Wow!
I don’t know where THIS week has gone so far!
Look at us! Here we are at Would You Read It Wednesday already!
And in the spirit of “would you read it”, I have a question for you, my beloved and devoted blog readers!
As you may know, I have 3 books coming out this summer.
I’d like to organize a little blog tour to introduce the books, share a little about their inspiration, myself, the illustrators, the publication process, do some giveaways – generally have some fun!
If you’d be interested in hosting me and/or the illustrator for a post, and/or receiving an advance copy to review, I would be most grateful if you would email me! (susanna[at]susannahill[dot]com)
I’d also really like to spread the word to people and blog writers who are tied to the school community – teachers, librarians, parents. I don’t know as many as I’d like to! If you are a teacher, librarian, preschool, homeschool or mommy blogger, or if you would be willing to introduce me to anyone you know in those categories, I would be in your debt! It is likely I would send you Something Chocolate 🙂
And speaking of… I think it’s about time we had Something Chocolate! I recently read an article (thank you for sharing Lori Ann!) entitled “Research Shows That Eating Chocolate Cake For Breakfast Is Good For The Brain And The Waistline“, so I’d like to do my part to ensure you all get properly chocolate-fueled by 9 AM! 🙂 Let’s have some Hershey’s S’More Cupcakes!
Recipe HERE at OMGChocolateDesserts
See? Don’t you feel slimmer and smarter already? 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Joy who says, “I am a writer/ business person/ ordinary person who has been writing since the age of eight. In the year 2010 I decided to get serious. Since that time I have had three books published.”
Find her on the web at:
Website: joymooreloop-de-loops.webs.com
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Roderick Foderick
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-7)
The Pitch: Broderick Foderick a kangaroo rat. He accidentally pulls the throttle too much and his ship gets launched into space. When he gets snagged on a cumulus cloud, he must find the doohickey to return to earth.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Joy improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in June, so you have a little time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!
Joy is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to hearing from anyone who might be interested in participating in my hopefully upcoming book blog tour, or who might be able to introduce me to potentially interested teacher/librarian/mommy etc bloggers, and I thank you all in advance!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
I would definitely read it! I like the rhyme-y name, and it’s unusual. I also like the word cumulus. This tells me there might be some STEM incorporated in the story. And doohickey just makes me giggle. Great story Joy…good luck:)
Susanna, thank you for thinking of our health & sharing the chocolate!
Joy, the title & MC intrigue me. Is this a rhyming text? If so, I’d say so in the pitch. I’d also like to know why a kangaroo rat is in a rocket ship & see a few clues to indicate what goes wrong. If you can share a bit of the humor that is implied in the title, I think you’ll have us begging to read more. Best of luck as you revise this pitch!
Joy – thanks for sharing the pitch.
It sounds like a zany fun picture book, fast paced and goofy. But the description feels short and incomplete. Is the doohickey a button in the ship, or a missing piece or magic item out there somewhere, or something more abstract like his courage – give us a hint. And does he search by pressing every button and pulling every lever in the shape and more craziness happens, or by flying around everywhere and having craziness encounters? Perhaps you don’t want to give too much away, but in this pitch I think you need to share a little more.
Good luck to you – and to Roderick!
Like Patricia said above, it is a catchy title although for me it is hard to say out loud.PBs are meant to be read aloud, so you may want to reconsider the MC’s name. I need more plot to go on to piece the pitch together, too. Sounds like fun! Like the idea of a kangaroo rat, too. I am not aware of many stories w/this type of MC, so bravo. Good luck with this.
The story sounds quite appealing. I too would like to know a bit more such as: what type of ship and why he is in it? Is he the pilot – it says HIS ship – or did he build it? Or is he just in there by chance and starts playing around? Will there be those on earth who talk him down – a Houston of sorts? Will it be run by people or other animals? Lots of questions but that means I really want to find out the answers. A bit more info would be terrific.
~Vicki
Wow! That research article on chocolate just made my day!!!
And congrats on having three books coming out…you must be one busy lady!
