Happy Would You Read It Wednesday St. Patrick’s Day!
It is not looking particularly green around here since it snowed again last night, but Spring is still coming in 3 days!
Here is a fun fact to cheer you while we wait: the shamrock is the national flower/emblem of Ireland, and its leaves are said to represent faith, hope, and love. If you find a four-leaf clover, the fourth leaf represents luck, which is why four-leaf clovers are said to be lucky!
I think there is probably a picture book in that somewhere 😊 Let’s all put on our creativity caps and think one up!
And since it is a known fact that chocolate fuels creativity and brain power, how about a little Something Chocolate? I think we should embrace the holiday and go with St. Paddy’s Day Oreo Bark!
St. Paddy’s Day Oreo Bark
Not only is that chocolate-y and scrumptious, it is also crunchy, and science tells us that crunchy things like apples and carrots (and therefore Oreo Bark!) help keep us awake and alert. (Do not ask me what science. That is classified and on a need-to-know basis. 😊)
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Sally who says, “I am a young soul in an old body, whose many lifetimes have led me to this moment. From elementary teacher, to folk/lounge band singer, to children’s theatre actress, to cruise ship entertainer, back to teacher, choir director, reading specialist, literacy coach, college professor, Ph.D., educational consultant, now back to my creative roots in writing and art.
My life has been as unpredictable as it is joyful. I live in the snowy Poconos and have retired to make time for my creative endeavors. In this new path, I have been embraced by this network of teachers, colleagues, writers and illustrators. I am a total newbie in this profession and consider myself a student. I am learning as much as possible
My joy is playing with words, juggling them and making them turn somersaults. To that end I welcome all your feedback.”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Broccol-Trees And Mac And Cheese
Age/Genre: Picture Book/Toddler Board Book (ages 3-6)
The Pitch: Broccol-Trees and Mac and Cheese is a collection of tasty tidbits for toddlers and their parents. This rhythmic romp of playful poetry has sixteen silly scenes where eating food may just be the last thing that happens!
Similar to the wonderfully inventive and irreverent style of Jack Prelutsky’s poems, these foodie offerings are sure to please parent palettes and tickle toddler funny bones and bellies!
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sally improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in April, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Sally is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to Spring! Three days, my friends! Three day! 😊 🦋 💐 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Yes, please! and pass the cheese!
My only comment is that for the pitch itself, stop at “happens!” and leave the comps for a query. There’s some confusion on the title that needs to be cleared up as well.
I hope that the world of food included goes beyond chicken nuggets and other stereotypical toddler food – but that’s because I’m a food snob and chocoholic to boot!!
Thanks Jamie!! Thanks for the suggestion on the comp titles. I am a total newbie and I have never queried! Yikes….
The title is Broccol Trees and Mac and Cheese. My son called broccoli, broccol trees, because of course they looked like little trees and he would make them dance before he ate them!! No chicken nuggets! Just a lot of toddler food that can be worn, thrown and used in an artistic toddler way! Parents would call it a mess! Your child would call it play! Thanks again!
Yes, I would read it. I love the wordplay here, This rhythmic romp of playful poetry has sixteen silly scenes where eating food may just be the last thing that happens! I also agree with Jamie about the comps.
Eleanor, Thanks so much! Sorry for not getting back to you earlier! Playing with words is so much fun! And this manuscript was just plain silly in its writing and its intention. Thanks for your suggestion!
I immediately thought of my 2 year old granddaughter at mealtime, so it’s a definite YES for me! I can’t wait to read it!
Dear Talara, Thank you so much. My son is 24 now, but we have many pictures of toddler meals where food was not eaten but ended up in very odd places. We did a lot of laughing! I ran these past my friends who like you, are grams and each of them shared their food stories that they are living right now! Just like you! Thank you again!
The tone seems bright and fun. I can infer some actual nutrition or taste-making standards, too. And I love books that teach by engaging (not preaching). I’d like a nibble or two of lines from the poems. Putting the title in the pitch is redundant (omitting it saves words for more book details, too).
Katie, Thanks! What a great idea ” a nibble or two of the lines.” I will definitely do that! Great suggestions, so appreciated!!!
Oh my, YES! I would buy this. And I think many parents and caregivers would too!!
Do you have a publisher in mind? I’m working on one myself.
If you have an arc, then present that in your pitch.
But, if it is simply a show and tell board book, this pitch is terrific, but do stop after the word ‘happens’ as suggested by Jamie.
Can’t wait to read this!!
Ohhhh, thank you so much!! No I do not have a publisher in mind. I have no agent and no editor other than my husband and lovely critique groups. Thank you, hopefully it eventually will make it through all the steps to find its way to a bookshelf or a kitchen table, to give the parents a giggle while they try to feed the little ones!!!
