Would You Read It Wednesday #219 – Dancing Through Space (PB) PLUS The May Pitch Winner PLUS Straight From The Editor for April!!!!

Greetings Fellow KidLit Peeps!

Golly!  We have so much to do today that I’m not even going to regale you with tales of the Chopped Dessert Special conducted in my parents’ kitchen last night, contestant chefs being our kids and niece and nephews, basket ingredients including fresh lemon, Life cereal, dried fruit (apricot and pear), and Incredible Perfectly Free Non Dairy Frozen Bites.  When I say the judges (me, my sister, and my daughter) were brave, I am not kidding 🙂  The dishes prepared for us ranged from a Deconstructed Torte made of a dried fruit pancake with a chocolate and peanut butter brittle topped with candied lemon, to a Juice-Soaked Bread “Cake”, to a Fruit Dessert Soup…which curdled…! garnished with a chocolate-dipped dried pear.  And you’re lucky you didn’t see the kitchen 🙂

But like I said, no regaling!  Down to business!

First, the Winner of May Pitch Pick was Melissa with her pitch for Walking With Memphis: Inspired By A Real Dog.  Congratulations on a fabulous pitch, Melissa!  It has already been sent to editor Erin Molta for her thoughts, and I’m sure you’ll hear from her shortly!

And congratulations to all our other pitchers who did a stupendous job as well!  Even if you didn’t win the pitch pick, you are winners for writing your amazing pitches, being brave enough to share them in public, accepting constructive criticism in the spirit in which it was offered, and revising your pitches to make them even better!  Let’s have Something Chocolate all around to celebrate! 🙂  (And no, I will not make you eat the chocolate peanut butter brittle or the chocolate-dipped dried pear garnish from last night 🙂 )

No.  We’re going off the deep end today 🙂  I saw this and knew it was imperative that I share it with you…

DOUGHNUT CAKE WITH MOCHA WHIPPED CREAM!!!

doughnut-cake-2

Doughnut Cake Recipe HERE at SugarHero.com

doughnut-cake-8

Doughnut Cake Recipe HERE at SugarHero.com

And I didn’t even make this up!  There is someone else out there in the world who thought this was a good idea!  Probably my twin separated at birth 🙂

Next, we have Straight From The Editor for April.  As you’ll recall, the April Pitch Pick was won by Sam with her pitch for The School Supplies Intensive Care Unit (PB ages 4-8):
When a marker is left uncapped, a pencil gets cracked, or a glue stick dries out, there is only one place they can turn; The School Supplies Intensive Care Unit.  After a sudden spike in cases at The SSIC-U, it’s up to Nurse Patchet to track down the culprit and reform the classroom’s worst offender.

Here are Erin Molta’s comments:

This is cute, but I am a little confused as to whether the school supplies are supposed to be “alive” or personified and the culprit is another school supply. Or if kids are bringing their broken school supplies to Nurse Patchet and there’s a rogue student wreaking havoc…

 If you can somehow clarify that, I think you will have better luck with this pitch to an editor. For instance, using “student” instead of “they” in “there is only one place they can turn” will make it more clear that it’s about kids in a classroom. If you’re thinking the school supplies are personified, then you need to somehow add in something about a Pencil seeing the writing on the wall, or the somesuch…

Thanks as always to Erin for her very helpful and insightful comments!  I hope you learn as much from them as I do!

Now, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Lydia.  Lydia Lukidis is a children’s author with thirty three books and eBooks published, as well as numerous short stories and poems. She writes both fiction and non-fiction, for ages 3-12, all designed to entertain and inspire. In addition to her creative work, she also composes educational activities and curriculum based texts for children.

Visit her on the web at:
www.lydialukidis.com
https://lydialukidis.wordpress.com/

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Dancing Through Space

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 5-7 )

The Pitch: 3-2-1- Blast off! Dr. Mae Jemison launches into space and accomplishes her childhood dream. Despite challenges along the way, she never gave up and went on to become the first African-American woman to orbit the earth.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Lydia improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

 

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in October, so you’ve got a little time to tweak your pitch to perfection and then get it up for some helpful feedback and a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!

Lyda is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to the fact that I will never have to eat Fruit Dessert Soup again and to harvesting more green beans from my Teensy Porch Garden which, against all odds, is still not dead! 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

10 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #219 – Dancing Through Space (PB) PLUS The May Pitch Winner PLUS Straight From The Editor for April!!!!

  1. Wendy says:

    That doughnut cake looks a-mazing!! And I love the Chopped fun!
    Today’s pitch is succinct and clear! What I wondered is how will this book be different from other books about this person? For a popular NF subject, you might want to highlight what it will add to what’s already out there? Good luck, Lydia!

  2. Sherry Howard says:

    Death by donut! Yes, I would read it. I wonder if the pitch is so succinct that it might benefit from a little more pizzazz. What were a few of those barriers? Or, what was your point of entry or concentration in the story? Like Wendy, I wonder what makes this biography different. I watched a webinar with Erzsi Deak last night and she specifically mentioned biographies, and the need to make them unique in some way. Does this one concentrate on a specific barrier, era of Mae’s life, or an aspect other than overview biography? Love the blast-off opening!

  3. ptnozell says:

    Susanna, that cake looks like just what you need after suffering through the “treats” last evening. Hopefully a master chef will emerge from the messing mass of relatives.

    Lydia, I definitely would read this, as I’ve been fascinated with Mae Jemison since she first went into space. I’m surprised, though, that there aren’t other PB biographies; if there are, how does your version differ from those? Could you give us a clue in the pitch? Also, I was confused by the title – I hadn’t realized that Jemison is a dancer, too. I think it would help if dance somehow is tied into the pitch somewhere & not just part of the title.

    I look forward to reading your revised pitch & the book, too!

  4. lydialukidis says:

    Thanks everyone! Getting positive feedback is building me back up! I couldn’t fit everything in my pitch, but in my query, I outline what distinguishes my book from other PBs on Mae Jemison. I will share the excerpt here:

    “DANCING THROUGH SPACE differentiates itself from other biographies on Mae Jemison because it draws a parallel between creativity and science. Dr. Jemison studied dance for many years and while in space, she observed her surroundings from not only the perspectives of an astronaut and scientist, but also a dancer and creative being.”

  5. Lisa Riddiough says:

    Hi Lydia,
    Yes, I would read it! But maybe you could add a snippet on the dancing part since that is the one thing that differentiates it from the other NF’s on Mae Jemison. Also, the switch from present tense in the first sentence to past tense in the last sentence threw me off just a bit.

  6. viviankirkfield says:

    Susanna…as always, your treats are to die for. 😉

    I love the topic, Lydia.I would definitely read your book. Your pitch is really tight and engaging…but like the others, I’d love to hear a bit more. Here’s a template you might use:

    3-2-1- Blast off! Dr. Mae Jemison dreams of launching into space. When (2 or 3 challenges she faces), Mae must (what does she do to overcome those challenges) as she pursues her quest to become the first African-American woman to orbit the earth.

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