Big news.
It’s official.
(And you’re probably going to want to sit down for this.)
After all this time I have finally become…
duh duh duh duh….
… a twit.
You heard right. After all that kicking and screaming I joined the masses.
(For those of you who already thought I was a twit, well, I guess you can’t argue with the evidence :))
I’d like to tell you my handle so you could all come join me in my confused wanderings, but I have no idea what it is. I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out.* I abandoned my twitterings in mid-twit late yesterday afternoon to bake birthday cake (the answer is chocolate – I have exceptionally keen hearing) and then help my birthday girl eat it 🙂 so I have yet to actually make a nest or whatever y’all do in lieu of profiles over there 🙂
So that’s my big news for the day.
When you’ve finished reeling from shock, grab a donut and have a gander at today’s Would You Read It pitch.
By way of introduction to the pitcher…
Beware of the fiery haired writer who calls herself Rena J. Traxel. She lives in the middle of the nowhere in the province of Alberta, creating stories and poems for children. Death of Sleeping Beauty is book one in her fantasy series. Please visit her blog, On The Way To Somewhere, and read an excerpt from her book HERE.
Here is her pitch!
Working Title: Death Of Sleeping Beauty
Age/Genre: MG Fantasy
The Pitch: Alivia Fair stumbles upon a seemingly harmless book that is full of gruesome fairy tales. Now the book is missing and strange things begin to happen. She is cursed by a man with a blue beard and finds herself trapped inside an enchanted castle, in which she comes face-to-face with the legendary, Sleeping Beauty. Too bad Alivia is destined to kill her, but with a little help Alivia might be able to stop the DEATH OF SLEEPING BEAUTY.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Woo hoo! I'm so excited you're on Twitter!
Happy Birthday to your daughter and Rena i love your pitch, the story sounds fab. If you want to cut his down a bit I ould take out strange things begin to happen and just head straight for the strange things.
I feel very out of my depth, Catherine, but hopefully I'll figure it out #@whatever 🙂 Thanks for the birthday wishes for H and for your comment for Rena 🙂
Alivia Fair stumbles upon a seemingly harmless book of gruesome fairy tales with strange consequences. Cursed by a man with a blue beard, Alvina finds herself trapped inside an enchanted castle, where she comes face-to-face with Sleeping Beauty, whom she is destined to kill. Is there a fairy tale ending to the DEATH OF SLEEPING BEAUTY?
Rena, love the story, but feel the pitch news some tightening. I have offered an alternative, but don't like my question at the need. I think you just need to play around a bit with it. 🙂
Welcome to Twitterville, Susanna, happy to follow another kid lit tweep!
Thanks for your helpful comment for Rena, Joanna. And one of my projects for today is to figure out how to write a tweet! 🙂 #twitternewbie @dopey me 🙂
UHHH… Congrats? I will “follow” you on Twitter! 🙂
Happy birthday to that good relative of yours! Ms. Traxel, I think your pitch is good. It gives the information that will make poeple want to read it 🙂
Erik
Thank you Erik! I already followed you (I think… :)) And thank you for the birthday wishes – it was extremely kind of my daughter to have a birthday so we could all eat chocolate cake. Betty Bunny's got nothing on the people in my house 🙂 This same daughter's first complete sentence at 16 months old was (and I am seriously not making this up!) “I want cake!”
Tweet, love, tweet. lol!!! I'm on Twitter with the handle neostateofmind but I wouldn't ask me for advice as I'm not all that knowledgeable lol!!
As for the pitch, I would say Yes. Mainly because I am a fantasy-head. Love fantasy. Adore it. Love going to new places and escaping away to some new adventure. I do wonder if there is a way to make the pitch a bit more enticing…something like (Age of MC) Alivia Fair finds life is anything but fair. After she comes across, then loses, a book of gruesome fairy tales, she's cursed by a mysterious blue bearded man. Now trapped in an enchanted castle, Alivia learns she's destined to kill Sleeping Beauty. Intent on changing her fate, Alivia accepts the help of (a rogue mini-prince, tiny but mighty mouse, scary but friendly dragon…just making this up lol!) to stop the DEATH OF SLEEPING BEAUTY.
Not sure if that actually makes it more enticing but it provides for a way to get a little more information in and to make things a tad less vague.
