Would You Read It Wednesday #151 – Just Like Us (PB)

Due to all the flurry and excitement and extensive reading involved in the Halloweensie Contest, I’m going to take pity on you today and present nothing but Something Chocolate and Would You Read It.

No amusing anecdotes from my childhood.

No tales of adventure from the wilds of Blueberry Hill.

No witty musings on life.

(Well, okay, I don’t really ever have those :))

Just one thing before you get your snack:  if you haven’t had a chance to vote yet for your favorite Halloweensie Contest finalist, you have until 5 PM and we really need all the votes we can get.  The top contenders keep being tied.  So please go HERE (and encourage your neighbors and your grandmother and your mailman to stop over, read the entries and pick their favorite too!)

Wasn’t that so quick?  And now your reward….

Something Chocolate!

Hold onto your dental work…

Recipe HERE http://damndelicious.net/2013/12/11/easy-homemade-toffee/

I LOVE toffee!  Truly, I think it is one of the best inventions ever.  Help yourselves!  Tell me if you agree! 🙂

Now then, today’s pitch comes to us from Maria who says, I am a pre-published author and roommate of two loving, adorable Pixiebob cats. Recently granted a chance to decide “what I wanted to be when I grew up,” I began actively pursuing my my love of writing (a path on hold for the past ten years, while I raised my kids).  I renewed my SCBWI membership, joined Julie Hedlund’s 12×12 forum, and Kid Lit Summer School, took numerous writing courses, found awesome critique groups, and attendeded conferences.”

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Just Like Us
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 2-6)
The Pitch: As children frolic through and around a park playground, glimpses of two bear cubs mimicking their fun can be seen, partially obscured on each page. Both the bears and children roll down a hill, play on the equipment, and dig for treasure. But in the end, who is watching whom. 

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Maria improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in January, right after the holidays, so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Maria is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to announcing the Halloweensie Contest winners TOMORROW!!!  I know!  The excitement!  The anticipation!  Who will it be?????

Tune in and find out! 🙂

Have a wonderful and toffee-filled Wednesday, everyone!

83 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #151 – Just Like Us (PB)

  1. Michelle Hackel says:

    Maria, I wanted to leave a comment but my internet froze last night. Better late than never…I would definitely read this book, it's a cute premise and sounds perfect for the younger set. Other comments about using pitch to reveal the tone of the ms (funny, quiet, rhyming, etc.) rang true for me. Also, I suggest tightening the language and adding as much detail as possible. E.g. As children [names, gender, ages, personalities twins?] frolic in a park, glimpses of two bear cubs mimicking their fun can be seen [use active tense], partially obscured on each page. Both the bears and children roll [use more vibrant verbs] down a hill, play on the equipment [be specific], and dig for treasure [again, specific]. But in the end, who is watching whom. I've read that agents/editors hate questions in pitches and queries–can you reveal more of the story here instead? Do the cubs know the humans are there? Do the humans know the cubs are there? What about the mothers? Do they ever find out about each other? And if there is a conflict (besides the perfectly adequate tension of the reader knowing something the characters don't), can you tell us more about it?

  2. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_Erik says:

    I love the idea of this book (and the toffee! 😀 ). It is very unique! I like Ms. Holt's ideas. They will make the pitch match the fun in the book. Good luck!

  3. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks so much for your very helpful suggestions for Maria, Vivian! And I think your dentist owes me a kickback 🙂 Thanks for voting – I know you've done it by now because I'm so far behind responding to these comments 🙂

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