Category: pitches

Oh Susanna – What Is The Difference Between A Hook And A Pitch?

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All right.

Someone around here has been just a little asleep at the switch (and I won’t mention any names, but it’s the person in charge so I think we all know who THAT is!)

What with all the holiday high jinx and shenanigans the lists got neglected and I have discovered in the last two days of posting that:

#1 we are nearly out of pitches for Would You Read It – we are only scheduled through mid-February – so if you have a pitch you’d like some friendly and constructive input on, as well as a potential chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta, please send it my way! (Please use the handy Email Me button in the righthand sidebar or send to susanna[at]susannahill[dot]com and put Would You Read It in the subject line)

#2 we are COMPLETELY out of Oh Susanna questions!  Today’s is the last one!  So if you’re wondering anything about anything to do with reading, writing, or teaching picture books – great choices for a child with a certain need, what to do on a school visit, what book would complement your teaching unit on apple picking, etc… please send those my way as well!  (Please use the handy Email Me button in the righthand sidebar or send to susanna[at]susannahill[dot]com and put Oh Susanna in the subject line)

and #3 it’s only 12 days until Groundhog Day and SOMEONE (ahem ahem) has not thought up an excellent hair-brained scheme for Phyllis’s celebration!  What is the world coming to?!

As of this moment, the person in charge will be put in time out and forbidden to have chocolate for two days hours minutes while she contemplates the error of her ways!

Meanwhile, here is today’s Oh Susanna question:

What is the difference between a hook and a pitch, or are they the same thing? 
I often get these two confused. When I took a pb class the instructor taught us how to write a hook. But when we pitch our idea to the editor or agent, we’re pitching our hook, right? 

I’m glad you asked, Tina, because this is an important distinction to understand, and a tricky one that can easily be confusing… as you will see by how convoluted my answer is 🙂

A hook, as I would define it, is essentially the opening of your story.  It’s a well-contructed first line or two of writing that draws your reader in and makes her want to turn the page and find out what happens next.  It usually includes the main character and sets up the problem that character is going to have to deal with, making the reader wonder, well gee whiz!  How is Janie going to deal with that bully on the school bus (or whatever.)  For example:

“My hat is gone.  I want it back.” (I Want My Hat Back by Jon Klassen)

“One hot summer in Itching Down
Four million wasps flew into town.”  (The Giant Jam Sandwich by John Vernon Lord)

“Last winter I found a penguin.  He told me he’d been flying.  But… penguins can’t fly.”  (Learning To Fly by Sebastian Meschenmoser)

These are all hooks.  They are the opening sentences of stories, and they set up the main character and the problem for us immediately, making us want to find out what happened to that hat, or how do you cope with four million wasps, or why would a penguin say he’d been flying when it must be untrue… or if it IS true, how did he manage it?  They make you turn the page.

A pitch, as I would define it, gives more of an overview of your story.  It might include the hook concept, but it will give a little more detail in a descriptive way, as opposed to quoting direct lines.  A pitch is still quite short, and is usually a teaser – trying to pique someone’s interest without giving away the resolution of your story – but it’s purpose is a little different from the hook’s.  While the hook is part of the actual writing that draws your reader directly into the story, the pitch encourages someone to want to pick up your story to begin with.  For example:

Carrie’s pitch for Would You Read It from  July

Working Title: Singin’ Sam, the Ice Cream Man
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
Pitch: Sam loves dishing out ice cream to his favorite customers. But when a rival ice cream truck shows up on his corner, Sam must find a way to out-sing, out-scoop, and out-serve the competition to keep his customers — and himself — happy.

and

Dana’s pitch for Would You Read It, also from July

Working Title:  CJ’s Tiger
Age/Genre:  Picture Book (ages 4-8)
CJ has always dreamed of having a tiger for a pet, so he is thrilled when he awakens one day to find that his cat “Tiger” has transformed into a real tiger. However he soon learns that having a pet tiger is a lot harder than he imagined when the day turns into one big catastrophe!

Both of these give you a sense of what the story will be about, whetting your appetite and making you want to read it and find out how Sam will keep his customers and himself happy, or how owning a tiger turns out to be trouble.  But they are essentially descriptions of the story, not the writing of the story itself.

If you pitch to an editor or agent, you are most likely pitching the concept of your hook – the great idea behind your story… up until the point when she asks to read it 🙂  Then she’ll get to read your hook!

