Welcome to the last Would You Read It Wednesday of 2021!
By this time next week, we’ll be all-in on the Holiday Contest, and that will pretty much keep us occupied until school is out and we’re all up to our ears in holiday prep, travel, family and friend get-togethers, baking, cooking, and wrapping…all with kids underfoot 😊 Busy and wild, but just the best, isn’t it?
In order to fuel up for all that, I think we’d better get right to Something Chocolate! I don’t think we can go wrong with Caramel Mocha Nutella Brownies!
Caramel Mocha Nutella Brownies
Ooey-gooey-chocolatey goodness! Make some for yourself, make some to give as holiday gifts, sample all of them 😊 Yum! Yum!
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Emily who says, “I am a physical therapist, writer, rock climber, and animal lover – yes, even rats! (They’re really not so bad. Google ‘cute rat pictures’… aww!) I usually write picture books, but inspired by my pets’ antics, I figured it was time to try my hand at a chapter book series. I had a blast writing the first book, and best of all, I didn’t have to watch the Word Count box tick upwards with a feeling of dread! Thank you so much for your feedback on the pitch! Find me on Twitter @emilydurwrites”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: The Adventures Of Ricky And Flash: Escape From The City
Age/Genre: ChapterBook (ages 7-9)
The Pitch: After double-crossing Slick, the street-hardened stray cat who rules the alleyways, city rats Ricky and Flash race to leave New York City before they get caught. But where will they go? The brothers have never known anything but city life, and country living comes with its own perils! They try to make a home at Wild Down Farm, but just like in the city… cats rule. When two kittens get trapped, Ricky and Flash have a decision to make—help out the fearsome barn cat who has been stalking them or walk away from both the kittens and their new life on the farm.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Emily improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in January, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Emily is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to baking some ginger cookies because, you know, it’s important to give the oven a warm-up and let it practice a little before the full work of holiday baking begins! Otherwise it might pull a muscle or something 😊
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
What an exciting pitch. I can’t wait to find out what choice Ricky and Flash make (though I think I already know 😊).
Sure – City mouse-country mouse. Since Slick the City cat only has a short part, you might start the pitch with the mice:
Mice on the run! Ricky and Frisk are saying “goodbye” to city life. But Wild down Farm has cats, too!
Then tell a little more about how the quality the mice have to save kittens – brute strength? Cunning minds?
Kids will love this!
Emily, I would read this, but I agree with Robin to start with the rats. You could just flip the first sentence: City rats Ricky and Flash race to leave New York City after double-crossing Slick, the street-hardened stray cat who rules the alleyways.
I’d also suggest naming the cat at the farm and describing it a bit more, as it seems like it has a large role to play in the story, too, perhaps even more so than Slick.
Hope this helps – this seems like a chapter book that kids will love!
That first sentence works so much better! (One of those “duh” moments – why didn’t I realize that?!) And you’re absolutely right, the barn cat does play a much bigger part. I will try a rewrite where I take out Slick’s name and add in the barn cat’s name instead. Thank you so much!
Oh, yes, I would read this! Kids would too! 😉 Your pitch is clear and gives me a good idea of what the story is about without giving too much away. I’m guessing from the tone there will be some good adventure with some fun along the way!
I would tighten up the pitch a bit and consider eliminating the third sentence or sneaking its idea into the next line: …not knowing anything but city life, they try to make a home at Wild Down Farm.
Thanks for sharing!
The first sentence of your pitch was confusing. At first I thought Ricky and Flash had double crossed the cat. I suggest you begin with your MCs so they are front and center. This sounds like a mash up of The Town Mouse and The Country Mouse meets the fable The Lion and The Mouse. I love mashups and YES, I would read it.
All the action & adventure is summed up beautifully in this pitch!
I definitely agree to flip the first sentence so that the two rats take the lead.
And you might consider shortening the pitch.
For example: Ricky and Flash race to leave New York City after double-crossing Slick, the street-hardened stray cat who rules the alleys. But, just like in the big city, countryside cats rule. When two kittens get trapped on the Wild Down Farm, Ricky and Flash have a decision to make—help out the fearsome barn cat who has been stalking them or walk away from both the kittens and their new life on the farm.
Can’t wait to read this!
Yes, I would read this – but you will win more converts by taking some of the excellent advice offered above. Good luck with Ricky and Flash!!
mmmmm (licking brownie off fingers) – I would definitely read. Love the City rat-country rat theme and the moral quandary posed.
Hi Emily! I love your pitch and I would love to read about the adventures of Ricky and Flash. Perhaps another title could be – “The Adventures of Ricky and Flash – from the City to the Farm”. I agree with the suggestions to start the pitch with Ricky and Flash and perhaps tell us a little bit more about the double cross and the decision to make a home at Wild Down Farm. And maybe add a bit of humor.
Good luck with this! Kids will definitely enjoy it!
Susanna – you’re making me gain pounds with all of your chocolate desserts!
Happy holidays everyone!
And be sure to enter Susanna’s Holiday contest.
The set up is fun and promises adventure so yes, I would read this! It might be even more compelling if instead of “having a decision to make” they had to “decide whether to risk it all by…” Just a suggestion. It sounds like you are off and running. Enjoy the road!
I’d love to make those brownies Susanna, but I know if I open a jar of Nutella and there’s a spoon nearby the recipe doesn’t stand a chance! 😂
Yes I certainly would read this! I do agree with the above mentioned comments as well!