I hope you all enjoyed lovely family weekends for Easter or Passover if you celebrate, and lovely weekends Just Because if you don’t!
We had an unexpected little break from Tuesday Debut yesterday because the author who was on the schedule had other commitments, so hopefully you are all feeling rested and relaxed 😊
It’s been a pretty fun week for me so far. I got to see the covers of three new books I have coming out October 1, November 1, and December 1, so that was VERY exciting!
Plus the edits are finished for a 2020 book, so that is a good feeling!
But blah blah blah! Enough about me!
It’s time for the February/March Pitch Pick, so let’s have a look at that!
Our pitchers have taken your helpful comments to heart and revised their work to reflect your feedback. Please have a read through the pitches below and then vote for the one you think is best and most deserving of a read and comments by editor Erin Molta by Sunday April 28 at 5 PM Eastern.
#1 – Amitha – The Genchi War (YA)
Amethyst Capricorn, a sixteen year old girl, has never fit in. Over the years, she has always been an outcast at school due to a near death experience that unearthed a secret that only some in the afterlife know. Upon her return to Earth, Amethyst receives some magical abilities that leads her to find others who also know the secret that could destroy humanity. She is taken away to a new world (Genchi) to guard said secret, but instead, she uncovers a prophecy with roots in the ‘accident’ that began her journey to Genchi. Amethyst is left no choice but to reveal the Afterlife Secret to everyone on Earth and win a hidden war against an ancient foe who holds her family hostage, or leave both worlds to die along with her family.
#2 – Sarah – SCHOOL-BERRY MUFFINS (PB 5-8)
Doug’s school bus is hi-jacked by an alien named Blob, who expects his captives to help him look for the ingredients to make school-berry muffins. With limited knowledge of earthly customs and language, Blob urges the kids to help him on his quest. When Doug realizes Blob intends for the kids to be the school-berries, he comes up with a plan, using Blob’s confusion to outsmart the muffin-making alien.
Today is exciting because for (I’m pretty sure) the first time we have a pitch for a graphic novel!
#3 – Shell – Mommy, Where’s Daddy (PB 3-7)
After Dylan’s day dream of flying fabulous airplanes with his pilot Daddy is interrupted by his Moms insistence of bedtime, he comes up with countless tricks to delay going to bed until he realizes his sleep dream is the way back to being the wingman of his dreams!
#4 – Sarah – Charley Finds Her Family (PB 3-7)
WHO’S IN MY FAMILY X OTTER
When Charley Sock-kitty discovers socks come in pairs, she wonders if she has a twin. Her stuffed friends help her search for her #family. But she finds she had one all along. CHARLEY FINDS HER FAMILY helps kids understand mixed families
#5 – Sarah – Trapped In Trash (PB 3-7)
Three rat friends leave the pack to find a snack they don’t have to share. After feasting on the treats of all rats’ dreams, they become trapped inside a trash can. They nudge, but it won’t budge. They stack on each other’s backs, but fail. They holler for help, hoping the rat pack still has their backs.
#6 – Joyce – Bear Is Hungry For An ABC Win (PB 4-8)
BEAR IS HUNGRY FOR AN ABC WIN is a picture book with recipes for children ages 4-8 to bake with family members. After Bear taste-tested his way out of the last Amazing Baking Contest, he has a lot to prove to his fellow animals. He bakes his way from A to Z for their ABC entry with hopes of saving his reputation and the Patty Cakes Café.
Please vote by Sunday April 28 at 5 PM Eastern – many thanks!
I don’t know about you, but all that reading and evaluating and choosing and voting has brought on an attack of the vapors! I think we need a little Something Chocolate pick-me-up! Don’t worry, we’re going SUPER healthy this morning! Chocolate peanut butter cupcakes made out of oatmeal!
No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cups
For those of you who struggle with your food groups, that is salad (chocolate – see last week’s post 😊), protein (peanut butter) and all-around-health-food whole grain cholesterol-lowerer (oatmeal)!
That spells YUM!
(Actually I think it technically spells SPAAHFWGCL but that is really hard to say! 😊)
Now that you are fueled with high-energy, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Nadia. Nadia writes picture book and graphic novel manuscripts covering South Asian and Caribbean culture, STEM, non-fiction and humor themes.
