Would You Read It Wednesday – The 54th Pitch, And Straight From The Editor #11

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Buenos Miercoles mi amigos!

I hope you are all deeply impressed with my ability to render Spanish unrecognizable 🙂  It’s a gift 🙂

Surprise, surprise, guess where I am?  If you guessed en el coche (in the car for our English speaking audience) you are correct!  I may have to be surgically removed from Princess Blue Kitty come September… we are starting to have a very hard time telling where one of us ends and the other begins 🙂

Anyhoo, I know you are all champing at the bit to get to today’s pitch, plus we have Straight From The Editor.  Has there ever been anything better that Would You Read It Wednesday?  But yes!  The Something Chocolate that goes along with it!  Of course you may grab whatever chocolate suits your fancy, but today I am serving chocolate chip pancakes because Wendy suggested them and they sounded like a perfect choice!

In case you were wondering, I DO realize that this is not a picture of chocolate chip pancakes.  It is my step-daughter’s wedding cake.  But it is the only picture of food I have, and people have been poking fun at my ability to draw food using only the options on the keyboard, so just pretend since I can’t borrow from google anymore.  Chocolate chip pancakes anyone? 🙂

So, first up, Straight From The Editor starring Erin Molta, and Dana’s pitch.

Here is Dana’s pitch:

Working Title:  CJ’s Tiger
Age/Genre:  Picture Book (ages 4-8)CJ has always dreamed of having a tiger for a pet, so he is thrilled when he awakens one day to find that his cat “Tiger” has transformed into a real tiger. However he soon learns that having a pet tiger is a lot harder than he imagined when the day turns into one big catastrophe!

And here are Erin’s comments:

This is cute! But since most people realize that a pet tiger might be more difficult to care for than a cat, I think you might want to add at least one example of how catastrophic it can be. So, the first sentence is fine but then I would say, “However, when “Tiger” mauls her favorite scratching post to smithereens and swallows the steaks mom had out for dinner –whole, he realizes that having a pet tiger is a lot harder than he imagined.” Of course, using the scenes you were envisioning that would make the day a catastrophe 🙂.

I think that is very helpful, don’t you?

Now, it’s time for today’s pitch which comes to us from Kimberley who has worked as a literacy coach, elementary teacher, grant writer, public policy lobbyist, and Executive Director of Literacy Volunteers. She is a master in the art of moving and changing. She is concentrating on staying in one place, raising her children in Maine, teaching, reading, and writing.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title:  Saturdays With Fish
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-7)
The Pitch:  When Libby goes fishing with her stepdad he calls her “Fish”. The loud loud loud of the city is left behind as they head to the quiet quiet quiet of the pond. It is there that Libby and her Stepdad find joy as simple and warm as the sun, well, except when Libby accidentally hooks a bullfrog!

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kimberley improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in Octoberber, which is not very far away, so we could really use some new pitches!!

Kimberley is looking forward to your thoughts!  And I am looking forward to getting out of the car… if I am still able to stand up… and no, those are certainly NOT donut crumbs! 🙂  See you all Friday for the last Summer Short & Sweet which is going to be tons of fun!!!!!

Oh Susanna – Is There A Difference Between Scholastic And Regular Editions Of Picture Books?

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Happy Monday Everyone!

Where to start today?  Well, how about with the winner of the July Pitch Pick?

I really enjoyed the new format for the pitch pick.  I thought it was great to see how much everyone improved their pitches… although it did make it even harder to choose! 🙂  However, the votes have been cast and the winner is…

dunh duhn duhn duhn…

DANA!!!!! with her pitch for CJ’s Tiger!

Congratulations, Dana!  Your pitch has been sent to editor Erin Molta for comments, and we will all be excited to see what she says 🙂

Wow!  That was a lot of excitement for first thing Monday morning.  If you’re feeling a little peaked, feel free to take a short break for a sustaining snack.  I’m offering homemade banana bread this morning, but I’m not even going to try drawing that!

