I hope you all enjoyed Groundhog Day yesterday!
Phyllis and I certainly did. We had to dig out of our burrow which was buried under 16+ inches of snow in order for Phyllis to determine that Punxsutawney Phil was nuts to claim he could see his shadow! There were no shadows on Blueberry Hill – only more snow! As far as we’re concerned, it’s going to be an early spring! 😊🌷 (Which reminds me of the plot of a certain picture book I know. . . 😊)
With that in mind to cheer us on, let’s get down to business! First off, the pitch winners!
The winner of the October 2020 Pitch Pick was Nicole with her PB pitch for Dear Duchess!
And the winner of the November/December Pitch Pick was Patricia with her PB pitch for Back To The Sea!
Congratulations to both of you on terrific pitches that made people want to read your stories, and for making good use of the feedback you received to improve your originals! Great job! Your pitches have been sent to editor Erin Molta and I’m sure you’ll hear from her as soon as she is able!
And congratulations also to all our other pitchers! You also did a great job! It is no easy thing to put your work out in the world for evaluation. But not only do you get the opportunity to learn from the experience, all of us do, too. So thank you for your bravery and generosity!
Let’s all celebrate with Something Chocolate! This morning, we will be indulging in Cheesecake Brownies because why not?! 😊
Doesn’t the day look better already with breakfast like that? Scrumptious!!! 😊
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Corey who says, “Hey there!! My name is Corey King (C.E. King) and I have been writing for a few years now. Just turning to Kidlit last year, I have enjoyed learning new ways of communicating through the power of words! I have an awesome 7 year old to judge my stories and give me daily inspiration. I hope to see you all in print someday!! To see current titles in progress, visit my website: http://www.scribblebuddy.com/ceking or look my up on Twitter @ckinginator”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Hairy Bigfoot Believes In Humans
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Hairy Bigfoot has spent years writing books & hosting weekly podcasts proving that humans exist.
After a gang of non-believing bigfeet vandalized his storefront, Humans-R-Real, INC., he sets out to disprove the naysayers. BRAVE READERS ONLY! #pbpitch #ha
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Corey improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in early April, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Corey is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to trying out 1 or 6 of those brownies! (writing fuel – it’s allowed!) 😊😊😊
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
36 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #376 – Hairy Bigfoot Believes In Humans (PB) PLUS The October and November/December Pitch Winners!”
Oh Yes! I would read it. Sounds like a fun fantasy! Makes me want to see the pictures!
Thanks for your feedback! I hope to see the pictures too 🙂
I would read it just because of the angle of Bigfoot proving humans are real. The illustrations would be fun.
Thanks for the feedback 🙂
EEK! Thank you for hosting these, Susanna! I’m thrilled that DEAR DUCHESS’ pitch won -especially when it was up against such amazing and talented competition!
Corey – I’m a YES! What a fun concept and it sounds like a truly hilarious story! As an adult, the podcast bit really made me laugh and I loved the addition of “BRAVE READERS ONLY!” I wonder about adding the stakes – or what happens if he doesn’t convince the naysayers that humans are real? Even without the stakes though, it’s a very compelling pitch 🙂
Thank you! I appreciate your feedback! I would like to add the stakes, but run out of character space quickly on Twitter! I will see about adding that 🙂
Yeah Phyllis! I think your prediction for an early spring is just what we need!
I’m shocked & so excited that Erin will be providing feedback on Back to the Sea. There were so many wonderful pitches – such a talented crew. Thank you!
Corey, I would read this – sounds hilarious & I like that you flipped the traditional story of humans tracking Bigfoot. I’d like to know a few more details, though. What difference does it make to Bigfoot and the naysayers whether the humans exist, ie, what are the stakes? How does the vandalizing impede Bigfoot’s mission? Does Bigfoot have to overcome any other obstacles on his quest – presumably so, as only brave readers should proceed, but I’d like to get a clue of these other problems. Hope this helps as you tweak the pitch!
Thanks, I will take a look at those questions while revising my pitch! That’s very helpful 🙂
Yes! I’d read it, and my little ones would love a book about Bigfoot. I can tell from the pitch that the story is packed with humor. Congratulations, Nicole! I love Dear Duchess.
Thanks for the feedback 🙂
Fun, original premise! Love the name pun. I’d like an example or two of his taglines/proof after sentence one. The verb ‘vandalize’ could be present tense for a more active voice. I’d like a hint at his solutions or at least a reason why readers must be BRAVE. And is this just a fun lark (which is fine) or is there any tone reflecting a larger lesson (e.g. acceptance)?
I could definitely add something about a larger lesson to get from it! Thanks for the feedback 🙂
Maybe – love the “are humans real” idea – just not sure of Hairy’ communication since media changes so fast. Could he be names Harry Bigfoot?
I see others comments toward the name change…I’ll definitely consider that! Thanks for the feedback 🙂
I like the twist, so yes, I’d read it!