Find her on the web at:
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: My Pet Phoenix
Age/Genre: Graphic Novel (ages 8-12)
The Pitch: When Arka’s wish for a pet, gives her an ailing phoenix instead, she must journey through eight phases of the moon and several Sun City’s to keep it alive.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Nadia improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in June, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Nadia is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to seeing whether the wild flowers I planted at the edge of my yard come up or get mowed down by the deer before they even have a chance to sprout all the way up out of the ground. Common sense tells me one thing, but my innate optimism urges me to bet the other way (with fingers crossed! 😊) We’ll just have to wait and see who is right and who 🦌 has wildflower snackums 😊
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
25 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #321 – My Pet Phoenix (Graphic Novel) PLUS The February/March Pitch Pick!!!”
No Easter Story. Lovely ok’ing forward to writing another short story. Shariffa from Kenya
On Wed, 24 Apr 2019 at 10:02 AM, Susanna Leonard Hill wrote:
> Susanna Leonard Hill posted: “Hello, Everybody! I hope you all enjoyed > lovely family weekends for Easter or Passover if you celebrate, and lovely > weekends Just Because if you don’t! We had an unexpected little break from > Tuesday Debut yesterday because the author who was on the sche” >
Sorry, Shariffa! I think someone else is doing an Easter contest… it was called Spring Fling, I think. But since Easter has passed, it may be over.
I would definitely read your story. I love the unique name Arka! Your pitch tells me about Arka’s goal and that this goal takes her on a journey. What are the obstacles she’ll face? And what does she learn or what is the take-away from the journey she takes?
Maybe something like: When Arka’s wish for a pet, gives her an ailing phoenix instead, she must journey through eight phases of the moon and several Sun City’s to keep it alive. After, (meeting/battling/avoiding/chasing/helping…) ____________, Arka learns that a phoenix is better than____________.
Best of luck with this exciting graphic novel!!
Dear Judy, thank you for taking the time to comment. I pitched as though I were on twitter. So, I’ll add some of the details you mentioned in my next iteration. I wondered why the other pitches were so much longer? This started out as a PB, but the story is developing more into a graphic novel. Appreciatively, Nadia
Susanna, you’ve been busy! You certainly deserve the chocolaty-peanut butter-oatmeal treat (and any stray chocolate that may remain in your Easter basket).
Nadia, I’m a maybe on the story, as I’d like to see more details in your pitch. To what or whom does Arka make a wish? Who is Arka & why does she want a pet? Why isn’t a phoenix a suitable pet? What ails the phoenix? And what or where is Sun City?
I think if you can provide some information about the world Arka inhabits and the stakes of her quest, you’ll change my maybe to a yes. I look forward to learnng more about Arka & her pet phoenix.
Dear PT, Thank you for your comments. I will definitely include answers to your questions in my next iteration. I still like your ‘maybe’ and will do my best to change it over to a ‘yes’! I truly appreciate your time and direction. Sincerely, Nadia
I am quite intrigued. And kudos for packing such a brief -yet clear – pitch with so much detail. Since you have room (word count-wise) to add a few brief phrases, I want to know a bit more about
1. the wish – How/why does it instigate the problem?
2. Sun City – Does she survive iterations of the same city or is there a Sun City in different places she must travel to? Either way, I think your apostrophe is misplaced.
3. the phoenix – Is a healthy pet the sole motivator/benefit of this grand adventure? Or does she (or others) get something more from saving the phoenix?
Dear Katie, I pitched as though I were on twitter. Now that I have your attention, I truly appreciate your time and feedback. I will add your comments as well as the other comments I received into my ‘next level’ pitch. I actually should have pluralized city to Cities. I should not have used the possessive. Oversight on my part. A million thank yous for your thoughts and time. Sincerely, Nadia
Good morning Nadia. I like your concept. Good job on making a concise pitch.
I think however, that it is too thin. The phoenix intrigues me, but I no zero about our MC except that she is female. I would like to understand who she is, where she is, and why she wants a pet and how she gets it. I realize this will add to your pitch, but I think it can be done in a short order.
Unfortunately, what drives this pitch to a no for me is its composition:
“When Arka’s wish for a pet,” …. this is an incomplete thought and therefore does not need a comma. A complete thought would be “When Arka wishes for a pet,”
“gives her an ailing phoenix instead,”…. Is a complete thought, but shows possession, but to whom? Who gives? This can be resolved with a conjunction rather than a comma or completing the thought. “When Arka’s wish for a pet is granted with an ailing phoenix,…” OR “When Arka wishes for a pet but receives an ailing phoenix instead…”
“Sun City’s” refers to multiple cities, so it should be plural instead of possessive.
Make sure that your story is not buried by edits up front. I get your thoughts in the pitch and I like the concept, but when I think of it like an editor, I wonder if the story is polished enough to take a chance on.
Stupid auto correct…. “The phoenix intrigues me, but I (know) zero….”
