Well, would you look at that?
It’s time for Would You Read It Wednesday again!
I don’t know about you guys, but ever since the whole pandemic thing started (and by the way, whose idea was that because we totally shouldn’t listen to them any more!) it feels like everything has ground to a halt. I used to actually do stuff, but these days going to the mailbox is what passes for excitement around here.
Imagine, therefore, the absolute thrill I got today when I was out walking the dogs and. . . wait for it!. . . I saw a cray fish crossing the road! I kid you not! I mean, come on! That’s big news! I’ve lived here for just shy of 29 years and never seen a cray fish before, on or off the road. I’m not sure what business a cray fish had wandering around in the road far, far away (in cray fish miles) from anything that could be classified as water. So I think the only question to be asked here is. . . (I know it, you know it, let’s ask it together!) . . .
Why did the cray fish cross the road? 🤣
Surely there’s a picture book in that!
Anyway, cray fish aside, I do believe it’s time for Something Chocolate! Now that autumn is in the air, I know that even though it’s too early o’clock, you are all sitting around your own personal campfires faint with hunger, so what could be better for our Something Chocolate snack than S’mores Cupcakes?
a. nothing
b. what time exactly is too early o’clock?
c. Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick
d. who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
I’m sorry. Did I forget to say there was a pop quiz? Well there is, and you were all wrong (unless you said (a)). The correct answer is:
e. Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore! Have a S’mores Cupcake!
Perfect S’mores Cupcakes
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Jennifer who says, “¡Hola! I’m Jennifer the mother of The Readerosaurus (@Readerosaurus for IG and Twitter). I have been itching to do a story about a kiddo or dino or kiddo wearing dino costume and using his voice to be heard!
My son last year heard about a local center closing in our state and he decided to offer his drawings to donate to people who make a donation to the center.
In doing so he was about to get over $5,000 of donations to go to the center. This helped make sure they didn’t close during 2020 when Covid was affecting many places. He read all 7 continents and all 50 states his joy and excitement for helping a place was just unbelievable. He wanted to help so much. Any money he was given he put towards the center.
I thought wow a child who is 6 has such a big heart and wants to reach so many people has to be heard. His joy and kindness spread like wild fire. Who would have thought this 6 year old’s voice would matter.
So the story idea came to life. In a perfect world I want to have this book so that I can get proceeds from the book to donate to places all over the world that need help with their animals. Maybe it’s a zoo, an aquarium or maybe a marine center. Anyway we can help we want to!”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Readerosaurus
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: A kid who loves dinosaurs all because he devours books finds out that his favorite place in the whole world is closing and there isn’t anything he can do about it. Or is there?
Will his roar be heard among giants?
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Jennifer improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in January, so you have time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Jennifer is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to a little sleuthing. Someone’s got to! That crafty cray fish was clearly up to something. . .and I’m going to find out what!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
I love the title and would definitely read a book with that title. The pitch mostly works well but I think the first sentence could do with a little rewording. I’m not sure about the ‘all because he devours books’ part. The devours is great but I think it could flow better. Good luck with pitching your book, Jennifer. It is a great idea and I love the inspiration behind it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to give Jennifer a hand, Norah! Very helpful!
Thank you so much, Norah. I’ll work on that first line for sure. Appreciate the help! I need all of it!
I’m pleased you found it helpful. 🙂
What a lovely backstory, Jennifer.
I would read this story. I think the connection between the child and the dinosaur needs to be stronger. Is it only because he/she devours books? How can you strengthen that first sentence? Can we get to know the character a bit more in that first sentence? How about a name? Perhaps the child is a voracious reader? Good luck with this! Keep going!
Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts and encouragement for Jennifer, Katie!
Great questions! I’ve been actually going back and forth between the child being a child who just loves books and dinos or if it is a little dino character. The character would be named Readerosaurus. I know readers like to see real people so that is probably why I’m lacking in giving more of the character because I’m not sure which route I want to go. I’ve written it in both ways.
