Hey there, everyone!
Hope you’re all having a lovely week so far!
Since it’s Would You Read It Wednesday, I have something fun to share that I hope you will read! (There should be a rhyme about that… maybe something like how many books would a woodchuck… uh, well, actually maybe not that 🙂 Devouring books is fine, but not necessarily the way a woodchuck might 🙂 )
I am fortunate to have many friends who are talented writers and illustrators, and I always love to share their books. If you’re looking for something great and hot off the presses, check out these two titles released in the past week!
Congratulations to Iza and Della on their newest books! (and don’t miss their previous titles! 🙂 )
Now that we’ve got some good new books to read, let’s cozy up with Something Chocolate – a breakfast treat I’m sure we can all agree is totally healthy and delicious for myriad reasons – Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies.
Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies
Recipe HERE at OMG Chocolate Desserts
Not only is this Something Chocolate totally yummy, I got to use the word myriad and it’s always a good day when you can work that in! 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Kim who says, “I’m blessed to be pursuing my dream of writing full-time after a career in mortgage lending. I have two grown boys but no grandkids to read my stories to yet.”
Find her on the web at
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: P. I. Goat And The Case Of The Missing Bone
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: P.I.Goat gets his first case when Puddles, a puppy, hires him to find Paw-Paw’s bone. Nearsighted Paw-Paw thinks Goat is a pig, but Goat has a worse problem: he faints when startled! Despite the lack of help from a cast of wacky farm animals, Goat unravels the startling truth behind the Case of the Missing Bone. He also discovers that being a P.I. is not for the faint of heart—KLUNK!
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kim improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in October, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Kim is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to seeing my new book which is due out in a couple weeks and which I am hoping will show up on my porch one of these days VERY SOON! (Not that I’m impatient, mind you. Not me! I’m a model of calm and decorous waiting 🙂 )
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Kim, this is a delightful pitch. As first read, which is what an agent/editor would do, I found it bouncy, fun, and packed with great language. The concept of P.I.s and pups is marketable, too. The word play sends it to the top of the list for me. The last line seals it.
I have to say this is the first time I really don’t have a suggestion for improve a pitch. I could actually see this as being a series. OK – I’d change title to this: P.I. Goat: Case of the Missing Bone.
Thanks for the encouragement, Kathy!
Thanks for your enthusiasm, Kathy! High praise! 🙂
Love this, Kim. I would read it in a heartbeat. Like Kathy, above, it seems practically perfect. The only tiny, nitpicky thing is you use startled and startling in two consecutive sentences. You might change startling to something else, but it works fine as is. Best of luck!
Thank you, Nancy! I will tweak it.
Thank you, Nancy! Those are the kinds of tiny details that are so easy to miss in our own work!
Susanna, the picture books and delicious chocolate cookies all look delightful!
Kim, I would definitely read your book! The language in your pitch is fun and inviting. I think you could tighten up the beginning a bit. Maybe get right to the problem with: Paw Paw’s bone is missing and P.I. Goat gets his first case! (or something along those lines). I’m not sure you need to introduce Puddles in the pitch…maybe save him for the story. I love stories with P.I. characters! Best of luck!
Thanks for your helpful suggestions for Kim, Judy! I hope you enjoy the cookies and stories! 🙂
Lots of cute elements; esp. the fainting goat bit (it does happen!). Please clarify if it’s a true lack of help (indifference) or more like bumbling attempts that do more to confuse than help. The last line is fun & funny. It shares voice/tone nicely. Yet it also made me wonder if Goat faints before or after solving the case…and an unclear plot line may not be great for a pitch.
Thanks for your suggestions/comments, Katie!
Thanks for your insights for Kim, Katie!
This sounds like fun. Yes, I would read it.
My suggestion: “Nearsighted Paw-Paw thinks Goat is a pig, but Goat has a worse problem: he faints when startled!” This sentence confused me. I’m not sure why Paw-Paw’s nearsightedness or being thought to be a pig is important to the story. Clearly the fainting goat element is what you’re trying to convey. One more thought, if you’re pitching on Twitter with its limited character count, you can leave “Puddles, a puppy” out of the pitch and just say Goat is hired to find Paw-Paw’s bone.
Good luck!
Thank you for your thoughtful comments for Kim, Laura – very helpful!
Thanks for your suggestions, Laura!
I would read this one! It sounds fun, mysterious, and hilarious. I love the idea of the fainting goats. That character habit could create all sorts of problems. Plus the near-sighted Paw-Paw. Oh my! Sounds like lots of sillies and a great read.
So glad you like it, Angie! Thanks for chiming in for Kim!
Thanks for the encouragement, Angie!
Kim, I would read this picture book – I love the humor that you convey in the pitch. Well done!
Susanna, thanks for the yummy breakfast treat & book suggestions – a great way to start a mid-September Wednesday!
Thank you for the encouragement!
Thanks for your thumbs-up for Kim, Patricia! And in my book, cookies and picture books are a great way to start EVERY morning 🙂
I liked this pitch, but it was the last line that caught me, so I would likely be a yes.
There are a couple of things I am struggling with. One, the name, P.I. Goat (you wrote his name as P.I.Goat without a space, not sure if that is on purpose), it is not kid friendly. I suggest giving him a name (i.e. Steve the P.I. Goat…I know, that is bad, but I want you to be creative).
