In case you haven’t had your coffee yet, it’s Wednesday May 2, which means, in addition to being a Would You Read It day, it is Day 2 of NaPiBoWriWee.
Day 1 did not go well for me.
I have decided NaPiBoWriWee looks like this:
And apparently one of us got up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday!
Picture this:
Morning on Blueberry Hill. A gentle rain is falling. The lilac buds are trembling on the edge of blossoming. The baby finches are a jumble of feathers crowded in the nest under the front entry way, getting close to trying their wings. And I am poised to embark on my NaPiBoWriWee journey.
(Hey! I hear you snickering! What. You think me and poised in the same sentence is oxymoronic? Well, OK. I’ll give you that 🙂 But anyway, to continue my riveting tale…)
I sit down before my faithful computer, steaming cup of coffee beside me, and place my fingers on the keyboard.
*imagine music swelling in the background*
*…swelling some more…*
*… and a little more…*
Nothing.
I take my fingers off the keyboard and sip my coffee.
OK. I can do this.
*more music*
Once upon a time, I type.
Another sip of coffee.
Delete delete delete delete delete…..
Herbert was not like the other hedgehogs, I type.
Wait a minute.
That sounds a little too familiar 🙂
Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete…..
Herbert wanted a dog, I type.
Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete…
Herbert had a problem, I type.
Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete…
I reach for my coffee. It’s cold.
As I get up to microwave it back to an acceptable temperature, I notice a dust puppy under the edge of the cabinet. Hmmm… I think. Maybe I should vacuum.
It is a bad sign when housecleaning starts to sound like a good way to spend time!
Perhaps some interpretive dance would waken the muse…
Oof! Ouch! I think I sprained my pancreas!
Thank goodness you didn’t see that.
OK. Scratch the interpretive dance.
Anyway, I’ll spare you the agonizing details, but I ended up with 4 starts, three of them maybe with potential and 1 of them almost definitely hopeless, but no finishes. Day 2 and I’m already playing catch-up.
Arrgghh!
But never fear. It’s a new day! 🙂
On a much more inspiring note, however, Phyllis is in St. Lucia!!! Hop on over and check it out! She also had a brief visit to Rosalind’s in Leicester, England, in case you didn’t get to see that yet. She also visited Margaret in California. And if you want to see the cutest thing EVER you must check out Phyllis at Pam’s Preschool Prom!
And now, even better, let’s get down to Would You Read It!
Today’s pitch comes to us from the lovely Darshana. Her special talents by day are solving engineering problems, creating activities for her kids, and concocting ways to spend time with her husband. By night she reads and writes picture books, so one day she can realize her dream of becoming a published author. Check out her book reviews at Flowering Minds, and keep up to date on the latest in the kidlit world by “Liking” her onFaceBook.
Here is her pitch:
Title: Jay’s Big Day
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
Pitch: Jay’s super-sniffer dashes his dreams of becoming a Police Bird, but his special talent opens up another heroic opportunity.
And I am off to do better on my mss today. Look out, NaPiBoWriWee!
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Good luck with day 2. My Day 1 went swimmingly, but I know I have under two hours to write something tonight, and have no idea what. Sadly, I enter this week with zero planning!
I like the idea of adding someone's FB page to like, Susanna!
This is a Maybe for me. This is rare, but there isn't enough detail for me. I have no idea what a super-sniffer is so I am not sure what is happening here, though it could be quite fun with birds in the police!
I was yes at police bird. Very unusual. Like Joanna, I think it needs another line or so. (I know I tend to say it's too long). The super sniffer made me think drug dog or drug-sniffing bird. Most likely that's just me, but it's my thought. Dance might help with the writing. I wrote my first one out in pen and paper. We'll see how Day 2 will go since I'll be operating on little sleep.
You made me LOL. Where is your pancreas anyway (must google)? I'm with Ms. Jensen, I LOVE the idea that the bird wanted to be a police bird. I would like to know why his super sniffer would keep him from being a police bird.
