Would You Read It Wednesday #124 – Puddles And Rainbows (PB) PLUS Straight From The Editor

Ola petitos!

(For those of you who don’t speak my version of Spanish, that means hi little ones!  It’s a term of endearment :))

For starters today, we’ve got a Straight From The Editor.  You will recall that the December/January Pitch Pick was won by Beth with her pitch for Tomboy Rules: Blossoms Are Always Prepared (MG Realistic Fiction).

Here is her pitch:

Mabel is so close to playing baseball she can almost see her spitting distance improving.Mabel’smom thinks she should work on sitting still instead. So they make a deal: Mabel can play baseball in the spring, but only if she learns to fit in with the local Blossoms Troop first. But that isn’t easy. Mabel turns square dancing into a contact sport, saves a spider like she’s sliding into second base, and wolfs down the entire cookie sale stash. That’s three strikes and she’s out of Blossoms, but Mabel is not about to let that stop her. She sneaks to the campsite to make amends and discovers she isn’t the only intruder crashing the camp-out. With the Blossoms trapped between a smelly skunk and a sizzling fire, Mabel realizes that she’s the only one who can save the Blossoms from the stinky situation.

And here are editor Erin Molta’s comments:

This looks appealing! The only thing I would suggest is reworking the first sentence because it’s a little confusing because she can be close physically, too and the reader will have to go back and re-read it to figure out what you mean—especially with the spitting distance image. I suggest something a little more straightforward and perhaps more baseball-oriented. Maybe something like: baseball season is almost here and Mabel can hear the crack of the bat and the sound of the ball hitting her glove in her sleep . . . But Mom wants Mabel to make friends with more girls her own age (or something like that)

Insightful as always, I think!

Now that we’ve been enlightened, I think this would be an excellent time for Something Chocolate.  (Of course, I always think that… :))  How do you feel about cookies today?  I personally think I could be very comfortable with the idea 🙂

Aren’t these beautiful? So Yin and Yang!

You may be excused for one minute to get a cup of coffee or a glass of milk to go with the cookies, but come right back for Would You Read It!

Today’s pitch comes to us from Karen who says, “I enjoy writing for children, specifically, PBs, and have been working to both hone my craft and connect with other writers. I recently completed Tara Lazar’s PiBoIdMo and now am onto my first 12×12 challenge with Julie Hedland! I am a mompreneur of sorts and a bit of a daydreamer, journeying however fast or slow towards my goal of publication.”

Come visit her at:
Twitter @kmaewrite
FB as Karen Mae Zoccoli.
Wish I could say I have a website, but not yet (it is on my to do list!)

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Puddles And Rainbows
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-6)
The Pitch: Little Cloud desperately wants to play with the bigger clouds, but he needs to prove himself first by learning to rain. Raining takes patience and hard work. As Little Cloud figures out the science of rain, he soon makes a colorful discovery.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Karen improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in May so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Karen is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to Spring.  Have I mentioned that before?  Is it starting to sound repetitive?  I can’t help myself.  It’s because of the robins.  Even though we’ve still got a good foot and a half of snow on the ground (with a nasty icy crust, no less) and the temperature this morning was a whopping 4 degrees, the brave, cheery little robins are back.  I don’t know what they’re eating (though we’ve been doling out birdseed by the ton to all the local winter residents, so the robins are welcome to get in on that action if it helps), or how they’re managing the cold, but it’s so uplifting to see them.  They are harbingers of spring.  When the robins come, there is hope!

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone, filled with the kind of upliftingness the robins bring 🙂

63 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #124 – Puddles And Rainbows (PB) PLUS Straight From The Editor

  1. Debbie says:

    Hi, Karen! This sounds very cute! I have a question. Will you be sharing the science of rain with your readers? I would definitely read it and think it would work well if you are teaching your readers about how it rains and what makes a rainbow in addition to teaching Little Cloud about hard work and patience.

    Susanna, I loved your line “When the robins come, there is hope!” Doesn't “When the Robins Come” sound like a great book title?

    (And man, do those cookies look good! I am not going to ask for the recipe this time. Nope! Not doing it!)

  2. Karen Mae Zoccoli says:

    Thanks for the feedback Debbie, and yes it does teach about the science of rain and rainbows, alongside themes of growing up and friendship. And yes, “When the Robins Come” does sound like a great title!

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