Would You Read It Wednesday #115 – Tomboy Rules: Blossoms Are Always Prepared (MG) PLUS The November Pitch Pick

So, how’s everyone coming with their Holiday Contest entry?

Good?

Everybody working?

You’ll be completely unsurprised to discover that I have not even started my sample entry.

That is because I still have 5 full days.

OMG!  I only have 5 days!

Panic!

Panic!

Quick!  This calls for something calming!

Something Chocolate!!!

Oh, look!  We have Scotheroos, prepared by the lovely and talented Tina!

Scotcheroo courtesy of Tina Cho used with permission

According to Tina, the top is chocolate and butterscotch melted together… YUM…  The bottom is rice krispie, peanut butter and light corn syrup.  Doesn’t that sound delicious???  Please, help yourselves.  It’s important to maintain a steady caloric intake during cold weather to prevent frostbite 🙂

Ah.  I feel much calmer now.  Just let’s all take care not to remind me how I’m running out of time to write you-know-what for the you-know-what 🙂  And you guys have almost 5 more days than I do, so you’re all in good shape 🙂

Okay.  Time to get down to brass tacks.  First off, the November Pitch Pick.

Here are the 4 pitches, revised in response to your very helpful feedback (for which everyone was so grateful!)

#1 Steve
Rashad Saves The World (PB ages 5-8)
Rashad is tired of being the youngest and the least important member of his family. When he learns at school that he can save the world, he leaps straight into action and straight into trouble with his family as cell phones disappear down toilets and ice cream turns into soup. And when he accidentally demolishes the garden of his fearsome next door neighbour, his career as a Super Hero seems to have come to an abrupt end. Will he still be able to save the world? Perhaps he already has …

#2 Koren
Diary Of A Heroic Horse: Molly Gives Faith Hope (PB ages 6-13)

Two very special ponies are rescued in this heroic story of overcoming the odds to survive. Faith was stabled in Spain, where her former owners barely had a kind word for her, much less food. Molly was a casualty of Hurricane Katrina, the storm that devastated an entire American city.
Both left terribly injured, Faith and Molly were gifted back their freedom after becoming the first ponies in the world to be fitted with prosthetic legs, thanks to the determination of their rescuers.
Saving these two little horses brought together two families across the Atlantic to form a lasting friendship and a bond that can never be broken.
Share in the incredible story of Faith’s rescue and recovery, and her treasured friendship with Molly, in this diary-style picture book packed full of beautiful photographs.
All funds raised from the sale of this book are shared equally between the two charities that continue to care for Faith and Molly – Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre Foundation (in Spain) and Kids and Ponies – Molly’s Foundation (in America). Thank you for your support.

#3 Mary
Polka Dot Sue (PB ages 3-6)

Polka Dot Sue is the story of a young girl with polka dot hair, who takes great pride in who she is and conveys this pride with her enjoyment of clothing herself handsomely each day. The story gives a child the sense of self acceptance and pride to show others that a deep sense of self-empowerment come from believing in one self despite obstacles.  With  the color-emotion awareness, another sense of expressiveness, it encourages the young reader to understand more about feelings with color and self-expression.  Also with the encasement the days of the week the story gives the young reader an opportunity of for more fundamental growth.

#4 Lyla
The Good Morning Book (PB ages 0-4)
“Good morning world, now it’s day. Time for the sun to come out and play!” Jackson talks him mom into playing the Good Morning Game before brushing his teeth… “Good morning eyes, ears, nose and mouth. Good morning north, east, west and south.” Join these two on their morning adventure from Jackson’s bed as they visit all the animals, creatures in the sea, plants and trees, birds and bees… just to say… Good Morning.

Please choose the pitch you think is best and most deserves a read by editor Erin Molta and vote for it below by Sunday December 8 at 5 PM EST.

Many thanks!

Now then, today’s pitch comes to us from Beth who says, “I’m a former first grade teacher turned human development specialist (a.k.a full-time mom). In the early morning and during nap times, I work on humorous picture books and a middle grade novel (with series potential) about a tomboy. I also enjoy making up new words, blogging about the craft, and ending an occasional sentence, like any true Pittsburgher, with a preposition.”

