Okay.
I don’t know who’s in charge of the weather around here, but whoever it is may be in danger of attack from a horde of angry villagers.
It is the first week of April, and winter has arrived on Blueberry Hill. It’s 10 degrees and we’ve got 6 inches of snow!
The robins are not amused. They’re talking conspiracy.
And my poor little pink hyacinth was caught by surprise, all her sweet new blossoms snowed on and frozen, and now she’s sulking.
I suspect Simon Barsinister!*
I tell you, we’re sitting on a powder keg of disgruntlement! Things could blow at any moment!
There’s only one solution: Something Chocolate!
I think we’ll go healthy this morning with a fruit-oriented breakfast-y type of yumminess…
How does Triple Chocolate Banana Bread sound?
Recipe HERE on Liv For Cake
Recipe HERE on Liv For Cake
As you can see, it’s all about the fruit 🙂
We are so health-conscious! Let’s pat ourselves on the back and have another slice! After all, bananas are rich in potassium 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Sam. Sam Altmann is a special education teacher who lives in Baltimore Maryland with her husband and two semi-cuddly chaos loving dogs. She is a sucker for soft serve ice cream, swimming in the ocean, and “quality” reality television. Follow her on her brand new twitter account at @jsamaltmann
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: The School Supplies Intensive Care Unit
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 5-8)
The Pitch: When a marker is left uncapped, or a pencil gets cracked, there is only one place they can turn, The School Supplies Intensive Care Unit. Things typically run smoothly, but after a sudden spike in cases at The SSIC-U, it’s up to Nurse Petunia to track down the culprit, and reform the classroom’s worst offender.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sam improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! Seriously! Send pitches PLEASE! The calendar is sadly empty from here on out and is thus feeling as sulky as my pink hyacinth, so we really need submissions! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. I am not kidding – next week is currently open! – so you could get your pitch up for some helpful feedback, and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!
(On a side note, as you no doubt noticed, being the alert readers that you are, I did not write the Saturday post last weekend… you know, the one that I was going to write to catch up on the back-logged Straight From The Editors that I finally have in hand. Instead I took my parents to tour an organic maple syrup farm. Tough job, but someone had to do it 🙂 If you’re a betting type, I think now is a good time to start wagering… will I manage it this weekend… or not…? Ooh! The wondering is agonizing! 🙂 )
Sam is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to SPRING!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!! Enough with this winter wonderland!!!!! It’s April!!!!! And this weather is forcing me to wear out my exclamation point key!!!!!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
*Should you happen not to have been watching Saturday morning cartoons in the early 70s, Simon Barsinister was the arch villain on Underdog 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
That looks delicious!
AND it’s health food! 🙂
Ugh SNOW, we actually had a snow day on Monday! This is not Lamb like weather. However, pictures of that banana chocolate delight is warming my insides. Now on to the pitch…you know I just have to love Nurse Petunia and her critical care skills, as well as her public health advocacy. Having worked in ICU and CCU but never SSIC-U, I’m curious to learn about her unit, and the outbreak occurring in the classroom. As long as she doesn’t go all Nurse Ratched on them, then I would definitely read this story. Good Luck Sam!
Thanks Jean! She definitely doesn’t go Nurse Ratched, but she does have some spunk!
I was reading the comments about the nurses name I’m tossing a suggestion just for fun, perhaps Nurse Patchit ( sounds like a nicer version of Ratched lol)
Jean! Your comment about Patchet is perfect!
I don’t know what animal we’re supposed to be up to in April, Jean, since lion and lamb did their part in March. What animal brings an unpleasant surprise? Oh, I know, April must be coming in like a skunk! 🙂 Thank goodness for banana chocolate delights! 🙂 And thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Sam! 🙂
Agreed, Susanna. This Winter has stopped being a Wonderland! The only thing “wonder” about this weather is how Winter has managed to boot Spring from our midst (there’s gotta be a picture book lurking in there somewhere, or at least a steaming cup of chocolate something).
Sam, I would read this, although I was confused by the last half of the second sentence. The first sentence referenced health & medical workers while in the second, detective/crime words dominated. I’d change the latter to make it clear that it’s a virus or infection that’s at issue, not a criminal.