Hi Matthew, Thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate your thoughts and suggestion. I saw listings about keeping the pitch brief to a one-liner as though on twitter. Thus the light pitch. I will keep that in mind the next time I pitch. I am loving everyone’s responses. I will add more information to the next iteration. Sincerely, Nadia
I hope what I said was not discouraging. The pitch itself, was done very well. Twitter pitches are definitely short!
Clean up the grammar mistakes and I think you have an overall good pitch
Dear Matthew, Not discouraged at all. I embrace it. That’s why I put this pitch out there for pointers. Sometimes I get lost in the forest and need to see the bird’s eye view of where to go next. It’s par for the course. It’s part of what makes this whole writing journey what it is! Thank you for being a part of my journey. Appreciatively, Nadia
Hi Nadia, I am a fan of graphic novels, so I think I would read yours. However, I agree with the others that the pitch is lacking in details that most will need to get an understanding of who the MC is and why she is compelled to accept the challenge to keep it alive. Make a few key additions and you’ll be good to go!!
Susanna, you had me at “no-bake.” I am making these for sure!!!
Hi Lisa! Thank you so much for your time and response too! I made this an uber short pitch as if on twitter. So, that’s why I didn’t add some extra details. I’ve made the note to myself to add more info as I revise for the re-pitch or do-over. Sincerely, Nadia
Hi Nadia, I agree with the above comments. I’d also like to know if she was wishing for a specific pet or just anything other than the ailing phoenix she got. Good luck!
Thank you for your time and comment as well. I’ll keep the suspense going. I’ll add some nuggets of info for the re-do pitch. Thank you for the well wish. I’ll need it. Sincerely, Nadia
I have to join Pat in being a maybe. Since this is a novel and not a picture book, I think you need to give us more of the plot. I am very confused by the “several Sun City’s.” Do you mean Cities (as in more that one Sun City) or something the Sun City possesses/owns?
I really like your opening. It snags the reader immediately. But then I have a ton of questions that throw me out of the pitch. Since her parents might be less likely to be the ones who give her an ailing phoenix, who “grants” the wish? Can you give us little hints as to what she does or how she struggles to keep the phoenix alive? Maybe explain more about the “Sun City/Cities.” Can you tease the reader with what she does or how Arka finally saves the phoenix (maybe what she discovers about her world or herself).
Good luck with this story.
Thank you for your wishes Maria! Thank you for taking the time to comment as well. And yes, I realized after I submitted that I meant city plural – ‘cities’ and not the possessive. I will go back to the pitch and incorporate all the information suggested and resubmit the pitch if we are allowed to. I’ll check with Susanna. I truly appreciate everyone’s well wishes and support! Sincerely, Nadia
Congratulations Susanna on all your books coming out this year. I can’t wait to read them.
Nadia, I say maybe because I’m intrigued by the little details you do provide. I think everyone has given great advice so I won’t repeat. I look forward to reading your revised pitch. Good luck!
Dear Ashley, Thank you for taking the time to write and provide a response. I have taken everyone’s comments, questions, and suggestions and will add more details to the pitch and resubmit for the voting round. Thank you for your wish! Sincerely, Nadia
Those oatmeal cups look delish, Susanna!
Nadia, I think you have a great start here. I’m intrigued by the phoenix and wonder what happened that a wish was granted in the first place…and then with a fantasy creature who needs help. I’d like to see more of your writer voice in the pitch (aka, more energy and style so I get a sense of how the book will sound). Others have given good advice about what other info to include to really hook us. Good luck!
Dear Megan, Thank you for your insight! I will definitely try to work your suggestions into my next pitch. As I mentioned to Gregory above, you’ll have to tune in to my updated pitch next week to find out! Mwahahahahahaha! You guys are a fun group. Love the feedback. So appreciative of your time and support! Sincerely, Nadia
Picking between those 6 pitches was HARD. I’d like to read them all please & thank you.
Nadia – I’m a YES! Wishes? a phoenix as a pet? Another world? I’m in! It makes sense that this was a twitter pitch (and you prove they aren’t impossible like I had assumed). Like the other commenters, I’d love a few more details with the word wiggle room you have in a longer pitch. 🙂
Thank you Nicole! Yay on the YES and kudos on the twitter pitch. They’re hard, but possible. It also depends on the story you’re working on. Some are easier than others. But this pitch for this story…took me FOREVER to figure out. I think it served its purpose to a certain extent, but for this arena, I have to add more details. So, I’ve taken everyone’s comments so far and compiled them to try to address the missing details and will try to ‘craft’ a stronger pitch. I so appreciate your enthusiasm and support. Thank you for taking the time to vote and advise. Sincerely, Nadia