Good luck, Rena, with your pitch 🙂
Yay for your daughter! (I love it when those kids think so much of us that they let us cook and bake for them.) I tell 'em, “Of course I'm gonna eat this. I baked it didn't I??” I am kind enough to offer them one piece though. *wink*
I CANNOT find you twitting about. I've even tried Susie Q. *sigh* (This is the first time someone told me they were on Twitter and they don't know their handle.)
Rena, your story sounds wonderful. But I think the pitch needs to be shorter. Cut some words. (Agents love to see white paper on the queries and they love a strong pitch.) Just an idea here, the title is called The Death of Sleeping Beauty, right? I've heard (from a famous agent)that the MC is the only person who should be in the query. I'd take mention of sleeping beauty out. Talk about the strange stuff that happens, (only the strangest stuff) but take out the part where you say strange stuff begins to happen. Good luck with your book. *waving*
Thanks for your sweetly encouragement, Angela 🙂 and thanks for your helpful comment for Rena!
Aren't you supposed to be able to search for my name and find me? I just found you and followed you… at least I think I did… Please tell me if it shows up and if you can find me back, or if I'm some kind of invisible entity 🙂 And thanks for your comments for Rena 🙂
Happy birthday to your daughter and happy cake to you!!!
I love cake. My husband and I are known to buy birthday cakes on a regular basis. They love us at the bakery because we don't care what they have on the cake…Go Eagles!…Happy 25th Anniversary!…It's a Boy!…anything will do, but always with a little extra icing!
Rena, Yes, I would read you book based on your pitch! I agree it needs tightening. Angela has great suggestions!
Twitter, huh? I'm on there @pklostermann. I am not an active tweeter! All this social media is mind boggling! In fact, now that I've said that…we should have a new social media outlet called boggling…and we could boggle each other and stay even more confused! (I am soooo laughing at my own joke. I know…I'm wierd!)
I have yet to enter the world of Faces and Twitters….no rush, I spend way too much time on the computer as it is.
Happy B'day to your daughter…although….you really don't need an excuse to have cake do you?
The pitch is perhaps a tad long but I would definitely read the book.
You are so funny, Penny! 🙂 I love your boggling idea – that's how I feel all the time, but especially with twitter. I may have just sent my very first tweet – who can tell? 🙂 Thanks for your comment for Rena!
I am trying not to be completely left behind technologically speaking 🙂 And no, I never need an excuse for cake! 🙂 THanks for you comment for Rena.
First of all, here's the link to your twitter, and you are indeed @SusannaLHill https://twitter.com/#!/SusannaLHill
Congrats on being dragged into the Twitterverse! You can find good stuff about using Twitter to its full advantage (if not the totally technical stuff) at My Name is Not Bob http://robertleebrewer.blogspot.ca/ (As for the technical stuff, it's magic, just like everything else in the cyber universe.)
Now for the pitch. Yes, I'd read it. It sounds totally cool. I like the others' suggestions for tightening the pitch somewhat. My only comment was going to be that Rena doesn't need a comma between “legendary” and “Sleeping Beauty” because I'm fussy like that.
Happy birthday to your daughter, and thanks for the whiff of the wonderful aroma of chocolate cake!
Thank you, Beth!!! And in case you're wondering, I have Not Bob's page open on my desktop like a bible! 🙂 So far I think I have managed to make one tweet and one retweet. I'm exhausted. Is it naptime yet? Thanks for the b-day wishes – I'm sending you a virtual piece of chocolate cake which cannot harm your sugar levels 🙂 And thanks for you comment for Rena.
Yay you! I've followed you on Twitter. You can do it! And thanks for the cake. DEEEEEElicious.
You're welcome 🙂
Beth Stilborn (unregistered) wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:
Yay you! I've followed you on Twitter. You can do it! And thanks for the cake. DEEEEEElicious.
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I'm a maybe. I like fairy tale retellings and this does sound interesting, but I agree that the pitch could be tightened up. Good luck! 🙂
Thanks for chiming in, Rachel! 🙂
This story sounds intriguing, so I'd definitely want to read it. I agree with suggestions for tightening the pitch, but the content captured my attention.
Thanks so much for your comments, Andrea!
The title grabs my attention, but the pitch doesn't really reveal the conflict well enough for me to know if this is something I want to read.
