It’s been a busy week of school visits so far, but Woo Hoo! It’s Wednesday! And you know what that means… 🙂
It’s time for everybody’s favorite pastime: Would You Read It!
But first, I’m pleased to announce the winners of the February and March Pitch Picks!!!
The February Pitch Pick was won by Stacia with her pitch for Mia And The Marathon, a picture book/early reader.
The March Pitch Pick was won by Tracy with her pitch for TroublE With A Capital “E”!, also a picture book/early reader.
It’s cool that both winners were on the fence between picture book and early reader because we hardly ever get early reader pitches!
Congratulations, Stacia and Tracy! Your pitches are on their way to editor Erin Molta for her comments and I’m sure you’ll hear from her at her earliest convenience!
And congratulations to ALL our other pitchers for bravely putting your work out there for commentary so that we can all learn, and for stepping up to revise and improve them for the pitch pick! They were all really great, and you all did excellent work. The choice was very tough and I hope even if you didn’t win the pitch pick you feel like you have a better pitch than you started out with!
Next, I think we should have a quick review of the 5 Food Groups by carefully taste-testing Something Chocolate (because you never know… we could have a pop quiz on Friday!) … Today, I think the 5 food groups shall be Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Caramel, Mousse, and Pie.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Caramel Mousse Pie
(note the inclusion of 5 food groups in the name!)
Chocolate Peanut Butter Caramel Mousse Pie Recipe HERE at Handle The Heat
I hope you all feel fortified now that you’ve boosted all 5 of what we’re counting as food groups for today (because next time it could be Cake, Pie, Cookies, Ice Cream, and Chocolate… or, Marshmallow, Caramel, Chocolate, Peanut Butter and Whipped Cream… or simply Dark Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, White Chocolate, Semi-Sweet Chocolate, and Hot Chocolate… It’s important to be flexible on these matters 🙂 )
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Karah who says, “I’m originally from Kentucky, but now live in beautiful New Zealand where I live with my Kiwi partner and work in marketing for a video game company (another great form of storytelling!). I love storytelling for kids, especially children’s literature and animation, and I adore any story inspired by fairy tales.”
Find her on Twitter at @Karahsel
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Tails Of Witches And Wolves
Age/Genre: MG – Fantasy
The Pitch: Young wolf Nata is placed under a spell that finally opens a door to the human life she’s always dreamed of. But when a wolf attack leads to the hunting of wolves across the tsardom, Nata must choose between the life she’s always wanted and the safety of the wolf family she left behind.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Karah improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in May, so you could get your pitch up for some helpful feedback pretty soon, and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!
Karah is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to reading Book 6 of the Game of Thrones saga. Ah! (you may say) but George R.R.R.R.R.R.R. Martin hasn’t written it yet! You are right, of course, so while I’m waiting I think I’m going to try out an episode of Game of Thrones, loaned to me by a friend. It is on blue-ray, which I don’t have, but my tech-savvy children feel there’s a strong possibility my computer will play it, so here’s hoping! 🙂 I’m a little trepidatious though… I always like the book better than the movie/TV adaptation (need I remind anyone of the disaster that was Little House On The Prairie???!!! I mean seriously, Albert?!) Plus, I hear that the TV version of GOT is extremely violent… which means I’ll have cover my tight-shut eyes with my hands, daring snatched glimpses between my fingers now and then, and wait for the bad parts to pass! But since poor George R.R.R.R.R.R. Martin is still struggling over Book 6 (and believe me, I feel for him! Can you imagine the pressure? Hard enough to write such a huge saga without the entire civilized world constantly impatiently demanding the next installment! And it can’t just be any old thing either. It has to be good or people will give him a hard time!) But where was I? Oh yeah. Since poor George is still struggling, I’ve got to try alternate options 🙂
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Congratulations to the Pitch Pick Winners – Stacia and Tracy (that’s me!) Yay 🙂
And a very big THANK YOU to everyone who voted. I feel so very blessed to be part of this wonderful community of writers. The support and guidance are incredible and I’ve learned so much in the process – yippee!
