Wait til you hear how forethoughtful I’m being!
Seriously. You are NOT going to believe it.
It’s Sunday night. SUNDAY. And I am putting the finishing touches on this post which isn’t due to go up until Wednesday!
Wednesday is like 2 1/2 entire days from now!
I don’t think this has ever happened before in the history of my blog!
Don’t worry.
You’re in the right place.
I have not been possessed by aliens or anything. (Of course, I would probably say that if I had been, wouldn’t I? Because they’d make me… But I’m pretty sure I haven’t!)
It’s just that the weatherperson in these parts seems pretty convinced that we’re going to be getting heavy snow – at least a foot – maybe 3 – and that means, in all probability, that I will have no internet. So my usual operating procedure of finishing my Wednesday post 37 seconds before it’s due to go up may not pan out well. And I don’t want today’s pitcher to miss her day!
PLUS! We have not one, but TWO Straight From The Editors to share – always educational AND fun – so I wouldn’t want you to miss that either. Or the most important part of the post… Something Chocolate 🙂
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| Black Magic Cake |
Yummmmm! Scrumptious!!
I know how you all count the hours until Wednesday for your chocolate treat, so far be it from me to deprive you! 🙂 I would never want it to be said that I don’t take good care of you!
Alrighty! Now that we’re fortified, let’s see what the editor has to say!
Straight From The Editor for October:
You will recall Michelle’s winning pitch:
Miss Knaffle and her second graders all just want to have fun at school. But when her students take theiridea of fun too far—conducting a farting symphony during reading time, smuggling coffee beans to the class hamster, and using their desks for a bubblegum sculpture contest—Miss Knaffle decides that only a field trip to the zoo will avert classroom disaster. Once there, the canny teacher enlists irritable zoo animals to her cause. When Fátima tangles with a snake and Mario ends up on the wrong side of a baboon, the students quickly come to appreciate the zoo rules—and their teacher—in a whole new way.
Here are editor Erin Molta’s comments:
Straight From The Editor for November:
Here is Heather’s winning pitch:
The harpsichord is dusted, the tea is poured, the vases are arranged on doily laces, and Hubert the pug is settled calmly on the rug. Lottie Dobson is ready for her fancy luncheon party. But when the members of the Grandview Rose Society arrive with even more blooms, poor Hubert’s allergies kick in. What happens next is a riot of mishaps that gets him banned from the room. But when a wily rat sneaks in, steals the cheese, and dangles from the chandelier, it sends the proper party guests on a crazy chase–with a sneezing Hubert in the lead. One big sneeze will save the day! Too bad for Hubert, the sneezing doesn’t end there.
And here are Erin’s comments:
As always, I find Erin’s comments insightful and helpful! I hope they help you in your mission to create the perfect pitch!
Today’s pitch comes to us from Maria. Maria is an educator with the best job in the world – she works as a Fire & Life Safety Educator for a municipal fire department! When she isn’t teaching others how to be safe, she can be found writing under a pecan tree, playing with her dogs and cats, or cruising around town with the top down searching for inspirational ideas or the next big story.
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: The Trouble With Homework
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 6-9)
The Pitch: What’s a kid to do when he’s waited until the lastminute to do his homework? Sometimes, you just have to improvise!
Disclaimer: No snails or house cats were harmed in the making of this book!
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
Maria is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to getting my internet back so I can catch up on everything I’ve missed! It should be back this morning, but we shall see… (Of course, I’m just assuming… because it’s SUNDAY! so I don’t know yet what will happen!)
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone, and for everyone who lives on the East Coast, I hope you all weathered the storm okay!!!
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Maria's story could be a hilarious read! I would like the pitch to be a little more specific. The hint in the disclaimer is fun, but a couple of actual examples might be better.
I find this part confusing: Follow Connor’s speech outline and you, too, can show others what skills and talents you have.
So did you get a lot of snow, Susanna? And good for you for doing YOUR homework early!
I think the premise for this book is fantastic, but I'd also like a few examples of what actually happens in the book and I to was confused about the part where I too, can show others what talents I have. Sounds like a fun one!
We got 3 feet of snow, did you, Susanna?
I might read this because the theme is needed and I can see a fun story developing. Join and follow are very similar words. I would consider only using one. (some more than others) distracted me and remember once the reader is distracted you have lost them. I also think that you need to bring in a specific example that teases the reader to want to read more. Best wishes!
I want cake. It's 7:38 a.m.
I like the idea behind this pitch, but I had to read it a couple of times. I can picture demonstration speeches going very wrong in hilarious ways, so I'm sold. I'm not sure how exactly to make the pitch more quickly understandable (I'm very new to this!), but maybe adding very briefly the subject of Conner's speech. Not sure if that would take away a surprise or not. I like the disclaimer–definitely adds a bit of mystery and a hint of the funny.
I hope you're enjoying all your snow, Susanna!