OK.  All refreshed?  Let’s move on to two questions:

#1  A few people have mentioned they’re having trouble commenting on my blog the past few days.  I’m not sure what’s going on, but I tried updating to the new disqus and I’m hoping that will fix the problem.  Will you all kindly let me know if the problem is fixed or if you are still encountering difficulty?  I really want it to be as easy as possible for you to comment – I highly value everything you have to say – and I like disqus because it allows me to reply directly back to you so you know I’ve read your comments and they matter to me.  But if it continues to cause trouble I will axe it!  Thanks in advance for your help with this conundrum 🙂

#2  A few other people (who shall remain nameless but you know who you are! :)) have been plotting behind my back in hopes of getting Short & Sweets to continue past summer’s end.  I am thrilled if it has been fun and helpful to anyone, and I would be happy to continue it in some form if there is sufficient interest.  The idea was to alternate Monday posts – Oh Susanna one week, Short & Sweets the next.  I would be grateful for anyone to leave their thoughts on this matter in the comments so I can get a sense of where people stand on this.  My blog is here for you.  I want to do whatever you most enjoy and find most helpful.  So speak now 🙂  Just be forewarned, I’m not sure I can continue coming up with fun new things you’ll like… I may end up recycling with new twists to some degree…! 🙂

Alrighty!  Last but not least we have an Oh Susanna question for today.  The lovely Stacy says

I picked up some picture books at a weekend yard sale. Several were Scholastic editions. Is there a difference between a Scholastic edition and a regular edition? I’m wondering both as a parent/reader and a writer.

Great question, Stacy!  And one I can luckily answer from my own experience.  Scholastic editions, to my knowledge, have no change to original interior art or text.  The cover may be different from the original and so may the title.  As examples, Punxsutawney Phyllis was sold through Scholastic as Wake Up, Groundhog with a different cover illustration.

original Holiday House version
Scholastic version

Scholastic did a focus group and determined that “Punxsutawney” was a difficult and therefore potentially off-putting word, so they chose to go with an alternate.  Likewise, April Fool, Phyllis was sold through Scholastic as The April Fools’ Treasure Hunt.

original Holiday House version
Scholastic version

There was discussion of changing the background color on the cover to blue, but in the end it stayed pink.  In both cases, however, all the interior illustrations are the same as in the original versions and there is no change to the text.  The only other difference is in the quality of paper and binding used.  Scholastic versions, in an effort to be affordable to as many kids as possible, are mostly (if not completely) produced in paperback and may sometimes be a little less sturdy.

If you’re on a budget but still want to increase your library, Scholastic is a wonderful option!

I hope that answers your question, Stacy!  Please feel free to ask for clarification if you have further queries 🙂

And I will look forward to hearing from you all about whether the comments are working better/properly and what your thoughts are on attempting to continue Short & Sweets!

Have a lovely day 🙂

Summer Short And Sweets – Week 7 – And The Give Away Winner!

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I can’t believe it!  We’re up to week 7 of Short & Sweets already!  That means there’s only one more week to go (and boy is next week going to be awesome!!!) but it also means that summer is drawing to an end.  It has flown by so fast!  And I still haven’t updated the backlog of Perfect Picture Books that I was sure to get done with so much time…. Better get cracking! 🙂

But I’ve been hard at work on some other things…. which maybe I’ll tell you about one of these days… 🙂

badge by Loni Edwards 

For today’s Short & Sweet, we’re taking a field trip!  It can be anywhere you want – and anything that fits into what you’re already doing – no special outings necessary.  Going out with your kids to the beach, the zoo, a museum, the playground, the library?    Going shopping at the grocery store?  Washing the car?  You don’t even need to leave the house – the kitchen or the back porch will be just fine!

Your challenge today is to describe a setting – any setting that tickles your fancy.  In 50-100 words (more or less if you like, that’s just a ball park) make us feel like we’re there.  Take a careful look at your surroundings – whatever they are.  What does it look like? sound like? smell like? feel like? taste like?
BUT – here’s the trick 🙂 – you can’t use the actual word of the place!  So if you’re describing the kitchen, you can’t use the word kitchen.  We have to be able to guess!
For an extra challenge, describe it from a kid’s perspective – try to look at it through the eyes of the average 5 year old – the typical picture book age target.  Places can look a lot different to a five year old than they do to an adult.  Different features stand out, and kids’ react to things differently.
Although we don’t devote a lot of words to setting in picture books because that part of the job is done by the illustrator, it is helpful to you as a writer to envision your setting clearly.  Certain select details will be necessary, depending on your story, and this is good practice in focusing on the details that really matter.  If you write for older readers, setting description is very important to make your reader feel like they’re there – but you can’t ramble on indefinitely.  MG and even YA readers are not going to have a lot of patience for long-winded descriptions.  So this is a chance to practice picking out the part you really need to say!
Here’s my example (which, as per Short & Sweet instructions I am writing in 5 minutes off the top of my head because this day is WAY too packed for me to have any more time than that!)

