and run. Even though it took us 45 minutes to catch them and get everyone safely back in the barn, it was lovely to see them so happy. Everyone was feeling a little spring fever 🙂
So. Writing, riding, blogging, teaching, school visiting, spring vacationing, critiquing, barn cleaning, house cleaning (maybe in April :)), driving practice (yes, we’re doing THAT again!), guest posting, running outdoors again with the dogs, and March Madness Contesting = happy and busy 🙂
And now it’s time for Would You Read It, but first, for today’s Something Chocolate, I believe I’ve discovered an idea whose time has come (really, why have I never seen these before???)
 |
| From HandleThe Heat |
Witness the beauty! The perfection! It’s chocolate cream pie AND brownie!
Yes. You may have another 🙂
Now then. Today’s pitch comes to us from Ann who says, “I have only been writing seriously for a year. An interesting fact about me is that I have an identical twin sister named Donna and my husband has an identical twin brother named Don. I am an elementary school teacher. I have always loved children’s books and meeting authors (I even met Lois Lowry in the early 1990’s where she signed a quilt my students and I made in honor of Number the Stars). I’m an avid reader, especially YA. I like to scrapbook, bake, cook. and take photos.”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Sk8ter Boy
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 5-8)
The Pitch: Peter wants to be an ice skater but can’t because he’s homeless, and he doesn’t have the money for a pair of skates. But when there’s a poetry contest at school with a cash prize, he is able to make his smooth words glide and spin so that he wins the skates and his classmates’ respect.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
Ann is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to having family home in whatever combinations they arrive in and to more days like yesterday as spring begins to overtake winter and to the March Madness Writing Contest (even though I haven’t the slightest idea what I’m going to write for my sample or when I’m going to write it!)
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Oh yes, yesterday was glorious here in the Hudson valley!
I love Ann's story idea! And the pitch is nice and concise. I love the second sentence- especially “his smooth words glide and spin.” Well done! A couple of tips: I would take the “8” out of the title as that suggests a counting book. I would also condense the first sentence a bit. Maybe something like this? “Peter dreams of being an ice skater, but he is homeless and can't afford a pair of skates.
“Dreams” seems more compelling than “wants” but that is a personal choice. Either one is fine, really. I'd love to read this story!
Yes! I would read it! I, too, would take the 8 out of the title for the same reason as Iza's comment below, but also because it sounds like a Twitter handle or some shorthand that may detract from the seriousness of his dream & the homelessness. Other than that, BRAVA!!! Good luck and I hope to see it in Barnes & Noble!!
Oooh, crocuses! Last year, ours came out in Feb; this year, not a peep out of them yet.
The dessert looks amazing; I need the sugar/caffeine buzz!
I also like and would read Ann's pitch/story. The 8 in the title is cute but then the pitch didn't mention anything that hinted at why “skate” was spelled that way.
I actually loved Iza's suggestions so I'll second hers. 🙂
Okay, busy lady, have a good second half of the week!
Glad things are warming up for you Susanna 🙂
I would read it based on the pitch! I also like what Iza had to suggest about the title and dreams. Another thing that drew me in to wanting to read it was when you added how gains respect from his classmates. Good luck 🙂
Maybe I would read this. The 8 in the title throws me off, makes me think of skateboarding rather than ice skating (as well as Avril Lavigne's song Sk8er Boi).
I also wonder (without knowing more about the story) is being homeless a big part of the story? If not could he just be poor? While homelessness is a serious issue that many children do have to face, I wonder if it would turn off some readers.
Do love the comment others made about dreams vs. wants.
Good Luck! 🙂
Ann, I love your pitch – I would definitely read it. I especially liked “he is able to make his smooth words glide and spin . . .” Very nice.
Yes, I'd read it. This has all the elements for an intriguing and heartwarming story. The first sentence might be tightened a little. Maybe: “Peter dreams of being an ice skater, but he's homeless and can't afford a pair of skates.” In a pitch, do you have to tell the whole story? If not, what if you left us wondering how he solves his problem or whether he wins the contest? Just a thought. It sounds like a really neat story! 🙂 I hope this is helpful.
The chocolate pie brownie is calling my name! I must be brave. . .
I would definitely read! I did feel as if the pitch read more like a synopsis by giving the ending away. I've read entirely opposing ideas on that so that's just my opinion. I also wondered if there is more than one “attempt” to get the ice skate money or just the poetry contest. The pitch left me wondering how visual the book would be.
Ann, this definitely has wonderful kid-appeal! (I'm a “retired” elementary teacher!) Iza really made many of the points I would mention, especially rewording and tightening the first sentence. I also agree that the “8” in the title is a bit distracting. The story element about earning his classmates' respect is great, but perhaps you might try to leave this for the reader to discover? ( “When Peter enters a school poetry contest, there's more than just a cash prize at stake.”)