I'm glad I made someone besides myself laugh, Erik! Everyone else is so serious this morning 🙂 I believe your pancreas is somewhere in your left side (she said, with great medical expertise) – it's the organ that produces insulin to control your blood sugar (and technically I don't think it can be sprained :)) Thanks for your comments for Ms. Khiani!
Yeah – dance doesn't really help me :)… but it's fun as long as no one is watching 🙂 Good luck with your Day 2 ms – I am determined to do better today!
Thank you for the good wishes, Joanna! I didn't have much planning either, as it was a fairly last minute decision to join, so my ideas were not as well fleshed out as they might have been or I would have realized I needed some better ones – not every idea can become a PB! But I intend to soldier on! 🙂 Today is a new day! Thanks for your comments for Darshana, and it was her idea to add the FB like – excellent I agree!
Sounds like the same day I had, Susanna- only I didn't sprain my pancreas (Ha!). Isn't writing hard?
I like the brevity of the pitch and would be curious to find out what his special talent is.
I'm sorry if you had the kind of writing day I did yesterday, Iza, but I'm glad I wasn't the only one! Everyone else was saying how well everything went! But here's to a MUCH better writing day today!!! (And I'm VERY glad that your pancreas is in good shape :))
Hi Darshana – I love the idea of a Police Bird, but I'd think having a super-sniffer would help Jay, not hurt him…I was confused (doesn't take much :)), but still intrigued!
It's definitely alarming when housecleaning seems more urgent than writing, hahaha. Good luck with NaPiBoWriWee!!
Well today is a new day! So far I have not felt any urges to clean or dance 🙂 But as you can see I'm responding to blog comments instead of writing. Bad Susanna! Naughty Susanna! Get to work this instant, Susanna! 🙂
Thanks for chiming in, Dede!
This one is a maybe for me…I was confused by the word “super” which right or wrong gives me the impression of something really good…I also think another sentence would help. I am, however, intrigued by the thought of a police dog!
Thanks for commenting, Sharon!
I liked Darshana's pitch – curious, clever and quirky! Lots of room for the illustrator I'd imagine. A yes for me.
Best of luck on Day 2 Susanna. I have faith in you!
Thank you, Cathy! 🙂
Hi Darshana, my comments echo Dede's. I think you need to tell us how the super sniffer is a hindrance, since most of us would think it helpful. Overall though, this pitch is wonderful. It is short, too the point and intriguing. I would read it!
Thank you all for your comments. It has been most helpful. It seems in my effort to make it short and to the point, I left out details about the super-sniffer. Your question has also helped me solve my issue of how to rework my intro which is still in flux. Thank you all! You guys are the best!
Susanna, you are too funny. Hope the muses are with you today. Thanks again for sponsoring “Would You Read It”, I am learning so much from it. 🙂
Thanks for commenting. It seems “super” caused a bit of confusion, especially since there is no dog in the story. Seems my pitch was too short.
Thanks Cathy!
Thanks Dede. Yup I am seeing the issue with the brevity of the pitch.
Thanks Kirsten. Glad I have intrigued you.
Thanks Iza. Your question has brought to my attention a second issue with the pitch. His special talent his is super-sniffer, in the first half it is a hindrance in the second half an asset.
Thanks Erik.
Thanks Stacy. No I don't think you are the only one who thought that based on the comments. Clearly I need to add a little bit more to the pitch.
Thanks Joanna. I appreciate the feedback.
Darshana and I are in a critique group together, so I've already read this story. I have an unfair advantage here, so I don't feel I should say if I'd read it or not based on the pitch. However, having read the story, I'd want the pitch to draw people in more to really want to read it!
Perhaps saying something like “Jay is eager to follow family tradition and become a Police Bird, but his super sense of smell keeps distracting him when he tries to take the Police Bird test. Can he turn this liability into an asset?”