Weathered wood.  Dutch doors.
It smells like summer, warm and sweet, but with a hint of molasses and clean leather.  Dust motes hang in the haze of late afternoon sunshine slanting through the barred windows.  The brass nameplates on the leather halters wink in the golden light – Jasmine, Pennywhistle, Thumbelina.
Clip-clop-clip-clop.  Snowflake’s unshod hooves thud lightly on the aisle as Ginny leads her in from the pasture.  She lowers her muzzle to her bucket and takes long swallows, then lifts her head, dark eyes soft, drops of water bejeweling her whiskers.
Whuufft!
A few feet away, Blackjack sneezes into his hay.
Ginny runs a hand over Snowflake’s satin shoulder.  She reaches up and straightens the silver forelock between her ears, smoothing it down.  Snowflake rubs her cheek against Ginny’s arm, almost knocking her down.
“Silly girl!”  Ginny laughs, then steps back into the aisle and rolls the heavy door shut.
It is quiet but for the occasional rustle of a hoof drawn through straw, the rhythmic munching of horses nose deep in alfalfa and timothy.
This is Ginny’s favorite place to be.
(Okay.  So mine is 181 words.  I never claimed to be succinct 🙂  And I hope you didn’t have too much trouble figuring out where Ginny is :))

So, are you ready to give it a try?  I can’t wait to read all your setting descriptions and see if I can guess where you are!  And I have no doubt that many of these descriptions will serve as story sparkers for readers, who feel themselves transported to that time and place and are suddenly inspired by a character who pops into their head and onto the scene! 🙂
OH!  And I almost forgot!  The winner of the giveaway from Monday – a hardcover copy of Puffling Patrol by Ted and Betsy Lewin, courtesy of Lee & Low Books – is PAMELA!!!!  Pamela, please email me and let me know your address so I can mail it out 🙂

Have a fantastic weekend everyone!  There will be a birthday party going on at my house – YUM!  MORE CAKE! 🙂

Would You Read It Wednesday – The 53rd Pitch And The July Pitch Pick!

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Happy Wednesday Everyone!

I am very excited for Would You Read It today!  Not only do we get to start the day with Something Chocolate, not only do we get to read a great new pitch, not only am I not in the car (it’s true!  I’m not in the car!  Can you believe it?), but this is the first month where we’re trying out the new system!

Previously, we just voted on the month’s pitches, but NOW, as per the new policy, pitchers who wanted to have had the chance to revise their pitches for the pitch pick, so what you will be seeing today is that in action for the first time!

3 of our 4 July pitchers chose to take your helpful comments and revise for the July Pitch Pick, so here are the pitches for your evaluation:

#1 Carrie
Title: Singin’ Sam, the Ice Cream Man
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
Pitch: Sam loves dishing out ice cream to his favorite customers. But when a rival ice cream truck shows up on his corner, Sam must find a way to out-sing, out-scoop, and out-serve the competition to keep his customers — and himself — happy.

#2 Rita
Working Title:  What’s Wrong With Molly Zwirl
Age/Genre:  Chapter Book (ages 6-9)
The Pitch:  Molly, an immigrant girl from Europe settling in the USA, is just like the girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead.  She tries so hard to be good but when her grandparents come she just has to be bad.

#3 Vivian

Working Title: The Tomato Turner
Genre/Age: Picture Book/3-8
Stuck between a brainy brother and an adorable sister, Peter Peter middle-seater is searching for a way to be spectacular.  When he sees the basket of green tomatoes, he knows his chance to astonish his family has come…if only he can turn the tomatoes red.

#4 Dana
Working Title:  CJ’s Tiger
Age/Genre:  Picture Book (ages 4-8)
CJ has always dreamed of having a tiger for a pet, so he is thrilled when he awakens one day to find that his cat “Tiger” has transformed into a real tiger. However he soon learns that having a pet tiger is a lot harder than he imagined when the day turns into one big catastrophe!

Please vote for your favorite below by Sunday August 19 at noon EDT.  I will announce the winner Monday and send her pitch off to editor Erin Molta for comment at that time.

I must say, this is a tough choice!!!  I can’t wait to see how the votes land!

Now, onto today’s pitch, which comes to us from Sharron.  Sharron loves reading, writing, sharing with friends and learning new things.  She blogs at Nothing But Writing and has joined us here once before for the 27th pitch of Sorrysorrysorry back on February 15.  (As a matter of fact, she was the winner of the February pitch pick!)

Here is her pitch for today:

Working Title:  Nothing But Blue Skies
Age/Genre:  Upper Middle Grade Fantasy
The Pitch:  Wizards have turned the world topsy-turvy. The sky is green. The grass is purple. Streams are pale pink. An abused, fourteen-year old princess is the only being able to change it back. But – not as a girl. A dragon’s tear transforms her into a prince. To triumph over magic, she must find out who she is and who she wants to be.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sharron improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in September, which is not very far away at all at this point, so we could really use some new pitches!!

