Would You Read It Wednesday – The 27th Pitch

Those of you who have been around the blog for a while know that I live in the wilderness.  You may have seen my posts on Mexican stand-offs with deer, and our run-ins with the bear #1 and #2.

So it will come as no surprise to you that I am being stalked by a masked marauder.  Apparently our unseasonably warm winter has confused it into thinking our garage is a raccoon hotel and he is entitled to stay as long as he likes and order room service.  Do I look like I’m offering room service?

google images

Now, I don’t know how much time you guys spend around raccoons, but they are not small.  They have sharp claws and pointy teeth, and they don’t dress like bandits for nothing!  On Disney they look really cute, but in real life they’re a little too much like the R.O.U.S.s in The Princess Bride.

So the raccoon and I are locked in epic battle over the fact that I want my car and he’s not leaving.

My current approach works like this:

Walk out front door of house singing “Love Shack” by the B-52s at the top of my lungs thinking that ought to scare the bejeesus out of anyone, human or raccoon!

It doesn’t.

But I have back-up: a flashlight, in case I need to stun him into submission with blinding light (assuming the batteries aren’t dead, which they probably might be because I haven’t checked them in, oh, a decade), and my daughter’s ice-hockey stick because it makes me feel brave.  (I have no intention of getting close enough to that wily critter to actually poke him or anything!!!)  I would love to have my trusty companions, Dog 1 and Dog 2, but I’m afraid it might hurt them – it shows no signs of compassion!

I dance forward, hockey stick out in front, in much the way a swordsman might approach an opponent (only I’m guessing I look a lot less elegant…)

The raccoon thumps around near the garbage can (which is empty, but he’s an optimist, apparently.)

“I’m coming in there!” I warn.

This fails to induce the element of fear I was hoping for.  I’m pretty sure he’s laughing at me.

The crafty little critter scuttles up into the rafters.  Now I KNOW he’s laughing at me. “I see you up there!” I call to the oversized rodent.  “You think you’re so clever, but your tail is hanging right down in plain sight!”  He doesn’t care apparently.  It’s way too much fun getting a rise out of me every time I need my car.

Fine!  I guess we don’t have to get groceries until tomorrow.  But this battle is not over!

Honestly!  The things I put up with on Blueberry Hill!

So, now that you’re laughing yourselves silly over my raccoon predicament, it’s about that time 🙂

Today’s Would You Read It contestant is Sharron, who loves reading, writing, sharing with friends, and learning new things.  Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Sorrysorrysorry
Age/Genre: Early PB (ages 2-5)
The Pitch:  Three frolicking baby giraffes try to find a place to play on a hot and crowded savannah. They find it isn’t an easy task. They run into a troop of baboons, a dazzle of zebras, and a pride of lions. At last, they turn to the river, only to be confronted by hippopotami. Our giraffes find fun and friendship at the end of a long a grueling day.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sharron improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  Go ahead and send your pitch for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!
Sharron is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
Just a little heads up – this month’s Author/Illustrator Interview will take place on Sunday February 19 (that’s this weekend folks) and our guest will be none other that Donna Farrell.  Donna is an illustrator, but what she will really be talking about is her work as a website and blog designer for authors and illustrators. Yes!  That means you!  She is absolutely terrific (she did my website and blog, need I say more? :))  So I hope you’ll all find a few minutes in your weekends to come see what she has to say!
Also, anyone who hasn’t had a chance to vote for a Valentines Contest winner yet, please go HERE.  We really need everyone’s votes – it’s a tight race! 🙂
Now.
Back to my battle with the raccoon! 🙂

55 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday – The 27th Pitch

  1. Joanna Marple says:

    LOL. Raccoon versus (W)riter! Who is placing bets? If you don't post on Friday, we'll know you ran out of rations!

    YES, I would read this. I like Sharon's working title and I am a sucker for African animals. It' sounds a jolly story for young readers!

  2. thefeatherednest says:

    Raccoons can do a lot of damage. Maybe it's time to hire a trapper.
    I think I would read it. Kids like animal stories.
    Now I have an announcement……ta da…..you are the first place winner in the silly limerick contest on youngish. Please send me your mailing address.

  3. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Excellent song! At least I'll entertain myself even if I don't scare him away 🙂

    Renee LaTulippe (unregistered) wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:

    Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog. Used to make my cat stop in her tracks and meow during the pauses. Plus it's pretty scary if you do it in a gruff voice. 🙂

    User's profile
    Link to comment

  4. Robyn Campbell says:

    I have a very precious friend who has a critter cafe. The coonies come there to eat and get cookies. Then when the babies are born, they come too.

