Would You Read It Wednesday #149 – Your Friend, Conrad (PB) PLUS A Halloweensie Prize Update!

Darlings!

I was going to be so succinct and just get right to Would You Read It today, and you were going to be so proud of me for my extreme brevity… I had it all planned out…

BUT!

I have to squeeze in a teensy Halloweensie Contest update!!!

Remember how I told you that the prizes kept rolling in?

Here’s what our goody bag of prizes looks like now! (words in color are links for more info)

– Julie Hedlund‘s fantastic new course How To Make Money As An Author, interesting, educational and suitable for writers at any stage of their career

 – a 2015 membership to Children’s Book Insider, an absolutely fabulous resource for kid lit writers of all kinds generously offered by Jon Bard and Laura Backes

 – a picture book manuscript critique from the renowned Alayne Christian (prose only, 800 words or less)
Alayne Kay Christian is an award winning author of BUTTERFLY KISSES FOR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA. She is represented by Erzsi Deak of Hen&Ink Literary Studio. To read more about Alayne, her critique service, and her books visit her websites and blog.

– a picture book manuscript critique (rhyme or prose) from Penny Parker Klostermann who, after extensive experience critiquing for writing partners, members of various kid lit groups, and clients of Erin Murphy Literary Agency, is opening her own critique service!!!

Penny Parker Klostermann writes picture books and poetry. Her debut book, THERE WAS AN OLD DRAGON WHO SWALLOWED A KNIGHT, is coming from Random House Children’s, August 2015. Penny is represented by Tricia Lawrence of Erin Murphy Literary Agency. Click HERE to learn more about her critique service. 

 – a picture book manuscript critique by Tracey M. Cox!  Tracey offers a full critique on a fiction PB, 800 words or less, which will include overall impression and line-by-line on a prose only pb ms.  She will also include thoughts and marketing ideas that she thinks about and if she can think of references, she’ll add them also.  Tracey M. Cox has been writing professionally since 2000 and is an author of 6 picture books.  She is an active member in the children’s literature community and explores how to self-market on little to no budget.

Website: www.traceymcox.com
Blog: www.traceymcox.wordpress.com


 – an e-pub or PDF copy (winner’s choice) of Linda Ashman‘s Nuts And Bolts Guide To Writing Picture Books

 – a personalized signed copy of I WANNA GO HOME by Karen Kaufman Orloff, the latest in the brilliant PB series that began with I WANNA IGUANA.

 – a personalized signed copy of I AM COW HEAR ME MOO by Jill Esbaum (reviewed for Perfect Picture Books HERE and HERE – yep, it’s so popular it got reviewed for PPBF twice :))

 – a personalized signed copy of NINJA RED RIDING HOOD by Corey Rosen Schwartz, the riveting follow-up to THE THREE NINJA PIGS.

 – a PDF copy of Ryan Sias’s A Spooky-Doodle E-Book, “doodle pages, drawing lessons and writing prompts inspire kids to invent their own stories, characters and artwork.”

And I’d like to clarify (because I got asked) that people who donate prizes are still eligible to enter the contest!  Just, if they win, I won’t give them their own prize 🙂

And that is 10 prizes now, all very generously donated!  So I’m hoping we’ll get at least 10 entries 🙂

Okay!  Now back to our regularly scheduled programing.  (Brevity is overrated anyway… :))

Since I know you’re all revved up at the prospect of all those amazing prizes, and are going to run right off to your favorite writing corner and get to work on your entries as soon as you’ve commented for today’s WYRI pitcher, let me fortify you with a little Something Chocolate! 🙂

Since Halloween is coming, it’s important that we embrace the occasion in our chocolate snacks.  Today (don’t be scared!) we have Spooky Boo Brownies!!!

Find the recipe HERE if you want to give these scary delights a try! 🙂

Oooh!  So spooky! . . . and chocolatey and delicious 🙂

Now then, today’s pitch comes to us from Debbie who says, “I have been writing all my life but have been more serious about it in the last 5 years, joining groups like SCBWI and Julie Hedlund’s 12 X 12, taking courses like MPBM (Making Picture Book Magic), and attending conferences. Susanna’s knowledge, generosity, and encouragement make this group essential to my writing life. Thank you, Susanna! And thank you all in advance for your feedback.”

(Debbie’s website will be up soon, and when it is, I’ll let you know where to find her! :))

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Your Friend, Conrad
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Conrad receives an invitation to visit his best friend Fiona. She tells him he’ll need to bring a sword, a bow and arrow, and … exactly ten marshmallows?! Conrad bravely sets out not knowing that the path will lead him into a leaky boat, past pesky ravens, through prickly brambles, and to the edge of a moat where a sweets-loving dragon lurks in the deep. Will this unlikely hero have the wits (and enough marshmallows) to make it to Fiona’s front door?

