Would You Read It Wednesday #220 – Thanksgiving Delivery (PB)

Greetings, Peeps!

I hope you all had festive 4th of July Weekends and that your summers are all off to a lovely start!

I always think I’m going to get tons of things done in the summer.  I’m not really sure why, because it’s never happened yet 🙂  But there’s something about that long stretch of summer days that makes me feel like there’s room to accomplish soooo much…!  And who knows?  I’ve certainly got a list as long as my arm of things I want to do.  This COULD be the summer I get a lot done….(with a little luck and a following wind…) …or not… 🙂

Let’s have a little Something Chocolate to start the day off right, shall we?  I discovered this thing of beauty and thought it would be just perfect!

Strawberry Chocolate Mousse Cake

So perfect and summer-y-strawberry-y and chocolate-y!  YUM!!!

Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Susan whom you’ll remember from her May and June pitches for Room For Olives and Bossy Bird.  Susan Schade is a writer from Gilbert, AZ where she lives with her husband, three young sons and their corgy/jack Russell rescue dog, Jedi.  Originally from Madison, WI, she cheers on the Packers and the Badgers, loves movie nights with her family, and enjoys reading as much as writing.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Thanksgiving Delivery

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-8)

The Pitch: As Thanksgiving approaches, Lennie is determined to save the turkeys from their dinner fate.  After the turkey slim down plan falls short, Lennie discovers that that perseverance and imagination will spark his greatest idea, dinner delivery.  Lennie will race against time to turn the others into great chefs before they become Thanksgiving dinner.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Susan improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

 

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in October, so you have a little time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!

Susan is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to tackling that to-do list… or possibly sitting on the back porch with a glass of iced tea and a good book… 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

 

24 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #220 – Thanksgiving Delivery (PB)

  1. Iza Trapani says:

    Oh that cake looks amazing! Have a great summer, Susanna- whether or not you accomplish that do list!
    The story sounds interesting, but I am not sure if Lennie is a person or one of the turkeys. Some clarification would be helpful!

  2. Genevieve Petrillo says:

    I would read this. I love a creative turkey and would definitely LOVE pizza for Thanksgiving! Like Iza, I wasn’t sure at first that Lenny was a turkey. Easy enough to slip that in. Also, I’m hoping he tried more than the slim-down idea before his chef training plan. You may want to briefly mention one or two of his other attempts. Good luck!

  3. Michelle Kogan Illustration, Painting & Writing says:

    Hi Susan, I would read this. To follow on the two previous comments patterns of three’s (in your turkey attempts) are helpful. Also instead of Lennie telling us he’s turning the turkeys into great chiefs, give us a taste of another attempt to tease us on.

    Hi Susanna,
    For some reason I always thought I could accomplish or catch up in the summer too, but my schedule really doesn’t slow down. So . . . instead I’m going to set my goals a bit lower, and perhaps be surprised. Good luck with yours!

  4. Sherry Howard says:

    It’s another rainy day in Kentucky, but that’s perfect for writing. Like the other commenters, I’d love to read this, and I think the pitch can be pumped up with a little more detail. I couldn’t tell from the pitch that Lennie was a turkey, and that makes a different story altogether. I’m all for turkeys saving themselves! Good luck, Susan!

  5. Russell (@WriteonrRussell) says:

    I do love a good turkey day story with a twist! This one sounds delicious. 🙂 I agree, though, with others who have noted confusion over Lennie’s identity. I, too, inferred from the pitch that he was a human, not a turkey. In addition, I questioned the meaning of “dinner delivery” and wondered if the pitch could be strengthened with a bit more information on the kind of substitute dinner Lennie plans to offer.

  6. ptnozell says:

    Susan, I’ve heard of self-basting turkeys but never self-saving ones. I think you’ve found a fresh approach to a holiday book & I would read it (now that I know Lennie is a turkey, too).

    Susanna, I feel your pain; I’m sure, though, that if you count creatively, you’ll realize you’ve accomplished more than you even listed.

    Happy Summer!

  7. Keila Dawson says:

    At the old England club everyone is feasting on strawberries and cream in honor of Wimbledon, I prefer strawberries and chocolate any day!

    As already stated, I didn’t know Lennie was a turkey. “As Thanksgiving approaches, Lennie is determined to save himself and the other turkeys from their dinner fate.”

    Does the dinner delivery attempt fail or succeed? It says it’s his greatest idea but then they become chefs. Do they start a catering business? Just not sure, but a Turkey out to save his own neck is a cute idea and I would read it. Good luck!

  8. viviankirkfield says:

    Yutm,yum! That cake looks amazing, Susanna.
    Susan…I needed to know a bit more detail…it sounds like Lennie is going to teach the turkeys how to be chefs so they can create delicious Thanksgiving meals to deliver that don’t include any turkey ingredients. If that is the gist of your story, I would definitely read it…I think it will be hilarious. Here’s an idea of what might work if that is, indeed, your story concept.

    As Thanksgiving approaches, Lennie is determined to save his fellow turkeys from their dinner fate. When a turkey slim down plan falls short, and (what else does he try that doesn’t work), the tenacious gobbler must turn the tables with a dinner delivery scheme before his friends end up at the main course.

  9. Kimberley says:

    I love the concept and know lots of first graders who would adore this kind of story. I too wanted to know if Lennie was a bird or a person. There’s also an error in that there are two thats before perseverance. I like the first attempt noted and would like the final attempt to be a little more fleshed out in the pitch. Don’t worry about spoiling the story. I think this could be a winner.

  10. Wendy says:

    Fun story! Vivian covered what I was going to say–so just wish you good luck. If you haven’t read Wendy SIlvano’s book, Turkey Trouble, that might be a good comp title for you.
    Susanna-that cake is TOO perfect. Getting all the strawberries lined up so that when you cut it you get perfect halves?? Somebody should eat the evidence. Volunteering . . .

  11. ThisKidReviewsBooks says:

    I would read the book. I really can’t add much, but I just figure I should mention that I inferred that Lennie was human as well.

    Yum! Chocolate-flooded strawberries! (There! Kind of like Chocolate-covered Strawberries, making the strawberries the “centerpiece” of the “meal” makes it *that* much healthier! 😉 )

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