Sharron has struggled mightily with this pitch and is very much looking forward to your thoughts!

I am looking forward to hearing everyone’s reactions to the new pitch pick system.  Do you like it?  Would you prefer to have the old pitch and the revised pitch both shown so you can compare, or would that make too much reading or be confusing?  Inquiring minds want to know 🙂

Extra! Extra! Read All About It! Puffling Patrol by Ted and Betsy Lewin (with a giveaway!)

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Good Morning, everyone!  I hope you all had excellent weekends!  In case you’re dragging a little at the thought of Monday-after-the-Olympics-are-over, I have a special treat for you 🙂

It just so happens that today is my mom’s birthday!  To celebrate, we shall have cake!  Of course I can’t use pictures from google images anymore, and I don’t have a photo of the actual cake at this writing because I haven’t baked it yet, so you will have to use your imaginations just a little…

(   )
doesn’t this look like a cake?

Please help yourself to as much as you like – it can be any flavor you want 🙂

Not only do I have cake for you, but a few weeks ago, maybe because of Perfect Picture Books, I got an email from Lee & Low Books.  Would I like to review a new book from Ted and Betsy Lewin?  But of course I would!  I’m afraid I’m not as familiar with Ted’s work, although of course I’ve heard of him, but I think we all know Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type illustrated by Betsy! 🙂

So here’s a little peek at their new book, which came out this spring but is of special interest now because of the topic – the rescue of pufflings as they head for the sea each August.

used with kind permission of publisher

Puffling Patrol
Written & Illustrated by: Ted & Betsy Lewin
Published by: Lee & Low Books, March 2012
56 pages
Recommended for: grades 2-4/ages 7-10
Theme/Topic: puffling rescue off the coast of Iceland, nature, caring for wild animals in need, kindness
Opening:  “It is the end of August.  Soon the adult puffins will be gone to spend the winter in the cold northern seas.  The pufflings in the dark burrows will then be on their own.”

In April, hundreds of thousands of puffins flock to the Westman Islands off the coast of Iceland.  They nest in the cliffs, digging burrows into the soil where they lay their eggs, then hatch and raise their chicks, called pufflings.  By August, the babies are ready to leave the burrows and head out to sea, but some of them become confused by the lights of the town and land in the streets instead.  Puffins are too chunky to take off without wind and space, so if the babies land in town they can’t get back to sea by themselves – they need help.  The children of the Puffling Patrol search the streets, finding the frightened babies, placing them in cardboard boxes in their homes overnight, and returning them to the ocean in the morning.

baby puffling
image used by permission of publisher

This story is about Ted and Betsy’s experience visiting the Westman Islands and witnessing the puffling patrol firsthand.

rescued pufflings safe in a cardboard box
image used by permission of publisher

The book is full of interesting information about the birds, their habitat, and the annual patrol that keeps the pufflings safe.  Some of the paintings are whimsical, very reminiscent of the style of Click Clack Moo.  Others are beautiful watercolors showing the wild, rocky terrain and the wide sky, so lovely you can almost feel the wind.  The book is heavy on text, so perhaps not the best choice for very young listeners or those with limited attention spans, but excellent for readers interested in animals and the natural world.  It would be a nice addition to elementary school study of migration, wild birds, animal rescue, or nature, and an interesting read for children interested in these subjects.  In addition to the story, there is a nice introduction which explains where and why the story takes place, and several pages of facts at the end about Atlantic Puffins, the volcano of 1973 which formed part of the island, and puffins today, along with a bibliography, a glossary, and a pronunciation guide.  I think this book would make a lovely addition to any school or home library.

image used by permission of publisher

Lee & Low was kind enough to send me a hardcover review copy, which, now that I’ve reviewed I have permission to give away to one lucky reader!  If you would like it, please leave a comment below saying why you’re interested or who you’d like it for.  Random.org will be responsible for picking a winner Thursday evening (August 16) so please leave your comment before then!

