Would You Read It Wednesday #387 – Stop! Stop! (PB)

Good Wednesday to you all!

This morning we have something very important to discuss. So important that it has to come even before chocolate!

I know!

It boggles the mind!

But here it is:

Last year we did a 7 week Mix ‘n’ Match Mini Writing Challenge. I had tons of fun. I hope you did too! So the question is, assuming I can think up some prompts and scare up some prizes, would you all like to do it again? I know we’re all (hopefully!) coming out of complete covid isolation and maybe not feeling so much like we need something extra to occupy our time in a fun way and keep us in contact, but I thought I’d put it out there. . .

I think I might run it on Mondays starting May 10th (which is pretty soon, so maybe we’d have to start on the 17th…) and run it for 6 or 7 weeks.

Please share your thoughts and opinions in the comment section!

Or, ooh! I could do a little mini poll! Please vote by Friday April 30th at midnight Eastern so if we decide to go ahead with this crazy little plan I have as much time as possible to pull it together! 😊

After all that excitement and the hemming and hawing of having to make a choice, I’m sure we could all use Something Chocolate! (I mean really, when could we NOT use Something Chocolate? 😊) How about some Cookie Dough Brownies? That sounds like a healthy way to start the day, doesn’t it? 😊

If you’re drooling on your keyboard, please feel free to go get a napkin 🤣

Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Diane who says, “I love all writing but I particularly enjoy creating stories for children. I write picture books and chapter books and use inspiration from my teaching, my interests in nature, travelling, diving and theatre, plus my sense of humour in creating my stories.”

Find her on the twitter at @Diane02789257

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Stop! Stop!

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-7)

The Pitch: Three sea creature friends boring day suddenly turns into an adventure as they attempt to free themselves from some ocean waste and try to find a solution to their ocean home problem.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Diane improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in May, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!

Diane is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to seeing what everyone thinks about whether or not to run the Mix ‘n’ Match Mini Writing Challenge again!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊

13 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #387 – Stop! Stop! (PB)

  1. Nicole Loos Miller says:

    Hi Diane,

    I’m a “yes!” My kids love reading about the ocean and, with Earth day recently, we’ve been talking a lot about waste. I think pollution is an important topic – now and always.

    I would love to see the stakes more personalized to the three ocean friends. Right now you have: “Three sea creature friends boring day suddenly turns into an adventure as they attempt to free themselves from some waste” but I wonder if a slight change could up the tension: “…suddenly turns into an adventure when they get tangled/caught/trapped in waste.” You could even clarify what kind of waste – rusty can, plastic rings, etc. Now the immediate problem is that they have to free themselves and another problem presents itself too – their ocean home. I wonder if they could be more specific too – do they need to find a new ocean home? Do they need to find a way to clean up their ocean home? Do they need to free all their friends and family who were also trapped?

    I think a little specificity would go a long way with making this pitch sparkle.

    Good luck! We need more books like this!

  2. Katie Engen says:

    This succinct infrastructure of a pitch needs details. Which kind of creatures? Name the species or offer names that convey what they are. ‘Boring’ is boring; swap in a phrase that conveys that tone with details. What kind of waste? What kind of attempts? Do all 3 act & react the same? Name the ‘ocean problem.’

  3. readmybook2002 says:

    I would read it. I agree with Diane, just need a little bit more of why I should care about the characters. If you name them, for example, octopus, seahorse, and manatee, it would give the reader of the pitch to imagine what could happen (* tentacles on octo, low swimmer manatee, hook on seahorse ) on their adventure. Who saves who? Timely subject.

  4. palpbkids says:

    I agree with Katie and Nicole. Add descriptive words to ‘Three sea creature friends’
    Great placement, right up front: boring day.
    Remove adverb, it weakens the sentence structure and add an active verb ‘suddenly’
    Try to find an action verb to replace ‘turn’ into an adventure.
    Remove prepositional phrase: as they attempt to
    Here’s a perfect place to add a taste of your storytelling instead of your pitch reading like a synopsis: ‘free themselves from some ocean waste’ and try to find a solution to their ocean home problem.
    Overall think of a movie trailer and how it pulls you in with its first words and then raises the stakes and makes you want to see it.

  5. Joyce Uglow says:

    Yes! I would read this book. Before submitting this pitch to agents or editors, though, read through your manuscript to search for -ly words. (I noticed “suddenly” in your pitch.) I, would like to see specifics such as the starring sea creatures.

  6. ptnozell says:

    Yes, I’d read this as I love the topic. Like the others before me, I’d like to learn more details, including the setting, “ocean” is a very broad term, the types of sea creatures that work together, and the stakes, how has the waste affected them. I’d also caution against including the term “boring”. As an avid snorkler, I find sea creature behavior fascinating. Perhaps typical might be a better adjective to use.

  7. Genevieve Petrillo says:

    I would definitely read this. Such a 2021 issue! I agree with the previous commenters who suggested a few more details – what creatures? what junk? and most importantly how will they be able to help? Good luck with it.

  8. robincurrie1 says:

    Probably – I have seen a lot of ocean pollution books lately – take a look to make sure yours has a new twist. Sounds fun!

  9. Patricia Franz says:

    Maybe — I love ocean books, especially if there’s layering (friendship, adventure) along with a learning opportunity. Is there a way to tease a layer within the pitch (maybe they BECOME friends when they team up to save their environment)?

  10. rosecappelli says:

    Yes, I would read this because I am drawn to books about the ocean and I think kids are, too. But as others have said, adding some specifics to the pitch would strengthen it. My first thought was that I wanted to know what sea creatures were being showcased, and I wondered what kind of trash or waste they got tangled in. As it is written, I think it is too generic to stand out. Good luck with this – ,it definitely has potential!

  11. seschipper says:

    So sorry for responding late this week! We had a funeral to attend 😦
    Also, I know the voting is closed but I would have voted to participate in a Mini writing challenge again this year! It proved to be a great way to hone our skills last year! Thanks 🙂
    Now on to the business of the day or rather Wednesday’s business … Would you read it Wednesday! Yes I would. I love anything ocean, beach, seashore. I do agree though, there are quite a few books on the market now exploring ocean life and obstacles that threaten that environment. Make sure you check what is out there and make sure yours is different. Also expand the pitch a bit! Have fun! 🙂

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