Would You Read It Wednesday #148 – Me Hungry (PB)

Well, things are pretty quiet up here on Blueberry Hill.

The hummingbirds have left for Mexico. (Smart cookies.)

The hornets have left because something (not me!) bashed in their (really ugly) house.

(Truthfully, I feel sorry for them.  They worked so hard on that (evil-looking!) house.  I don’t know where they went, but they’re gone.  At least I think they are… I haven’t actually gotten close enough to tell for sure.  I’m not THAT much of a glutton for punishment 🙂  But I digress…)

The blueberries have left because the bears ate them.

The deer are quietly turning that soft brown color that makes them one with the woods in winter.

And this morning, when I was out for my morning jaunt, a whole flock of birds (swallows? really I’m making that up – the only birds I’m sure of are chickadees, cardinals, and blue jays 🙂 – but they COULD have been swallows because that sounds nice) ANYway, the whole flock rose from a tree and took off above my head in a rush of wings – so beautiful in the stillness!

So, with all that quietness, it’s a good thing we’re about to liven things up with the 4th Annual Halloweensie Contest!!!

If you missed the announcement, go HERE and read all about it!

And the prizes are rolling in – there are going to be lots of good ones! – so pop those thinking caps on!

Now then!  Down to today’s business!

First, I’m happy to announce that the winner of the September Pitch Pick is HOPE!!! with her pitch for Cleo And Pinkie!  Congratulations, Hope! Your pitch is on it’s way to editor Erin Molta for her thoughts.  And congratulations to ALL  our brave pitchers – you all did a fantastic job and it was terrible to have to pick only one of your wonderful pitches when all your stories sound great!

Phew!  Let’s take a break after all that excitement and indulge in Something Chocolate!  (Like we need an excuse :))

Today’s Something Chocolate is chocolate deliciousness AND a story prompt, because really, don’t those raspberries look like little critters huddled under a toadstool sheltering from a chocolate rain?  Maybe even chocolate thunder?  (which sounds like it should be a whole ‘nother dessert! :))  Or maybe they’re hiding under a rock behind a chocolate waterfall!  Or maybe they want to splash in chocolate puddles and they’re daring someone to go first!  Whatever, I think they have a story to tell 🙂

You can think about it while you lick the plate 🙂

Today’s pitch comes to us from Gail who says, “Recently, I participated in the Making Picture Book Magic workshop and in the Telling Children Stories in Today’s Market intensive. I’m a member of SCWBI, and hold both a degree in Fine Arts from Wilfrid Laurier University and a diploma in Journalism from Cambrian College. You’re welcome to visit http://gailtalbot.com anytime to learn more.”

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Me Hungry
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Ted’s delicious dreams are interrupted when a noise creeps from his closet. He peeks from under his blanket and discovers a teeny-tiny zombie! When Ted tries to feed his new famished friend, things don’t go smoothly — meat kabooms, a plate is pinched, and a restaurant is invaded! But, Ted’s quick thinking help the pair through. Zombie’s tummy is finally filled, and Ted becomes a chef, just like he always wanted.  “Me Hungry!” is a fast-paced, 500-word, boy-oriented picture book. A little “Master Chef” meets “Goosebumps,” the story features Ted, a boy who learns that facing his fears is the first step in making his dreams come true.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Gail improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in November so you’ve got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Gail is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to continuing to gather up prizes for y’all, and to how much fun we’re going to have writing and reading entries for the Halloweensie Contest!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

76 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #148 – Me Hungry (PB)

  1. Gail says:

    Thanks Kathy :). I'll look closely at the language to make sure it isn't overtly lyrical and also remove the boy-oriented. And, yes, Ted and zombie become friends (Ted tries to feed zombie). I'm going to really hone in on that as well.

  2. Gail says:

    Thanks so much Pam! I will definitely re-work the last sentence because Ted and zombie do become friends. The fear is overcome when Ted meets zombie at the beginning of the story (friendship is his reward for facing fears). I'm going to really look hard at the emotional elements and see if they can help put the “zing” into the pitch.

  3. Gail says:

    I am going to really re-work the “under his blanket” sentence because I think it might steer the pitch away from the actual plot. Thank you for your feedback Teresa!

    Have a great day, and enjoy those sticky fingers 🙂

  4. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Brownie points for you, Maria, for being the only one to try your hand at a different version of the raspberry story 🙂 (And by “brownie” points, I do mean brownies! :)) Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Gail, too!

  5. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_Erik says:

    Congrats to Ms. Hope! 😀 I hope that you have a fun time while the Hornets vacation! 😉
    I like the pitch. I like Master Chef meets Goosebumps 🙂 I am wondering what kind of food Ted feeds the zombies…
    Does a chocolate Tasty·Kake count? 😉

  6. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks for your comments for Ms. Talbot, Erik! I guess this pitch would be up your alley 🙂
    Now. Let's talk about Tasty-Kake! You live in the land of the Tasyy-Kake, don't you? Until this week, I didn't know that Pennsylvania was Tasty-Kake capitol!

  7. Joanne Sher says:

    Yes – great, intriguing story. The pitch felt long to me – trim it if you can – and watch the exclamation points, I think. Great use of alliteration in the pitch – I hope it is as abundant in the story itself 🙂

  8. Joanne Sher says:

    Hehe – so am I! I need this reminder as much as (of not more than) everyone else. 🙂 I just notice it in others' writing LOL

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