The title definitely grabbed my attention – but I think the pitch is a bit low on specifics. I would LOVE more detail on what exactly goes on with Connor. I love the disclaimer at the end – very cute – though depending on what you change, it may not work.
Great feedback from Erin too! And I hope you have NOT lost internet, dear Susanna. Thanks for being ready early 😀
Really liked Erin's comments; very helpful. Hope the snow was kind to you, Susanna. As for Maria's pitch, I would like more specifics, too. The title is great and a kid saving his homework for the LAST min.? Totally true to life! It's a maybe for me as written.
Chocolate cake and wise words from Erin, too? Woohoo! What a treat. 😉
The pitch is pretty good. I would read it. I see that others have mentioned that it needs to be more specific. I knew what Maria meant about following Connor's outline but I wasn't sure what a demonstration speech was. It is a cute pitch though. Good luck on revising, Maria!
Thanks for your suggestions. I have trouble writing a pitch without “giving it all away” so I will work on the speech outline part.
I appreciate you commenting!
Joanne,
Thanks so much for posting feedback. I will be polishing this pitch at the end of the day and will take all of the comments to heart as I get it ready for an upcoming conference!
Appreciate your comments!
Thanks so much, Theresa. I'll be adding more specifics to it to grab and hold attention.
I appreciate your comments!
Thank you for your honest feedback. I am learning very quickly how invaluable Would You Read It Wednesdays are for feedback. I think everyone so far has mentioned using specific examples.
Thanks so much for your help!
Pitches are the hardest things to write for me. I learned a lot last year from the 12×12 group. There are a lot of dos and don'ts but of course it is always subjective to the editor/agent. Sigh. Just keep working at it and find exactly what you need!
Thanks, Linda, for your comments. I will be adding more specifics, for sure!
I'm so glad you have also pointed out the “Connor's speech outline” part. I've got to figure out how to make it easier to understand without giving it all away.
Thanks for the comments!
Connor's speech topic is the “surprise” and to tell it “let's the cat out of the bag” LITERALLY! (Hint! Hint!)
Glad you liked the disclaimer! 🙂
Thanks for the comments!
Yep, I'd read it, just because I loved the Disclaimer. 🙂 (However, yes, add more details, please!)
Sus, are you feverish? Sniffles? Heartburn? I mean, how could this mother of all miracles have occurred? WHOA. Impressed.
I aways arrive late and never get to be first to state my feelings about a pitch. I can tell you that ALL kids can relate. But definitely need some extra details. LOVE the disclaimer. The book sounds fun. But I would like to know a little more. I don't think you need the parentheses or the words in them. Just tell about Conner's story.
LOVED Erin's feedback, as usual.
*waves to Sus*
Yes,I am late to the party and under the weather but not in snow. Universal hook about homework. All kids and adults can relate. It is too vague and I am wondering: the speech WAS the homework, correct? You need to give concrete examples of the setbacks for Connor. I do know that most kids are terrified of speeches an public speaking. Maybe that's something you can add, Maria.Good luck w/this story. I would read it.
Great comments form Erin, as usual!
As for the pitch, I'm lukewarm. I haven't a clue as to the age range of the characters, why they are zany, what a demonstration speech is – or what they are demonstrating about. Also, starts off in third-person, then seems to break a fourth wall. Could be hilarious, but I need details.
Thanks for your honest feedback, Julie. I'm sure it will be very helpful to Maria in revising!
Hi Maria – I loved the first sentence, the homework hook really grabbed my attention. I would say, yes, I would read it, however, the next part of your pitch left me a little confused. It seemed disjointed a bit from your first sentence. Is the speech the homework your refer to? Also, I think I need to hear a little more details as to what's at risk when he improvises. And you mention skills & talents, but what specific skill or talent does Connor have to compare to. I love the concept of dealing with homework issues, and this sounds like it could be really fun. I think you just need to make it flow together a little bit more and, as others have said, give us a few more details. Good Luck!
Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Maria, Kathy, and especially for coming over to help when you're not feeling well! I hope you feel much better soon!
Thanks for your helpful input for Maria, Rosi!
I would really like to have more ideas about what is happening, some specific examples. But homework and kids are always good hooks for kids books. Yes, I would certainly read it.
Hahaha, Robyn! As it turns out, I needn't have worried! The storm wasn't as bad as they thought and we didn't lose internet – wonder of all wonders! Maybe this is how things turn out when you're prepared? 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Maria, and glad you found Erin's feedback instructive 🙂
Thanks so much! I really like some of your comments. They help me know what I need to work on.
Much appreciated!
Thanks so much for chiming in, Cathy 🙂
Thanks, Julie. It needs some more work so potential readers will know just how funny it is.
Any thoughts on a unique way to incorporate the age range of the characters?
Yup! Doesn't get much better than that, does it, T? 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with Maria!
