Would You Read It Wednesday – The 26th Pitch

Good morning, everyone!  Time for another episode of Would You Read It!

But first, I would like to thank Mona, Catherine and Kelly for the Liebster Award, and Catherine and Kelly for the KreativBlogger Award – both awards I have not had the pleasure of receiving before, so thank you all so very much!!!

I know I’m supposed to list some stuff about myself and pass the awards on to others, but as you all know I’m terrible at that.  Plus it seems like pretty much everyone I know has received these awards in the last week.  So forgive me if I just say thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Now, it’s on to the Would You Read It!

Today’s pitch comes to us from Sarah in the Ireland!  (I think she may be the first entrant from Ireland!)  Sarah is 19 and a biomedical science student.  She claims she’s only a wannabe writer, but I say hop over and check out her blog – she has a great sense of humor! 🙂

Working Title: Starstruck
Age/Genre: YA
Pitch: Seventeen year old Katie literally stumbles into Matt’s life one icy January morning. Within two months they’re friends, and in three, they’re dating. But there’s a snag. Matt is a movie star and teenage heart-throb. Katie’s living the dream that every other girl her age has, but the dazzle of having a famous boyfriend only lasts so long. How will Katie cope when the line between dream and nightmare becomes blurred? 

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sarah improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  Go ahead and send your pitch for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!
Sarah is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!

P.S.  Remember the Valentines Contest, only a few days away!  Check here for details (please scroll down to the bottom of the post.)

38 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The 26th Pitch

  1. This Kid Reviews Bks says:

    I'd read the book, even though I'm not a fan of romance stories. It sounds interesting.

    Oh Susanna!
    I replied to your question about the board game on my blog and put a link there (in case you didn't see it)!
    Hopeful Game-Designer

  2. Joanna Marple says:

    Congrats on your awards, Susanna.

    Yay for a pitch from Ireland (I'm half Irish). Anyone who submits a pitch is brave. Mine is a maybe (possibly because I am not really into stories about stars). Sarah, I think you could probably cut this down a little, so that the bare essentials of your hook remain. For example, I think you could possibly remove the first sentence. “Within three months of their first chance meeting, seventeen year old Katie is dating movie star and teenage heart throb, Matt! The dazzle of having a famous boyfriend only lasts so long. How will Katie cope when the line between dream and nightmare becomes blurred?”

  3. Renee LaTulippe says:

    YES, I would definitely read this. I'm intrigued by the “nightmare” alluded to at the end, which tells me it's not just a case of Katie having unpleasant run-ins with the paparazzi, but something more sinister.

    The pitch itself does need to be tightened and shortened considerably. I'd tell you how, but early-bird Joanna Marple already did, and I think her edits are fantastic. 🙂

    I got caught up in your blog, too, Sarah! Fun stuff, great writing!

  4. Dede Perkins says:

    Yes, I'd probably read this book, because I love clumsy protagonists, and since I'm from Maine, I get the whole stumble on the ice thing…:) As far as the pitch, I'd be more specific. What's up with the nightmare? Give a little more, and I bet you'd capture more readers…

  5. Reena Jacobs says:

    I may or may not read this book. However, I'd definitely click on a link to find out more. If I took everything but the last sentence, I'd say this book isn't the type of genre I'd read. So I'm a bit bias on that end. Very few contemporary romances catch my eye. It's the last line which draws me in. Nightmare? 🙂 What's up with that, I'm thinking. That would lead me to click to find out more. If I came across the cover, and it spoke thriller or fantasy, then there's a good chance I'd pick it up.

    Alone, the pitch isn't enough, but with a cover which gave a sense of the genre, I think it'd work. If nothing else, it's enough to pique my interest to find out more.

  6. thefeatherednest says:

    I think I would read it. That last line has me wondering what the “nightmare” is. Is Matt violent, or a vampire….got to find out. I like the shortened up version of the pitch by Joanne Marple a little better.

  7. Catherine Johnson says:

    Congrats on your awards Susanna.

    Mine is a maybe too, not really into star studded books. I think it could do with an interesting element to jazz it up a bit. Something embarrassing on behalf of the star perhaps. I too love Joanna's version.

  8. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    I'm a maybe. If the only conflict is that she doesn't like the celebrity life afterall, I'm not sure that's enough to hook me. Is she having to choose between a celebrity boyfriend and a regular one Or between being a girlfriend and pursuing her own dreams? I really like Joanna Marple's shortened version of the pitch. Good luck. Congrats on the awards.