Why is Paw Paw being near sighted a problem for Goat? I am guessing it plays into the stories solution? Why does goat care if they think he is a pig?
If nearsightedness plays into the story, might I suggest you add that to the first line: P.I.Goat gets his first case when Puddles, a puppy, hires him to find nearsighted Paw-Paw’s bone.
Good luck with your story!
Thanks for your encouragement, questions, and suggestions, Matthew!
Thanks for your careful consideration of Kim’s pitch, Matthew, and your thoughtful comments!
I love a good PI story. This sounds like one of them. I agree with Judy about tightening up the first line. And also Laura about the nearsightedness. I can see where it could lead to a missing bone. And a fainting goat sounds hilarious. I can imagine all kinds of silly situations where he faints. =) Good luck with this.
Thanks for your feedback and encouragement, Gregory!
I know really Greg, doesn’t a story about a fainting P.I. Goat sound fun!?! Thanks for chiming in for Kim!
We saw some of those goats in person. Very bizarre and interesting. =)
Hi Kim, I would definitely read this book, but I think the pitch could be tightened by simplifying things a bit. There were a lot of characters introduced for such a short paragraph, so maybe find a way to streamline it a bit if you feel that you need to keep all the names in there, or chop those that aren’t necessary for the main plot line. I also wonder which is the main plot you want the reader to take away? Is it the part about the missing bone? Paw-Paw’s near-sightedness, or the fact that Goat faints when startled? Pick one and focus on that. I tried to re-work it a bit myself below–it’s not perfect, but you can see what I mean about streamlining. Thanks for sharing!
P.I. Goat is on his first case when he discovers a disturbing secret–he faints when startled! Now he must figure out a way to unravel mysteries without ever getting caught off guard. With a case of wacky animals to thicken the plot, Goat sets out to solve his own problems, all while trying to crack the Case of the Missing Bone.
Thank you for the encouragement and constructive feedback, Katie! That was so nice of you to provide an example!
Thank you so much for your thoughts for Kim, Katie, and for your helpful re-wording of the pitch!
Kim, I love your story! The idea of a PI fainting goat is so original, and yes I would read it. Your pitch is very good.
Thank you for the encouragement, Janet!
Glad you like it, Janet! Thanks for chiming in for Kim!
Hi Kim
Yes. I would read this story! On first read, your pitch felt a little long. I think you could tighten it up a bit by leaving out the reference to Puddles and the nearsighted Paw Paw as others have suggested. Love the last line!
Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Kim, Rose!
Thank you for your encouragement and helpful suggestion, Rose!
Yes! I would read the story because the concept of a P.I. Goat and a cast of wacky animals is right up my alley. However, the middle part of the pitch feels confusing. The only thing I know for sure is that near-sightedness play into the humor. But I’m not clear on what the theme or the story thread is. Also I don’t think you need to the last line, as it seems like added information rather than a strong closing. All the best with this story. I hope I get to read it someday. 🙂
I hope you get to read it someday too, Darshana! Thanks for the encouragement and helpful feedback!
Oh yes, I would definitely read your book, Kim. I’m guessing it is loaded with humor, and your pitch evokes that sense. You’ve had lots of suggestions already, so I will limit my comment to just one. It took me until the end of the pitch to figure out that P. I. stood for Private Investigator. This may be a point of confusion that is unique to me; however, it did make reading the first sentence, and the title, a little confusing for me because part of my mind was on the long name “P. I. Goat.” . . . Now, if P.I. Goat could help me find some of those chocolate-covered peanut butter oatmeal cookies, I would be as happy as a pig in mud.
Thank you for your encouragement and letting me know of your confusion. I will try to make that clearer. And I will get P.I. Goat on your cookie case right away!
I love this story concept. I always loved mysteries and animals when I was young. You put them together in a story. Well, done.
I too struggled with Paw Paw thinking P.I. was a pig and the bigger problem of fainting when startled. They feel like non-sequitors.
There was one other word choice I questioned. “Unraveled” I wonder if that is a clue to the whereabouts of the bone? If so, I love it. If not, is there a word you could use that does provide that little clue/hint? Clues and red herrings in the pitch would add that extra element of mystery imo.
I like that he is called P.I. It could stand for Patrick Ignatius and Private Eye. Or Petunia Ingrid. Kids could have a blast trying to guess what the initials stand for.
Thank you for your encouragement and thoughtful input, Sarah!
YES, I would read this story. What a fun pitch! Love the characters and humor.
Thanks for the encouragement, Sarah!
I’ve never met a book about a fainting goat that I didn’t love. I would definitely read this. Pitch-wise, I think you could combine/tighten the first 2 sentences and get rid of Puddles and focus on Paw-Paw – the guy with the problem to solve. With or without that edit, the whole thing just cracks me up. KLUNK.
Thanks for the encouragement and helpful suggestions, Genevieve!
Fantastic pitch, Kim! Hurry up and write the book. I can’t wait to read it!
And, Susanna, thank you so much for featuring my book, and Della’s too. You are so
thoughtful and generous! And kudos for using “myriad”. It’s a tricky one!
Thanks for the encouragement, Iza! The book is done, just waiting for someone to publish it!