Enjoy your cake 🙂 and tune in Wednesday for Would You Read It – the July pitch pick and Sharron with the 53rd pitch as we swing into year 2!  And now, I’m off to Pennsylvania with a banjo on my knee 🙂

Summer Short And Sweets – Week 6

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In celebration of the Olympics, which are drawing to a close, and of Would You Read It’s birthday this week, let me welcome you to Week 6 of Summer Short & Sweets for The Pitch Olympics!!!!!

badge created by Loni Edwards
Does this look familiar?
[Character] who [a unique, special, or defining characteristic of said character] wants/needs [goal] more than anything but can’t get it because of [obstacle(s)].
Simple.  Classic.  Elegant 🙂
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write an awesome pitch (or 2 or 3) for a picture book.  The fun part?  It doesn’t have to be for a book you’ve written.. or even intend to write… 🙂
It can be a pitch for something you think up right here right now this very second!  Or a pitch for a work-in-progress!  Or a pitch for a bit of an idea you’ve been ruminating on since breakfast!  Or a pitch for someone else’s published book – you take the story and boil it down into a pitch!  Or take the idea from someone else’s published book, or a nursery rhyme, or a fairy tale, and change a detail of the plot, setting, character, POV etc. and make it into a new pitch idea!  Anything goes!
Just make it as interesting as you can so we all want to read it!  And if enough people put up pitches, I’m guessing we’ll all get loads of story inspiration ideas!  The great thing?  Even if 14 people wrote a story off the same pitch, it would probably come out 14 different ways!
In case you’re feeling overwhelmed and stymied, here are a few options for each category:  ( you can do the old pick a number from 1-10 and don’t peek routine if you want to be random, or just pick whatever blows your hair back :))
Character:
1. Sophie
2. Max
3. Rover
4. Stinky Pete
5. Tiger
6. Isabella
7. Lasso Larry
8. Stegadora
9. Two-Toed Ted
10. Sugar Brown
Defining/Unique Characteristic:
1. is afraid of loud noises
2. hates to get wet
3. is a pirate
4. loves licorice
5. is a princess
6. comes from Venus
7. is a ballerina
8. always has her/his nose in the air
9. is a tightrope walker
10. is impatient
Goal:
wants a sister
wants to ride a two-wheeler
wants to lose a tooth
wants to live in the jungle
want a best friend
wants to be brave
wants to be first
wants to go to school
wants to be famous
wants to go camping
Obstacles:
hmmm…. you may be on your own for this one since it’s hard to think of obstacles that can apply in any situation – they kind of need to be specific… but:
1. natural disaster (forest fire, flood, tornado, volcano, earthquake, hurricane, blizzard etc.)
2. injury (physical)
3. injury (emotional)
4. sibling interference
5. parental control
6. friend betrayal
7. lack of talent or ability
8. rules/laws
(feel free to add anything else generic you can think up in the comments and I’ll edit and add here :))
Here are a couple examples from yours truly to set the mood 🙂
1.  Goldilocks, who is tired of porridge and bears, heads for Paris to open a cafe, but she hasn’t the slightest idea how to cook!
2.  Harold, who is a master of truth-bending, wants a job to earn money for a new baseball glove so he can make the local team, but nobody trusts him.
3.  Stinky Pete, a pirate on the foul ship Treasure Stealer, longs for a kitten but is afraid he’ll be made to walk the plank if he gets one.
So, are you ready?
Pitch!
Just for a change of pace, I am on my way to Vermont as we speak, so I will have to check in on you  from afar, and probably read your awesome posts very late tonight, but I can’t wait to see what you all come up with!  Give it your best shot.  Remember, this is for Pitch Olympic Gold! 🙂 (BTW, I had an awesome graphic I was going to use for this.  I found an Olympic image on google images and Renee personalized it using her amazing photoshopping abilities, but after all the talk about fair use, I’m afraid to put it up!  But, maybe just for a day or two so you can see it… :))
Have a great weekend, everyone, and tune in Monday for a special post and giveaway (assuming I manage to return from my travels and actually write it! :))

Would You Read It Wednesday – The 52nd Pitch!!!

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Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Would You Read It
Happy Birthday to you!!!

I know!  I can’t believe it either!  Would You Read It is one year old today!  Today makes the 52nd pitch we’ve had the privilege to read – 52 writers whose pitches have benefited from all the thoughtful, helpful comments generated by YOU.  I’m really proud to be part of such a generous effort.  It’s wonderful that this community is so supportive!  Thank you all for participating, and I hope we’ll have lots and lots more pitches to look forward to.  I’m waiting for the first book to be published that was pitched here – won’t that be a day to celebrate?! 🙂

Before we get to today’s pitch, a couple items of business.