Does that make any sense?  I hope all our devoted and very clever readers will chime in with their thoughts on hook and pitch definitions and what the differences are!!!  And if anyone has any great ideas for celebrating Groundhog Day I am open to suggestion!!! 🙂

Have a delightful Monday, everyone!  (Especially if you are excused from school/work today! :))


Would You Read It Wednesday #69 – Oyster And Pearl (PB) And Something Special :)

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Would You Read It is here.  I promise 🙂  And anyone who wants to can skip the special first part of this post and scroll right down to the pitch, which is pretty close to the bottom.  But for those of you who are up for a little insanity fun… 🙂

Once upon a time, I had a hairbrained scheme to send Phyllis on a World Tour.  During the tour, it came up somewhere along the line that the treasure hunt in April Fool, Phyllis! was based on the birthday hunts my dad used to make for us when we were kids, which I now do with my kids.  A dear friend of mine, who welcomed Phyllis into her Saskatchewan home during the tour, remarked that a birthday hunt sounded like fun, and she’d really like to give it a try sometime.

Beth Stilborn is a pillar of our writing community.  She writes a wonderful blog about writing and the arts, with a special love of theatre.  She, along with Emma Walton Hamilton, established The Children’s Book Hub Face Book page.  She is incredibly supportive to all of us in the writing community, and she is always up for a hairbrained scheme 🙂  And she’s a nice person 🙂 and kind to groundhogs 🙂

So, Beth, Happy Birthday from me, and Phyllis, and a whole bunch of your blogging family.  Here is your birthday hunt 🙂  It’s not quite the way my dad did it, but hopefully it will work and be fun.  And of course, anyone else who likes solving puzzles is welcome to play along!  It’s not too hard because it is a bit long (12 clues because your birthday is 12/12 :)) but should you have any difficulty, there are hints 🙂  Many hints can be found right here on my blog too, in the side bars or recent posts.

Instructions:
Solve each clue in order.  When you have cracked the code and figured out what the clue says, do what it tells you.  When you get there, you will find a word in colorful bold-face font.  Write it down!  Then come back here for the next clue.  Eventually all the words will make a message and lead you to your present 🙂  If you need a hint, click the HINT button 🙂

#1

ashowy omet whowt swithe ipositivet aparentall oparticipationg

egor etherel

HINT #1

#2

LEVI   GSV   ML   DZGVI   IREVI  ZMW   GSILFTS

GSV   DLLWH  GL   IVMVV’H   YOLT  DV   TL!

HINT #2

#3

HINT #3

#4

Go there!

HINT #4

#5

1-18-20-9-19-20,  23-18-9-20-5-18,  23-9-6-5,  1-14-4

8-15-13-5-19-3-8-15-15-12-9-14-7  13-15-13  12-9-22-9-14-7

9-14  20-8-5  23-15-15-4-19  15-6  13-1-9-14-5  –  19-20-15-16

9-14  6-15-18  1  22-9-19-9-20!

HINT #5

#6

A3 C4 C2 A5     B3 A1 E3 A5     D3 C4 C2 A5     B1 D5 C3     A1 D4

D4 B3 A5     B3 A1 A2 B4 D4 D5 A1 C1     D2 B3 E4 C2 A5 D2 ‘ D3

HINT #6

#7

…-   ..   …   ..   –

–   ….   .

–   .-   .-..   .   -.   –   .   -..

.-   .-.   –   ..   …   –

.–   ….   —

-.-.   .-.   .   .-   –   .   -..

–   ….   .

.–.   .   .-.   ..-.   .   -.-.   .

.–.   ..   -.-.   .   ..-   .-.   .

-…   —   —   -.-

.-..   —   –.   —

HINT #7

#8

golf oscar foxtrot india november delta alpha papa lima alpha charlie echo whiskey hotel echo romeo echo charlie hotel india lima delta romeo echo november’ sierra bravo oscar oscar kilo sierra hotel echo alpha lima

HINT #8

#9

Cubomube crubeubatube cuburubiuboubus wubith Kubirstuben!

HINT #9

#10 (apologies, I ran out of secret codes and time so I’m reusing one! but no hint since you’ve already done it :))

HLNV  KVLKOV  ZIV  ZIXSRGVXGH,

VMTRMVVIH,  XLLPH

YFG  GSRH  LMV  RH  HKVXRZO –

GSRH  PRW  IVERVBH   YLLPH!

TL  KZB  SRN  Z  ERHRG!

(I told you – no HINT :))

#11

g s jl rwn zch wh wrts llstrts nd rds chldrn’s bks

HINT #11

#12

HINT #12

PHEW!  I hope Beth (and at least a few others) made it this far before next week 🙂 and I hope everything worked as it was supposed to and there weren’t too many glitches and/or mistakes.  Any complaints about execution may be directed to the management, who will probably refer you to the resident Seer Of Seers, Prognosticator Of Prognosticators, Weather Prophet Extraordinaire 🙂  (because she’s cute and furry and hard to stay annoyed at :))

(Side note: this hunt will only work properly (assuming it ever does :)) on 12/12/12.  After that, when you follow the clue directions, you will have to scroll back to the bloggers’ 12/12/12 post.)

