Would You Read It Wednesday – The Eleventh Pitch!

You know, one of these days I’m going to stop spelling out what pitch it is and just put numbers… they’re easier to spell at the crack of dawn 🙂  (Probably also easier on the eyes if you happen to be up reading at this hour :))

Because, in case you were wondering, it is the crack of dawn.  Actually, technically, it’s before the crack of dawn since sunrise will not occur until 6:55 AM this morning according to the national weather service which may or may not have anything to do with reality.  But in either case, it’s dark and it’s early and the coffee is still brewing so read on at your own peril 🙂

To begin with, a sneak peek at how the votes in the Pitch Pick are shaping up.  I don’t know how this works out, but there always seem to be two contestants who are neck-in-neck.  Therefore, I implore you to get thee to the polls and cast your vote!  We really cannot have a tie, because that would be imposing on Erin’s good will.  So please, take your pick!

Next up, a quick mention of this week’s theme for Friday’s Fun Foto Fextravaganza:  HARVEST  So sorry I forgot to mention that on Monday (OK, truth time – Catherine and I didn’t think it up until Tuesday, so there was no chance it could have been mentioned Monday), but hopefully you’ll still have time to dig up a 0-12 year-old-friendly photo that says “HARVEST” to you in capital letters.

And now, the reason you turned on your computer this morning, DUN-DUN, DUN-DUN… It’s time for Would You Read It!!!

This week’s pitch comes to us from Carla, a writer, mother, teacher, scientist and explorer who has climbed the Great Wall of China and run a marathon (not at the same time…)  Click on her name to check out her awesome blog.

Working Title:  Witches Don’t Dance
Age/Genre: Picture Book
The Pitch:  What happens when witches dance?  Little Linda knows it can get messy, but she also thinks it might just be the witches’ only chance to save their Halloween Party.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Carla improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.
Carla is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
And please don’t forget to VOTE on the Pitch Pick – it’s very crucial.  I do not want to have to flip a donut to see who wins 🙂

29 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The Eleventh Pitch!

  1. Cally Jackson says:

    My answer for this pitch is a MAYBE.

    The book sounds like a lot of fun, but I'd like to know more about what's threatening the Halloween Party and why dancing might save it. At the moment, the detail is a little too sketchy for me to be well and truly hooked. Definitely sounds like it has potential though!

  2. Janet Johnson says:

    I would read on, because I think it sounds like a fun book, but I agree with Cally about maybe giving a little more information. I've also heard it's not a great idea to ask a question at the beginning, so maybe start with the hook instead. When witches dance, it can get kindof messy. But Little Linda . . .

    But adding in the the threat could really make this one shine. 🙂

    Best of luck with it!

  3. catherinemjohnson says:

    What a great one coming up to Halloween. Don't you just rock themes Susanna 😉

    I'm going to say yes, but I would give it some unique quality first. Generic witches dancing is okay around Halloween but to hook people into buying this all year round I would put a twist in there or something unique to that book.

  4. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    Looks like it could be a fun Halloween book. I'd say yes. I'm wondering from the pitch if Linda is a witch or not. The title says they don't dance, but the pitch implies they do and it can be fun and maybe a little party saving mayhem. Thanks for sharing your work Carla.

  5. K says:

    What I love about this is that the word 'messy' was totally unexpected after I read the first sentence/question! What a great way to engage the reader and get them wanting to read the rest of the pitch. Well done!!

  6. Carla says:

    Hi ladies!

    Thanks for the feedback…I'm getting some great ideas for improving this!

    Stacy, Linda is the smallest witch…and the only one who dares to experiment with dancing! Everybody knows that when witches start to groove, the wind can't help kicking up its “heels” too. Unfortunately, that is horribly messy and witches–especially Mistress Zamble–refuse to dance.

    Cally, the Halloween Party is outside and is threatened by an unexpected storm.

    Janet, I love the idea of skipping the question…thanks!

    Catherine, there is an underlying theme of children (Linda) solving problems and finding solutions that the grown-ups don't see.