First, I want to thank the lovely, vivacious, mistress of counting, everybody’s favorite Cupcake for bestowing the Blog On Fire Award on me.  Cupcake, you are the mostest 🙂

As you all know, I am terrible at awards.  I’m supposed to tell 5 things about myself and pass the award to 5 favorite bloggers.  I’ll try for the 5 about me, but I can’t possibly pick only 5 favorites among you when I love you all 🙂 so anyone who would like the award can consider themselves chosen 🙂

1.  I have fewer dresses than Cupcake (who owns 9) and
2.  I have no tutus at all (gasp! I know! Cupcake has 2!), so clearly I need to rectify that 🙂
3.  I have been in Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Connecticut, New York, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina, and the District of Columbia in the past month.  That may be a traveling record for me!
4.  I am totally looking forward to The Bourne Legacy even though Matt Damon isn’t in it.  Sigh.
5.  I could have been an Olympic Gymnast… except I’m uncoordinated… and have no talent for gymnastics 🙂  But I really like watching them so that has to count for something 🙂

Alrighty, then.  Onward.

Due to my extensive traveling, I’m just a tad behind on ye olde blog schedule.  I was going to put the July Pitch Pick on today’s post, but the new policy states that pitchers have the chance to revise their pitches before the vote and since I’ve been wandering around the midwest and random New York airports I haven’t emailed them all to get the version they want to use for the pitch pick, so…  not Friday, because that’s Short & Sweets, and not Monday because I have a special post to share that day :)… so I guess it’ll be next Wednesday for that.  If you happen to be one of the July pitchers, please feel free to email me the version you want to use 🙂

So now, at last, it’s time to grab your Something Chocolate (has anyone tried Chocolate Cheerios?  Are they good?) and see what you think of today’s pitch which comes to us from the lovely Patricia who is a pre-published writer of picture books, with a YA fantasy and MG fantasy series rattling around her laptop.  After a meandering journey from Wall Street attorney to not-for-profit fundraiser, with many years volunteering to support arts and education in between, this mother of three mostly-grown children and two young-at-heart pups is now busy banging on the keyboard, trying to write that elusive perfect children’s book.  She loves dogs, travel & the flora and fauna of living life to the full.  Like Two Orange Pups on Facebook to share their Woofs of Wisdom each Wednesday.


And here’s her pitch:

Working Title:  Two Orange Pups And The Ball
Age/Genre:  Picture Book (ages 3-6)
The Pitch:  Two orange pups.  The perfect ball.  Sounds simple, until the picky princess pup turns up her nose at each of her friends’ perfect balls.   Follow the pair and their friends on this madcap quest at they discover that shared experiences, not possessions, matter most.


So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Patricia improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in September, which is not very far away at all at this point, so we could really use some new pitches!!
Patricia is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
And I am off – yes, on the road again! – but this time to a day care/summer camp visit with Phyllis and Woolliam – first one since school got out in June so I’m feeling a little rusty…!  I hope we’ll have a good day!

Oh Susanna – Is It Okay To Use Sentence Fragments In Picture Book Manuscripts?

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“On the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again….“

Oh, sorry!  I guess it is a little early Monday morning to be subjecting you to my singing 🙂

But, like the song says, I am on the road again.  This time it’s JFK or bust.  Talk about scary traffic loops!  I’m really and truly hoping I find the right terminal.  If anyone wants to send good vibes my way, I won’t say no!

Of course I’ve been to JFK lots of times before… but always in a cab with a taxi driver who knows where he’s going!  But there’s nothing like adding a little excitement to your life, right? 🙂

Speaking of which, where is my EZ Pass?  Seriously, the whole point of an EZ Pass is EASE!  Back when I had the Dogmobile, it was easy.  It stuck right to the windshield by the rearview mirror.  When I switched to Princess Blue Kitty, the EZ Pass came with me, but the stick-on thingies went with the Dogmobile, so now my EZ Pass is supposed to be in the glove compartment, but I have to remember to take it out and hold it up to the windshield.  And sometimes it falls down in the cracks somewhere… and searching for it makes for perilous driving… talk about excitement…  It must be here somewhere… And you must be able to get replacement stick-on thingies…

Anyway, whilst I’m driving through confounding traffic patterns and searching for my EZ Pass, you all can read the answer to today’s Oh Susanna question, another one from Darshana – she should probably get double billing on Oh Susanna since she’s always so full of helpful questions 🙂  Which reminds me, if anyone has any questions, please send them along – I’m nearly out!

Today Darshana is wondering whether it’s okay to use sentence fragments in picture books (and I happen to know Robyn was wondering this too, so I’m assuming maybe a lot of people are in the same state of wonderment :))  Here is her exact question:

Recently I was typing out Mostly Monsterly by Tammi Sauer so I could study the text.
In a few places there were sentence fragments posing as sentences.
Example: 
“And pet kittens. And bake.”
I understand why this was done in the finished book. However, when submitting a MS should a pb author use correct grammar all the time, or can the author take artistic license to make the story more alive?

This is a very good question.  Because as Darshana so cleverly pointed out with an example, there are LOTS of instances where sentence fragments are used in picture books.

