This is some kind of crazy winter we’re having. We started with 2 feet of snow on October 29th, followed by a return of spring-like weather with a few cold days here and there, and this morning it is 4 degrees. I am not making that up. Seriously, go look at my thermometer.
Okay. I guess you can’t actually see it, but it really says 4!
In my book, that is just too darn cold! Even Scout, whose preferred location is on the back or side porch
so she can keep a sharp eye on her territory lest any rogue deer should dare to trespass, is inside on the dog couch, curled up snug as a bug in a rug with Jemma.
So what better way to warm up then with a cup of hot chocolate, some fresh donuts, and a pitch for Would You Read It? Sounds great to me – I’ve missed Would You Read It over the holidays!
Before I give you today’s pitch, I’d like to mention that there are openings available soon for YOUR pitches. I currently only have about 5 in the queue. So please send some in so we can keep up this fun series, and please spread the word to all your writerly friends! 🙂
Okay. Today’s pitch comes to us from the lovely Abby over at Something To Write About. Some of you may also know her as Leigh Covington (her YA alter-ego.) She writes a fabulous blog which I highly recommend. She has a self-proclaimed addiction to chocolate, which is probably how she found Would You Read It in the first place 🙂 and she lives in Utah. Here is her pitch:
Working Title: What If?
Age/Genre: Early Picture Book (ages 2-5)
The Pitch: Little Lucy has a vivid imagination which shines through all of the “what if” questions she asks about the world around her. With her creative perspective on things, the world holds limitless possibilities for both her and the reader.
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Thank you Tracy! I'm glad that you like it! I agree – the pitch needs some work, but I'm glad you like the overall idea of the book! 🙂
Stina – I want to come live where you are! I hate the cold. Actually – I can't complain. Our winter has been quite mild so far. I am grateful.
And… thank you for your comment on the pitch. I'm glad you like the idea of the book 🙂
Thank you Jennifer 🙂 I appreciate the feedback.
Thank you Michael! This is great input and I completely agree! Thanks for coming by to check it out and leave some feedback 🙂
Thank you Cally 😀
YAY! I'm glad you like the idea. Thanks Angela 😀
Thank you Donna! You always make my day! This is great feedback! Thanks for coming over to comment and help! I appreciate it so much 😀
Awesome! Thank you Catherine. I think I may have to do that. Spice it up a little bit and try again. That is a good idea. Thanks for sharing 🙂
I'm agreeing with everyone else. I need more concrete details.
But, I can imagine that this would be a really fun book to read. 🙂
Susanna, I hope you and the dogs are snuggled under a big quilt tonight. OMG, 4 degrees is TOOO cold!
On the pitch, I'd say maybe. Some brief examples showing Lucy's vivid imagination and questions would really bring this to life and grab an editor or reader's attention. Maybe cut out a little of the wordiness, like “Little Lucy has a vivid imagination which shines through all of the “what if” questions” could be tweaked to “Little Lucy's vivid imagination shines through her 'what if' questions”.
A definite yes to the idea, which lends itself to all sorts of shenanigans. But I'd give the pitch itself a no in its present form. As others have stated, the pitch reads a little dry and wordy, isn't telling me quite enough about the story, and lacks immediacy. It's showing rather than telling. For example, “Little Lucy has a vivid imagination…” could be tightened up to the more active “Lucy's vivid imagination and wide-eyed 'What if-ing' open up a world of limitless possibilities…” or some such. This will be a fun book for you to write!
Yes it most certainly is, Tina!!! Hope it's warmer where you are 🙂
So do we – that picture was taken in October when we got 2 feet – I just needed a visual of Scouty on the porch 🙂
Is there ever a good time for this cold? 🙂
I will say, the first line drew me in though. I immediately thought, “this is going to be exciting,” but the second line was rather anti-climatic. Nothing spectacular happened.
As a result, I probably wouldn't read this story. The pitch is well written, but I didn't get a feel for what the story is about. What makes this story unique from other stories? Who is Little Lucy, and I should I care about her?
My reaction would have been: 1) Eyes perked 2) Shoulder shrug 3) Move on to the next book.
I would say I'd maybe read it, but I still don't get what she's wondering about. I like the idea of the book! 🙂
I liked it! Great job Leigh!
Thanks again Susanna! I think that I should have been smart enough to go over it once more – but that was my doing. All in all – I probably learned more about what makes a good pitch, this way and I am appreciative of the experience! I hope that everyone will give this a try. Great learning experience 🙂 Thanks again!
Thanks Jennifer 🙂
Thanks for the feedback Erik 🙂 I do need to expand on that part.