    I'm thinking this is a very funny story, Susanna. You need to start working on it.

    I would read the story. It sounds like a story any kidlet would love to read. It also teaches about what the groups of different animals are called. That's my favorite thing about it.

    *waving*

  5. Penny Klostermann says:

    Funny stuff! Maybe that racoon would just like to meet Phyllis… You know… A Be Mine, Valentine type meeting—cuz Phyllis is mighty cute :•)

    I would read the book. I think the premise can be tightened. “When three baby giraffes try to find a cool place to play, it isn't an easy task. They encounter” ……. before
    And then continue on to mention river. Also, you started our by saying they wanted a cool place to play and then it seems that the ending satisfies friendship instead of focusing on their original quest—-a place to play.

  6. Rachel Mary Bean says:

    Sorry about the raccoon. Once those little buggers find food they are hard to get rid of!
    I am a maybe on the pitch. I'd like to know how the title fits in.

  7. Catherine Johnson says:

    You are so good at telling stories, this could be an entry for one of your competitions lol. That raccoon is enormous. I had no idea they were so big. Blueberry Hill is abundant with wildlife. No wonder you write about furry animals 🙂

    I love Giraffes, they are in lots of my poems and this sound great, so I'm a yes for sure. The pitch is wonderful and it's great for teaching kids and adults lol about the names for groups of animals.

  8. lenny says:

    hi miss susanna! miss robyn told be bout you. you got me laughing so much bout that coon. i love animals. we got a big woods &feed lots of wild animals and birds. We had a pet raccoon we raised from a kit and she even slept with me in my bed. she was real smart. for that book cause i love animals id probably wanna read it but for me that pitch could need brightening up so it could grab me.
    …smiles from lenny

  9. Beth Stilborn says:

    I'm a maybe leaning toward a yes on the pitch. The pitch starts strong and piques my interest right away, then the last sentence just seems to fall a little flat. The tone and style change in that last sentence, and the sense of fun seems lost just when the reader needs to be catapulted into saying “I MUST read that book!” Perhaps if the whole thing was tightened up a bit? This is just suggested wording off the top of my head — Can three baby giraffes who just want to play find their own cool place on the savannah? A troop of baboons, a dazzle of zebras, and a pride of lions say “Not here!” Even at the river, the hippopotami got there first. (Then something about HOW they find fun and friendship, perhaps?)

  10. Christie Wild says:

    Maybe. I lean more toward the 4-8 PB range than the 2-5 range. Giraffes are fun and cute, though. I would delete the second sentence. And combine/reword the last two sentences.

    Susanna, the winners are announced for my critique giveaway on the same blog post, in the comments section.

  11. Leigh Covington says:

    Racoons are so stinkin' cute! Then once, I worked at a mountain resort and had to help the maintenance man shoo one out of the garbage. It was then that I saw their “dark side.” *shivers.* Good luck with your house guest.

    As for the pitch. Yes. I think it sounds like a cute story. Hopefully there are some fun twists and surprises in the story too.

  12. Natalie says:

    You are being held hostage by raccoons!!!

    I must laugh because I too live in the boonies and we spent one very hot Texas summer being held hostage by Texas red wasps. They staked out the the front entrance to our house and stung us every time we walked by. Then we started using the side entrance. Well guess what they did? You guessed it! They staked out the side entrance of our house, and stung us every single time we walked by–and we were limited to only using the back door. At that point, I told my husband, “We must call PEST CONTROL.” Thankfully, I am happy to report we are currently using all three entrances to our house without any stings at all! 🙂

    The Pitch: I think the story sounds adorable but some of the writing of the actual pitch can be tightened up just a bit. Eliminate as many of the helping and “to be,” verbs as possible and replace them with action verbs. 🙂 You're on the right track, Sharon! Great job!!! 🙂

  13. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Oh, my goodness! I would not like wasps!!! A few years back we had skunks – cheeky little beggars who would refuse to get out of the yard when I wanted to let the dogs out. I'd bank on the trash can lid, holler and carry on, and they'd just look at me and keep chewing! Wild life! Thanks for your comments for Sharron!

  14. Margaret Greanias says:

    Sorry to hear about your raccoon predicament — they can be pretty vicious! Your reference to R.O.U.S got a chuckle out of my husband — I think you've won a fan.

