OK. How Twilight Zone is it that the 29th pitch is occurring on that rarest of days, February 29th? *hums Twilight Zone music* Do you have chills?
If you don’t have chills from that, you’ll get them from marveling over the extreme succinctness of my post today – hitherto unheard of brevity 🙂 Grab your Something Chocolate and let’s get right down to Would You Read It!
Today’s pitch comes to us from Jennifer. No, not the same Jennifer as last week. That was Jennifer R. This is Jennifer Y 🙂
Jennifer was born and raised in southern Connecticut and settled down in south Jersey. She loves quotes. One of her favorites is from The Edge – “What one man can do, another can do.” You can visit her blog and like her on Face Book 🙂
Working Title: Planet Vacation
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Rose takes a vacation to visit the planets. Will she get a chance to rollerblade on the rings of Saturn and scuba dive for starfish on Jupiter or will her trip be nothing like she dreamed?
And I hope you are all suitably impressed by my succinctness 🙂 See you Friday – boy do I have a fantastic book to share with you!
It's a good concept, but I'd love to understand more about what the conflict is in the story. It's hard to get a sense of the story arc from the pitch.
That said, the idea of a vacation in space is awesome and one my kiddos would love.
Thank you Julie for your very helpful opinion.
Yes!!!! That sounds like a great adventure story, even those things don't happen in the end.
Yes. I would read. Has a lot of kid appeal in my opinion.
Yes…I have felt sorry for Pluto for years. He really got ripped off. All those years…being “one of the guys” and then being demoted to a dwarf planet. Not fair! Not fair at all!
Thank you Penny! 🙂
Thanks so much Stina!
Yes, I would definitely read it. I love books about outer space. I'm wondering if the ending should be a little more specific, what was she dreaming would happen or what conflict might arise?
I like it 🙂 Rilla would definitely want to read this book 🙂 esp with her middle name in it lol.. but I really do love the sounds of this pitch 🙂
Thanks for the helpful tips Jennifer 🙂
Thank you for your kind comments Denise!
yes, I would read it! sounds like fun.
Great job Jen, I have to say I have the scoop on the story too. You're going to love it. 🙂
My gut instinct is a yes, but that's immediately followed by the question of, “is there something that could possibly cause things not to go as she'd dreamed?” If so, what is that thing?
How nice that Jen gets the whole-hearted support of her critique group – speaks well of the story 🙂
Thanks for your help Angela!!
Thank you Cheryl 🙂
Thanks so much Darshana
Yes I'd read it. I'd have to know if she was able to rollerblade on the rings of Saturn. Such a creative idea!
Catherine Denton
Yes! It sounds exciting and different. I want to skate on the rings of Saturn!
Hi Jennifer – I'm with Wendy on this one. I love the idea, but couldn't tell if the story will be a rollicking fantasy or a lesson about “real life” on the planets. That said, either way could work! Good luck with this…:)
I am overwhelmed by your succinctness, Susanna. Cute pitch, Jennifer! I like the specifics.
I know! I marveled myself! 🙂
Yes, I would, but am biased as I have already! I would like to make 2 comments though, that would deter me from picking it up based on the pitch alone: The first sentence is somewhat flat (maybe substitute 'visit' with a more active verb?) and the word 'nothing' in the second sentence brings negativity (pick it up with something like 'exactly')
Jennifer — I am sorry but I do not have anything to add beyond what has been mentioned already. But, I do want to commend you for putting your pitch/idea out there for everyone to critique. Good luck with this idea!
Thanks so much Eric!
Very helpful advice Julie! Thanks so much!!
Thank you Vicki
Great advice, thanks Dede
Thanks so much Coleen
Thanks for your kind words Catherine
I'm just loving the phrase: hitherto unheard of brevity! Fantastic!
As for the pitch- I love the idea of visiting planets and exploring what might be out there- especially for kids. (We were at the museum of air and space last week and there's a lot to marvel over in that place) The pitch itself needs a little more drama and excitement, so while I like the concept, based on the pitch alone I'm a maybe. Add a little more adventure and I'm in!
A2ZMommy and What’s In Between
Well, it was brief (for me) and hitherto unheard of (and probably never to be heard of again) so it seemed apt 🙂 Thanks you for your helpful comments for Jennifer!
Thank you Tracy, I really appreciate your helpful advice
Hope it's not too late to comment on this pitch. 🙂
I would definitely pick up this book and read it…a trip to outer space…what fun!!!! Rollerblade on the rings of Saturn? Awesome illustration flashes into my mind. 🙂 Great story, Jennifer. Kids will love it!
It's never too late to share your helpful thoughts, Vivian! 🙂 People check back… because I remind them to if they don't… 🙂
Thank you Vivian, I appreciate your wonderful feedback!