I would read it. Nice title. The age of the character is needed because getting too much help from the parents (if he is too young) slants the story as unbelievable. A name would help to bond the reader. The ideas have to be his/her ideas with some physical help from the parents. We all need something we could hold on to, so that should be specific in the pitch and why he feels the way he does. eg. A dino museum closing,(close to his heart) How will other future dino lovers see the bones & learn about them as he did? I like the roar among giants line. You have great potential to create a lovable book.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments for Jennifer, Bru! Very helpful!
He is about 6. Just old enough to think he knows everything. I personally like the roar among giants line but I can see how it can confuse a reader if there are real giants. I was implying that the giants are really just obstacles in his way. Thank you so much. I will look at changing this a bit.
Susanna, I definitely need that s’mores cupcake if I’m putting on my sleuthing hat this early in the day to solve the soon-to-be-famous case of A Crayfish Riddle in the Middle of the Road (if nothing else, we now have a title for that picture book!). Now what, exactly, did Witness A (that would be you, Susanna) observe? And does said crayfish play any role in the upcoming pretty-much-world-famous Halloweensie Contest?
As we await your replies, on to Jennifer and the pitch. Kudos, to your son, Jennifer, and to his must-be fabulous parents on the fundraising initiative. That truly is cause for celebration & a picture book! I’m a bit confused whether this is a non-fiction picture book about your son’s efforts or a story about how a child who thinks he’s a dinosaur helps a local center. I’d like to know what type of center captures his attention, and how creating & donating artwork relates to devouring books. I’d also like to know why the center is closing, ie, is it just lack of funding, and who the “giants” are. Finally, I think you can strengthen the pitch by turning the open-ended questions into statements that show the conflict and how he overcomes it. I hope these comments help as you revise the pitch.
You know, I’m trying to figure out how to fit a cray fish into Halloweensie Patricia. It is not immediately obvious to me 🤣 Maybe he was getting a head start on his trick or treating…! Thank you so much for your thought-provoking comments for Jennifer – I know they will be helpful!
Thank you so much for your kind words! All we did was suggest he offer his artwork to those that have donated the rest was all him! So crazy! It was our local Sealife center. Due to COVID they were on the verge of closing because money was not coming in so they looked to Alaska to help any way they can. However, it was suggested to maybe use a museum for the dino lover” which would make more sense. I do love putting questions but can see that I should try to answer them instead of using them. Thank you again for taking the time to check this out!
Yes, I’d read it! If I’m nitpicking the pitch, I might suggest leaving off “among giants,” which calls to mind confusing images of dinosaurs and giants together (though I assume it refers to adults and/or Grown-Up Reasons). I might also suggest “loves dinosaurs and loves reading” or something along those lines. What appeals to me: the idea of a dinosaur-obsessed young reader overcoming natural trepidation to stand up — and roar! — for what he thinks is important.
Nicely put, Karen! Thank you so much for your helpful thoughts for Jennifer!
Yes, the giants really refer to the obstacles that a young voice would face. I do see what you mean by that though. Thank you for your suggestions. I will work on rewriting this.
Jennifer, you have a great book idea here! I would read it, especially knowing the backstory of how it came about, which you could add to your bio when it gets published! 😉 What a kid!!
I don’t have anything new to add to the already constructive comments. I especially agree with rewording the first line and if you’re going to use a question in your pitch, use just one. You have two. A statement rather than a question can sometimes add more punch, especially if the answer to the question is rather obvious. Personally, “Or is there?” is one of those questions that I would probably answer “yes” to. If its answer wasn’t “yes”, there wouldn’t be much of a story. Maybe beginning a question sentence with HOW, or WHAT, will add a little more wondering as to how the problem is resolved. i.e. “HOW will his roar be heard among the giants?”
And BTW . . . I needed a good laugh this morning, Susanna. 🤣 Thanks!
Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and helpful comments for Jennifer, Karen! And I’m glad you got a laugh 😊
Thank you, Karen. It would make that bio fancy right? I will work on that first line and remove those questions. I love talking and find that I write as if I talk and sometimes that doesn’t work. I do like “How will his roar be heard among giants” better. Thank you!
