Would You Read It #117 – Tell Me About The Baby (MG Novel In Verse) PLUS Straight From The Editor!

Remember last week when I was going through the things I forgot and said I thought there was something else?

Well, there WAS!

Due to the fact that I didn’t receive them (holiday busy-ness and all that) I never posted Straight From The Editor for our tied October winners!  (At least, I’m pretty sure I never posted them…  If I did, just pretend I didn’t.  You know the drill :))

I wouldn’t want you to miss any of Erin’s insightful comments, so here they are:

First, Julie’s pitch:

Broccolilocks PB (ages 3-6)CRUNCH! To satisfy Broccolilocks‘ GIANT appetite her parents plant every inch of their community garden plot. But a mysterious stink leads her nose down the rows to find that something has been munching on her favorite: broccoli! Inviting hungry friends to keep pesky aphids in check, and Broccolilocks fed, may be just right!
And here are Erin’s thoughts:
This has potential, but I am not getting a feel for the story. Is it about getting rid of aphids—thus teamwork or about satisfying a growing appetite.  The hook—the reason why an editor would want to acquire this or even ask to see more is missing. I like the Goldilocks reference –it’s very cute–but what about hungry friends is just right? I think you need to figure out what the main point of the story is. The main goal and message, so to speak for the story. Is it that Broccolilocks will eat anything and everything but broccoli is her favorite and the aphids are eating it, so she must save it? Or is it that Broccolilocks doesn’t have any friends because she eats anything and everything but she manages to meet some in their common goal of getting rid of the aphids? Once you’ve determined the main goal of the story then you can work in the clever Goldilocks references.
Second, Rosi’s pitch:
Iris The Rainbow Girl PB (ages 2-5)Iris sees a sparkling rainbow.  It’s so beautiful, she decides she wants to be one. Her parents tell her all the reasons she cannot, but Iris is determined and won’t let anyone hang a dark cloud over her idea. Soap bubbles have little rainbows on them, but when she covers herself with them, they burst and wash away. After dreaming about rainbows, Iris comes up with a way to achieve her goal
And here are Erin’s thoughts:
This is lovely. However, the last bit falls flat. You don’t want to keep the ending a secret when you’re pitching because an editor doesn’t necessarily ask to see something because she is curious about the ending—she is intrigued and wants to see how the author got there—the actual writing. So, I would give more of a hint as to what Iris did to BECOME a rainbow.
As always, I find Erin’s comments so helpful!  I hope you do too!
Now.  I’m feeling a little faint after all that absorbing of professional pitch critique, so I think we better have a little pick-me-up…  A little snack to tide us over until second breakfast 🙂
It’s time for…
You guessed it!
Something Chocolate!!!

I went all out for you guys today – fancy chocolatey deliciousness… with coffee!!  Enjoy! 🙂

Today’s pitch comes to us from Joy who says, I’m a children’s poet.  I’ve published in Highlight’s HIGH FIVE  (Follow The Footsteps–a puzzle poem is scheduled for publication Feb. 2014) and have poems in The Poetry Friday Anthology, and the Poetry Friday Anthology for Middle Grades, edited by Sylvia Vardell and Janet Wong (Pomelo Books). And their anthology of science poems scheduled for March 2014.
I have a blog at www.poetryforkidsjoy.blogspot.com  where I daily post a children’s poem and a writing prompt.  I’ve been doing this for almost 3 years.  (You do the math, that’s a lot of poetry and a LOT of fun!)
Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Tell Me About The Baby
Age/Genre: MG Novel in Verse
The Pitch:  When Sara’s parents are killed in an auto accident, her older brother comes to take her home with him.  Will Sara be able to adjust to the grief of losing her parents, her home, her school and friends?  Will she adjust to an older brother who wants to act like a father, a pregnant sister-in-law who resents having an almost-teenager in her house, and a new town, school, teachers and hopefully new friends?  Will Sara, who has always been the baby, adjust to a new baby, or will she be a built-in babysitter?  Can Sara make a new life for herself?
(The title comes from the first question Sara asks her brother as they are riding on an airplane to Tucson where she is to tart her new life.)

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Joy improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in February so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for a chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Joy is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to when it stops raining (which will hopefully be before the house floats off the mountaintop :))

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone, and good luck to all the ReViMo-ers out there – you can do it!!!

Would You Read It Wednesday #115 – Tomboy Rules: Blossoms Are Always Prepared (MG) PLUS The November Pitch Pick

So, how’s everyone coming with their Holiday Contest entry?

Good?

Everybody working?

You’ll be completely unsurprised to discover that I have not even started my sample entry.

That is because I still have 5 full days.

OMG!  I only have 5 days!