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Tomboy Rules: Blossoms Are Always Prepared
Age/Genre: Middle Grade (Realistic Fiction)
The Pitch: Mabel is so close to playing baseball she can almost see her spitting distance improving. Mom says all she has to do is stay in the Blossoms troop. But that isn’t easy. She turns a dosido into dominoes. She clobbers the troop leader saving a spider. Then she eats the entire cookie sale stash. Three strikes and she’s out, but that won’t stop Mabel. She sneaks to the Blossoms campsite and finds the Blossoms in a stinky situation only her tomboy talents can solve.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Beth improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in February so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Beth is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to being done with my dentist appointment, which I am probably suffering through right now whilst you are reading this post!  Whose idea was the dentist anyway?  Really, why would anyone what to BE a dentist?!  Ah well, I guess we can’t ALL be writers 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!  Happy writing 🙂

78 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #115 – Tomboy Rules: Blossoms Are Always Prepared (MG) PLUS The November Pitch Pick

  1. Beth Arnstein says:

    Stacy, way to narrow down the source of confusion. You've just made revisions of the pitch a lot easier for me! Thanks!

  2. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    Love the voice and some of the antics. Not sure why she has to stay with the troop to play baseball? The pitch seems more about the troop than her efforts to play baseball. If she wants to play baseball so badly (the spitting part) then why can't she keep herself under control to reach this all important goal. And, I could totally be Mabel eating a cookie stash or eating Tina's Scotcheroo! Hope you didn't eat a Scotcheroo before the dentist! Ready to get my holiday entry scheduled to appear on Monday 🙂 My reward for getting this task completewas stopping by for WYRI! Good luck Beth.

  3. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks for your very helpful thoughts for Beth, Stacy! I did not eat a Scotcheroo before the dentist… but only because I didn't have any 🙂 Yay you for having your entry finished – I wish I could say the same! 🙂

  4. deborahhwilliams says:

    Hi, Beth–I wasn't familiar with the term “spitting distance” so that confused me a little, and I had to figure out the dosido to dominoes part, and I don't see how joining a troop will help her get to play baseball–but then, I'm easily confused. I love the idea of Mabel solving a stinky problem, though, so maybe the pitch could feature that more prominently? Sounds like a fun and feisty character!

  5. Patricia Tilton says:

    Sorry, I'm late again. But, I did vote.
    Love the pitch today. Sounds like a rollicking story. Would like to know a little more about the main conflict.

  6. Vivian Kirkfield says:

    Thanks for the yummy chocolate delight, Susanna…right up my alley.:)
    Beth, I LOVE your story concept, first sentence and last sentence…but I need to have more clarity about why she needs to stay in Blossoms in order to play baseball. Is this a rule of her mom's? Or of the troop? Or the baseball team's? I like that she will have to push past the rules a bit (sneak into Blossom camp) in order to save the day. I would definitely read this!

  7. Rachel says:

    Beth, your story sounds interesting and humorous. I agree with Steve to join those three sentences together. There were quite a few sentences with “she”.

  8. Beth Arnstein says:

    Stacy, congrats on finishing your holiday entry! I feel like the reward was mine, though. Thanks for the comments!

  9. Beth Arnstein says:

    Pat, it sounds like you're not alone in wanting to know more about the stakes. I plan to include that in the rewrite. Thanks!

  10. Beth Arnstein says:

    Vivian, I'm THRILLED that you would read it and like the first and last sentence! I hope to work out the middle part. Thanks! 🙂

  11. Vivian Kirkfield says:

    Hi Beth…I feel badly now…I didn't mean to imply that the middle wasn't good…in fact, I loved that you gave several specific actions she took that got her into trouble. 🙂

  12. Beth Arnstein says:

    Oh no! Please don't feel badly! I'm so SO thankful for all of the help you (and everyone else who commented) offered! Pitches are so hard and you helped me find specific spots to make more clear. THANK YOU! 🙂

  13. Beth Arnstein says:

    Thank you, Susanna, for WYRI and for putting my pitch in this post. Thanks to everyone who read and/or commented on the pitch. I'm really honored that you all took time out of your busy days to help me! The feedback was amazing and I can't wait to get back to work on the pitch!

  14. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    You're so welcome, Beth! I'm glad it was helpful to you. We are really fortunate to have the absolute best bunch of readers here – they are so generous with their time and expertise! Thank you for bravely pitching!

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