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming 🙂  Would You Read It!

The winner of the first ever tied pitch pick is:  LARISSA!!!

That was quite a hard-won win – congratulations!  Your pitch is on its way to editor Erin Molta for a read and comments!  And congratulations to everyone who wrote wonderful pitches and then made them even better.  You are all winners as far as I’m concerned 🙂

Now then, the runner up of the first ever tied pitch pick, has a new pitch!

Kim is “Mama” to a wonderful 8-year-old with multiple nicknames, wife of a genius, and has switched careers numerous times in her short (ha!) life. She has been passionate about picture books since her first encounter with Dr. Seuss, though it has taken her decades (don’t ask) to realize that writing them is something that she can probably do for the rest of her life.  She writes a wonderful blog over at Kid Lit Dish and is a regular participant in PPBF.  She would love it if you’d like to follow her on Twitter or like her on Face Book!

Here is her new pitch:

Working Title: Oyster And Pearl
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Pearl is a tiny grain of sand that lives in the bottom of the ocean.  She feels insignificant in her world and both envious AND enamored of the star in the sky that she can see above her at night.  As she sets her sights on joining the star, she encounters many challenges… until finally, one night, she meets Oyster, who helps her become a star of her own.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kim improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in January, so you have time to polish 🙂 for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Kim is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  And I am looking forward to seeing whether Beth can solve her birthday hunt and whether anyone else takes a crack at it!  If you solve it, let me know 🙂

Have a terrific day, everyone!  And happy birthday dear Beth, happy birthday to you 🙂

Would You Read It Wednesday #60 – Alpha Bitty (PB) And Straight From The Editor #12

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Golly!  The days are just packed!  Remember that old commercial for Almond Joy and Mounds… sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t?  Lately I feel like a nut pretty much all the time 🙂

So, given all that nuttiness, let’s grab our something chocolate (for some reason I’m kind of feeling like an Almond Joy this morning :)) and get right down to the first item on today’s agenda: Straight From The Editor for Kimberley, the winner of the August Pitch Pick.  You will recall her pitch:

Saturdays With Fish (PB ages 4-8)

Libby and her stepdad go fishing on Saturday to leave the loud city behind and find the peace of a quiet pond. It is there they find joy as simple and warm as the sun. At the pond they fish, chat, and eat a picnic lunch without any disruptions. When Libby accidentally hooks a bullfrog, the spell may be broken. Can they find their way back to quiet?

Here are editor Erin Molta’s comments:

The sentiment to this is nice but the way you have it set up it sounds ominous—does her stepfather turn into a raging lunatic if there’s a disruption? Do all the fish disappear?
I think you need to decide what point you want to get across. Is the book about Libby and her stepfather bonding—sharing an experience that they love—or is it about the disruption and what happens after it? Finding a way back to quiet does not seem like a strong enough hook and could very well cause an editor to say she doesn’t need a quiet book. Now a book about father daughter bonding–that’s a different story. Perhaps the stepfather makes bull frog sounds or says, “mm, no trout tonight but frog legs are a delicacy” . . .something like that so the disruption only causes laughter and more enjoyment.

Very interesting and informative, don’t you think?  And I confess I’ve had the privilege of reading this story and it’s lovely – very much along the lines of what Erin was hoping for 🙂

Moving right along, we get to today’s pitch which comes to us from Linda.  Linda is a former gifted and talented teacher and the author of a number of books including the multi-award winning picture book, The Blue Roses.  Please take a moment to visit her website at www.lindaboyden.com.  Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Alpha Bitty
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-6)
The Pitch: A special tree stands on a special hill. Once a year Alpha Bitty carries her basket to pick the crop–not apples or oranges or even iPods. This tree sprouts letters. With the help of her friends, Wind, Rain and Sunshine, Alpha Bitty shares the letters with one and all so new stories may bloom.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Linda improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in December, so you have time to polish 🙂 for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!

I was going to round out this Would You Read It extravaganza with the September Pitch Pick, but I decided that would be too much of an imposition on your time for today, so I’m going to save it for next week!  Go do something fun 🙂

Linda is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  And I am looking forward to seeing you here Friday for Perfect Picture Books (I’ve got a good one! :)) and I’m hoping to have a teeny surprise ready for you… but we shall see 🙂

Have a happy Wednesday everyone 🙂

Would You Read It Wednesday # 57 – Buff The Magic Dragon (PB)

90 Comments

Mornin’ folks!

A couple orders of business real quick:

#1 – if you have not voted for who you think should win the Summer Send-Off Contest please do!  My goodness it is a tight race!  We need every vote we can get!

