Would You Read It Wednesday #109 – Iris The Rainbow Girl (PB) PLUS The September Pitch Winner

It’s time for everybody’s favorite program – Would You Read It! – brought to you in part by Chocolate (it’s what’s for breakfast!)

Except today, since it’s October, our Something Chocolate is going to be Something Pumpkin because I’ve got pumpkins on my mind.  So how about this?  Hot from the oven pumpkin muffins…

…with chocolate chips 🙂

YUM!

Now, even though it is rude to speak with your mouth full, I’m going to announce the winner of the September Pitch Pick.  And the winner is…

DDDRRRUUUMMM RRROOOLLLLLL!!!!!!

Kirsti, with her pitch for Upside Down In Frown Town!

Congratulations on an excellent pitch, Kirsti!  It has already zipped through cyberspace to editor Erin Molta and I’m sure you will hear from her shortly!

Congratulations to our other pitchers as well!  Everyone did such a good job – it was a tough choice this month!  Good luck to you all as you proceed with the stories these pitches are for!

Help yourself to another muffin, and then we’ll move right along to today’s pitch which comes to us from Rosi.  Rosi has sold a few pieces to Highlights and Highlights High Five magazine, but no books yet.  She writes for all ages, but mostly for children.  She is the Critique Group Coordinator for SCBWI North/Central California.  And she would love it if anyone would like to visit her blog at: http://rosihollinbeckthewritestuff.blogspot.com/

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Iris The Rainbow Girl
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 2-5)
The Pitch: When Iris sees a rainbow, she decides she want to be a beautiful rainbow. Her parents tell her all the reasons she cannot be a rainbow, but Iris persists and finally finds a way to achieve her goal.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Rosi improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in January so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Rosi is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to figuring out the rest of the prizes for the Halloweensie Contest.  Stay tuned!  And once again, if you have any particular thoughts in the what-you’d-like-to-win department, please let me know and I’ll see what I can arrange 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!

65 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #109 – Iris The Rainbow Girl (PB) PLUS The September Pitch Winner

  1. Ldegman says:

    Yes, I would read it – it's a very unique idea! I think the pitch is not dramatic enough and doesn't grab the reader. I'd go for something like, “Iris is determined to become a rainbow and she refuses to let anyone hang a dark cloud over her dream!” Too corny? Maybe – but you get the idea 🙂

  2. iza trapani says:

    Yay! I'm smiling for Frown Town (and the pumpkin chocolate chip muffins!)
    I am curious about the idea of a rainbow girl, but I agree with Lori that the pitch could be more dramatic and enticing. I would also avoid using “rainbow” three times. Find another way to get the point across. I would definitely read it!

  3. Kirsten Larson says:

    Rosi, HIGHLIGHTS is such an achievement…Congrats! And I have to say I love SCBWI NoCal/CenCal. Your writers day with the nonfiction track is the best!

    As Iza suggested, I would reword so you aren't using “rainbow” three times. In the first sentence you could change it to “she wants to be one too.” I also would like some hint of Iris's efforts so I can learn more about the story. Besides her parents, what are some obstacles she faces?

    Good luck with this one!

  4. julie says:

    Congrats, Kirsti! And thanks for the muffin, Susanna – I just might bakesome today!
    Wonderful news about your success with Highlights, Rosi. As for the pitch, I'd really like to hear more about what's going on: is Iris human? Does the rainbow sighting play such a big role, or can you begin with her desire to emulate? And how? A tidbit, please. You might want to grab some favorite lines and play with those. Good luck.

  5. pennyklostermann says:

    Congratulations to Kirsti!

    Penny, Penny pumpkin (muffin) eater!
    Ate a few by her heater…
    Hey, with a few tweaks, I think that could be a nursery rhyme 😉

    As far as the pitch, I would say yes. I would like to see you add a little color to your pitch! Iris must love color since she wants to be a rainbow, so is there some wordplay you could bring into the pitch that would liven it up?
    I went over to your website, Rosi. I taught school for years, too. Congratulations on your publications!

  6. Pam Brunskill says:

    Mmm, yummy muffin! I want one now, actually 🙂
    As for the pitch, yes, I would read the story. But, I think the same story voice or hints as to how Iris actually becomes a rainbow would improve it.

  7. Rosi says:

    Thanks, Kirsten. Yes, the nonfiction things our region does are terrific. Thanks for the suggestions. It is a work in progress.

  8. Rosi says:

    I am at the Minneapolis airport and their WiFi leaves a bit to be desired, but I am going to try to get through as much as I can.

  9. Donna L Sadd says:

    Congratulations Kirsti!

    Yes, I'd read it, Rosi, but I agree with the other comments that it needs a bit more punch and insight as to what's going on. :0)

  10. Beverly Snedecor says:

    Wow, what an original idea. I would read it just to find out how it works! I like the suggestions below, especially Lori's about bringing in ideas that are related to rainbows, like a cloud. Don't they go together? I think the pitch itself would grab me more if it gave more specifics about the obstacles and maybe about Iris's colorful personality. Thanks for letting us read this!

  11. Stacy Couch says:

    Mmm…pumpkin muffins. Have a recipe that uses butterscotch candies–gasp!–instead of chocolate chips. Though both are divine.

    Lovely idea, Rosi! The name Iris is SO clever for a rainbow girl. I agreed with adding details, maybe tempting us with the climax, then a hint about how she'll resolve it.

    Love Penny's nursery rhyme too!

  12. Sian says:

    Yes I would read it – it sounds like a fun idea. Like others have said I would try to expand the pitch a bit – its somewhat brief, I would also rephrase it as you overuse the word rainbow. Overall its sounds good though 🙂

  13. Genevieve says:

    Pitches are often too long and wordy. This one is the opposite. I would like to read it, but I think there should be more – some indication as to whether Iris magically turns to a rainbow, or learns the subtly of the colors in her personality. Is it magical?

  14. Lyla Anne says:

    Yes, I would read it. I agree that the pitch is a little modest, there could definitely be a little more punch. How does she become a “rainbow”, does she try different ways; i.e. painting her face all the colors or doing a back bend? I would like to know in the pitch how she accomplishes this, unless that would give the whole story away. Right now I'm a little confused, but a lot a bit fascinated and excited to read the story 🙂

  15. Rosi says:

    Prisms! I hadn't thought of that. I'm glad you like the name. I will be putting an explanation for the kids in the afterword. Thanks for chiming in.

  16. Andrea says:

    I love pumpkin and choc chips together!

    What I wondered when I read the pitch is why Iris wants to be a rainbow. It seems like an unusual idea for a child but one with lots of possibilities for fun illustrations. I'd probably read it because I'm curious.

  17. Joanna Marple says:

    I'll have a muffin, but with blueberries, please.

    Lori's tweaking is great. It does need something more to tempt the reader, but the problem is cool.

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