Katie, Thanks so much…great suggestions! The manuscript features the wild messiness of toddler food times! I will look for strong phrases that I may be pull and include! Thanks again!
Yes, as I still play with my food, I would read it. Artistically done scenes, wordplay, and poetry will bring different levels to the reader and viewer.
Playing with your food….Hopefully you don’t wear it, launch it or make it into pictures and sculptures! That’s where this manuscript goes I am trying to make each poem remind parents that they are not alone in this process and let kids laugh at the silliness of food fun! Thanks so much for your comment!
I would read it. Food + Poems = Fun!
Thanks Elizabeth for your addition sentence I will add … munch + mess+ lick + launch equaling all sorts of foodie flights of fancy!!!!
Sounds fun. At first it sounded like a cookbook for kids. Which would also be fun, actually, but food poetry is a blast. I agree about leaving out the comp title, but if you can figure out a way to save the alliterations from that paragraph and fit them in – do it. It gives us a “taste” for your wordplay style. (See what I did there?) Good luck.
Genevieve!!! Yes I did see who you did there!!!Delicious and delightful wordplay yourself!!! Thanks so much for your comment! I have many friends who are watching their grandbabies and they are a wonderful source for manuscript material!!!
Yes! I would definitely read this. I love the playful alliteration. I think the first paragraph is enough though. Adding the second bit (when it felt like the pitch was done just before) seems like an add on. But I love it all. Perhaps the second paragraph could be included in the query letter. Spend some time looking at board books. I think 16 will be too many, but I’m not sure how long your rhymes are. That number feels more like a picture book to me. But it depends on length. The whole theme sounds adorable! And food based is perfect. Broccoli trees indeed! Well done!
Angie, Thank you so much for your feedback. I am such a newbie at this!!! And I wrote 16 carved it down to 11, now looking at a beginning and ending and trying to work on some sort of arc!!! Yikes, the more I write, the more I know that I need to learn, so I really appreciate your feedback! Thanks again!
Sally, I would read this, as I love that title, but I agree that you should stop after “happens”. I’d also suggest showing how the scenes are silly, rather than stating this conclusion, and showing how the scenes relate to each other (giving a clue to the story arc). Also, your age range indicates that this is a book for toddlers & parents, so I’d suggest deleting that, too.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone! Hopefully the green will return to Blueberry Hill very soon, Susanna.
Thank so much!!! Making the description more active than a passive statement is such a good suggestion. I’ve got a lot of work to do!! This is very helpful! Thanks again!
Yes, I would read this fun book! I agree that you don’t need to include the comp title in the pitch. Can you give an indication of something that might happen with the food to entice the reader? Love the phrase “tasty tidbits for toddlers.”
When you do write your query, you might consider leaving out the description of Prelutsky’s work (although it is true!) to place more of the focus on yours – Fans of Jack Prelutsky will find a similar style in these foodie offerings (or something like that).
Good luck! I think my grandkids would love this book.
Dear Rose, Thank you so much for your questions, suggestions et al! Great way to include Jack Prelutsky in the description for the query, succinct and connected! Hopefully this will make it all the way through the process and that your grandkids can read it. It is a long journey and I’ve only just started down the path. Thanks again!
Yes, I would read it. It sounds like a lot of fun! Good luck, Sally!
Dear Sarah, Thanks so much for the support and positivity! So appreciated!!!
Yes, I would read it. I really enjoyed the fun wordplay and the title! Good luck!
Dear Katie, Thanks so much for your comment and noting the wordplay! It’s the start of a long journey and I know I am such a newbie…. as I begin this commitment to being a PB writer!
Yes, I would!! Love toddlers and food..even if they are messy! Best of luck to you!! 😀
Thanks so much!!! Although my baby is now 24, the images of his eating in his younger years stick with me til today!!! So much laughter after we cleaned up!!!
Yes, this sounds like fun and everyone with a child this age knows about playing with food. You already got some great advice on cutting the pitch and I agree. Good luck with this fun book.
Laura, Thanks for your support and letting me know I am on the right path! Hopefully, it will find its way to a real book! Again, Thanks!
Sure – how are read aloud rhyme collections selling? In Title might consider getting rid of on “and” like BT to Mac and Ch or BT, Mac and C. Try them out. Best wishes.
Robin, Thanks! I truly do not know how collections are selling… It was one of those things that I started and just couldn’t stop…. too many silly ways of interacting with food! I will try those suggestions…. perhaps in the body of the manuscript before I get into the “meat” (haha) of the poems! Thanks, again!
Sounds like a fun book that both parents and children would enjoy.
Norah, Thank you for the positive response… I try to make my books as silly as possible, so that everyone can enjoy the “smorgasbord” of goodies! Thanks again! Sally