#2 – I realized when I went to write this post that it was meant to include the August Pitch Pick.  Except we have a new policy these days.  Pitchers have the opportunity to take the feedback you gave them and submit a new version of their pitch for the Pitch Pick.  And I didn’t email anyone to remind them… so I don’t have the pitches.  Therefore, you are excused from pitch-picking today and I’ll have to squeeze it in somewhere else… probably next Wednesday because there are just too many high jinx and shenanigans going on around here between now and then.  (And should you happen to be one of those pitchers, please email me whatever version of your pitch you’d like me to use!)

#3 – Did you know that in Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting?  I kid you not.

Now then, grab your Something Chocolate (I have chocolate cupcakes on offer at my house this morning – not exactly breakfast food… technically… although they do have eggs in them… :)) and have a gander at today’s pitch.  It comes to us from the lovely Elizabeth whom you all know and love as the queen of Banana Peelin’.

Elizabeth Stevens Omlor loves slipping on banana peels. She has at least one slip a day, physically or verbally. She loves writing for children, although she has recently discovered she is a delusional rhymer. When she isn’t writing for children, you can find her having a kitchen dance party with her husband and two young children or drinking a large glass of milk. She loves milk. Yum.  Especially when it’s in chocolate. She blogs about all of this on Banana Peelin’: The Ups and Downs of Becoming a Children’s Writer.

Here is her pitch:

Working TItle:  Buff The Magic Dragon
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch:  Buff isn’t your typical dragon. He’s afraid of EVERYTHING. But when auditioning for the role of royal babysitter, his magic trick-gone-wrong lands the baby Princess Ponypants in the tentacles of the fiercest bully of all the sea, Captain Meanie Bones Jones. Forced to fly above the clouds and to eat a meaty squid, Buff finds that sometimes we must face our fears to right our wrongs and protect the ones we love.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Elizabeth improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in November, so you have time to polish 🙂 for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!
Elizabeth is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  And I am looking forward to seeing who will win the Summer Send-Off Contest and which book I will pick for Perfect Picture Books on Friday.  It could be anything!  I still have two whole days to choose! 🙂

Would You Read It Wednesday – The 55th Pitch

43 Comments

Guess what I’ve been doing?

You’ll never guess.

It’s so out of character.

I’ve been cleaning my office.

You know that feeling, when you squeeeeeeeeeeeeze your way into your office, look around at the mountains of note-covered manuscripts, the cascading piles of scraps of multi-colored paper, ATM receipts and napkins densely covered with scribbled ideas you thought up while you were away from your computer, stacks of books – both for reading pleasure and for writing craft – that simply will not fit into your overflowing bookshelf, Phyllis and friends tumbling off their seat of honor onto the desktop, and you just think to yourself, “Crikey, Sus!  You need a maid!”?

I just felt – and I may have been leaping to farfetched conclusions – that I wasn’t getting the maximum benefit out of my workspace since I couldn’t actually get into it… and even if I did, there wasn’t a clear surface on which to set my trusty computer.

“Susanna,” I said to myself, very sternly, “you will clean that office or I will have to administer harsh punishment!”

I was pretty scary!

So I cleaned for HOURS!

Result?  I’m exhausted.  And my office is clear…er…ish… but not done, so there is more cleaning in my future.  Sigh.

So this morning I am recovering my unquenchable good humor by hanging out with you guys and sharing today’s Would You Read It pitch 🙂  Hmm… let me just rummage in my pantry and see what kind of Something Chocolate I have today… Oooh!  Look!  I still have a few of those special Kiwi milk chocolates left that the wonderful Diane sent me all the way from far off New Zealand!  How is possible I didn’t eat these yet?  Well, don’t question good fortune, just help yourselves if you care to 🙂

Now then, today’s pitch comes to us from the lovely Rachel.  Rachel says, “I’m married with four kids, aged seven years down to ten months. I coach high school speech and theater. I show Arabian horses, which I’m now able to do with my oldest daughter. I mainly write picture books and middle grade books.”  When you have a sec, please take a moment to visit her BLOG.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title:  Princess Azalea’s Two Left Feet
Age/Genre:  Picture Book (ages 3-8)
The Pitch:  Princess Azalea has two problems. One: She can’t dance. And if she can’t dance, she can’t meet a prince at a royal ball, which, as everyone knows, is where princesses meet their prince charmings. Two: She really doesn’t care. But her mother, the Queen, is determined to get her dancing no matter what! Will Azalea learn to twirl and spin without falling on her royal bottom? Or will she find her happily ever after her own way?

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Rachel improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in Octoberber, which is not very far away!

Rachel is looking forward to your thoughts!  And I am NOT looking forward to going back into my office!  But, as they say, once more into the breech!  Wish me luck.  If I don’t show up on Friday, you’ll know I’m trapped 🙂

Oh, and P.S.!  For anyone who didn’t see the contest announcement on Monday, go HERE and read all about it!  The contest opens Friday and it will be tons of fun! 🙂