Thanks, Rosi! I am certainly going to add some specifics later this evening.
I'm enjoying all the great feedback. Thanks for the assistance!
The snow was kind to us, thanks, Linda! Can't quite say the same about the temps, but no complaints 🙂 Thanks so much for your comments for Maria!
Hi Kathy! Hope that you are feeling better soon!
I appreciate all the feedback. I am learning how to tell what needs to be told without giving it all away. I'll be re-working this pitch this evening and your comments will help!
Thanks Robyn! I appreciate the good feedback!
Ah, Bekah! A girl after my own heart 🙂 Please! By all means, help yourself to cake!!! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Maria! And luckily, we didn't get all that much snow in the end… only about 8 inches. I'm afraid the weather people around here are suffering from the boy-who-cried-wolf syndrome – no one's going to believe a word they say next time! 🙂
Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Maria, Diane!
I plan to rest. Watch bad tv, and then go sit in the AZ sun for my vitamin D. Susanna, you have a big day coming up, Phyllis's bday. I am going to photograph my groundhogs for Phyllis.
Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Maria, Joanne! And luckily I have NOT lost internet… at the moment… although mine is so persnickety you never know 🙂 Glad you liked the feedback from Erin!
Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Maria, Kirsti! And oh my goodness! 3 feet???!!! Golly, no – we didn't get anywhere near it after all their dire warnings – only about 8 inches. I said to Bekah above that no one's going to believe a word of the weather forecast next time! I hope you're warm and safe!
Thank Cathy! 🙂
I will certainly be adding details. Since he didn't bother to prepare a speech, his topic is a bit unconventional. I'm pondering how to give a hint without giving the whole thing away. Any suggestions on that?
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Maria, Iza! And no, we really didn't get a lot of snow – barely 8 inches after all the hoopla. I probably prevented the blizzard by writing my post early – I should remember I have that power in the future! 🙂
You take care of yourself! Phyllis and I send you warm furry groundhog hugs and ginger tea for whatever ails you! She can't wait to see your groundhogs!
Thanks so much for your very thoughtful and helpful comments for Maria, Karen! 🙂
Maybe jsut say, 'and the third graders' or might the demo content reveal what sort of unit they're covering, ie Am. history?
I dropped by only for the chocolate… but then I stayed around for tea and conversation and the pitch. I was hooked with the caveat that no snails or cats had been harmed.
Homework – especially late homework – is always a great theme, but wondering about age group. Homework stories seem more applicable to 3rd grade and up; less so to picture books?
Maybe just say “everyone is giving a talk about ___ and today is Connor's day” and of course it's the LAST thing on his mind until…. Also – I think in a pitch it would be OK to mention what he's going to do. I think this has lots of potential & would definitely read it.
Just finished the cake, and I see that all of the good comments have been taken. I am just toooooo slow on west coast time. I agree with other comments that the pitch needs specifics. I, too, was confused about how the second half of the pitch applied to the first half. I was also thinking that the homework topic is best for 3rd grade and up, although I hear kids are now getting worksheets to take home in first grade. Sad. 😦
Susanna, the cake looks awesome! Yum
As for Maria's pitch, I am a maybe. As said before the disclaimer is hilarious and catchy, it grabbed my interest. Perhaps, as others also mentioned, adding some details will show the reader the zany humor in the book –
What’s a kid to do when he’s waited until the last minute to prepare his first-ever demonstration speech? Join Connor and his zany classmates as they (do what – some examples). Causing mayhem and (what happens.. how are they zany, crazy…). Follow Connor’s speech outline and you, too, can show others what skills and talents you have.
Disclaimer: No snails or house cats were harmed in the making of this book!
Like Sue, I wonder if there is a way to show some of Connor's “skills & talents” you mention without giving “the cat away”? Good Luck.
It's a maybe for me (leaning towards yes) only because I'm a little confused as to the main point of the book – is it 1) about dealing with homework last-minute or 2) learning about a speech outline? There sounds like a lot of potential for a great story, I'm just not sure I follow the pitch. The disclaimer line is very funny but again, I'm not sure how it relates to the main story. Being a mom of a first grader, I am enticed by it being a fun book about homework!
Hi. I was confused at first too, but part of that was just because of the paragraph break…I missed the first two sentences. Now that I've gone back and read the first two sentences, I like your idea. But I need to know more details. Can you give two or three examples of what kinds of zany things the kids are doing to prepare? And I'd like a frame of reference for the “snails and house cats” disclaimer. It sounds like you might be including a speech outline in the back matter. Neat idea! (FYI, I like the way your wrote your bio. It's cute and memorable!)
I would definitely scoop this up because I read Maria's debut book, WHAT SHOULD DAISY DO?. 🙂
But I do agree with the others about the pitch. A couple little funny tidbits would nail it. You can do it, Maria!!
You're an alien!
Oh, wait, there's the chocolate. Never mind.