Happy Wednesday, Folks!
Up on Blueberry Hill where we are exceptionally close to Nature, things are hopping! Literally! Look at this cute little guy:
There I was, wandering around my house as one does at midnight on Fridays, when what to my wondering eye should appear than this tiny housebreaker! SPROING! SPROING! SPROING! He hopped down my hallway, leaping easily 10 times his height into the air. He was the size of my thumbnail (i.e. pretty small! I thought he was some kind of bug at first!) and clearly bewildered by the strange surroundings in which he found himself. I’m pretty sure he stopped in because my Perfect Picture Book for Friday was Frog Song 🙂 but once inside he wasn’t quite sure what to do. Luckily, being a Resourceful Type, I knew what to do. I took his picture for you guys (so forethoughtful of me!), then I caught him under a plastic cup, slipped a postcard underneath his tiny toes so he’d have something to stand on, and transported him outside into the spring night where he hopped gratefully away into the cool damp grass.
I think there’s a picture book idea in a Thumbelina-sized frog accidentally hopping inside a house of giants! 🙂
Of course, all this talk of hopping is making me hungry, so how about Something Chocolate? 🙂 For today’s Something Chocolate I chose something specially for our pitcher and his almost-4 year-old: Ice Cream Sundae Cookie Cups! They’re easy to make and you can put any flavor of ice cream and any kind of topping you like on them! A supremely kid-friendly perfect summer treat 🙂 I hope you all enjoy them!!!
If you wanted to make an extra cookie cup, that tiny frog would fit in beautifully, and then he could eat his way out… Seriously, someone should write this picture book 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Greg who says, “I was a film major in college who somehow ended up with a career in the IT industry. For exercise I play hockey and chase my soon to be four year old son around. He is also the inspiration for most of my stories. I love to cook and have made several of Susanna’s recipes. (Including the churro pancakes from May 4 which were pronounced awesome and resulted in my son requesting pancakes every weekend since then 🙂 ) I can be followed on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/gregoryebray/ or my blog: http://gregoryebrayauthor.blogspot.com/”
Here is his pitch:
Working Title: The Bath Of Least Resistance
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-8 )
The Pitch: Paint is thicker than water, but the bond between a puppy and his human brother is even thicker.
When Bogie discovers the wonderful scent and texture of paint, he inadvertently tracks it all over the house. Chaos and calamity ensue with each attempt to get him into the tub. What will it take to give Bogie a bath, or is he destined to remain a colorful pooch forever.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Greg improve his pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in June (YES JUNE – you heard that correctly!!!), so you could get your pitch up for some helpful feedback practically next week, and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!
Greg is looking forward to your thoughts on his pitch! I am looking forward to seeing what happens to my mini porch garden. Right now, it’s zucchini vs. tomato as to who will take over the world and it’s a shockingly close race – very high suspense! Feel free to place your bets 🙂
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
25 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #216 – The Bath Of Least Resistance”
Ha! My last dog actually did this. She pulled a piece of newspaper from the counter top and dumped a quart of paint onto her back, which scared her, which made her zoom all over the house trying to outrun the paint while trying to shake it off. I would DEFINITELY read this to see what I could’ve done better. (Probably everything.) I think the pitch says a lot, without the “Paint is thicker than water…” sentence. You may want to throw in how he gets into the paint in order to track it around, so it doesn’t look like he’s tracking it out of nowhere. Good luck with it!
That’s a great story. Thank you for sharing. =) And also thank you for your comment. I’ll see what i can come up with. Have a great day!
I actually really like your opening sentence, Greg. After my first read, I need to know more about the brother. If you introduce the brother, he needs to be in the pitch. “Chaos ensues” is a rather cliche line and maybe you can give an example or two of the chaos, especially between boy and pup. Bath time books are always fun additions and an evergreen theme. Also, the ‘what will it take” line is a question, and from what i’ve read, agents prefer not to read rhetorical questions. Keep at it, this will be a fun story. Love the title pun, too. It’s clear you have a way w/words.
Thank you Kathalsey. I’ll add more about the brother and remove the rhetorical question. Have a great day!
*looking at the first pic on this post* A frog? You can’t eat that!
“Scrolling to second picture* Ah, there we go. Mmmm. Tasty.
I like the pitch, but the main conflict of the story seems to be about the humans’ failed attempts to get a Technicolored dog in the tub. I would like to learn a bit more about the attempts made made to get Bogie bathed.