As for today’s pitch…Yes, Karah I would read it. The topic certainly appeals to that age group. Making important choices that may alter your life are always a good read. Perhaps, a little peek into what her life is like might help generate interest. What’s so fabulous about each one? What’s tempting her to leave her secure wolf pack…
Susanna – thanks for the decadent treat! Wowza!!!
Thanks so much for your feedback! I was worried it might read more as YA, so good to hear you think it will appeal to the age group. Really good point about addressing what’s so tempting for her! I’m still editing so that’ll be a good thing for me to keep in mind in the MS as well!
Congratulations, Tracy! I’m glad you’re so pleased 🙂 And thanks so much for your helpful comments for Karah. It *is* all about the community and helping one another, and we are so lucky to have so many loyal friends and supporters! 🙂
I think Karah has presented her pitch really well! Her careful word selection tells quite a bit about Nata and what she wants, and what her struggles will be. This is perfect for a short pitch and would make it a yes. For a longer pitch, adding some details about Nata to make us care more about her and her upcoming struggle will help.
Wow, thank you so much Sherry! I really appreciate the compliment of saying I had “careful word selection”… that’s always the goal but sometimes it’s hard to tell if it reads that way! Thanks for the advice on the longer pitch too. Now to get to work on that one!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback for Karah, Sherry!
Congrats to the February & March pitch winners & congrats to Karah for a wonderful story idea & succinct pitch. Yes, I would read this. To further strengthen this already-strong pitch, I’d suggest ending with alternative actions, as “the safety of…family” could mean Nata saving the family or returning to the safe pack. “Nata must choose between remaining human and saving the wolf family…”
Happy viewing, Susanna!
Oh really amazing point, thank you! I hadn’t thought of that at all!
Congratulations to you too Patricia! Your pitch was very good! Thank you for your helpful comments for Karah, and for your “happy viewing” wishes! 🙂 (Are you a GOT reader/watcher? Do you know what I’m letting myself in for? 🙂 )
I am not – but trust you’ll survive, especially with plenty of chocolate nearby;)
Hey Susanna. I tell you, sometimes the comments like me and let me comment, other times they want me to use some log in form that I don’t know what I’m supposed to log in with, but today is a comment day. YAY!
I happen to find stories involving witches or wolves enjoyable so this MG story sounds very interesting to me. Yes, I would read today’s WYRI story.
As for George R.R.R.R.R.R. Martin and the GOT saga, I can’t say I blame him for taking so long on finishing things up. I’m guilty of still needing to write the third and last book in my Shadow Jumpers series that I started in 2012. And mine are not the saga-like stories he writes. I hope you enjoy watching though. I only got to watch the first season. (Still in mourning behind Ned) and found it did a pretty good job being close to the book.
Angela!!! Hellloooo!!! I’m SOOO happy to see you! Thank you for your continued attempts to comment even though my naughty blog is inhospitable! And thanks for your enthusiasm for Karah’s pitch. As for George R.R.R.R.R.R.R. I’m in awe that he’s produced as much as he has, and I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of pressure he’s under and how one manages to write under such pressure! But I sure hope he can rise to the occasion! 🙂
That pitch sounds great! So interesting after just watching The Jungle Book. Maybe you could watch that while you are waiting. My son wants me to start playing GOT but where do you find the time for that. Yum yum on chocolate. I am trying to bevgood so virtual is great.
Ooh, I have’t seen Jungle Book yet! I’ve definitely been really inspired by the incredible storytelling in Zootopia though. So many good animal stories lately!
Thanks for your enthusiasm for Karah’s pitch, Catherine! I haven’t seen The Jungle Book yet… I was put off by the trailer because the animals looked so unnatural talking in spite of the amazing CGI. I didn’t know GOT was a game… though I guess that makes sense :)… I’ve listened to the books on Audible whilst driving, but time is always an issue for me too which is why I haven’t managed to watch any of the episodes yet!
Oops it sounded the same. The game is apparently Clash Royale from Clash of Clans. My bad lol
There is actually a Game of Thrones game too (https://www.telltalegames.com/gameofthrones) but yes, totally understand the confusion with Clash Royale! Fair warning… it is a time suck!
