Happy Wednesday, dearies!
Do you know what day this is?
It is National Tell A Story Day!
Really!
I am not making that up! It’s like it was invented just for us, isn’t it? I think we should all celebrate by writing or telling a story today 🙂 I’ll start. On a sunny day in April, Little Dickens crawled out of his hollow log and… SPROINK!… got a face full of prickles! … Feel free to continue! 🙂
It also happens to be National Babe Ruth Day. I’m guessing they mean to honor the baseball player, but here on Blueberry Hill one little letter change makes it Baby Ruth Day which means we are honoring chocolate 🙂 Also peanuts and caramel 🙂 Also nougat. Which really, does anyone know what nougat is? I mean, nobody ever said, “I’m going into the kitchen to whip up some nougat…” (although they should because nougat is fun to say!) And if they did say that, what the heck kind of ingredients would they need? But I digress…
What could be better than a day devoted to stories and chocolate? 🙂
Ooh! Wait! I know the answer!
A day devoted to stories, chocolate, Would You Read It and Straight From The Editor! And it just so happens, I’ve got the whole kit and caboodle for you today! 🙂
We are SO on the ball this month! After a slight delay in the February and March Pitch Picks, we got the winners last week, and now we’ve got Straight From The Editor this week! So without further ado, here are editor Erin Molta’s thoughts on the winning pitches from February and March:
You will recall Stacia’s winning pitch from February:
Mia And The Marathon – Picture Book/Early Reader
Mia loves running and so does Mama. While Mama is getting ready for her longest race ever, Mia discovers new, exciting ways she can get ready too. Mia can’t wait to cheer on Mama but oh no! On Race Day, Mia and Daddy can’t find Mama in the big crowd of runners! Don’t worry: Mia is prepared and knows exactly what to do. It’s time for Mia to cheer her favorite, loudest, cheeriest, cheer ever.
Erin said:
Mia and the Marathon sounds inspirational but it seems as if there’s two stories going on: is Mia running or getting ready to cheer her mother on? Perhaps if you started it out with something more like, Mama loves running and Mia loves to cheer Mama on. Then I would mention something specific—Mia liked to jump high and shout or Mia had a megaphone all ready for Mama’s longest race…Something like that to give us the impression that Mia is her mother’s best cheering section. I imagine that at the race, Mia will be sitting on Daddy’s shoulders in order to see Mama, and if that is the case it’s not necessary to hide that from the pitch nor whatever it is she knew exactly what to do. Specific is always better than vague and the more information you can actually pack into a pitch—the better!
Tracy’s winning pitch from March was for TroublE with a Capital” E”! – Picture Book/Early Reader:
Trouble, sometimes it finds you and even follows you home. That’s exactly what happens one extraordinary day when Jack, the perfect pooch, sniffs out the perfect friend. Together the unlikely duo find companionship, love, and yes, trouble! Stirring up trouble isn’t perfect, but it sure is a lot more fun. Sometimes, “T-r-o-u-b-l-E,” can be spelled with a capital E.
Erin said:
Trouble with a Capital E sounds cute! But there’s no need to hide the mystery E character. That is not going to intrigue an editor — they’re just going to be exasperated. 🙂 And it sounds like Jack has found companionship, love, and trouble all in one day. You need to clarify that this friendship has developed in their quest for fun and thus trouble. 🙂
Many thanks to Erin as always for her very helpful insights into the pitches! I hope you find them as useful as I do!
Phew! I don’t know about you, but after all that pitch advice and talk of nougat, I’m in the mood for Something Chocolate! May I offer you some Rich Chocolate Cake With White Chocolate Mousse And Cherry Sauce?
Rich Chocolate Cake With White Chocolate Mousse And Cherry Sauce Recipe HERE at Sweet & Savory
Would you like some nougat on the side? 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Tracy, whom you will remember from March with her pitch for Trouble With A Capital E! (which won the March pitch pick as referenced above!!! 🙂 ) Tracy says, “Hey there! I’m Tracy and I am a Language Arts Interventionist, who loves every minute of it! I recently submitted my first article for Highlights Children’s Magazine and I couldn’t be more excited, Yahooie! Animals, children and writing are my passion, and fortunately for me, I have all three in my life. Thanks so much for taking a look at my pitch :~)
Find her on the web at www.chattytcp.wordpress.com
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: My Name Is Sonny And I Am Special!
