Those of you who have been around the blog for a while know that I live in the wilderness.  You may have seen my posts on Mexican stand-offs with deer, and our run-ins with the bear #1 and #2.

So it will come as no surprise to you that I am being stalked by a masked marauder.  Apparently our unseasonably warm winter has confused it into thinking our garage is a raccoon hotel and he is entitled to stay as long as he likes and order room service.  Do I look like I’m offering room service?

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Now, I don’t know how much time you guys spend around raccoons, but they are not small.  They have sharp claws and pointy teeth, and they don’t dress like bandits for nothing!  On Disney they look really cute, but in real life they’re a little too much like the R.O.U.S.s in The Princess Bride.

So the raccoon and I are locked in epic battle over the fact that I want my car and he’s not leaving.

My current approach works like this:

Walk out front door of house singing “Love Shack” by the B-52s at the top of my lungs thinking that ought to scare the bejeesus out of anyone, human or raccoon!

It doesn’t.

But I have back-up: a flashlight, in case I need to stun him into submission with blinding light (assuming the batteries aren’t dead, which they probably might be because I haven’t checked them in, oh, a decade), and my daughter’s ice-hockey stick because it makes me feel brave.  (I have no intention of getting close enough to that wily critter to actually poke him or anything!!!)  I would love to have my trusty companions, Dog 1 and Dog 2, but I’m afraid it might hurt them – it shows no signs of compassion!

I dance forward, hockey stick out in front, in much the way a swordsman might approach an opponent (only I’m guessing I look a lot less elegant…)

The raccoon thumps around near the garbage can (which is empty, but he’s an optimist, apparently.)

“I’m coming in there!” I warn.

This fails to induce the element of fear I was hoping for.  I’m pretty sure he’s laughing at me.

The crafty little critter scuttles up into the rafters.  Now I KNOW he’s laughing at me. “I see you up there!” I call to the oversized rodent.  “You think you’re so clever, but your tail is hanging right down in plain sight!”  He doesn’t care apparently.  It’s way too much fun getting a rise out of me every time I need my car.

Fine!  I guess we don’t have to get groceries until tomorrow.  But this battle is not over!

Honestly!  The things I put up with on Blueberry Hill!

So, now that you’re laughing yourselves silly over my raccoon predicament, it’s about that time 🙂

Today’s Would You Read It contestant is Sharron, who loves reading, writing, sharing with friends, and learning new things.  Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Sorrysorrysorry
Age/Genre: Early PB (ages 2-5)
The Pitch:  Three frolicking baby giraffes try to find a place to play on a hot and crowded savannah. They find it isn’t an easy task. They run into a troop of baboons, a dazzle of zebras, and a pride of lions. At last, they turn to the river, only to be confronted by hippopotami. Our giraffes find fun and friendship at the end of a long a grueling day.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?