Susanna- Thank you for the rays of spring sunshine emanating from the snow-surrounded crocuses (croci? LOL). I hope the snow blanket here recedes in time for my tulips and daffodils to be tempted to poke up with their greens. If not, I'll just have to indulge in a chocolate cream brownie as I watch and wait.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments for Ann, Charlotte! And enjoy the brownies while you wait for spring… it will be here eventually 🙂
Excellent points, Wendy! Thank you so much for your input. And I'm sorry – I didn't mean to tempt you if you're abstaining… 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your observations with Ann, Cheryl. I know she will find them helpful 🙂
Thanks so much for chiming in for Ann, Pat 🙂
So funny – I thought of Sk8er Boi too 🙂 Although I've read the story (it's lovely!) and it's nothing like Avril Lavigne 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Ann, Kimberly!
I hope they're warming up for you too, Jen! 🙂 Thanks so much for your comments for Ann!
Those aren't actually my crocuses… just wishful thinking 🙂 Enjoy the dessert, thanks for your excellent comments for Ann, and zoom! off we go to be productive! 🙂
Thanks so much for your helpful comments and enthusiasm for Ann, Sallieanne! 🙂
Thank you so much for your very helpful and insightful comments, Iza! I have had the privilege of reading this story, and it's a good one! Fingers crossed for Ann 🙂
Yes, I would read this! I was drawn in by two things. The boy is homeless. There are few books about them–they are kids like any others. And he enters a poetry contest. This shows another facet of the character. Both are unexpected elements. I agree with Charlotte's suggestion. And a cash prize seems less coincidental than skates which is just what he needs. I expected a YA book from the title, so I agree with the other comments.
I love this idea, Ann! Your second sentence is very visual – I can clearly imagine the illustrations. As others have said in previous comments, the first sentence could be tweaked and tightened a bit, but overall, great job on the pitch!
Susanna – I love those brownies! Spring is in the air here, too, but we have to endure another weird weather roller-coaster today and tomorrow before the temps rebound upwards on Friday. Yesterday was beautiful, though.
All we have to do is BELIEVE and spring will finally come to stay! 🙂
I'd read this! It sound so fun! I agree that the first sentence needs to be clarified and tightened, but the concept is great!
I'd read this! I agree with many of the other comments: The title throws me a little and I, wouldn't give away the ending but leave it as a cliff-hanger.
Susanna – you have me Spring-dreaming 🙂
Thanks for your helpful input for Ann, Tonja! And ah, spring dreaming! I think it's what we're all doing! 🙂
Thanks for your thoughts for Ann, Donna! And yes, I agree – very dreamy 🙂
Thanks for sharing your reaction with Ann, Julie! And yes – you should have seen the horses yesterday – they were totally nuts! 🙂
Thanks so much for chiming in for Ann, Kirsti!
Thanks so much for your insights for Ann, Martha! Glad you liked the brownies 🙂 And I BELIEVE you're right – spring will come if we all just BELIEVE! 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts for Ann, Pat! I agree – I like those two elements as well!
Enjoy the warm temps, Susanna…I think we are in for more snow and cold.:) 🙂
And thanks for the chocolate brownie…looks like perfection.:)
I would definitely read this book! Ann, I think your pitch has great rhythm…it flows really well…I agree with the others…leave us wondering and wanting more at the end of the pitch.:) I read what the others said about the title…but I think using Sk8ter is really creative.
Thanks so much for your comments for Ann, Vivian! And yes… I fear you may be in the 10-20 inches of snow belt… But it's still MARCH! The snow has to stop eventually 🙂
Wonderful pitch and concept. I imagine this as a many-layered picture book with timely themes.
Agent Mira Reisberg suggests an editor wants to see the ending in the pitch to be sure the author knows how to write one. However, if you are concerned about revealing too much, I'd drop “wins the skates” but keep the “respect” part.
I'm sure your teaching experience helps you portray homelessness in a realistic way. My only concern is does the pitch convey you are able to layer that in appropriately.
Well done. I look forward to reading it someday!
It's warm and sunny in San Francisco, but check back in an hour. I'll be in the Midwest in a couple of weeks, so I hope it stays spring!
I don't know that I would read this story, and I'm wondering if it's because I live in a city where homelessness is a huge issue. Or maybe it's because I've written quite a bit about migrant worker families who are marginalized and often half a step away from homelessness or who are homeless. I'm wondering what this boy will do once he gets his skates. Who will take him to the skating rink? Who will pay his rink fees? And I'm wondering if this story trivializes, in some way, the issue of being homeless. But I can see that many others have very positive responses to this pitch, so I may be way off base.
I give it a “yes” because Peter sounds like an interesting character. It also seems like a good book for teaching empathy to my kids (not every kid has a home and more toys than they need, not to mention having their basic needs met).
Having read the comments below, I have to agree that the title is a little distracting/confusing. I definitely wasn't expecting him to be an ice skater.
It's an interesting mix: homelessness, a boy who wants to be an ice skater and writes poetry. Are you purposely going for non-stereotypical “boy” activities? I wondered about that and if there was a reason. If not, maybe Peter could be a speed skater which may attract more boys to the story.
