Would You Read It Wednesday – The 54th Pitch, And Straight From The Editor #11

Buenos Miercoles mi amigos!

I hope you are all deeply impressed with my ability to render Spanish unrecognizable 🙂  It’s a gift 🙂

Surprise, surprise, guess where I am?  If you guessed en el coche (in the car for our English speaking audience) you are correct!  I may have to be surgically removed from Princess Blue Kitty come September… we are starting to have a very hard time telling where one of us ends and the other begins 🙂

Anyhoo, I know you are all champing at the bit to get to today’s pitch, plus we have Straight From The Editor.  Has there ever been anything better that Would You Read It Wednesday?  But yes!  The Something Chocolate that goes along with it!  Of course you may grab whatever chocolate suits your fancy, but today I am serving chocolate chip pancakes because Wendy suggested them and they sounded like a perfect choice!

In case you were wondering, I DO realize that this is not a picture of chocolate chip pancakes.  It is my step-daughter’s wedding cake.  But it is the only picture of food I have, and people have been poking fun at my ability to draw food using only the options on the keyboard, so just pretend since I can’t borrow from google anymore.  Chocolate chip pancakes anyone? 🙂

So, first up, Straight From The Editor starring Erin Molta, and Dana’s pitch.

Here is Dana’s pitch:

Working Title:  CJ’s Tiger
Age/Genre:  Picture Book (ages 4-8)
CJ has always dreamed of having a tiger for a pet, so he is thrilled when he awakens one day to find that his cat “Tiger” has transformed into a real tiger. However he soon learns that having a pet tiger is a lot harder than he imagined when the day turns into one big catastrophe!

And here are Erin’s comments:

This is cute! But since most people realize that a pet tiger might be more difficult to care for than a cat, I think you might want to add at least one example of how catastrophic it can be. So, the first sentence is fine but then I would say, “However, when “Tiger” mauls her favorite scratching post to smithereens and swallows the steaks mom had out for dinner –whole, he realizes that having a pet tiger is a lot harder than he imagined.” Of course, using the scenes you were envisioning that would make the day a catastrophe 🙂.

I think that is very helpful, don’t you?

Now, it’s time for today’s pitch which comes to us from Kimberley who has worked as a literacy coach, elementary teacher, grant writer, public policy lobbyist, and Executive Director of Literacy Volunteers. She is a master in the art of moving and changing. She is concentrating on staying in one place, raising her children in Maine, teaching, reading, and writing.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title:  Saturdays With Fish
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-7)
The Pitch:  When Libby goes fishing with her stepdad he calls her “Fish”. The loud loud loud of the city is left behind as they head to the quiet quiet quiet of the pond. It is there that Libby and her Stepdad find joy as simple and warm as the sun, well, except when Libby accidentally hooks a bullfrog!

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kimberley improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in Octoberber, which is not very far away, so we could really use some new pitches!!

Kimberley is looking forward to your thoughts!  And I am looking forward to getting out of the car… if I am still able to stand up… and no, those are certainly NOT donut crumbs! 🙂  See you all Friday for the last Summer Short & Sweet which is going to be tons of fun!!!!!

38 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The 54th Pitch, And Straight From The Editor #11

  1. Tina Cho says:

    Perhaps. I really like your last sentence in your pitch. In the beginning, I don't think it's necessary to repeat the words “loud' and “quiet.” This is great that it's about a girl and her step-dad, specifically, rather than just dad. I can't recall any pb's with that detail off the top of my head. The last sentence makes the story sound fun. Maybe you can add a little more of that “fun” in a previous sentence. ??

  2. Patricia Nozell says:

    I'd say Maybe. I like the premise of a girl & a step-dad trying something new together in a seemingly new place. I'd like to hear more about the relevance of hooking the bull frog.

  3. Kimberley says:

    Hmm. They aren't trying something new together. It's where they connect and find peace doing something they both love. So there is peace and quiet fishing and then Libby hooks a frog by accident and some craziness ensues before peace comes on back. I'm not sure what you mean by relevance in this sense. Did that answer your thinking? I'd love to hear more. Thanks for your opinion!