Yes, I would definitely read Darshana's story. The police bird idea is too interesting to pass up and curious to find out about his special talent.
Good luck with your NaPiBoWriWee Susanna!
When I initially read the first 4 words, I was stopped. I wondered, what does this mean? Did I read it right? Let me read it again. It wasn't until I searched for contect clues, in the rest of the sentence, that I understood what it meant. Solution: perhaps start by saying Jay, the police bird. ?
I like the idea of police bird, but I think maybe a little bit more info would help to capture attention. 🙂
Good luck with Day 2 Susanna!
Today I am also mysteriously drawn to housecleaning.
Darshana – YES,I would read it! I never knew there were police birds!! LOL. I'm like many others re the pitch, tho. I had to reread it. Maybe as some already suggested start w/ Jay dreamed of being a police bird, but his super-sniffer dashed his hopes until he figured out another heroic use for his talent.
Susanna – thanks for the grins! I think our muses were cross-wired yesterday- my characters were Gilbert and HERBERT! Thanks also for letting us know even the professionals have those frustrating days!
I would never snicker at a strained pancreas..never.
That pitch was short and to the point. Yes, I would read it.
Now….back to Herbert and his quest.
So glad if you could draw amusement from my suffering 🙂 I'm happy to say I've got 2 finished mss under my belt today, so I'm caught up! 🙂 (And neither of them ended up being about Herbert :))
Maybe. I agree with Brenda on this one. The beginning of your pitch confused me a bit; however, I am intrigued by this bird. Super-sniffer at first made me think dog so perhaps clarify by stating right at the beginning that is about a bird. I see a few people are intrigued that this bird is a police bird, but from my understanding of your pitch the bird is unable to become a police bird due to his super-sniffer? I think with a bit of tweaking I would change my maybe to a yes. Good luck and thanks for sharing!
It's true. A sprained pancreas is nothing to joke about… sorry I can't even say that without laughing 🙂 I've abandoned Herbert for the moment, but I do have 2 new finished mss to show for the morning's work 🙂 (Well. By finished I mean I have a satisfactory draft from beginning to end – but there's plenty of polishing still to do!)
Thanks for the delightful post! I would say probably. Oh, that wasn't an option! It piques my curiosity and seems like a unique story. A tad more info would help.
Thanks for the comment, Rena!
Thanks for the pitch comment, Connie, and glad you enjoyed the post 🙂
Just say NO to housecleaning, Coleen! 🙂 Fingers to the keyboard 🙂 And thanks for the pitch comment and the good luck wishes!
Thanks for your thoughts, Brenda!
Thank you, Jen! Things are looking up today 🙂
Thanks for chiming in, Beth. I'm sure Darshana will find your comments especially helpful since you've read the story.
I'm SO glad if you're finding it helpful! We have all the lovely readers to thank! 🙂 And yes, the muses seem a bit more cooperative today… perhaps that dance worked after all 🙂
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kirsten!
Kirsten Larson (unregistered) wrote, in response to Dede Perkins (unregistered):
Hi Darshana, my comments echo Dede's. I think you need to tell us how the super sniffer is a hindrance, since most of us would think it helpful. Overall though, this pitch is wonderful. It is short, too the point and intriguing. I would read it!
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Yes, I liked Darshana's pitch. It is short, gives enough information and is quirky. I want to know what happends. Nice job!
Ha! HA! Susanna, that could be me. Instead of vaccuming, I'd write a blog — so at least I'm writing. But, I have had this happen soooo many times.
Thanks again for all your comments it is helping to get my gears turning. You guys rock!
Thanks for the suggestion Beth!
Thanks for your thoughts on the pitch, Pat! And this is what's so great about the writing community – discovering that when we're struggling, we're not alone – others have the same problems 🙂
Thanks Jennifer!
Thanks for the comments Brenda. My brevity has definitely caused some confusion.