What a wonderful project for your son, Jennifer! Kudos to him and to you. Yes, I would read this book, but as others have said, there are some confusing parts to the pitch which could probably be solved with some more specific words – names of the child and the favorite place and how devouring books and loving dinosaurs are connected. I would also like to know a little more of the plot.
I’ve always been encouraged to avoid questions in a pitch. Can you use those to add a bit more information?
Good luck!
Thanks so much for you sharing your thoughts with Jennifer, Rose! Very helpful!
Thank you so much. We are pretty proud of him. I think you all have convinced me to remove the questions. I can see how they can be a bit confusing and misleading. I will work on giving more information rather than questioning the reader. Thanks again!
I would read your book, Jennifer, because I have grandsons who love to read and who love dinosaurs. And I love to see children in roles where they can affect positive change.
I took the liberty of editing your pitch. I hope something here will help you with your revision.
5YO Johnny loves dinosaurs, has read every dinosaur book in his bedroom library, and can correctly pronounce every name. His favorite place in the whole world is closing and he wonders if he can help to keep it open. He wants to make his roar heard among the giants.
(I’d like to know a little more about the MC, the setting, and maybe a hint about this favorite place of his.)
Good luck with this. It’s on my buy list once it’s published.
Thanks so much for your very helpful suggestions for re-wording the pitch, Jan!
Dinosaurs are a hit always! Thank you for rewriting that pitch. I do like what you did. I will work on the MC and giving more detail on the setting and the location. Thank you so much! I’m making all these changes.
I would read it, and I have a 3.5yo granddaughter who loves dinosaur books that I could read it to! I recommend tweaking the beginning to something like “Dinosaur-loving Dennis finds out his favorite place for devouring info about dinosaurs is closing …”
Nice suggestion, Brenda! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with Jennifer!
I have been going back and forth with the name. My son’s name is Evan and have been debating on using that or a D name.
I do love “Dinosaur-loving Dennis” that has a nice ring to it!
Especially since we’ve spent the last several months trying to reopen our local theatre (live theatre, not movies) which was closed for over a year and a half- YES! I would enthusiastically read a book about keeping special places open. I love the theme that no one is too small to make a difference. I couldn’t quite tell from the pitch if this is in story format or non-fiction reporting type format. I hope it’s a traditional story with an exciting arc. I love it when I read a good story and then find out TA DA! It was true! Please give your son a hearty thank you for putting action behind his dreams, and a big congratulations to you!
Susanna- We finally had a “fall like” day here. Right away I thought…It must be nearing Halloweensie time! I’m hoping, between on-line teaching and theatre performances, to once again participate in one of my favorite writing contests! Oh the joy!!! 🧡😀
Yes, I would read it!
I especially like the final sentence. A little tweaking, perhaps giving the :kid” a name will add to it!
Good luck!!
😊
Thanks so much for chiming in , Susan!
Wonderful! Yes, I have been going back with using my son’s real name or having it start with an R so it flows with the Readerosaurus. Thank you so much for all the tips!
Thank you for your enthusiasm and helpful comments for Jennifer, Ingrid! And I’m so glad you’re excited for Halloweensie – I’ll look forward to your entry! 😊
Oh no, I do hope your local theatre opens again very soon! It is based off our Sealife Center but was hesitant using that exact location because I wanted people to relate to a special place to them. Was hoping to make it fiction and “based on true events” style so I can have free creative range. I do love when I find out in the author’s notes when a story is based on true things. It makes the story so much more fun!
Best of luck! It does sound intriguing and will probably be relatable to MANY these days. 👍😊
Children never stop amazing me!
Once this story is published, you’ll have such a heartfelt backstory to share:)
If you are imagining a library on the brink of being shut down, say so.
Try to bring in the voice of your story by giving elements of the action and pacing.
if you have a sentence from the story that highlights the
MC’s personality, you can work that into the pitch.
You’ve got the basic structure, now make it come alive!
Can’t wait to see this story in print!
I imagine amazing illustrations.
Thank you so much for your helpful suggestions! And I’m sorry – it’s been bugging me for ages and I finally have to ask! – what is your name? I feel bad that I don’t know it!
Children are so empowering! I will on adding that MC personality to the pitch. Thank you!