Would You Read It Wednesday #217 – Crab And Gull

Happy Wednesday, Everyone!

I know it’s technically not summer for another week, but it’s so close now you can taste it!  Strawberries.  Blueberries.  Raspberries.  Peaches.  Chocolate. 🙂  (Okay.  You got me.  Chocolate is a year ’round delight 🙂 )

You probably all remember my “what can you put in a brownie” phase before Christmas, when I made peanut butter brownies, peppermint brownies, toffee brownies etc.

Well.

You’ll be shocked to learn I’ve got a new baking vehicle and it’s not even chocolate!  I have discovered that you can put all kinds of things in banana bread and wow! is it yummy!  Chocolate chips (obviously).  Blueberries (totally amazing! – if you haven’t tried it whip out your loaf pans this instant!)  And I’m seriously considering a version with peanut butter chips, or possibly some type of peanut butter swirl, although I haven’t tried that yet.  I am also open to any other suggestions you folks have.  Because at my house, bananas have to be an exact certain ripeness in order to be considered consumable.  Too green, they have to wait.  Too ripe, no one will touch them.  There’s about a 5 minute window.  Hence, I keep ending up with MANY overripe bananas.  Luckily, I’m willing to do my part for the cause and bake banana bread 🙂

But it’s Wednesday, and we all know that Wednesday is for Something Chocolate!  So Something Chocolate you shall have!

I don’t think we can go wrong with 3 ingredient Easy Oreo Truffles, do you? 🙂

Nom nom nom! 🙂

I thought not 🙂

Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Sam whom you may remember from her recent winning pitch for The School Supplies Intensive Care Unit.  Sam Altmann is a special education teacher who lives in Baltimore Maryland with her husband and two semi-cuddly chaos loving dogs. She is a sucker for soft serve ice cream, swimming in the ocean, and “quality” reality television.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Crab And Gull

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8 )

The Pitch: Gull wants Crab’s sandwich. Crab wants Gull to leave him and his sandwich alone. But when Gull goes missing, Crab’s treat just doesn’t taste as sweet. He packs up his food in search of Gull, and finds that sometimes cooking up a friendship a more important than cooking up a seaweed sandwich.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sam improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

 

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in October, so you’ve got a little time to tweak your pitch to perfection and then get it up for some helpful feedback and a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!

Sam is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to adding to my Week In Wildlife photo collection (it’s been quite a week! – if we all had more time I would have shared it and shown you, among other things, the giant black rat snake I nearly trod upon whilst out marching about in the wilderness!)

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

21 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #217 – Crab And Gull

  1. Sydney O'Neill says:

    Sam, this sounds like a delightful and easily relatable story. I want to read it! The first sentence is short enough that it doesn’t mislead me. I like it, but I’ll be interested to hear what others have to say about starting with the name of a secondary character. Also, I don’t think of making a sandwich as “cooking.” Good luck with the story!

  2. csheer18 says:

    A wonderful friendship story, for sure. I would read it!
    But in the pitch, I would change the reference to the sandwich as a “treat that doesn’t taste as sweet” , since most sandwiches aren’t thought of as “sweet”.
    Also, “putting together a friendship/sandwich” might be better wording than “cooking up…”.

    Best of luck with your story!!!

  3. littleredstoryshed says:

    Hi Sam, I really love the sound of Crab and Gull and I would read it! I agree with Sydney about ‘cooking up’ Think it would probably be better as ‘making’ a friendship is more important than making a seaweed sandwich…! Love the idea of crab and gull as main characters – original! Good luck! Julie

  4. Lynne Marie says:

    All good comments! I would definitely read it. From the sound of it, STICK AND STONE by Beth Ferry would make a great mentor text 🙂

    The Pitch: Gull wants Crab’s sandwich. Crab wants Gull to leave him and his sandwich alone.
    *****PERHAPS ONE CAN BE THE PRIMARY MC. AND THE REASON THEY ARE BOTH IN THE TITLE IS TO FOCUS ON THE FRIENDSHIP. BUT IF GULL GOES MISSING, THEN HE ISN’T THE PRIMARY CHARACTER. IMHO IT’S CRAB.
    But when Gull goes missing,
    *****SO HERE, THE MAIN CHARACTER GOES MISSING?
    Crab’s treat just doesn’t taste as sweet.
    ******PERHAPS HE JUST LOSES HIS APPETITE? He packs up his food in search of Gull, and finds that sometimes cooking up a friendship a more important than cooking up a seaweed sandwich.
    *****I AM NOT SURE ABOUT THIS AS RELATED HERE, IN THAT I AM UNSURE IF IT IS A STORY ABOUT FRIENDSHIP OR SHARING. PERHAPS IF YOU DECIDE THAT WILL HELP YOU REWRITE WITH A NEW FOCUS. HOPE MY COMMENTS ARE HELPFUL. GOOD LUCK!

    • jsamaltmann (@Jsamaltmann) says:

      Hi Lynne Marie…mostly a story about friendship, but I definitely see what you mean about that being confusing. At first Gull is the main character, but then it kind of shifts to Crab…hmmm…a lot to think about here. Thank you!

  5. Lisa Riddiough says:

    Hi Sam. I love your story concept. I agree that you might consider editing the last line, possilby to reflect the notion that Sam is now willing to share if only he could find his friend (if that is where the story is going). Good luck!

  6. ingridboydston says:

    Yes, I would! I too like the direction this story appears to be headed. My suggestion for the last line ” …sometimes having a friend to share with is more satisfying (sweeter?) than having a treat to yourself.” Perhaps instead of changing the words sweet, and treat change the sandwich into a sweet treat? Best of luck, Sam. I’m off to hunt for chocolate, thanks Susannah!

  7. viviankirkfield says:

    I hear you about the over-ripe bananas and the extremely small window of opportunity when kids will consider eating bananas. 🙂
    Sam…I love your story premise….it sounds like a lot of fun…and you’ve gotten some excellent suggestions here to polish your pitch and make it golden. 😉

  8. Pamela Brunskill (@PamelaBrunskill) says:

    Susanna, that chocolate looks so amazing! Not good for my summer figure, though. 🙂
    Sam, I’d definitely read your story. It sounds adorable!
    For the last line, it should be “cooking up a friendship is more..” instead of “a more.” That said, and other have already commented on this, I think you need to firm up this line anyway. I think you’re saying the theme is to priorities living beings over food and material things, in which case you’ve made your point. But, I think cooking is the wrong verb here. Good luck!

  9. ptnozell says:

    Sam, I love your characters & the idea of putting friendship before hoarding a seaweed sandwich. I agree with the others, though, about putting the emphasis on Crab first. I think you could even delete the first sentence & the pitch will still work.

    Susanna, the banana bread sounds delicious – definitely a resourceful use of those rotting ones that get left behind. And think of the fun of having guests saying five times quickly, “Blueberry Banana Bread”, preferably before the first cup of coffee. Better get set for more visitors soon!

  10. hethfeth says:

    Hi. I really like your story concept. I agree with the comments about “sweet” and “cooking up”–that they don’t seem to apply to a sandwich. For the first one, I think you could just say that it isn’t as “tasty”. Honestly, on my first read-through, I didn’t notice those little issues. I just thought you had a good story going.

  11. mona861 says:

    I would definitely read this one. Love the ocean and the creatures are familiar. I would suggest leaving off the first sentence. You might simply start with, Crab tells Gull to leave him and his sandwich alone… As far as cooking up a sandwich, it doesn’t have to be sandwich it could be snack like seaweed sauce…otherwise, it’s pretty much to the point. Yes, a definite read for me!

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