Thanks @Ptnozell! It actually is kind of a crime — basically there is a kid who is misusing school supplies, and in turn, the school supplies have to go to the hospital to get “fixed”. There is one kid who is causing all the mayhem, and the nurse wants to figure out which kid it is. But, now I see that both sentences are at odds with each other, and its confusing. Thanks again!
Yes, Patricia, I definitely see some scope for a picture book in there somewhere! And I could use a steaming cup of hot chocolate right now… with marshmallows…and whipped cream…:) Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Sam!
Maybe I’d read it. You started off by naking me think it was going to be funny but the end part made me not so sure.
We are having snowflakes in our ‘banana, belst of Ontario today( near Lake Erie)
Thanks Jane! It’s supposed to be funny, but I’m really thinking that the second sentence needs some serious revisions.
Thanks for your thoughts for Sam, Jane! And yeah… I don’t know what it is with this winter… showing more winteriness in April than it did in Jan, Feb, and March!
I live in Florida and we have had to survive a dip in temperatures to 68 degrees this week! (True story but told in good humor so don’t kill me LOL). Anyway, I am intrigued by the interesting ICU angle and I like to read all over the board to experience new and different things so I would definitely check this out! I wasn’t sure how I felt about the Nurse’s name as it did not seem to fit with the theme, but like I said I am very open to visit the ICU!
Thanks for your comment Lynne! I’ve heard from a few people that the Nurse’s name seems out of place. I agree that her name should fit in with the theme more 🙂
Lynne Marie! My goodness! The horror! 68 degrees??? I hope you hadn’t put away your hat and scarf and mittens and down jacket and winter boots and shut down your woodstove! 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Sam, even though I’m sure your frigid fingers struggled to type 🙂
Ugh – I know! Enough with the cold and snow already! I obsessively check the weather here in NH and, unfortunately, not many springlike days coming up.
Hi Sam! This is a really cute idea for a story and I’d definitely read it. I agree about Nurse Petunia’s name not fitting with the overall theme. I tried to come up with some suggestions but failed (maybe Nurse Glitter Glue?) I also think the first line can be tightened … “When a marker dries up or a pencil gets cracked, they know where to go …the SSIC-U (or something like that!) Good luck with this one!
Thanks Jen!! I love your idea of tightening the first line. That flows so smoothly!
Yeah, Jen… I’ve stopped looking at my weather app. It’s better not to know 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Sam!
I find this concept brilliant. I can only imagine the number of chewed pencils I’ve sent to the ICU.
Oh, pleeeease tell me that Nurse Petunia is a sentient first aid kit or something.
Oh my gosh! Thank you! That is the one thing I am having serious difficulty with! At first, she was a tongue depressor, but maybe that isn’t quite right 🙂
I hear you. School supplies rarely have tongues to depress.
Judging by the banner on your website, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re still sending pencils to the ICU, Mike 🙂 I’m glad you enjoy Sam’s concept! 🙂
Love the concept! But I would make the sentences more urgent to reflect the topic and *assumed* tone of the story.
Thank you! I totally agree! This is a serious situation after all 🙂 – my pitch should be just as urgent!
Thanks so much for your very perceptive comments for Sam, Jilanne!!!
Yes. I would read on. (I feel like I have read this story before. Was it entered in a contest?)
I like the non-traditional characters but would like to see a different title. When it comes to titles, I try to imagine a young child asking for it. Short. Sweet. An easy to say title. I also feel like the MC nurse should have a shorter name. I would guess that she moves fast and runs around doing her job. Her name could be short and fast to match her actions.
I also like that there seems to be a mystery to come with your story.
It was on 12×12 🙂
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and helpful comments for Sam, Susan!
Great story idea! I would definitely read it, but I do agree with the other comments about the tone, etc. Great job!!
Thank you!!
Thanks so much for chiming in for Sam, Lisa!
As a K teacher I would probably read it as there are always one or two “culprit” types in the classroom who could benefit from hearing a story in which their “handiwork ” ,intentional or otherwise, is not actually appreciated. I know we’re not supposed to teach lessons in our books, but honestly, sometimes reading a picture book is the gentlest way to deliver a message. Good luck!
Thank you for your comment! As a teacher, I too have a few students who would benefit from looking at their “handiwork” (love that word) in a different light.
Good point, Ingrid! Although, actually, our stories should convey learning/messages…just so subtly and smoothly that no one knows they’re being manipulated 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Sam!
