Hi Everyone!
Golly, what a lovely day was yesterday! So many wonderful people took the time to share my little MOON book on FB and Instagram, post their own photos and like and share mine and others. I hope the book took off like a rocket 🚀 😊
Here’s a little slideshow of posts (which I just this second discovered you could do on a WordPress post!!! How fun is that?) 😊
I’m sure I drove everyone nuts with my photos and videos and slideshows – I sincerely apologize! – but it’s not every day you get to launch a book in celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the Moon Landing! You are all kind to indulge me! 💕
This weekend, MOON’S FIRST FRIENDS will be featured at Saturday Story Time in Barnes & Noble nationwide, and you can purchase the book for $7.99 if you buy another kids’ book as well. I will be reading at B&N Poughkeepsie, so if you’re in the neighborhood, stop by!!!
Okay. Blahblahblah enough about me and my book!
Let’s celebrate with Something Chocolate, shall we? You’ve certainly earned it after listening to all that MOON talk! I don’t think we can go wrong with this!
MOON PIES!!! 😊😊😊
⭐️🌜 Moon Pies 🌛 ⭐️
Recipe HERE at Baked By An Introvert
Sorry 🤣 I couldn’t help myself! But they do look delicious, don’t they? Dig in!
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Deborah who says, “I am a mother, author, and architectural drafter from Iowa. This is my first time submitting a pitch to you. Here is a link to my author website: http://deborahclaytonbooks.com/”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Farmer Jo And The Chicken Coop Calamity
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Farmer Jo will do anything to keep her chickens happy including building an egg-stravagant chicken coop, but when word spreads about the new hen house and her flock grows, everything comes crashing down.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Deborah improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in September, so you have time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta! (But no harm in saving your space now!)
Deborah is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to reading at Story Time on Saturday! And hopefully getting to attend the second half of the Children’s Writers Of The Hudson Valley Annual Conference afterwards!!!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Yes and I’d like to know a little bit about how everything comes crashing down and why the flock grows and a few of her attempts to solve the problem… Good luck!
Congratulations Susanna!!
Thank you Sarah for the wonderful feedback.
Oh, my goodness! Barnes and Noble nationwide?! You have hit the big time!! Congratulations!!! You must be feeling on top of the world!
The Chicken coop story was a yes for me!! Sounds delightfully fun!!! Well done.
Thank you!
Susanna, putting this book on my next school library order! Congrats!! And moon pies are a perfect treat!
Deborah, this story sounds very silly!! Yes, I would read it. I feel that the pitch is a bit ambiguous though. Could you give a hint or an example of perhaps why the chickens are unhappy? What is at stake for Farmer Jo if her chickens aren’t happy? I love that the farmer is a female. Nicely done!
Thank you!
Susanna, we are over the moon about your news book! B&N nationwide is HUGE. Congrats & sell lots. Deborah, there’s lots to like about Farmer Jo (yay lady farmer) and her chickens. I like your fun language and you have room in this pitch to add more funny. Are the chickens “egg-centric” or what is it that is at stake if they’re not happy? I can see this being over the top funny as in Jo has to do more and more to please them. Are they divas? Letting us know more about the chicks will make us care more. Keep at it.
Kathy,
Just like my own chickens, the chickens in this book are divas! I will have to show the stakes in my pitch. Thank you.
I too am over the moon about this book news. I can’t wait to fly to the store and discover this book!
I can’t pass up a farm animal story, so Deborah, I would definitely read your book! And I have a place in my heart for anyone who wants to keep happy chickens! I would think about the way in which the main character might be a little child-like so kid will identify with her. I didn’t quite understand the connection between having a new hen house and the flock growing so perhaps it can be clearer how thing got out of hand. I would like a hint or something funny at the end (without giving away the ending). The pitch seems to stop abruptly. But it looks like a lot of fun! Good luck with it.
Thank you Lynne for the great feedback. I care very much for my own flock of chickens and each one has a unique personality! They were my inspiration for this story!
Susanna, your moon story looks beautiful! Congratulations!
Deborah, yes, I would read your book. I love my chickens and can see how the farmer would want to make their coop the best! I’d love to know just a bit more about the plot. What crazy shenanigans happen? I’d love to get more of a feel of the chicken personalities too. Thank you for sharing! Best of luck to you!
Thank you Katie!