Thank you Fellow Writer. I’ll add more descriptive information on the bath attempts. Have a great day!
Good morning everyone,
I just noticed my auto correct failed me. I typed this up after my son went to bed. And in my sleepy state, I didn’t notice the error before sending this to Susanna. =( So the word, “pronounced” should be, “turned out” That will make sore sense. =)
I would definitely read it. It sounds like you’ll have both humor and heart here. Like Kathy, I wondered what happened with the human brother. The first line makes me think the story will be about Bogie’s relationship with his human brother, but the brother is absent from the rest of the pitch. I’m guessing maybe the brother is instrumental in finally getting Bogie into the bath. I wonder if you could hint at that without giving away the ending.
Thank you Gabi. Your guess is correct. =) More brother information forthcoming.
You have a gentle heart, Susanna. That little frog will be telling nice stories about you.
Greg, I can imagine fun illustrations for this story and an ending kids would enjoy. I love the wordplay in the title but wonder if the PB audience would understand it and remember it for reread requests. The phrase might work well in the body of the pitch in a declarative statement about the bond between the dog and boy. Good luck with submissions!
Thank you Sydney. I may try and work in the statement into the pitch.
I love the title and, after all, it’s really parents and grandparents who buy books, so I would stick with it. I also live the concept and can imagine wonderful illustrations. All that said, the rule I hear most often about children’s writing is to make sure the young protagonist is the one to solve the problem, so the boy needs to be more apparent in your pitch and he also needs to come up with the solution.
Thank you Rosi. I’ll make sure the boy is represented better in the pitch.
Like the title very much, but I think if you are going to vaguely introduce the human brother in the first sentence, then he needs to have some importance throughout the pitch, of course still keeping it concise. Also, is there an underlying theme at all in this fun filled story? If so, that is also somewhat missing here. But that’s just an observation, not sure how you would want to approach that, if there is any other than this is a fun filled brotherly love getting into trouble type of story 🙂
Thank you Melissa. I’ll add the theme into the pitch as well.
A Peeper toad! Aren’t you observant, Susanna, for noticing and making the effort to whisk him off to safety in his own crystal carriage. Definitely a picture book hopping somewhere in this encounter.
Greg, I definitely would read this story – such a fun concept (although I’m relieved it’s not my dog) & I can just imagine the illustration possibilities. I agree with others, though, that the first sentence didn’t add much, except perhaps introducing the brother, and I would love to see a glimpse of what the chaos & mayhem are, rather than using those broad terms. I look forward to reading more about Bogie and his mysterious brother (which one is the Main Character, by the way?).
Thank you Ptnozell. I’ll add more descriptions to the chaos. Its told from Bogie’s perspective as he watches his brother try and get him into the bath.
Yes, I would read the book. I see what the others are saying, and agree that the focus should be either getting Bogie in the tub, or getting the paint off of him. I like the idea, but also think that you could be more specific in what his boy does to solve the problem (Whichever you choose it to be). 🙂
Thank you Erik. Great to see you on here. 🙂 I’ll add more specifics.
Greg, I would definitely read this. You’ve already gotten a lot of great comments. As to the title, I find it funny (punny). And while parents & librarians do the shopping, I remember when mine were young that they shortened almost every title – “I want the dragon/penguin/moon book again.”
With your pitch, I agree that I am not sold on the very first part. What about – “The bond between a puppy and his human brother is thicker than water.” I do agree with the others that getting the human brother and an example or two of the ‘chaos.caused’ (w/out telling me that ‘calamity ensured.’) would strengthen the pitch. One other thing – If this is from Bogie’s POV, what does HE want? (If it is from the brother’s point of view, we need to see him and what he wants.) Sounds like a real fun romp. Good luck with it.
Thank you Maria. I have a lot of work to do. 🙂
Love the opening sentence! Really sets up the tone. The only change I would suggest is to the closing. Currently, it reads “What will it take to give Bogie a bath, or is he destined to remain a colorful pooch forever.” I’d change it to read: “What will it take to give Bogie a bath? Is he destined to remain a colorful pooch forever?”
Best of luck!
Thank you Michele. I’m working out the kinks now.
I would definitely read this. As I read the pitch I imagined paint paw prints and nose prints every where. I’m pretty sure an illustrator would have a blast with this idea. Thanks for sharing Greg.
Thank you Aileen. I’m hoping someone can draw it as envision it.