This is very well put! I will remember it, thanks. 😊
Seriouslty! I need to take Mother Nature out for a drink or maybe even a hot fudge sundae – yeah baby! I mean really, my pretty pink toes are covered in wool and boots = ugh! 😦
Hello Sam,
I love the idea of school supplies in need, after all, the crayons shouldn’t get all the attention. My suggestion: perhaps the name is a bit too adult – Intensive Care – instead maybe …911 in the ICU.” The kids may relate to that a bit more. I also, like the name: Nurse Patchet, especially if she is “patching things up” – hehehe. Culprit is also a great word to include but maybe there should be more than one? Best of luck!
Thank you! I agree about the name/title. I’ve been brainstorming about a short snazzy name, but have had some difficulty. I LOVE NURSE PATCHET! What a great suggestion! With that, I feel like I am starting to see her more clearly.
Please do use your charms and work your magic on Mother Nature, Tracy! I’ve had it with this weather! Thanks so much for your very thoughtful comments for Sam!
First off…I had already put away the shovel and snow pants…so what was Mother Nature thinking? Now, having expended a significant number of calories, I feel quite justified in helping myself to an extra portion of the chocolatey delights pictured here, Susanna. 🙂
Sam…I would definitely read your story! I think you’ve got a truly unique concept here..I think you’ve gotten some good suggestions in the comments above…if you could add one more ‘problem case’ to the marker left uncapped and the cracked pencil, you’ll have the magic element of three. Best of luck with your story. 🙂
Thanks Vivian! I agree about the magic 3!
Ah ha! So this weather is YOUR fault, Vivian! You live in NH and put away your snow shovel before the end of April??? What were you thinking? You can’t be so careless with your magical powers! But you do certainly deserve extra cake 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Sam!
Oh, so it’s like when you bring an umbrella so that it won’t rain…I needed to keep the shovel at the ready, I guess. 😉 😉
Yes, very funny, especially for teachers and the classroom.
Glad you like it, Rebecca! Thanks for chiming in 🙂
Yes! I think your pitch sounds great. I read this memorable story on 12×12 and would gladly read it again based on this pitch.
Thank you!!
Thanks for your enthusiasm – I’m sure Sam is thrilled 🙂
Chocolate overload Susanna!
Sam – I would read this book. I agree with the comments you’ve gotten so far.
Question for you – do the supplies “turn” to the SSICU or are they sent there?
I also wonder if you need “Things typically run smoothly”?
See what happens if you jump right in to – “But after a sudden spike…” I think the others gave you excellent ideas for the end sentence. Best of Luck!.
Thank you Maria! Currently, they turn to the SSICU, but I suppose they could be sent there too. I rewrote the pitch without the things typically run smoothly, and I agree that it sounds better. Thanks again!
Now, Maria. This is not chocolate overload. It’s all about the fruit. This is banana bread. It is healthful! So have another slice to boost your potassium 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Sam!
Is there any chocolate banana bread left???
Sam – I think the idea of sending broken school supplies to the … ICU or whatever you want to call it is funny! My hubby’s an EMT and always taking folks to the ER – so that’s what I think of as the place where things get patched. After all, that’s where kids might end up for X-rays…. so, what happens with nurse patchet (oh – I LOVE whoever came up with that – so Catch 22!)? I can see bandaids on the crayons, splints on the pencils, eraser prosthetics (for the bits chewed off), and even someone breathing life into an old binder.
Thank you Sue! Oh my goodness, I just read eraser prosthetics and burst out laughing — What a great visual!
Of COURSE there is, Sue! I made extra just to be sure 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughtful and helpful comments for Sam!
Sam-Yes, I’d read based on the pitch. You’ve already gotten so much good feedback. I’ll add that I love Nurse Patch-it. I love when there’s a hidden joke just for the adults while something still remains child relatable. I also like the medical aspect of this, which I think hasn’t been mentioned, for kids who can relate to needing to get medical help getting patched up. How many young guys break those arms, anyway?
Thanks so much for chiming in for Sam, Sherry! 🙂
Thanks Sherry!! I agree about the hidden puns and jokes. I cackle every time I read Skinny Jon Jones aloud, but I don’t know if my kids ever understand the puns.
**Skippy