Would You Read It Wednesday #236 – Tooth Fairy In Training (PB)

Happy New Year, Everyone!

So exciting, isn’t it?

A whole new year, full of possibilities for great writing and illustrating, opportunities to share your stories with the world and read the amazing stories written by your talented fellow writers, conferences and workshops to attend, critique partners to encourage and support, friendships to strengthen and enjoy, wonder and delight, imagination and creativity to share with the picture book crowd, young and old, with whom we all choose to spend our time…

We’re going to do good things in 2017, my friends! 🙂

I had a lot of ambitions for 2016 that didn’t come to fruition for a multitude of personal reasons with which I will not bore/depress you 🙂 , so I’m not going to make any promises at the start of this year.  I will only say that I hope to be in a better position this year to accomplish some of those things which are very important to me and I hope will be helpful to you!

Now then!  Let’s jump right into this new year, shall we?  And what better way to begin than with Something Chocolate: Raspberry-Iced Nutella-Filled Chocolate Cupcakes!  So pretty!… and YUMMY! 🙂

(Also so healthful – there’s fruit (raspberry) and nuts (hazelnut) and whole grains (flour) and protein (eggs) and vegetables (cocoa BEANS) in there – health food, I tell you! So enjoy without guilt! 🙂 )

Now that we’re properly fortified, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Julie who says, “I’m a former teacher/ gifted & talented specialist for grades K-8. 13 years ago, I left the classroom to be a stay-at-home mom and president of our crazy life in dusty west Texas. 2016 found me with 2 teenage daughters who pushed ME out of the nest and encouraged me to finally write the stories I’ve always made up for them. I’m extremely lucky that my husband of 15 years encourages me to finally follow my passion and desire to write the next great picture book. (finger’s crossed!) You can find my blog at https://julielacombeauthor.wordpress.com/ . I’m also on Twitter at @Madkatmom0305 .”

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Tooth Fairy In Training

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-7)

The Pitch: Tooth Fairy in training Ember Heartglow has a big problem. She has odontophobia, the fear of teeth. Ember is determined to overcome her fear and be the best tooth fairy in school.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Julie improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

 

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in January and February, so you could have a chance to get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!

Julie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to jumping headfirst into this new year and all it has to offer and hopefully accomplishing something of worth!  Who can tell?  It could happen! 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

 

54 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #236 – Tooth Fairy In Training (PB)

  1. Iza Trapani says:

    Happy New Year, Susanna! May this be a fulfilling, industrious and rewarding year for you! Xoxoox

    And happy New Year, Julie! Kudos on your conciseness, but I feel I’d be more enticed if I knew a bit about how Ember overcomes her fear. I imagine the story has humor, so adding some of that to the pitch would give the reader a sense of the book.

  2. ptnozell says:

    Happy New Year, Susanna & Julie. May 2017 be a year of hope & blessings, with heaps of healthy chocolatey goodness.

    Julie, your pitch intrigues me. I’d like to know more about why Ember fears teeth (who knew there’s a word for that!) – did she painfully lose one when she was younger? Are they too big to carry? And what does she do to try to overcome this fear. I also love her name, but am wondering if fire plays a role in the story somehow.

    I look forward to reading your revised pitch!

  3. Rene` Diane Aube says:

    Happy New Year, Susanna and Julie ☺🎉 Praying God’s abundant blessings shower down upon you in 2017. And the nutella filled, raspberry iced cupcakes go perfect with my morning coffee. Luciously lavishly yummy 💕

    Julie, I love the premise of your story and would definitely read it. Ember sounds like a warm hearted tooth fairy who will love her job…once she overcomes her fear, anyway. I wonder how it would work if you reword the last sentence and made it your first one. Maybe something like “Ember Heartglow is determined to be the best tooth fairy in ___________ School, but she has a serious case of ordontophobia–fear of teeth.” I would love to see a clever name for the school, too. Also, I don’t think you need the first four words of your pitch since the title already gives the idea that Ember is in training. If you decide to reveal why she’s afraid of teeth, keep it as tight as you can.

    This is a really fun story premise. ☺ I look forward to seeing it on the shelves Amy local library someday! Best wishes!!🌺

    • Susanna Leonard Hill says:

      Happy New Year to you too, Rene! Thank you for your lovely wishes – I send them all back to you with love! And I’m glad you’re enjoying the cupcakes 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughtful and helpful comments for Julie!

  4. Lynne Marie says:

    The Pitch: Tooth Fairy in training Ember Heartglow [[[DELETE has a big problem. She]]] has odontophobia, the fear of teeth.
    *****I THINK THIS SETS UP THE PROBLEM, WHICH IS UNIQUE AND INTRIGUING. AFTER THIS, I WOULD TRY AND FIND A FUNNY QUESTION THAT MATCHES THE WIT AND HUMOR OF THE MANUSCRIPT, I.E.,
    WILL EMBER BE ABLE TO PULL AL FEW TEETH AND GET HER CAREER TO SOAR?

    THAT’S JUST QUICKLY OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, BUT HOPEFULLY IT WILL INSPIRE. ALSO, I FEEL LIKE THE NAME IS A BIT TOO IN YOUR FACE. I BELIEVE YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY SHE HAS A WARM HEART, BUT PERHAPS YOU CAN SHOW, RATHER THAN TELL, FOR MORE EFFECT.

    GOOD LUCK! LYNNE MARIE http://WWW.LITERALLYLYNNEMARIE.COM

  5. jeanjames926 says:

    Happy New Year Susanna! That cupcake looks divine! Julie, I like the idea of your story. It made me smile right away (good thing I have all my teeth). I agree with the comment from Rene Diane above that you can get rid of the opening line and rework the sentences tightening up the pitch, and adding just a bit more information to help us understand Ember’s odontophobia. Good luck to you on this one!