I could also imagine this character at the center of a Middle Grade book where you could explore the themes in more depth. You wouldn't want to gloss over the issue of homelessness and the limited length of a PB might make it difficult to do this topic justice.
Now I really want to read the full PB, so that confirms my “yes”. Good luck!
Hi Ann – I initially thought maybe, than thought yes, so I am somewhere in the middle! Like some of the other comments, by the title (which I really liked), I was expecting a skateboarding related book. I really liked the first sentence of your pitch, thought it had a good hook to it. I think it was the second sentence that left me wondering what the real conflict is. Perhaps you don't need “and his classmates respect?” at the end, and focus the pitch on his issues of homelessness and what the main problem is (he needs money to pursue his dream) but don't give it all away as to how he solves it. Thanks for sharing!
Susanna – where do I find those delicious brownies! Yum!!
I would read it yes, but I was also thrown by the title. I think Julie has made a good point that this would be great as a chapter book, giving you more scope to delve into the issue of Peter being homeless and how to resolve that as well as the skating. We don't really have ice skating much in Australia, but I believe boys would want to skate to become hockey players more than figure skaters, so maybe that could be woven in somehow. Best wishes on this.
Thanks so much, Iza for your “dream” idea because that's exactly what skating is to Peter. He practices his “Figure 8″ in his socks on the shiny shelter floor. His winning poem is called” Figure 8″ too, hence the PB title. I may need to rethink that. I appreciate you taking a look. 🙂
Thanks so much, Sallianne, for your interest in my story–I hope to see it in B & N too someday 🙂 I appreciate your helpful comments.
Hi Teresa! Thanks for taking a look at my pitch. The 8 refers to the “figure 8” Peter practices on the shiny shelter floor in his socks everyday and to the title of his winning poem. Perhaps I should rethink it. Thanks again for your thoughts.
Jen, thanks so much for taking a look. I appreciate your thoughts and good luck wishes!
Wendy, I have heard conflicting ideas also about including the ending in a pitch. I'll have to keep researching and keep an ear to the ground on that one. The poetry contest is the only solution to getting the ice skates, but there is a bit of a “3-prong attempt” at it. Thanks for your thoughts!
Charlotte, thanks so much for your helpful comments. The 8 in the title refers to the figure eights Peter practices everyday in his socks on the shiny floor of the shelter. The poem is also about the “Figure 8” in ice skating. I've heard conflicting ideas from editors and agents about including the story's resolution in a pitch. I appreciate your taking a look!
How blessed you are to own horses! Enjoy your beautiful harbingers of Spring, Susanna.
Hi, Pat, my fellow Picture Book Scribbler! Thanks for your thoughts on my pitch and my story. As always, I'm very appreciative of your helpful comments. I was hoping to create an interesting, sensitive character in Peter. I'll see what other titles might work so it would read more like a PB.
Martha, thanks so much for taking a look at my pitch. Visual elements are definitely my strong suit–maybe my only one! :)–so I try to capitalize on it when I can. I'll look at tweaking the first sentence. I appreciate your helpful comments.
Thanks, Kirsti, for your enthusiasm about my story. I appreciate your taking a look.
I'm late joining in today 🙂 but I'm glad there are brownies left! This is a yes for me. I agree with the others regarding the title – while it is clever I would expect either a counting book or skateboarding for an older age. The subject matter has me also agreeing with others that a chapter book would delve into this matter in a more meaningful way. However – Those Shoes by Maribeth Boelts shows us there is definitely room for books with more diverse characters that also help children to understand empathy. The first sentence of the pitch though needs more showing less telling for me and it makes me wonder if his family has had a better turn in fortune that he would use his money for skates and could afford to go skating but I love the second sentence. So not knowing if a good samaritan spots him skating, the talent of his writing, or working to somehow help his family and steps in to help with the ice time problem – Maybe something like : Peter wants to be an ice skater but moving out of the shelter would be first on his list. When there’s a poetry contest at school with a cash prize, he is able to make his smooth words glide and spin so that he finds a way to have both.
Good luck with a wonderful subject!
Thanks, Julie, for your helpful comments. I'm hoping I can pull this story idea off as a PB, but I know what you mean about the chapter book idea. I think it could work as that too, but I don't know the first thing about writing one–maybe someday I'll study that! I've heard conflicting thoughts from agents/editors about including the story resolution in a pitch/query. It's very subjective, I think. I appreciate your thoughts!
Hello my fellow Picture Book Scribbler! Thanks for taking a look at my pitch–you know I value your opinion, as always! I appreciate your thoughts not giving away the ending, but I know some editors who say they want it–who knows? Thanks again!
Tonja, thanks for your comments about my pitch. I know some editors who want to know the endings in pitches and queries, so I'm not sure whether to include or exclude them. The title refers to the figure 8 Peter practices every day in his socks on the shiny floor of the shelter. His winning poem is also called Figure 8. I appreciate your taking a look!
You're right about those conflicting thoughts on pitches, Ann. It's just my preference to be left wondering…a little!