Hi Deborah, it’s me, Patricia, waving from northern New Jersey. Having seen the manuscript, I’m not at all surprised that everyone is a “yes”, including me. I agree, though, that you have room to add more humorous details that will appeal to kids (and agents & editors).
Susanna, out-of-this-world news! Congratulations!
Thank you Patricia! It seems that adding a bit more seems to be the general consensus. I will have to find a way to hint at more of the story without giving away the ending.
Yes I would read this book! As others have said, I would like to know a little more about Farmer Jo’s motivation to keep the hens happy. Are they threatening to Leaves? Stop laying? Sounds like a fun read.
Thank you for the feedback!
Yes, I would read this book! Chickens are funny anytime, but with a super duper egg-stra special coop? Sounds like a comedy with plenty of humor.
Thank you!
YEP! Tight, lighthearted, and a promise of architecture tie-ins (for more depth/variety of concepts). Looks like a nice twist on the universally appealing farm theme, too.
Yes, this idea came to me at work (I am a home designer) and includes some architecture tie-ins. It is also the reason that I wanted to feature a woman farmer because there aren’t many women farmers or architects.
Yes! I like the intro, Farmer Jo will do anything to keep her chickens happy including building an egg-stravagant chicken coop. Lovely, but I would like to have a hint as to why everything crashes down. Are neighbors envious, are the chickens unhappy because there’s no more room?
This will be a fun book IMO.
Yes it looks like I need to add a bit more about what happens or why Farmer Jo is building the coop.
Well the coop part is ok, the farmer obviously loves his animals, I wouldn’t change that in my opinion. Just a thought.
Susanna, congrats for Moon! I’ll check it out. You’re chocolate recipes are delicious by the way.
Susanna, congratulations on your moon book. I hope to see our moon books side-by-side on a bookshelf and will definitely take a picture and share it everywhere when I do! I’m working hard to line up events for July to coincide with the anniversary.
Deborah, YES! I love the play on the words eggs and exceptional and the concept of building something big that comes crashing down is perfect for illustrations and a child’s sense of humor with the action rising right along with the building. Best of luck to you on this!
Thank you!
Hi Deborah,
MAYBE. I’m echoing what others have said. The first part of the pitch is a great hook. The second part sounds a bit vague and doesn’t give a strong enough hint or draw as to what happens. Is her design too eggstravagant? Could you put in something more specific? Not knowing the story I can’t suggest what that might be, but you’re definitely almost there!
Susanna, your new book looks beautiful. I just did a literacy group session with planets as characters.. too bad we didn’t have your book!
Thank you for the feedback!
Hi Susanna, Question…can I send you my revised pitch for PUFFCASO for the opportunity to win the Erin Malta prize? Or am I too late?
Nadine Poper-Author
http://www.nadinepoper.weebly.com
PORCUPETTE AND MOPPET 2019
RANDALL AND RANDALL 2019
Follow me on Twitter
Friend me on Facebook
________________________________
No, of course you’re not too late, Nadine! I’m behind schedule sending out the email asking for revisions! So please, feel free to send any time!
I think I would read it. I would like to know what the problem is that is sending the hen into a tizzy! By adding a word or two in this line, you could let us know: “but when word spreads about the new hen house.” Even something as simple as “the problem” with the new hen house, I would be jumping into to see where this MS is going!
Thank you! It seems that I’m missing an important detail in my pitch.
I am a maybe but could easily become a YES! It sounds fun. I like the title and your voice but something is missing. I am not sure how “spreading the word” relates to the hen house crashing down. Do all the chickens in the neighborhood turn up? Can you be more specific? Who spreads the word? How do they all get into the coop/run? If it is just her own existing flock that grows I don’t see any need for “spreading the word”. In addition, what is the resolution. How does farmer Jo resolve the problem? I am curious to find out more. Good luck!
Congratulations, Susanna!
Thanks for the feedback!
Susanna, congratulations and best of luck with “Moon”!
Deborah, I like this story idea. I can see lots of fun options for the illustrator. I love the play on words of egg-stravagant. Regarding the vagueness others have mentioned, perhaps you could include something about the types of animals that move in. Are they all chickens? I can imagine all kinds of havoc from non-chickens moving in. I don’t know what your theme is, but perhaps finding appropriate housing for each type of animal might be part of it. This is fun. Good luck!
Thanks for the suggestions!