Would You Read It Wednesday #382 – Wait For Cate (PB)

Howdy, friends!

Did you know that today is National Chocolate-Covered Raisin Day?

Raisins, being very tiny, are perhaps not the best vehicle for maximizing one’s chocolate experience, but still, chocolate is chocolate and raisins do happen to go well with it! And clearly they make an excellent writing snack. I knew you would want to celebrate accordingly 😊

Close-up they look bigger! 😊

But that was just a bonus because it happens to be a National Holiday!

Since it’s Wednesday, we still get to treat ourselves to Something (else) Chocolate. I picked cake, because…well… it’s cake! 😊, and cherry because it’s pink and spring-like and makes me think of cherry blossoms 🌸 Dig in!

Cherry Dr. Pepper Chocolate Cake

Now that we are extra-specially supplied with chocolate, let’s get to today’s pitch which comes to us from Diana. Diana Gibson is a pre-published author with 30 years teaching Special Ed and El-Ed children. She has a Masters Degree in Reading Diagnostics and Remedial Reading. She’s also spent 22 years in the Army and worked weekends as a Pyrotechnician all over the world.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Wait For Cate

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 5-8)

The Pitch: Cate promised her team she’d finally be on time for the championship kickball game. But when she encounters the new girl in her class, stuck in the sand on the playground in her wheelchair, she has to make a BIG decision. Should she help or hurry on by? The clock’s ticking.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Diana improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in April, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!

Diana is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to getting to see 2 of my daughters, whom I have not seen in way too many months! (Because they work in priority fields they are both fully vaccinated now – hurray! 😊)

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊

14 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #382 – Wait For Cate (PB)

  1. Jamie Donahoe says:

    Yes, I would read it. Even though I am pretty sure I know how this will turn out, I’m am adult and know how it SHOULD turn out. For young readers this story is a way to learn a good life lesson. The pitch as written doesn’t thrill me but I see promise in Diana’s prose, which is why I would read further.

    Perhaps to strengthen the pitch, experiment with adding tension to the first line: perhaps, Cate’s running late AGAIN, despite her pinky promise to be on time for the championship kickball game. I would also try for a stronger verb than “encounters”.

  2. Norah says:

    I would definitely read it. I have no doubt that Cate will help the new girl, but I want to know for sure. I love stories like this about friendship and helping others. Adding some diversity along the way doesn’t go astray either.
    I love the title ‘pre-published’ author. I’d like to use that too, if I may. 🙂

  3. palpbkids says:

    The premise (dependable, friendship, and truehearted) is solid, but as Jamie Donahoe suggests you have room to strengthen the pitch by adding tension and by using stronger verbs (action verbs). Think about a movie trailer and how they build the audience’s interest.
    Yes, I would read this:)

  4. Katie Engen says:

    The idea to emphasize the theme of helping someone even if it’s a sacrifice and/or could risk upsetting others is solid. The pitch wording suggests a potentially thin plot point: if the new girl and the game are at the same playground, the solution to have the team help seems immediately obvious. Also, the stuck girl is not portrayed with any sense of autonomy or purpose other than to be in a wheelchair and stuck (as in, an obstacle not a person). The story (and therefore the pitch) must round out this character. For example, does Cate know/recall anything about the new girl other than that she’s in a wheelchair?

  5. Robin Currie says:

    Probably – could we have a little more on how Cate got the reputation for tardiness? Maybe they call call her “Late Cate”? Somehow she needs to grow or change. Great potential – keep going!

  6. ptnozell says:

    Yes, I’d read it, but I agree with the comments above to strengthen the pitch and make sure that the new girl is not portrayed in a passive way – does she teach Kate something important about the importance of timeliness or being there for the team? If so, I’d emphasize that.

  7. readmybook2002 says:

    I would read it. I agree with some of the above comments. The girl in the wheelchair needs a little firming up. Why did she get stuck there? (not paying attention, in a hurry to see the game, secretly rooting for Cate?) Did she play kickball prior to being in the wheelchair too? I know you can’t go into lots of detail but a few choice descriptive words goes a long way. The story has many potential positive endings; from the usual to creating a exciting twist you didn’t see coming. Wish you luck.

  8. rosecappelli says:

    Yes, I would read this because this type of story appeals to me, but I agree with others that the pitch could be more compelling. It felt predictable which may cause editors/agents to pass it by. How can you use language to make it stand out more? What sets it apart from other stories about kindness? Good luck!

  9. ingridboydston says:

    Susanna-Dr. Pepper and chocolate are two of my favorites, though I have never tried them together. I’m looking forward to it now!
    Diana- I agree with the others. You have a good foundation for your story and it appeals to me. But we need more layers. Your own background sounds very exciting! Can you work some pyrotechnics in there? What do we know about the new girl? Why is Cate always late? Answering questions like these might help you pump up the pitch just a bit more. Best wishes!

  10. seschipper says:

    Yes, I would read this! I agree with the comments above. You could probably strengthen the pitch based on the recommendations listed!
    🙂

    Susanna, enjoy every second with your family!!

  11. Sarah Meade says:

    Yes, I would read it. I agree with the other commenters that I know what she probably will/should do, but I’d like to read to see how it all turns out. I like the title, Diana!
    Enjoy your family visit, Susanna!

  12. viviankirkfield says:

    I rarely stop by for Would You Read it Wednesday…but I should be here every week…what a wonderful opportunity to strengthen our own pitch-writing techniques by helping others!
    I LOVE this story…and your pitch does make me want to read the book, Diane. But I do agree with the comments above, and especially like Jamie’s fix with the Late again…and pinky promise. Plus I agree that the girl in the wheelchair needs a richer personality and role (perhaps in your story she has it) that might be shown with just a couple of words in the pitch. Perhaps there has been a rivalry between the girls for one reason or another. All good wishes as you revise – it’s a wonderful premise!
    And have fun with your family, dear Susanna!

  13. Patti Ranson says:

    Yes, definitely a want-to-read, and as discussed, a bit more enticing info would add to the allure for agents and editors.
    Could the new girl have a team history prior to her need for a wheelchair? With another school? Indicating why she was ‘stuck’ in several ways? Up the curiosity about both characters that you introduce!.

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