The answer is fairly straightforward.  In general, you should be as correct as possible.  Your grammar should be correct.  Your spelling should be correct.  Your word usage should be correct.  Your manuscripts should be presented in as professionally written a way as you are capable of.

HOWEVER, judiciously used, for a specific purpose, sentence fragments can be acceptable, as can sentences beginning with “and” or “but” (normally big no-nos).  It must be for the sake of effect, rhythm, or voice, though.  It has to feel right.  And it can’t be every single sentence.  It may also be best not to use one right up front to start your story, lest the editor reading it think you don’t know how to construct a sentence.

The best advice I can give you is to read lots of picture books (always a good practice anyway) and see when and how sentence fragments are used in traditionally published books.  This will give you a feel for what’s acceptable.

This question also brings to mind a related one – about proper language.  If you are familiar with Junie B. Jones, you will know that Junie speaks in a way that is supposed to sound childlike and five-year-oldish.  Personally, I have never heard a five year old speak that way – none of mine did – but I get the point.  My kids enjoyed the stories, but when I read them aloud, I always corrected the grammar.  I just couldn’t read them aloud as they were printed.  Clearly, this is something that doesn’t bother lots and lots of people, and clearly didn’t bother the editor who bought the book, so my point is, to some degree, it’s a matter of voice and personal taste.  It is also one of the things that separates one writer’s style from another’s.  Barbara Park is comfortable writing that way and has enjoyed a great deal of success with Junie (and for the record, I think her stories are appealing, as is Junie, and kids really like them – I just personally stumble over that language issue a bit).  But I think what makes it work for her is the fact that she’s telling good stories.  I can’t think of an instance where incorrect language is used in picture books, though, except perhaps occasionally in an illustrated note that is supposed to look as though a child wrote it.

Darshana, I do hope that answers your question.  If not, please feel free to ask for further clarification in the comments.  And as always, I would be glad to have anyone with knowledge and expertise in this area add their two cents – this is a collaborative effort to help all of us be better educated and prepared to do a better job with our writing – so comment away!

Now, I guess I’d better find that flingin’-flangin’ EZ Pass.  There’s a toll booth coming up!

Have a great day, everyone 🙂

“On the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again….“

Summer Short And Sweets – Week 5

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Woo-hoo!  Time for Summer Short & Sweets! 🙂

badge created by Loni Edwards

I am so happy it’s Friday!  Visiting colleges is tons of fun but also tiring and all those donuts that driving is not good for my fitness.  I am learning things, though.  Do you know what the smallest private college in the United States is?  Apparently that distinction belongs to Alaska Bible College with an enrollment of 38 students.  Who knew?  I hope you all feel as enriched by that little tidbit as I do.  We will not be visiting Alaska Bible College (our loss I’m sure) but I cannot possibly put up with Jo-Jilly for that long of a drive!

So let’s have some fun, shall we?  Let’s see what we can think up today…

First, choose an emotion.  Just in case you can’t think of any, here are a few:

Interest, politeness, surprise, anger, annoyance, contempt, disgust, irritation, serenity, relief, relaxation, contentment, calmness, anxiety, embarrassment, fear, helplessness, powerlessness, worry, courage, hope, pride, satisfaction, trust, doubt, envy, frustration, guilt, shame, affection, empathy, friendliness, love, boredom, despair, disappointment, hurt, sadness, amusement, delight, elation, stress, shock, tension, excitement, happiness, joy, pleasure…

Got one?

Second, choose an animal that emotion makes you think of – either similar or opposite – but you can also go random and see what you come up with 🙂  Again, a list for anyone who’s feeling uninspired 🙂

Aardvark, anteater, badger, beaver, camel, cat, chimpanzee, cow, deer, donkey, gazelle, gorilla, hamster, hippo, horse, jaguar, kangaroo, lamb, lion, lynx, mink, moose, monkey, opossum, ox, ocelot, polar bear, porcupine, pony, porpoise, puppy, raccoon, rhinoceros, ram, salamander, squirrel, skunk, tiger, turtle, toad, walrus, warthog, wolf, wombat, yak, zebra…

Got one?

Okay.  Here’s what we’re going to do:

1. Pick an adjective that compares/relates/associates your animal to your emotion (e.g. if you chose angry and cat, you might choose hissing, spitting, or twitchy for your adjective)
2. Write an action filled phrase describing how the animal moves (e.g. if you chose cat you might say slinking, slitted eyes shifting suspiciously)
3. Write a phrase telling where the animal lives (e.g. if you chose monkey you might say in the crown of the rainforest)
4. Write a phrase that either tells readers why the animals acts the way it does, or possibly how others react to it (e.g. if you’re writing about an angry monkey you might say screeching for the baboon’s banana)

Put it all together like this:

Emotion
is [a/an/the] adjective from #1  animal
action filled phrase from #2
phrase telling where animal lives from #3
phrase telling why animal acts that way or how others react to it from #4

and you have a) a short poem and b) great practice in simile/metaphor!

