So, in a complete break with my usual MO, I am writing this post AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!
I know.
It boggles the mind.
But here’s my reasoning: every single weather service that exists appears convinced that we’ll be getting heavy snow in our area on Tuesday. Heavy snow (or light snow… or a cloud… or an overzealous hummingbird in the wrong spot…) means my internet will most likely not be functioning for an extended period of time. And I didn’t want this week’s scheduled pitcher to get bumped by bad weather. So here I am, making sure the post is written and scheduled on Monday night, so that whatever my fickle, unreliable internet decides to do I will Be Prepared!
All that preparing ahead definitely earns us Something Chocolate… not to mention all the snow we’re going to have struggled through by the time you’re actually reading this! So I think we need some Triple Chocolate Cheesecake with Oreo Crust, don’t you?
Recipe HERE at OMGChocolateDesserts
I knew you’d think so. And I think we can all agree that was definitely the right choice! Feel free to help yourselves to seconds or thirds, especially if you had to do a lot of snow shoveling!
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Alexandria who is the author of over a dozen children’s books, including the Scott O’Dell award winning Worth and Walking Home to Rosie Lee, a picture book about the heroic journey to reunify African American families after the emancipation proclamation. She teaching the MFA program in the Writing and Illustration for Children and Young Adults at Hollins University. You can catch up with her in her Facebook community, Sylvanocity, on Twitter, or her website. ”
Find her on the web at:
http://www.facebook.com/alafayeauthor
http://www.alafaye.com
@artlafaye
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Fiona Flynn Finds Out
Age/Genre: Middle Grade (ages 8-12)
The Pitch: Fiona Flynn finally takes her long-awaited first horseback ride on the fiesty Snickers who canters right into her familial role as fairy physic—a physician to a magical world of animal guides who are in the fight for their lives against the evil goddess, Epona who seeks to destroy everything the fae protect and anyone who stands in her way. What can Fiona do to stop her?
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Alexandria improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in April, so you can get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!
Alexandria is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to digging out from the snow and stepping lightly into spring! 🙂
Hope everyone who was in Stella’s path stayed safe and warm!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Hi Susanna! As for the weather, you can’t say the groundhog didn’t warn you! 😊Stay safe and warm! Perfect stay inside and write weather, right?
Hi Susanna! Hope you now are plowed out, with internet intact. We had snow, but thankfully not as much as predicted & we kept our power.
Alexandria, I would read this, but I found the pitch a bit confusing. Is “not” missing in the second sentence? It seems as if that should read “But not just any horse” given what follows. I also think the pitch would be stronger if you could show whether or how Mabe threatens Fiona, in addition to threatening the animals.
I look forward to reading your revised pitch & the combination of horses & magic sounds like a winner.
Thank you for catching that glitch about Not just any horse and you offer great advice. Thank you.
After a tree climbing accident puts her mother into stellar overprotection mode, Fiona Flynn wants to act her age and ride a horse. Her first ride is not just on any horse, but one that rides Fiona right into her familial role as fairy physic—a physician to a magical world of animal guides who are in the fight for their lives against the evil goddess, Epona who seeks to destroy everything the fae protect.
Hope all have survived the wicked late winter weather!
I found the premise of the book intriguing but the pitch a little confusing…
Keep me in mind when you post your revision!💞
Thank you.
Here’s the revision I’ve got so far. Thoughts?
And now for the pitch I intended to include…Tahdah
After a tree climbing accident puts her mother into stellar overprotection mode, Fiona Flynn wants to act her age and ride a horse. Her first ride is not just on any horse, but one that rides Fiona right into her familial role as fairy physic—a physician to a magical world of animal guides who are in the fight for their lives against the evil goddess, Epona who seeks to destroy everything the fae protect.
I would read the book, but the pitch is confusing and there’s too much repetition. Horse for example.I would cut the first sentence. Pitching a book is daunting.
So you’d go for:
Fiona’s first ride is not just on any horse, but one that rides her right into her familial role as fairy physic—a physician to a magical world of animal guides who are in the fight for their lives against the evil goddess, Epona who seeks to destroy everything the fae protect.
Hi Alexandria — I would definitely read this intriguing book. I felt like the pitch abruptly changed focus. Initially it seems like the obstacle is being able to act her age, but then we switch to Fiona discovering her role as fairy physic. I’m wondering if you even need the climbing accident and mother’s over-protection mode if that’s not the main focus of the book. What if it’s something more like, “Something powerful pulls Fiona to ride ________. When she’s finally on his back, they gallop to straight to….” Good luck with this!
Great dramatic voice, Gabi! Thanks.
Hopefully your power stays on so you can bake that cheesecake. 😉
This sounds interesting and I would read it. I like Gabi’s idea of naming the horse. Also, adding why Mabe is fighting the animal guides would help. Good luck!
Thank you, Gregory!
Susanna,
I hope your area didn’t get socked with too much snow and that you are safe and cozy inside enjoying that delicious chocolate cheesecake!
Alexandria,
I am intrigued with your pitch enough to give you a strong ‘Maybe’. Two reasons I am inclined to read the book: I am a huge animal lover and want to know what kind of trouble these magical beings are in; second, because I love that Fiona is willing to fight for them. My reasons for the ‘maybe’ instead of a definite ‘yes’ follows:
I am skeptical about Fiona being a physician. This is doable if she is a child prodigy, but not likely if her mother is as over protective as you proclaim in the pitch. If you can work that out and my next concern stated below, then you have solidified my reading your book.
Also, I am confused as to what the correlation between a tree climbing accident and riding a horse is. Maybe a little more connection between the two would help this out.
Overall, I have not read anything like this so I believe you have a wide open market for your story.
Good luck with this story and congratulations on earning the Scott O’Dell award!
Traci,
Thank you for your thoughtful read. I believe the tree climbing element adds to many questions and I’ll need to pull it out in the revision of the pitch. She sees a fairy in a tree as a small child and falls and is badly hurt. Her mother is so terrified she won’t let Fiona do anything, including ride a horse which she desperately wants to do and finally does as an act of defiance and learns she is a fairy physic which is supposed to start with fixing small injuries and grow as she does, but then Epona enters the picture and Fiona has to grow up double fast, but she actually is a child prodigy, so you nailed that one on the nose. Thank you!
I would definitely read this book. However, although it is an MG with subplots, for the purposes of the pitch I would pick one problem to focus on instead of, perhaps “wants to act her age” and “ride horses” and then develop that one problem in a focused way, mentioning intriguing obstacles, and only hinting at the solution. Hope that helps. Less is more in pitches usually. HTH!
Very good point, Lynne Marie. Thank you!