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Debbie improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are one or two openings left for this year, since there will be a hiatus for the Holiday Contest and the holidays themselves, so polish up your pitch and grab one of the last couple spots for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta before 2015!

Debbie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I think I said this last week (and I’ll probably say it next week :)) but I am looking forward to the Halloweensie Contest!  I seriously can’t wait to read what y’all come up with, and I also can’t wait to give away all these lovely and amazing prizes!  Let’s have a round of applause for our very generous donors! 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

81 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #149 – Your Friend, Conrad (PB) PLUS A Halloweensie Prize Update!”

  1. Cathy C. Hall says:
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    Oh, yes, I'd read it! I love the humor/hook of “exactly ten marshmallows” and I can see this is a writer who understands the concept of threes and the language of imagery. Yeah, this is a good 'un. 😉

  2. Teresa Robeson says:
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    What a plethora of prizes, Susanna! But, more importantly, what awesome Halloween sweets!! 😉

    Debbie wrote an excellent pitch! I would love to read that. The only thing that confused me a mite was that I thought all those things that he was told to bring, as well as the list of stuff he saw (leaky boat, past pesky ravens, through prickly brambles, and to the edge of a moat where a sweets-loving dragon lurks) was at or to be used at Fiona's house, not along the way. But it could just be me and my pre-coffee brain. Overall, I love the idea and the pitch. Great job, Debbie!

  3. pennyklostermann says:
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    Cute pitch. And I would read it. Not only do I have a special love for dragon stories, but I have a special love for marshmallows, too. (Although I usually eat more than ten! LOL)

    I might do a little bit of revision here: Conrad bravely sets out on a journey that leads him into a leaky boat, past pesky ravens, through prickly brambles, and to the edge of a moat where a sweets-loving dragon lurks in the deep.

    I don't think “not knowing” is necessary. And I think journey sounds more adventuresome than path.

    Love those Spooky Boo Brownies! Sooo cute!

  4. nrhatch says:
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    Great prizes. Great treats. No tricks.
    Woo Hoo!

    I mean . . . BOO!

    Cute pitch. Especially the idea of pitching marshmallows at a dragon with a sweet snaggle tooth.

    But . . . since Shrek rescued Fiona from a Dragon, I might change Fiona's name.

  5. Gail says:
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    Yes — I would read this story, Debbie. It's sounds suspenseful and fun (and sweet!). I think it's just the right length. I do agree with considering a character name change. Great job 🙂

  7. Kathy Halsey says:
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    I am in the “maybe” category. I am a bit confused about the invitation to visit. Has Conrad never been there before? If stye are best friends, he'd know how to get there, right? I like the characters' names and am curious as to how he uses his props, though. Good luck. I am not sure you want to end a pitch w/a question. That's what I was taught.

  8. Christie Allred says:
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    Yes, I would read it! I particularly like this question that popped into my head: What do the supplies have to do with ravens, prickly patches, and dragons. On the down side, the working title was not appealing, and had I not skimmed the pitch, I would have passed it by in a book store. I hope this helps 🙂

  10. Debbie says:
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    Thank you, Christie! I will look at the title again. I admit, I struggle with titles!!! I was trying to get across the correspondence part of this story, but maybe that's unnecessary. I appreciate the feedback!

  11. Debbie says:
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    Oops! I forgot to indicate that it's her new home. Thanks for the catch, Kathy, and for the advice on not ending the pitch with a question.

  15. Debbie says:
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    Thanks, Teresa. So is it that last question that's confusing things? Fiona is very cryptic in her instructions and sends him messages along the way. So Conrad doesn't know how those things will be used either. He thinks he's having s'mores. 🙂 I appreciate your feedback. 🙂

  17. Teresa Robeson says:
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    Debbie, I think what it is is that Fiona (love that name) tells him to bring certain items, then he sees these other things which I assume he was tackling at her house with the items she'd asked him to bring, but at the end, I realize that, no, those things he saw were en route to her place. Like I said, it could have just been my foggy, morning, pre-coffee brain not processing properly. LOL! It really is one of the best written pitches I've read!

  18. JillSF1959 says:
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    Boooo!

    Yes! I would read this! I love the missive from the friend and the VERY particular details about what Conrad is allowed to bring. I like the potentially creepy/scary situations that Conrad will encounter. BUT, Since they're best friends, and Conrad has most likely been to Fiona's house before, I'm wondering why this path is going to be different from any other day Conrad has visited Fiona? Does the invitation also contain a map with a new path he has to take? Not a show-stopper, but just something to think about. Love their names, BTW.

