Would You Read It Wednesday #253 – Colors Want To Play (PB)

Happy National Pack Rat Day Everyone!

For those of you who weren’t born back in the middle of the last century, a pack rat is what you young whippersnappers these days call a hoarder.  Take this quiz to see if you are one:

Instructions: For each question choose ONE answer – A, B, OR C

1. You have no intention of cleaning your closets, basement, garage, attic, or any other room today or any day!

A.  Are you nuts?  Of COURSE I plan to clean!  What kind of filthmonger do you take me for?

B.  Are we talking cleaning as in applying Lysol to surfaces and removing cobwebs, or as in getting rid of potentially valuable stuff? (which, we are word people here so we have to split hairs and define this as decluttering as opposed to cleaning!) Cleaning is acceptable (as long as it’s not overdone), decluttering is not to be entertained for one second!

C.  What’s cleaning?

2. You spy the clean, empty box that your birthday Moose Munch came in on the coffee table and

A. Throw that useless piece of garbage in the single-stream recycling bin and feel virtuous for your efforts to stop global warming!

B. Pick the box up and look at it from every angle and think that you could potentially use it to wrap the 10 bars of expensive specialty soap you give Great-Aunt Joan for Christmas every year, or as the cockpit for the rocket ship your son will have to make for the Science Fair in two years because his sister had to do one last year so you know it’ll be his turn next, or to collect buttons or possibly old cell phone chargers in, and put it back on the coffee table so you’ll know where to find it when you need it.

C. Seriously?  The Moose Munch is gone?  When did THAT happen?!

3. You’re walking the dog and notice that your three-doors-down neighbor apparently suffered a Spring Cleaning Attack and left a whole pile of stuff at the curb for the Thursday trash pick-up.  You

A. Hurry past because by gum! you feel a Spring Cleaning Attack coming on too and you’re anxious to get home and take advantage of it before it passes!

B. Tie the dog’s leash around your waist so you have both hands free to carry off the only slightly smelly comfy reading chair that is certainly nothing a little Febreze can’t fix!, the almost perfect lamp that only needs a shade, a bulb and a new electrical cord, and the vintage bookshelf that only needs shelves to round out your brand new-to-you cozy reading nook!

C. Try the large hula hoop but it’s too big, try the medium hula hoop but it’s bent into an egg-shape and won’t hula, then try the small hula hoop and discover that it’s Just Right!

Now.  For every answer “A” give yourself 37 points.  For every answer “B” give yourself 3.5 points.  For every answer “C” give yourself 4,567 points.

If your score is more than 4,567 points you have good taste in activities and snacks and are likely footloose and fancy free!

If your score is more than 15 points but less than 4,567 points, you may suffer from obsessive compulsive cleaning disorder and should gradually desensitize yourself to dirt and clutter by sitting in a sandbox full of sand toys and trucks with a toddler for an hour every day!

If your score is less than 15, you have a great imagination and would make a great writer!  You are also a pack rat! Congratulations!  🙂

Now that you’ve enjoyed that little smidgerel of enlightenment (isn’t it always fun to learn something new about yourself?) let’s get on with the items on today’s agenda!

First, I’m thrilled to announce that the winner of the April Pitch Pick is Ana with her PB pitch for No More Cats!  Congratulations, Ana!  Your pitch has been sent to editor Erin Molta for her thoughts, and you were hopefully hear from her before too long!

Congratulations also to our other brave and talented pitchers who wrote wonderful pitches, and then took the incredibly helpful advice supplied by our cherished readers to heart and wrote great revisions!  It’s no easy thing to put yourself out there for comment and critique, and it can be hard to part with a pitch you’ve worked on and polished when feedback suggests it could benefit from changes.  So pat yourselves on the back and have…

. . . Something Chocolate!

This morning, we are serving Chocolate Lasagna Cupcakes because why not?! 🙂

chocolate-lasagna-cupcakes

Recipe HERE at CakesCottage

I have one word:  YUM!

(Okay, five words… YUM! YUM!! YUM!!! YUM!!!! YUM!!!!! 🙂 )

Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Erin who says, “I am a member of both SCBWI and the12x12 Writing Challenge. I have many family and friends entrenched in education, from teaching to administration throughout the Hudson Valley and Northern NJ areas. I have an undergraduate degree in English and am working on a new blog as well.”