Joy, for me, I’d like to know what theme this book will have. WHat does this character learn from this mishap that my kids can learn from? Does he gain some knowlege or wisdom to pull him through? That is what makes a book stand out for me…silliness that makes kids laugh, but a “take home”message as well. Sounds like you have some great action to engage kids! Good luck!!
Wow! Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I love them!! This will help when I revise!!
I agree that, from the title, I’m expecting this book to be a rhymer. What I’m wondering–you say this is “his” ship–so was he supposed to fly in it eventually and just wasn’t ready yet? I want to know whether this is a story about not being ready/growth or making mistakes/solving problems. Love the visual of the rodent and rocket! Good luck, Joy!
Thanks for the chocolate, Susanna!
Joy, I think you have a good start here, but to me it’s too vague. First I wondered, a kangaroo rat in a space ship? Is it important that we know he’s a kangaroo rat, and if not why did you mention that? Second thought along with first thought, ohh, he’s in a space ship? That perhaps could have been mentioned a titch earlier. I know the illustrations would show that part but a pitch doesn’t have that advantage. I think the rest works if the earlier part is fixed up a bit.
I hope this helps. 🙂
Thank you Wendy and Lynn.
Broderick Foderick kangaroo rat
Traveled through space in a rattletrap scrap.
Any better?
Oh, I like that!
I love Broderick Foderick, and the suggested idea above of “Traveled through space in a rattletrap scrap” but what about “Got launched into space in a rattletrap scrap”? Doohickey is too vague for my tastes as someone else commented. I feel like I’ve read books with similar ideas to my kids, and I think I need to know how this one is different… or just a bit more investment in the tension of his ordeal. I think you are on the right track–so hard with such a small number of words to work with!
I just wanted to pop by to congratulate you on your three books!! What a great accomplishment! 😄
Aw! Thanks so much, Dow! 🙂 ❤
You know I am on board to shout out to the world about anything you do, Susanna! And I’m looking forward to having you and your books as my blog guests n July.
I appreciate the virtual chocolate…I’m determined to lose 4 pounds by the end of April…one pound a week…that should be doable. 🙂
Joy, I love your main character and story concept. A kangaroo rat named Broderick Foderick…too cute!
But I think I need a bit more…is he a pilot of a passenger plane? You say it is a ship…is it a space ship or some type of boat? Did he break something when he pulled the throttle or did an important part (the doohickey) fly off and land somewhere in the cockpit and he needs to find it? I love getting snagged on a cumulus cloud…great visual. But I want to know a bit about what he will do to solve his problem and also a bit more about who he is..does he always do things too energetically? And will his bad habit become his strength or will he change by learning how to control his enthusiasm?
Here’s a thought:
Pilot Broderick Foderick just can’t contain his enthusiasm. But when he pulls the throttle too much and his ship gets snagged on a cumulus cloud, Broderick must (what does he do) or spend the rest of his days in space.
Thank you everyone for your wonderful suggestions.
Good morning!
I thought I had replied to this but I don’t see it posted here….
So here is my DO OVER…
I love the title. I would read it because if the title but the pitch is a little flat…
Vivians thought seems to work😀
Good luck!
Thank you very much, Butterfly Kisses!
Joy, I would definitely read your story! I was immediately drawn in by his name – I love it! I’m not sure what it is that Broderick needs to find in order to return home, but my suggestion would be something like the following:
Broderick Foderick is a kangaroo rat. When he accidentally launches his ship into space, he gets snagged on a cumulus cloud. In order to return to earth, Broderick must find a missing component.
Good luck!
Susanna, You are a gem keeping our healthy in mind with this new chocolately divineness. I look forward to you recipes every week. 😀
Joy,
Love the tongue twister name. I would definitely read it but it lacks a little information. I would like to see a little more plot added in to the pitch. ‘Doohickey’ is fun to say and this is a great word to include as you did. I really like Vivian’s suggestion to help you out.
Good luck!
Susanna – Congrats on all these new book babies!!!
Joy – I like your pitch and curious character. I think it needs one more sentence to give it umph. Maybe more on stakes – he didn’t pack any food- or on the problem – he should have closed the window before the doohickey floated away- or a character trait that will be a help or a hindrance. Good luck!
Thank you, Lauri! Yes, up the stakes is a good idea!