Here’s mine for satisfaction and cat

Satisfaction
is a purring cat
curled warm and soft
on a noontime windowsill,
soaking up sunshine because she can.

Here’s another for bewilderment and penguin

Bewilderment
is a tuxedoed penguin
tiptoeing tentatively
at the icy ocean’s edge
wondering where his dinner dove.

How about one for shame and snail?

Shame
is a slump-shouldered snail
creeping, head down,
in the shadow of the stone wall
hoping to escape scrutiny.

The fact that I have barely been home for two weeks, I’m cross-eyed from driving, and I’ve been dulled into a creative stupor by innumerable college info sessions and tour guide spiels should make you all feel very brave about attempting this because you can be sure whatever you write will not be the worst thing up here – I have helpfully put my own attempts in that place of dishonor 🙂

Now you try!  Not only will you be sharpening your simile/metaphor skills, perhaps you will inspire a story – for yourself or someone else – or perhaps you’ll read someone else’s and get a great idea!  Do as many as you want – they’re totally fun!  I can’t wait to read what you come up with!!!

Of course, as I will be driving home from Ohio, which is very far away, I will probably not get to read your sterling work until late sniffle sniff…  But that’s just more to look forward to 🙂

Have a great weekend everyone!!! 🙂  And remember, if you want to be eligible for Short & Sweet prizes, you must submit at least one entry for each SS&S week’s prompt.  Please see HERE for full details!  So far, 44 people have done at least one, but only a dedicated 9 have done all 4 to date… in case you were wondering 🙂

Would You Read It Wednesday – The 51st Pitch!

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Good Morning, my friends!  I hope you are all feeling happy and well today, and full of inspiration and creativity!

I, personally, am back in the car with Jo-Jilly with whom I am not on speaking terms because she decided to give me the silent treatment as I approached our nation’s capitol last week.  If you have ever driven in those horrifying belt loops or whatever they call it (especially if, like me, you are not familiar with the area) let me assure you that you do not want to be there without guidance.  Especially at night. In the rain.  When you have been driving for many hours…  So now of course she’s all, “In .2 miles turn right into Pennsylvania.”  Like that’s going to win me back!  But I’ve been up since 4:30 AM and I’m not feeling that forgiving just yet.  Maybe after I stop at Dunkin’ for some coffee (where, by the way, I think I should have a dedicated parking space with my name on it – or maybe Princess Blue Kitty’s – since I spend so much time there lately) maybe if she manages to stay civil about departing from the route I’ll consider letting her back into my good graces then…  We’ll just see…! 🙂

I think negotiating with your GPS should be an Olympic sport.

Meanwhile, we have important things to do here!  It’s time for Something Chocolate (I don’t think there’s any pretending I won’t be having chocolate donuts this morning… I love those little chocolate munchkins :))

O
in case you are wondering, this is my drawing of a chocolate donut since I have no photos!
and Would You Read It!

Today’s pitch comes to us from the very talented Randy, who blogs over at Randy Lindsay – Author In Training.  Any of you who aren’t familiar with his blog should hop over and take a peek.  He has great writing prompts and often posts samples of his work which are inspiring to read.  He is incredibly creative and has a great sense of humor!  He was my “partner” in Kerri Cuevas’s Choose Your Own Adventure last year.  He is also the father of NINE (9)!  Yes.  Really! 🙂

And come to think of it, he may be only the third person of his gender who has been brave enough to stand up for Would You Read It, so let’s give him a round of applause just for that! 🙂  In addition, he freely admits that picture books are not in his usual wheelhouse…

And now, here’s Randy’s pitch:

Working Title: Charlie The Chimney Mouse
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 6-10)
The Pitch: Charlie is looking forward to the holiday season when the unthinkable happens. His human family moves away. He does his best to celebrate the holidays on his own, but discovers that it isn’t the songs, feasts, and parties that make this time of year special . . . it’s the people you share it with. 

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Randy improve his pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August, which is not very far away at all at this point, so we could really use some new pitches!!
Randy is looking forward to your thoughts on his pitch!
And I am looking forward to finding Ohio, with or without that Jill.  Honestly, it’s fairly large.  I should be able to spot it! 🙂
Have a wonderful day!