Good feedback Reena. Thanks for your honesty 🙂
Great input Renee! I appreciate it. Thank you. 🙂
Thanks for the feedback Tina. Very helpful!
Thanks Jenna!
Abby, the idea is super but I think the pitch needs to be more concrete and catchy for me to say a yes. I would also check out this site http://myemail.constantcontact.com/2012–The-Year-of-YOUR-Dreams-.html?soid=1101840835111&aid=uk7KCI4HcnI (sorry about long link) as I know that Michelle Nelson Schmidt is about to publish a PN called the Whatif Monster, though clearly your story may be very different. Good luck and I enjoy reading your blog!
I think I would read it. I love books about using your imagination. It sounds like it could make for some cute illustrations, too.
I am new to this kind of feedback, but there are several others who wanted more specifics and I do too. Is it going to be whimsical or lean more to the scientific, will it invite imagination or just laughter? I would read it, & buy it for young children, but your pitch didn't give much away. Good luck!!
Hey Abby (aka Leigh) :)! I read your pitch and although I am intrigued about what adventures/creativity I can expect to find in this story…I would have loved to have a few little nuggets or a little peek into what kind of adventures. Give me a little more and I would DEFINITELY want to read it!
I'm curious. I'm a teacher-librarian and one of my goals this year (after reading A Place for Wonder and discovering http://www.wonderopolis.org) was to explicitly work on instilling more … I don't want to say curiousity, because kids are curious. But more practice with voicing that curiousity and stepping it up a notch to be more than “yes” or “no” answer type questions. Questions they could really learn about and think about. Definite possibility on anything that inspires creativity and outside of the box thinking.
This is a maybe for me. There isn't enough information to make this a serious pitch. It just seems incomplete. What adventures from a why question for instance. Give me more info and I may make it a yes.
I'd be inclined to read it but – I'd love to see just one of the 'limitless possibilities.' The pitch is just a bit too vague. As Linda said, is it going to be scientific, artistic, what direction is our little heroine going in?
Blessings and best of luck!
Sounds like a good goal! Do you blog?
Hi Abby – I'm intrigued by Lucy's “creative perspective” so yes, I would probably read this story. I do think you would strengthen your pitch by adding a few specifics to give the prospective reader a better feel for Lucy's world…
MAYBE – What would make this a 'YES' for me is if you opened with an example 'What if?” question or gave us a taste of the creativity and inspiration that fills the writing of this book. SHOW us Lily and make us as curious about reading the book as she is curious about the world!
Sorry – mean't 'Lucy' not 'Lily!'
Maybe. I think it would depend upon the artwork.
I agree with Susanna. Great goal. This book is full of “What if” questions that she asks her mother. For example: “What if we skiied down the green summer grass, and swam in lakes of ice cream?”
I have the greatest illustrations visualized for this book and I think it's fun for kids to think outside of the box and use their creativity. Thanks so much for your comment. 🙂
Artwork can make or break a book. At least to me. It's so much better when I enjoy the illustrations. Thanks for commenting. 🙂
Thank you Miranda. That is a really good idea. I appreciate your feedback.
Thank you Dede! I appreciate your remarks. I see now how my pitch could be strengthened. Thank you for your advice! It is much appreciated 🙂 and… I'm glad that the book sounds like something you would like to read.
Ah! Good advice! I see what you mean. Thank you so much for the feedback 🙂
Cool! Thank you for your honesty! I would love to strengthen this and get your opinion again. 🙂 I appreciate it.
Fabulous! Thank you so much for your kind remarks and feedback. I think some “little nuggets” would definitely help it out. 🙂
Thank you Linda! I love the specifics of this comment. I would say it is more on the side of whimsical, and I definitely need to express more of the details. Thank you so much for your feedback. 🙂
Aww! Thank you Rachel. I think the illustrations would be fabulous! HA! Of course, I may be a little bias. Still – thank you for the positive feedback. Having kids use their imagination and think outside the box, was the idea behind this book.
WOW, Susanna! I can't believe all of the great remarks and feedback. This has been a wonderful learning experience. I just wanted to say “thanks” again! 🙂
NO – based purely on the pitch. MAYBE – based on the idea of it. I don't know enough about it to say, YES I want to read this story.
“With her creative perspective on things, the world holds limitless possibilities for both her and the reader.” One thing that would make it stronger would be to give a few specific examples. I'm also not pulled in by the title. It seems to vague. All writers ask the same question.
Okay, so I'm a little late on this it looks like. But, YES, I would definitely be interested in reading this to my child. It's fun for kids that age to know how natural it is to wonder. And it's a great way for their imagination to take off! 🙂