Thanks for taking time to give feedback 🙂
I bet V has been having a wonderful time with all the snow! It’s far too warm here in CO, with an expected high of 59!
Yes, IWRI! I’d like to see the opening line have a sharper hook, perhaps by rearranging:
“Hairy Bigfoot has been proving that humans exist: writing books, hosting (omit weekly) podcasts, and (funny example?). After a gang of non-believing bigfeet vandalized (funny or futile example, like covering storefront with soap bubbles – whatever sets the tone for the ms) his storefront, (omit:Humans-R-Real, INC.), he sets out to disprove the naysayers. BRAVE READERS ONLY! #pbpitch #ha”
Love the warning at the end!
Thanks! I will take a look at a sharper hook at the beginning! Great feedback 🙂
This sounds hysterical. I love the twist that Bigfoot is proving humans are real. I’m wondering if instead of vandalize, you could find something specifically “big footy” they may do. I don’t know, but it would be funny if it were specific because I think that maybe it could complement the humor of the twist. Also, is there something that will happen if he doesn’t prove human existence? This sounds like a winner!
There is something that happens if he doesn’t prove it, but it’s in the book…may I could draw it out into the pitch! Great idea 🙂 Thanks for the feedback
I love the title! I think you have a sellable premise. There’s something about this sentence that I don’t love: “After a gang of non-believing bigfeet vandalized his storefront, Humans-R-Real, INC.,” I think the idea of rioting as humor doesn’t feel timely and would need to be handled well. It is also took me out of what seemed like a funny premise. Perhaps if you tweak it using some words from the ms, like “Bigfoot bob stuck his butt on the window, and Furfoot Fred stuck up signs saying “Unicorns True too.” [clearly your words will be significantly better than this, but I think the point is if it’s funny, show that it’s funny.]
I can see where vandalizing could set a negative tone! Thanks for the feedback, I’ll give that some thought for sure!
Yes, I would be intrigued to read the story. Sounds fun! I agree with Robin that you might want to consider Harry, rather than Hairy for the protagonist’s name. I would also like to get a sense that the protagonist has childlike qualities in the pitch. Right now, given the fact that he runs a company, writes books and hosts weekly podcasts seems to be more adult qualities. I also agree with Lauri on the line “After a gang of non-believing bigfeet vandalized his storefront, Humans-R-Real, INC.” I recommend staying away from the terms gang (maybe group, instead) and vandalize. I think this could be easily tweaked. Having said this, the story sounds fun and feels like a unique take on Bigfoot stories. Best of luck!
Yes! I see some room for tweaks here and there! Thanks for your suggestions! I saw him as a teenage bigfoot, but could play with it a little.
I really like the twist of Bigfoot working to prove the existence of humans. But, writing books and hosting podcasts are adult-like activities. I’d suggest revising this to have Hairy do things that are more child like. The rest of the pitch gives me pause. If Hairy has already spent years writing books and hosting podcasts PROVING humans exist, what is he going to do NOW to prove humans exist? If there is still more evidence, why didn’t he reveal it during those years of writing and doing podcasts? The vandalizing takes me back to the destruction on Capitol Hill…something to think about. I think this could be a very funny PB!
Thanks for the feedback! I wanted to give a little humor for the adults too, that’s why I added books and podcasts. Maybe I can add a few child-like activities along with those things!
Aye matey, this truly be a story for our times – eerily real.
I would definitely read this. I love the twist…do humans believe in Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and how about Big Footies questioning humans. Great idea! I read Ellen’s post and agree about the vandalizing and making their actions more big foot…they stomped in maybe? But love it.
Oh! I like your idea about the other :mythical” creatures! I may have to explore that! Thanks for your feedback!
Yes, I think you’ve got a great pitch here. I would prefer Harry Bigfoot to Hairy because I think it’s funnier and it sounds like your manuscript is humorous.
Thanks for that suggestion…I’ve seen that feedback from a few others! I appreciate your help 🙂
Yes – I love a good twist and it sounds like there would be great puns ahead. I agree with others that the second line could use some help and that “riots” are generally a thing to avoid. What else could be an inciting incident to include?
I would read this, I love the twist on the Bigfoot story. Agree with others about wanting to know what the stakes are.
I’m a maybe. You have a great premiss but I agree with MARY MCCLELLAN, the podcast is such an older kid/adult thing I struggle with the relatability of it. Also, the hardest part, it revealing what’s at stake while keeping the mystery!
Thanks for the feedback! I am looking to add some child-like activities to go along with the podcasts…I was trying to hook the parent as well as the child! I appreciate your comments 🙂
What a great twist! Kids will love this. Taking the legend of Bigfoot is a fabulous, fun idea!
Perhaps, stay away from ‘vandalizing’? For a fun story with a fun plot, that just doesn’t seem to fit. Maybe another word choice? Nevertheless, this sounds great!