Panic!

Panic!

Quick!  This calls for something calming!

Something Chocolate!!!

Oh, look!  We have Scotheroos, prepared by the lovely and talented Tina!

Scotcheroo courtesy of Tina Cho used with permission

According to Tina, the top is chocolate and butterscotch melted together… YUM…  The bottom is rice krispie, peanut butter and light corn syrup.  Doesn’t that sound delicious???  Please, help yourselves.  It’s important to maintain a steady caloric intake during cold weather to prevent frostbite 🙂

Ah.  I feel much calmer now.  Just let’s all take care not to remind me how I’m running out of time to write you-know-what for the you-know-what 🙂  And you guys have almost 5 more days than I do, so you’re all in good shape 🙂

Okay.  Time to get down to brass tacks.  First off, the November Pitch Pick.

Here are the 4 pitches, revised in response to your very helpful feedback (for which everyone was so grateful!)

#1 Steve
Rashad Saves The World (PB ages 5-8)
Rashad is tired of being the youngest and the least important member of his family. When he learns at school that he can save the world, he leaps straight into action and straight into trouble with his family as cell phones disappear down toilets and ice cream turns into soup. And when he accidentally demolishes the garden of his fearsome next door neighbour, his career as a Super Hero seems to have come to an abrupt end. Will he still be able to save the world? Perhaps he already has …

#2 Koren
Diary Of A Heroic Horse: Molly Gives Faith Hope (PB ages 6-13)

Two very special ponies are rescued in this heroic story of overcoming the odds to survive. Faith was stabled in Spain, where her former owners barely had a kind word for her, much less food. Molly was a casualty of Hurricane Katrina, the storm that devastated an entire American city.
Both left terribly injured, Faith and Molly were gifted back their freedom after becoming the first ponies in the world to be fitted with prosthetic legs, thanks to the determination of their rescuers.
Saving these two little horses brought together two families across the Atlantic to form a lasting friendship and a bond that can never be broken.
Share in the incredible story of Faith’s rescue and recovery, and her treasured friendship with Molly, in this diary-style picture book packed full of beautiful photographs.
All funds raised from the sale of this book are shared equally between the two charities that continue to care for Faith and Molly – Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre Foundation (in Spain) and Kids and Ponies – Molly’s Foundation (in America). Thank you for your support.

#3 Mary
Polka Dot Sue (PB ages 3-6)

Polka Dot Sue is the story of a young girl with polka dot hair, who takes great pride in who she is and conveys this pride with her enjoyment of clothing herself handsomely each day. The story gives a child the sense of self acceptance and pride to show others that a deep sense of self-empowerment come from believing in one self despite obstacles.  With  the color-emotion awareness, another sense of expressiveness, it encourages the young reader to understand more about feelings with color and self-expression.  Also with the encasement the days of the week the story gives the young reader an opportunity of for more fundamental growth.

#4 Lyla
The Good Morning Book (PB ages 0-4)
“Good morning world, now it’s day. Time for the sun to come out and play!” Jackson talks him mom into playing the Good Morning Game before brushing his teeth… “Good morning eyes, ears, nose and mouth. Good morning north, east, west and south.” Join these two on their morning adventure from Jackson’s bed as they visit all the animals, creatures in the sea, plants and trees, birds and bees… just to say… Good Morning.

Please choose the pitch you think is best and most deserves a read by editor Erin Molta and vote for it below by Sunday December 8 at 5 PM EST.

Many thanks!

Now then, today’s pitch comes to us from Beth who says, “I’m a former first grade teacher turned human development specialist (a.k.a full-time mom). In the early morning and during nap times, I work on humorous picture books and a middle grade novel (with series potential) about a tomboy. I also enjoy making up new words, blogging about the craft, and ending an occasional sentence, like any true Pittsburgher, with a preposition.”

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Tomboy Rules: Blossoms Are Always Prepared
Age/Genre: Middle Grade (Realistic Fiction)
The Pitch: Mabel is so close to playing baseball she can almost see her spitting distance improving. Mom says all she has to do is stay in the Blossoms troop. But that isn’t easy. She turns a dosido into dominoes. She clobbers the troop leader saving a spider. Then she eats the entire cookie sale stash. Three strikes and she’s out, but that won’t stop Mabel. She sneaks to the Blossoms campsite and finds the Blossoms in a stinky situation only her tomboy talents can solve.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Beth improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in February so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Beth is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to being done with my dentist appointment, which I am probably suffering through right now whilst you are reading this post!  Whose idea was the dentist anyway?  Really, why would anyone what to BE a dentist?!  Ah well, I guess we can’t ALL be writers 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!  Happy writing 🙂