  19. Iza Trapani says:
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    This pitch sounds really good! It's a little long, but well written and really gives you an idea of the story. I agree with other readers that a more enticing title is needed.
    And, wow, Susanna, the prizes keep getting better and better!

  20. Johnell DeWitt says:
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    I'd read it based on the pitch, but like another person said, the title doesn't grab me. What about Notes from the Wildwood–that sounds more YA…Maybe some spoof on the idea of Notes from, or Letters from, or Message in a something. Marshmallow Message(s)?

    I like the pitch overall. Without knowing the story my suggestions may or may not help. Hopefully something will.
    The Pitch: Conrad gets get's a house-warming invitation from his friend with mysterious instructions: Bring a bow, an arrow, and exactly ten marshmallows. Conrad sets off, battling a leaky boat, pesky ravens, and prickly brambles. But then he meets his final foe–a sweets-loving dragon. With just enough marshmallows left, he bests his foe and finds his friend expecting him.

    I usually avoid rhetorical questions in pitches as I've heard some agents don't like them, but they are used a lot, so it might work. Good luck with this. It sounds really fun.

  21. Rosi says:
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    Unknown's avatar

    I love this concept. This sounds really, really cute. Yes, I would read it. I think the pitch is just right with a good amount of information. Great job!

  22. Genevieve says:
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    I'm powerless in the face of a dragon story, so yes – I would read it. Fiona has been done already, so I'd consider a name change for the girl. Also, wouldn't Conrad need more than weapons and marshmallows to address the brambles and leaky boat? Meanwhile, it's an adorable idea, so good luck with it!

  23. Julie Rowan-Zoch says:
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    Darn tootin' I'd read it! I would only suggest tightening:

    Conrad is invited to Fiona's house. “Please bring a sword, a bow and arrow, and … exactly ten marshmallows”?! Conrad's path leads him into a leaky boat, past pesky ravens, through prickly brambles, and to a moat where a sweets-loving dragon lurks in the deep. Will this unlikely hero have the wits (and enough marshmallows) to make it to Fiona’s front door?

    Good luck, Debbie

  25. Vivian Kirkfield says:
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    WOW WOW WOW!
    The prizes for the Halloweensie Contest…WOW #1
    The DELICIOUS treats…WOW #2
    Debbie's adorable story…WOW #3
    Yes, I would definitely read it. Here's a idea for a bit of tightening:

    Hurray! An invitation! According to the instructions, Conrad must bring a sword, a bow and arrow, and … exactly ten
    marshmallows to his best friend, Fiona's house. On the way, he encounters a leaky boat, pesky ravens, prickly brambles,
    and a sweets-loving dragon who lurks in the
    deep moat. Will Conrad have the wits, courage and enough marshmallows to
    make it to Fiona’s front door?

  27. Debbie says:
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    I forgot to include the small detail that this is her new house. She moved away so Conrad is eager to visit her. Thank you for your feedback! 🙂

  29. Debbie says:
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    He doesn't know he's going to encounter those things so he has to use a little ingenuity (and maybe a couple of those marshmallows) to successfully traverse some unexpected circumstances. Thank you for the suggestion to change Fiona's name. A few have mentioned that and I will definitely take it to heart. Thanks, Genevieve, for your feedback! 🙂

  31. Debbie says:
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    Thank you, Johnell! I appreciate you reworking the pitch. Thanks for mentioning the rhetorical question at the end. I never know if I should tell all or leave a little left unsaid. I will definitely rethink that. 🙂

  32. Debbie says:
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    Thank you, Iza. Yes, as I mentioned, coming up with titles is not my strong suit. Do you think it would be rejected based on the title?

  33. Debbie says:
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    Hi, Jill! These are all good questions. I left out the teensy tiny detail that this is Fiona's new home. What the pitch doesn't tell you is that the invitation and all the back and forth correspondence are delivered via carrier pigeon. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it! 🙂

  35. Debbie says:
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    Thank you all so much for your feedback today! It's really helped me see where I need to tweak things to clarify. And I'll be brainstorming a new title and a new name for Fiona (although I adore that name). And thank you, Susanna, for the chance to share my pitch.

  41. Susanna Leonard Hill says:
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    It doesn't really seem fair that just because Shrek had a Fiona the rest of the world has to think twice now – it's such a good name for the right character 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughts for Debbie, Genevieve!