  9. Penny Klostermann says:

    I am a “Maybe” leaning toward “Yes.” I think you should emphasize the “dream vs. nightmare” part more. When the pitch started, I felt a humorous teenage love story coming on…but then it ended as a mystery. So tighten that up and I say, “Go for the mystery.”

  10. Darshana says:

    I am a maybe, partially the pitch partially because I normally don't read YA.
    I would recommend tightening the pitch. Also what is the hook for your story, why does it stand out from the other books which have done this storyline in the past. You did peak my curiosity with the “nightmare” part.

  11. Clarike Bowman-Jahn says:

    Congrats, Susanna on your awards. You deserve both.

    I'm confused with the pitch and don't think I'd read it as it is now. As others have stated it is clumsy. If the hook is the nightmare, then that should be at the beginning and expanded on. With YA lit there is the whole part of not having sex in the book and a romance might be hard to pull off in keeping it clean and parent acceptable.

    I'm with the others and like Joanna's version better but then the thing about the nightmare is confusing. Hope this helps a little. 🙂

  12. Tracy Bermeo says:

    Susanna, Congrats on the awards and THANK YOU for being so good about keeping all that you do going every single week.
    I'm a day late on the pitch but that's almost normal for me these days. For me, it's a maybe but my 10 year old daughter says she would, but don't make the ending predictable, like that they break up and stay friends. (Yes, I had her read the pitch)The pitch itself is great, and gives a very good synopsis of the story line.
    Now, to go and write my Valentine's Day story.

  13. Margaret Greanias says:

    Congrats on the awards! I am late to be submitting feedback for the pitch. I am a maybe but this may be more appealing to a teenager. I agree with the other feedback on cutting out the beginning of the pitch. Also, wondering the specifics are of the dream v. nightmare — is it just paparazzi and loss of privacy or is it something more unusual?

  14. Heather Newman says:

    At the age I am now, I would give this book a pass. However, when I was in Jr. High or High School, I would have read the pages out of it! So, yes, it sounds like a good one.

  15. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thank you, Tracy, you are so kind! Your thoughts on the pitch will be very helpful to Sarah I'm sure with your daughter's POV. And I'm SO EXCITED that you're going to enter the Valentines contest – please note I made the word count longer (yes, because I couldn't' do it :))

  16. Sarah Barnett says:

    Your daughter seems to have me totally sussed out! Although the idea is still in it's infancy, this was where I was thinking of taking the book. Hmm, careful planning needs to be done on this one I think! Thanks so much for your feedback!

  17. Sarah Barnett says:

    I had pictured this book as being a contemporary fiction, i.e. the nightmare being all the crazy attention she would get, and not supernatural. The story is sort of a long 'message to a younger me' because I used to have an unhealthy obsession with the idea of having a celebrity for a boyfriend. All the comments people have left me have been so helpful. I get so many ideas, that it's hard to know which ones just to keep in my head and which one's need to be written for me to share with the world. Thank you so much for your comment!

  18. Sarah Barnett says:

    Thank you so much for your input!

    I do realise my pitch was a little wobbly, but it was the first time I'd ever done one, and hopefully it will be something that I improve on in time.

    As with the issue of sex in the book, I had spent a lot of time thinking about that and how or even if I would have addressed the topic, while making the book acceptable in the eyes of parents.

  19. Sarah Barnett says:

    I have replied to most people, but I'd just like to make a general comment to say thank you! As far as writing goes, I'm still in diapers (yay for American words!), but the help and advice that you've all given me is invaluable, so thank you to those who took the time to leave a comment!

    And also thank you Susanna for letting me take part! WYRIW is such a great idea, and I'm glad I got to have a go!

    Sarah x

  20. Sarah Barnett says:

    I had envisioned that the main conflict in the plot would be her dealing with the backlash of being in the public eye, but like yourself, that doesn't seem to have hooked many people in! Perhaps it needs a rework, or perhaps it's just one of those books that I would read, but others wouldn't. Thanks so much for your input!

  21. Sarah Barnett says:

    The general consensus is that there needs to be a little something more in the plot! This has been a great exercise for me in knowing what hit's the mark, and what's just so-so. Thank's for your comment!

  22. Sarah Barnett says:

    I had envisioned it as being only a contemporary, but it seems that the thing most people picked up on was the chance of it having a mysterious, maybe supernatural element. Perhaps my plot isn't quite ready to see the big bad world yet! Thanks so much for your comment!

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