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Sonny is affectionately called, Lovee #5. She is the fifth baby girl born into her family. All grown up now, she talks on the phone to her friends, has play dates, and plays sports too. She’s just like all the other Lovees in her family – right? So why does everyone call her Special and not Sonny?
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Tracy improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in June, so you could get your pitch up for some helpful feedback pretty soon, and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!
Tracy is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to using the word “nougat” in at least one sentence per hour today. (See how subtly I just covered this hour?) Perhaps I shall sing songs like, “Nougat! Yes please!” I sound just like Maroon 5, don’t I? Look out Adam Levine 🙂
Have a wonderful nougat-filled Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
I would read this because I am intrigued to find the answers to the questions. But according to Erin, editors don’t want to be intrigued, so I think some more details need to replace some of the questions. Is her name Sonny and not Sunny on purpose? I might also reword “all grown up” with maybe “as she gets older” or something more specific. Good luck with this!
Thanks, Genevieve! Yes, I am learning that there is quite an art to writing a pitch. I did have this already written before the comments from Erin on my first pitch. I’m thinking constantly about how to improve it. Questions are a no – no. Again, thanks for the support! 🙂
You have an intriguing pitch here for a character-driven story, something I keep hearing that agents and editors want!
A few thoughts: 1) The comma in your first sentence felt awkwardly placed. Consider meshing the first and second sentences together, ending with “is affectionately called…”
2) I was surprised by the phrase “all grown up” for a PB character – made me think more of a NF biography? It might help to be more specific (i.e. *she* thinks she’s all grown up?).
3) I wonder if you could give a little more info about Sonny’s ‘problem’ or ‘want’ and how she intends to solve it. We’ve got three names going on for her; does she prefer one of them, and wish people would call her that instead of the others?
See — you’ve got me asking all kinds of questions — that’s good! I’d read it to find out the answers!
Thank you, Nancy! Sonny is a little girl with special needs (nothing specific that readers would identify with) so I kept it pretty general just knowing she isn’t like everyone else. A lot of great suggestions 🙂
Tracy, I’d say “maybe” I’d read this story. While I’m intrigued about who (or what?) Sonny is, most of the pitch concerns what others say/do about Sonny – I’d like to know more about her. Is her problem that the family wanted or needed a son (hence the name) or is she tired of hand-me-downs, comparisons to older sisters, her name, something else? And what is meant by “special”? Does Sonny learn differently &, if so, how does that challenge her & her family?
I know this seems like a lot to include in a few sentences. If you cut out the first part & start with introducing Sonny, I think the pitch will be tighter & you can draw us more into the story:
Sonny, Lovee daughter #5, talks…
I look forward to reading a revised pitch – a story about being the youngest & being different has great potential!
Thank you, PTNOZELL! You are very insightful…Yes – Sonny was named because the family thought she was going to be a boy. Sonny was born with special needs but wants desperately to be like all her other sisters (Lovees). I will work on tightening it. Great ideas – thanks, thanks and thanks so more!
Hi Tracy,
I would say that “maybe” I would read it. The pitch is confusing to me, but I get the topic and know how important it is. In your comment above, you say, “Sonny was born with special needs but wants desperately to be like all her other sisters.” I actually like that as a pitch. You could go on to say that all her sisters are called Lovees, but she is called Special, and does not like that, etc. The title sounds too much like a trope to me. Maybe something more like, “Sonny, the Special Lovee.” I look forward to seeing your revised pitch.
Thank you so much, Lisa! Pitches are tricky for me so I really appreciate all your guidance 🙂
I’m intrigued, but it’s a very ‘choppy’ pitch. With 3 separate names appearing for her, and multiple questions, this should be condensed for a simpler pitch, but still intriguing to why she is special. Think about what you would tell someone at a cocktail party who asks what your book is about. you would probably say something much more to the effect of what you did in the above comment “Sonny was born with special needs but wants desperately to be like all her other sisters.” Stick with something along those lines; tighter and more understandable. Good luck!
Melissa, thanks and yes I do agree it is a bit choppy and all over the place. I need Pitch Practice School! Thanks for all your help and support 🙂
Hi! Thanks for sharing your work with us. Always fun to read what folks are working on and happy to learn the art of the pitch along with you. Like others, I feel curious after reading this but I think it’s a little confusing. In line one it sounds like she’s called Lovee #5 but at the end you say she is called “Special.” I was also surprised that she is “all grown up” that sounds old for PBs. Is she bigger? But not all grown up maybe? Thanks again for sharing!!