Find her on the web at:

Twitter: @erin_forrester

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Colors Want To Play

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-6)

The Pitch: In COLORS WANT TO PLAY, colors (and maybe you) unravel in a fun-filled journey of demanding direction from the hues themselves. One color is missing and needs some coaxing to join the others. Readers learn the ride can be just as much fun as the destination. Don’t forget comfortable shoes!

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Erin improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

 

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in June, so you have a little time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!

Erin is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to a day of writing which involves no cleaning or decluttering of any kind – celebrating my inner Pack Rat! 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

19 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #253 – Colors Want To Play (PB)

  1. Lynne Marie says:

    Yes, I would definitely want to read this and see how it plays out. However, that being said, I feel like the suggestion that maybe the reader may unravel will not be met. Of course, I don’t know, but that seems like both an odd suggestion and almost like a promise that the reader might unwind by reading the book. Anyway I think it will read much better without that phrase. I am not sure about using the word coaxing. I might also not reference the readers either. Perhaps …showing that sometimes the ride can be as fun as the destination. Likewise, I am not sure about the comfortable shoes line. Hope this helps! Lynne Marie (www.literallylynnemarie.com)

  2. ptnozell says:

    Oh Susanna, while I think I’m a neat freak at heart, my extra-bedroom-cum-office looks otherwise. *sigh*

    Erin, this sounds like a lively and bright story. I love that the colors are the characters. I would suggest that you name the color that doesn’t want to follow the crowd (or the rainbow?), as I think it would help to have a main character with whom we can identify. I also would delete the references to readers learning & wearing comfortable shoes – this left me wondering whether this is a picture book or a game.

    Good luck with this colorful journey!

  3. Geoffrey Hyatt says:

    It feels like you have a clear vision of what is in this book, but at the same time that vision didn’t come across to me (and of course I want it to). I’m not sure why there are the references to the reader, and how that will tie into the story. Overall, I’m thinking there is a fun and novel concept here and it just needs more work to really make it shine through in the short pitch. The more innovative the concept, the harder it is to convey, I think – so a good challenge for a dedicated writer! 🙂

  4. Judy Sobanski says:

    I’m definitely a pack rat when it comes to picture books. It’s hard to stop buying them. I need more bookshelves, for sure!

    Erin, I think your story sounds very wild and fun! I felt like I needed a little more information from your pitch. I wasn’t sure what you meant by “unravel” ? Are you suggesting something chaotic happens? Maybe if you go with a basic format:

    When colors decide to have fun, chaos ensues BUT (name the missing color, Green, for example) doesn’t want to join the (rainbow, palette, mix – take your pick). It’s up to the (primary colors, for example) to coax (maybe a suggestion as to how they do this without giving too much away) their friend into coming along. Along the way, Green discovers that the journey can be even more fun the destination.

    My suggestion above is still rather vague because I don’t know if these are crayons, paints, pieces of chalk, or just colors themselves that are not in any “form.” Knowing a few of these details will help the reader identify with your character(s) and want to come along on this fun journey!! Good luck!

  5. celticsea says:

    It definitely sounds intriguing, but I feel it is a bit too vague to really know where the story is going. I also think the language in the pitch is too sophisticated for a 3-6 age range.

  6. kathrynrammell says:

    I enjoy painting so this pitch definitely appeals to me! I love that the characters are colors with personalities of their own. As with other commenters, I would like to know who the main character is. The references to the reader leave me wondering, is this an interactive book? I would omit “(and maybe you)” as it disrupts the flow of the first sentence. Good luck! Sounds like it’s going to be a fun book!

  7. heylookawriterfellow says:

    I picked “A” for all three questions. This doesn’t surprise me as I have yet to hear anyone ever call me either a Pack Rat or Footloose and Fancy Free.

    That said, I have no idea what “Moose Munch” is.

  8. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Hey Everyone. Erin was having trouble posting here, unfortunately, so she asked me to post this to thank you all for your help:

    Thank you to everyone who left comments for COLORS WANT TO PLAY. I found them all so helpful. I am clearly missing a piece in the pitch based on feedback, which is incredibly eye opening. It was my understanding the hook should lead the agent/editor to want to see the full text included, but maybe I need to be more direct instead of offering a teaser. It is an interaction-based metafiction pb, requiring participation. Think “Press Here” meets Simon Says. In my other work my hook is more telling, characters, plot, and resolution.

    Thanks again for taking the time to offer your insight. Happy writing!

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