  4. Pamela Courtney says:

    I'd read it.

    Does Libby's step-dad call her Fish on this specific fishing day and so the title of the story? Or, does something zany happen and so he nicknames her Fish? Just trying to understand your first line and how it connects to the title. It seems that is your intent. I like the poetic feel of “loud, loud, loud.” If this is throughout the book, this is going to be a fun read. If not, you may not need it here. Is there a way to connect the first two lines? I wish I could offer a suggestion, but I'm unable. Having a story about a daughter and step dad is great. I wish I'd come up with such a new idea.

  5. Kimberley says:

    That's great. That's just what I needed. I know I have to work on it, but I'm in my own head to much. I so appreciate your time in giving me feedback.

  6. pennyklostermann says:

    I say a strong maybe. To me the pitch is confusing. It starts out sounding like a quiet, relationship book and then ends on a funny note…but more of a silly-funny note than warm fuzzy funny note that would fit with the building of a relationship. A little more specific: The first line made me think I would hear a story about how she got the nickname Fish. Then the middle seems about their relationship. And then end about a silly/funny incident.

    I agree with others…I don't think you need to repeat loud and quiet.
    The reason I say a strong maybe is because despite my confusion with the pitch, you piqued my interest.
    Clarify your pitch and my strong maybe will be sure to turn into a strong yes!

  7. Mary from Madison says:

    I think the twist at the end asks the characters and the readers to be ready for anything. Fish is expecting quiet and calm but is surprised. I would read this and share with student writers.

  8. Sidney Schuhmann Levesque says:

    My toddler loves fish, and I would probably read her this book for that reason alone. I love the realism of the story, which would help children relate. And any humor you could add would go over well.

  9. Genevieve says:

    This story has me hooked (get it?!). I like the idea of the step dad and little girl bonding over fishing. Do they catch and release the fish (and frog)? Although fishing can be peaceful and fun and meditative, who's taking the hooks out? That scares me.

  10. Stacy Jensen says:

    Poor bullfrog. I like the idea of a step parent book. The loud x 3 and quiet x 3 struck me, because it made me think noises are dominant in the story. My hubby loves to fish and my toddler likes to fish at storytime. So we're a yes.

  11. Patricia Tilton says:

    Enjoyed Erin's comments.

    Pitch: Yes, I would read it. Like the idea of her step dad and daughter bonding. Don't see step parents in many stories. Good idea.

  12. Kirsten Larson says:

    Kimberley, I can already feel the quiet peacefulness of your story. I had a couple of thoughts. First, the first sentence about the nickname seems ancillary to the pitch. I might cut it and focus on the meet of the story. Also, for the last sentence, I might reword slightly: until Libby accidentally hooks a bullfrog (instead of except when). Best of luck!

  13. Dana Atnip says:

    Thank you so much Erin, those are definitely helpful comments! Looks like I'll be sharpening up my pitch! 🙂

    For Kimberly: I would read it, as I like the idea of a picture book that involves a step parent & showcases the bonding of the step parent & the child.
    There already are so many helpful comments already posted that I feel I don't have a lot more to add, other than maybe considering adding the reason why Libby's step dad calls her “Fish” in the pitch, I think it would be fun to know! Good luck! 🙂

  14. Sharron says:

    The picture of the chocolate chip pancakes was mouth watering. *giggle*

    I'd read this. My granddaughter and I were at the river yesterday watching folk fish. I haven't a pole anymore, but I promised her we'd attack her uncle and make him take us. So – to see your pitch today brought a warm smile to my face.

    I'm not sure about the repetition – it sounded odd. I'd like to see Mom or Grandma take her, but I did like the step-dad. Please make sure you are consistent with capitalization.

    I think the ending line is perfect. Great twist. I can see the expressions of daughter and step-dad. along with poor frog. An illustrator would have a field day with this.

    Best of luck!

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