I would read your book Karah. What a pickle for Nata to face-life as human or wolf? I feel like I would like some tidbit about her human life. You have told us her former wolf pack is in danger. What element of human life tugs at her heart?
Susannah, today’s dessert is delicious!
Yes you’re absolutely right! I’m still in the process of editing too so I think making sure the human life is as appealing as possible applies to the MS as well as the pitch. Thanks!
Thank you for your thoughtful comments for Karah, Charlotte, and so glad you enjoyed the dessert! 🙂
Congrats to the February and Mark pick winners!
Karah, your MG novel sounds intriguing. I would definitely read it and I think your pitch is already in good shape. I don’t think you need the word “finally” in your first line because it seems like the phrase “she’s always dreamed of” conveys that this is long-awaited. You might consider replacing “the hunting of wolves” with “wolf hunts” for a punchier effect. Good luck with this!
Susanna, I watch GOT with my eyes covered about 25% of the time. But I’m totally hooked — no going back now!
Good call. I’m always amazed at just how much can be trimmed. Thank you!
Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Karah, Gabi! And as for GOT episodes, can I handle them??? 🙂 Glad to hear you’re hooked too! 🙂
I don’t watch GOT alone.
This pitch already gave me goosebumps, so yes, I would read it. I love a female character making a big decision, and maybe impacting her entire wolf (and human) family. Good luck with this, Karah.
Aw, wow, that’s so flattering. Thank you!
Thanks so much for chiming in so positively for Karah, Genevieve!
YES! I would read this (and then pass it along to my kids.)
It already has me wondering. Good luck!
Thanks for your enthusiasm for Karah’s pitch, Susan – I’m sure she’ll be thrilled! 🙂
Yay! Thank you!
Great pitch! I agree with the ideas for a bit more about her, but it really is fabulous as is, I think. Succinct and punchy. 🙂
And congrats to the pitch pick winners. I can’t wait for Erin’s feedback!
Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Karah, Joanne! 🙂
Thanks so much for your thoughts Joanne. Very useful to see how everyone agrees on wanting a little extra character detail. 🙂
Congrats to the pitch pick winners…and to all the brave writers who put up their pitches.
And Karah…I would DEFINITELY read your story. I love the whole concept!
I think your pitch is pretty tight…it reads well and makes me want to grab that book. I would take out the word ‘finally’ in the first sentence. Other than that…it rocks!!!
Wow, thank you so much Vivian!
Thanks so much for your lovely helpful comments for Karah, Vivian! 🙂
Karah, your pitch concisely and enticingly establishes what Nata wants, her problem, and the difficult choice she must make. I definitely want to read more! I agree with ptnozell’s suggestion to clarify “safety.” Good luck with this story!
Congratulations to the pitch winners!
Thanks Sydney!! Glad to know I seem to be heading in the right direction. Hopefully the MS aligns well, that’s the next challenge I think. Thanks so much for your feedback!
I found the pitch compelling and would definitely read it. However, I did note the passive beginning, which I believe jipped the reader out of some fun key elements, like WHO placed her under a spell and why? To speak of the hero’s journey I feel she passed over the threshold from ordinary world to adventure when that happened, and it is an important part of the story. Look at Star Wars — we need to know what happened to make Luke leave home and follow Obi Wan Kenobi as it is actually the inciting event that begins the tale. Hope this is helpful!
Thanks so much Lynne, this is incredibly useful feedback! This is definitely something I’ve had a hard time explaining in the short length of the pitch (a few things lead up to her transformation… her brother gets hurt and she goes to a Baba Yaga to save him, but the transformation is the price the Baba Yaga demands for saving his life), but I also realised I was glossing over these details in longer summaries like my query as well. Definitely a good thing to fix all around!
Glad it was helpful! And thanks for sharing your story.
I know I’m coming in on this a bit late, but first congratulations to the winners of the pitch pick!! Yes I would read this story. I liked the pitch right away and felt it was for an older crowd, I had to go back and recheck your age target and was glad to see MG. You hit your mark. Good luck!