    Carla

  7. Laura Marcella says:

    Hi, Susanna! This is such a cool feature. What a great idea to help writers improve their pitches and stories. 🙂

    I would definitely read it. Saving the Halloween party at the end peaked my interest because I wanted to know, if witches don't dance then why do they have a Halloween party? It made me want to read it to find out, and how Linda will save such a party!

  8. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Cally, Janet, Catherine, Stacy, Kim, Stina, and Laura – thanks so much for your very helpful feedback to Carla!

    Catherine – yes, apparently I do rock themes (although this one happened completely by accident :))

    Stina – oh good – I have a lot to learn about them!

    Laura – so glad to meet you! Thanks for stopping by. I'm so glad you enjoy Would You Read It and hope you'll send a pitch!

  9. Tina DC Hayes says:

    My answer is yes, because with witches and magic it almost has to be a fun book. 🙂

    With the title “Witches Don't Dance”, I like that she started with the question of what happens when they do dance. Made me stop and wonder whether they melt away like the Oz witch or if it throws the world into chaos.

    I do think this line needs a little tweaking: Little Linda knows it can get messy, but she also thinks it might just be the witches' only chance to save their Halloween Party.
    Messy how? And I'm not clear if the party that needs saving is put on by the little girl or the witches, or maybe Linda is part of the coven. Why does the party need saving?

  10. Andrea Mack says:

    I'd read it. I think there's always room for a fresh take on Halloween. I like the idea of something going wrong with their party, but it would be nice to have a stronger hint about what it is.

  11. Abby says:

    Susanna, I am trying to be brave enough to enter a pitch for this one day. These people are all so awesome and I applaud them. As for this pitch. YES! I would read it. It sounds fun. I do want a teeny bit more info on “how it gets messy,” but I still love it and would read it as is. 🙂

  12. A2Z Mommy says:

    Yes! I can picture a bunch of cute little girl witches dancing around making a fun mess, not a disastrous one. Even if it is seasonal, that can be built upon for follow up stories, Halloween costumes, anything. I'd love to hear more about the story and what the drama is at the Halloween party and how the witches can help.

  13. Reena Jacobs says:

    If this were a genre I normally read, I'd definitely pick this one up.

    Overall, the pitch is intriguing. I'm with the others with the vagueness though. “Messy.” It's such an ambiguous term the way it's used in the sentence. What does “messy” mean in this case?

    Also… this is such an odd thing. 🙂 But the “it” used in the sentences, particularly the first one rubs me wrong for some reason. Call me weird, but it gives me a funky twinge, almost as if “it” doesn't really refer to dancing, though I know it should because of the context.

  14. Carla says:

    Thank you so much for all the feedback! I really appreciate your comments and feel like I am getting some really useful ideas!

    I never thought of the word “messy” as ambiguous, but since it's been brought up, I can see that. I meant it quite literally–picture Halloween decorations strewn everywhere, pumpkin vines twisted, and hats and cloaks thrown and disheveled!

    Abby, you should definitely send something in! This has been so helpful for me!

    Carla

  15. Christie Wright Wild says:

    Maybe. Cute, but not sure about the plot.

    “What happens when witches dance? Little Linda knows it can get messy, but she also thinks it might just be the witches' only chance to save their Halloween Party.”

    I'm not sure what is so different about witches dancing. It doesn't seem like such an unusual thing to warrant the question of wondering what happens as a result from it. I also don't get the connection between dancing, being a witch, getting messy, and the party. Perhaps if you start the pitch differently and get at the plot a little better, then it would draw a reader in better.

  16. Patricia T. says:

    I like the title because it maybe wonder why. It sounds like it could be a fun Halloween book filled mayhem. With so few words allowed in a pitch, it's hard to know where this story will go. But, I'd say, yes, it would get my attention.

  17. Kim L says:

    I would maybe read it. I wanted more details to pull me in. But witches are always fun and it is a good time of year for them!

  18. Carla says:

    Thanks for your comments, Christie! I'm working on how I present the plot–I've received lots of great suggestions from this comment thread!

    Patricia, I'm so glad that it would catch your attention! My revisions are definitely focusing on getting the most bang with each word!

    And Susanna, Thanks so much for hosting this theme! I really appreciate all the advice I've had!

    Carla

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s