    As for the pitch — I am a yes. My kids would love this story. Also I love how she's used the group names of these animals. However, I think there is room for the pitch to be tightened up — definitely with more specific, active verbs. Also, I wholly agree with what Christie said below.

  15. tiltonph says:

    You are good — lots of showing, rather than telling. Sorry, I know raccoons are mean, but I couldn't help but laugh. You can't call an animal control and have it removed far away?
    Pitch – yes, I'd read it. Like the beginning, but the last sentence needs to be stronger. How do the resolve their problem?

  16. Darshana says:

    Maybe. It is the type of book I would read. However I would like the pitch to be more active and tighter. Right now it doesn't grab me. I do like the phrase “troop of baboons, a dazzle of zebras, and a pride of lions”.

  17. Kirsten Larson says:

    That raccoon can get together with the rabbits and gophers invading my backyard. Our lack of winter has caused some problems here too. As for SorrySorrySorry, I would read it. It sounds like a good opportunity for young children to learn about a number of different animals and their habitats. Plus, I can visualize the giraffes bumping into lots of different animals along the way and yelling, “Sorry!”

  18. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    We did call animal control and by the time they got here he had high-tailed it (which I take as a sign he's healthy, so that's fine.) No doubt he's lurking in a nearby tree just waiting to have another go at me when all his friends are watching 🙂 Thanks for your comments for Sharron!

  19. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Yes, brazen is exactly the right word!

    Margaret Greanias (unregistered) wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:

    Brazen would've been what I meant v. vicious. Raccoons are definitely brazen (and hopefully not mean!).

    Link to comment
    IP address: 99.187.239.71

  20. This Kid Reviews Bks says:

    In this case, R.O.U.S. should stand for “Raccoons Of Usual Size” (we love the Princess Bride) 🙂 Good Luck on the battle!
    I'd read the book! I never knew that a group of Hippopotami is the plural of Hippopotamus! I want to learn more!

  21. Tracy Bermeo says:

    I am a yes! And by “I” I mean my four year old (you know, the one who usually influences my submissions for PPB entries). He would love following the giraffes around to the other animals.

  22. Reena Jacobs says:

    I would definitely read it. I read the pitch without reading the age range, and immediately thought it sounded like learning material for young kids. Looked up and saw the 2-5 range and thought perfect!

    The only thing I'd change is the last line “Our giraffes find fun and friendship at the end of a long a grueling day.” It seems a little drab.

  23. Sharronwalsh03 says:

    Kirsten gets the prize. The title is exactly what our giraffes say when bumping into the beasts of the land.

    All the suggestions were great. Constructive.

    Sorry that I'm not doing individual responses, but I got admitted to the hospital yesterday. They frown on not resting. 🙂

  24. sharon mayhew says:

    Super post! Robyn Campbell sent me here to meet you. My cp, Lenny, feeds a load of raccoons and other animals on his back deck. Recently he was feeding them and three kits snuck past him and came inside! Two left pretty quickly but the other one took a tour of the house before deciding it was time to leave. 🙂

  25. Damon Dean - SevenAcreSky says:

    Yes I would pick this boik off the shelf. The threesome of giraffes speaks of possible mischief. I would hope and anticipate that they would be a little bit conspiratorial in claiming a resting spot. A hint of this would help the pitch in my opinion.

  26. Rena Traxel says:

    Maybe – The title didn't grab me perhaps if there was exclamation point after the sorry. But if I saw a giraffe on the cover I would pick the book up because I love giraffes. I was wondering if you could use a line from your book in the pitch. Maybe start with the first line from your book to draw the reader in. I like the line “They run into a troop of baboons, a dazzle of zebras, and a pride of lions.” Good luck with your book and pitch!

  27. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thank you to everyone who has been commenting on Sharron's pitch. She unexpectedly wound up in the hospital, so has been unable to respond to each person, but she is very appreciative and grateful for everyone's input!

  28. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    Sorry to hear about the hospital. Hope you are feeling better. I'm interested in the story, because I adore safari-type stories. The last line made me laugh as I've read hippos are the source of several safari deaths. I'm not quite sure what the conflict is the baboons, etc. Are the giraffes just getting in the way of the other animals? Also, I wonder about the groupings of the animals – why do you have three giraffes versus the troop, pride and dazzle? It sounds like a fun story Good luck.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s