  6. David McMullin says:

    Happy New Year! I am very excited to see what this year holds. I can’t wait to hear from everyone about their successes – I know there will be many.

    I like this pitch, Julie. I have no question about what this book is about. You have captured the plot beginning to end, quite succinctly. This is great. But what the pitch doesn’t show is the mood, flavor, voice of the story. Other than a very cute character name, I can’t determine what the personality of this piece is, and I’m sure it’s tons of fun. Good luck!

  7. Susan Schade says:

    I would read it! For your pitch, I agree that you don’t need the first sentence, based on the title. I would add a few examples of how she attempts to overcome her fear which will provide a little more personality to you character in your pitch. You’ve hooked us with your subject, now make us want to know your MC. It’s challenging to do with only a few sentences but you are off to a great start. Good luck!

  8. ingridboydston says:

    Happy New Years! Hers to fresh starts and new opportunities! Julie, I think your premise is adorable. I agree with the others, especially Rene Diane’s suggestions. Maybe a hint about her plan to overcome her fear will provide the hook you’re looking for? Good luck and have fun!

  9. Gregory E Bray says:

    Welcome back Susanna. I hope you received a ton of chocolate for Christmas. =)

    I would read this. As other’s have stated, more into why she’s afraid of teeth and what she does to overcome her fear. Good luck!

    • Susanna Leonard Hill says:

      Happy New Year, Greg! We should probably not talk about the amount of Christmas chocolate… I’m afraid I’m going to be doing round two with the tooth fairy… only this time there’s no replacement for the teeth that fall out 🙂 Hope your holidays were wonderful, and thanks so much for your comments for Julie!

  10. writersideup says:

    Hey, Susanna! Here’s hoping the future is bright, regardless of the date 🙂

    Julie, I absolutely LOVE this premise! It’s such a fresh idea and I’m very curious to know how it plays out 🙂

    In my opinion, with the pitch itself, to make it even more enticing, I’d love to hear just a bit more, whether it’s things like mentioning a few obstacles or part of her personality that will help her overcome that fear, or any number of things that fleshes it out a little. Maybe the name of the school? Also, I realize that most people don’t have any problem with competition or wanting to be “the best,” but I (this is totally a personal opinion) have a “thing” with it which is why I’m mentioning this. I’m more in favor of encouraging someone to be “his/her” best rather than “the” best, which may be what you mean anyway! lol

    I think there needs to be a bit of punctuating, too, i.e., “Tooth Fairy-in-Training, Ember Heartglow, has a BIG problem. She has odontophobia: the fear of teeth. Ember is determined to overcome her fear and ace every exam at Tooth Fairy Academy.

    I hope this helps 🙂 Good luck, Julie!

      • writersideup says:

        Julie, my pleasure 🙂 And just now I went through the other’s comments and there are a lot of great suggestions, like the “why” of her fear, to not repeat “tooth fairy in training” in your first sentence, those type things. I think I want to add also that a pitch does have to be concise, but not only two sentences, unless somehow only two does it 🙂 Don’t fear putting a couple/few more sentences; it can be a short paragraph. If you were to pitch something in person, if you can do it within a minute or less, you’re in really good shape. Read your pitch out loud and time it. Maybe that will give you an idea of how long it takes to speak the words you write. You’ll be surprised! I think probably in the 30-second-or-so range. Of course, that’s MY guideline, not an industry rule 🙂

    • Susanna Leonard Hill says:

      Happy New Year, Donna! And thank you for your wishes ❤ You're right about the date – here's to bright futures for all of us regardless! 🙂 Thanks so much for your very thoughtful comments for Julie!

  11. Keila Dawson says:

    I knew I could count on you to provide a healthy option to snack on Susanna. 😉

    Fun premise Julie!

    Odontophobia, the fear of teeth, is preventing Ember from becoming the best tooth fairy in school. But… (Here is where you could show what she does to overcome her fear and achieve her goal)

    Good luck!

  12. viviankirkfield says:

    Eager for 2017! And thank you for the nutritious treat, Susanna…you are totally correct…very healthful. 😉
    Julie, I LOVE your story concept…a tooth fairy in training who is afraid of teeth…fabulous! I didn’t read all the comments, but I agree with Iza’s at the top…your pitch is spot on concise…but I’d like a bit more detail about what she does to solve the problem that doesn’t work…and then a hint of what she does that might work. Best of luck with this adorable story!

  13. Angela Brown says:

    Happy 2017!! Wishing you robust enthusiasm and so much joy and fun with each day.

    Interesting choice for our something chocolate. Love the health factors and being delicious helps 🙂

    It looks like there’s been some great comments provided regarding the pitch for WYRI. So no need to echo them, only to say that tooth fairies could use a cute PB so, yes, I would read it.

    • Susanna Leonard Hill says:

      Happy 2017 to you too, dear Angela! Thank you for your lovely wishes, and know that I send all the same to you! I’m glad you like the look of our healthy snack 🙂 And thanks so much for your comments for Julie!

  14. Sue Heavenrich says:

    What a fun premise. TFIT Ember loves everything about her job except for one tiny detail: teeth. I definitely want to know why. And how she solves her problem.

  15. Nadine Poper says:

    I’m a few days late here. As an elementary librarian, I have only a few tooth fairy picture books and they are quite old! And none have the tooth fairy afraid of teeth! Quite a silly idea that I know kiddos would love! I agree with the other suggestions on adding how Ember might overcome this fear. And why she is afraid. Perhaps she had a run-in with a pair of dentures when she was little 🙂

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