Thanks Randy! And thanks for the twitter follow 🙂
I like the title, too but is this a twisted fairy tale or just a story about Sleeping Beauty? Is this about the whole book of fairy tales or just one story? do you see how it makes for more questions?
the pitch is interesting in that I would want to read more but it seems a little confusing and I need to know more about the conflict. Is it within Alivia because she doesn't want to kill the beauty or with the fact a whole book is missing?
OK, I'll stop. Wish I knew how to rewrite this like some others but the premise sounds good. Just read the other comments and the one about only giving out the mc info is valid. go for it.
I'll go ahead and follow you now,Susanna. Welcome to the world of magic and suspense because none of us know what we're doing on twitter except maybe Kristen Lamb.
Thanks, Clar! I followed you back. And I guess I better find Kristen Lamb! 🙂
Ha! You've become a twit! I love it. Hang on… I'm off to see if I can hunt you down there….
And… I came up with nothing.
Oh, wait! Beth to the rescue! Gotcha. And welcome! I don't have a clue on twitter, either. And I'm well beyond having a good excuse for it.
Absolutely, Rena…I would definitely read it. Sounds fascinating! Well written, the pitch entices me to want more. Great job! The rewriting of well-known fairy tales intrigues me…
And Susanna…welcome to the tweeting world!
Thanks. It's loosely based off Sleeping Beauty. I know that is something I'm going to have to include in my pitch when I send it to the publishers.
Thanks for the feedback. It's loosely based off Sleeping Beauty. It goes beyond the tale of Sleeping Beauty. I will have to make sure to include that when I pitch my story.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks. I see that a lot of people think this story is a retelling and it's not. I'm going to have to make sure I make that clear in my pitch.
Thanks Beth.
Cool. Thanks. I love the line Alivia Fair finds life is anything but fair. That line made me think of what is at stake for her and I don't think I really make that clear.
Thanks.
Thanks!
Thank you, Jarm! I will try to find you, but since I'm a helpless baby at this, you'd better look for me too 🙂
I figured I'd better jump on the bandwagon, otherwise I'd just be sliding down the slippery slope into old age 🙂
Congrats on becoming a twit! I have yet to enter the twitter-verse. Been holding back, was afraid I might get lost. Happy Birthday to your daughter. I could use some chocolate cake. 🙂
As for a pitch I am a MAYBE. First I am don't read too much MG fantasy. Second, your pitch was bit confusing. The lines that hooked me were the first and last. The stuff in-between was a bit confusing and not as enticing. I think if you can tighten it and make it a bit snappier that will help to lure and keep the reader's attention. I do like some of the re-writes others have already posted. Good Luck!
I would totally read it! I'm a sucker for MG and for fairy tale retellings, so this pitch has my vote.
Congrats on getting onto Twitter 🙂 Let us know your handle at some point!
Thanks Jess! As far as I know, it's @SusannaLHill
Thanks, Darshana! I'm feeling very trepidatious, but I'm taking a course in social media and she said Twitter was crucial. We'll see… I may expire from social media overload 🙂 You are welcome to a slice of chocolate cake – come on over 🙂
Thanks for the feedback.
Thanks! That is what I like to hear.
Not only would I read it, but I have read it, and Rena's book is fantastic! I keep nagging her for book 2. As for Twitter, I try, but I am terrible add it. Nevertheless, I am going to find you Susanna!
Yes. Yes. Yes!!!!! I would read it. And not just because we both live in Alberta. I don't live in the middle of nowhere, though. I'm in a major city.
I am hooked, but the second sentence confused me.
I'm soooooo happy you are on Twitter. You'll get the hang of it. I love Twitter for a personal newsfeed (follow people you want to read), find out things happening in my local community (traffic congestion, police, news) and for keeping up with my bloggy friends.
I love retellings of fairy tales. Yes, I would read it. But, I got confused about Alivia being destined to kill Sleeping Beauty, and had to read it again. May be just me.
Oh Susanna, you're a Twit for sure. I went in kicking and screaming, but am getting the hang of it. I don't use it regularly though. Sometimes I get messages that come to my e-mail, which is great, then I'll go on. Too many other things to do.
Thanks for the feedback. It seems that I know the story to well so it helps to know that my pitch isn't quite clear.